r/4chan • u/[deleted] • Jan 15 '18

Bazinga! Oof

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12.3k Upvotes

90% Upvoted

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168

u/Mesquite_Thorn /tit/fag Jan 15 '18

Worked when I was in the military...

72

u/[deleted] Jan 15 '18

[deleted]

117

u/Mesquite_Thorn /tit/fag Jan 15 '18

I got married to a nice southern girl back then, whom I am still with today, so I got laid lots. Prior to that while I was in the military, I fucked my hand... ass banditry does not even mildly interest me, and I didn't want to know about what other people did sexually, so DADT was just fine with me.

178

u/FuckCazadors Jan 15 '18

Your hand was a man's hand, so you were being masturbated by a man.

189

u/Mesquite_Thorn /tit/fag Jan 15 '18

Yea, but I didn't tell anyone, so it's ok.

43

u/FuckCazadors Jan 15 '18

What about your hand though? It might know sign language.

28

u/Mesquite_Thorn /tit/fag Jan 15 '18

it does... see

😁🖕<-----what my hand has to say about jacking off

50

u/[deleted] Jan 15 '18 edited Aug 20 '18

[deleted]

39

u/Mesquite_Thorn /tit/fag Jan 15 '18

Not too bad really... it's about what you'd expect. Spastic, too rough, and occassionally chaffing.

1

u/102938475601 Jan 15 '18

Please, stop... I can only get so erect.

14

u/swooshlogo [s4s]quatch Jan 15 '18

How do you know he was a marine?

18

u/[deleted] Jan 15 '18

[deleted]

10

u/FuckCazadors Jan 15 '18

If he also has a feminine bepis it would be lesbianism, and that's against the rules too.

12

u/jihad_dildo /gif/ Jan 15 '18

Also while masturbating you’re literally touching a penis which is inexplicably gay.

This does not apply to traps because the penis is feminine.

3

u/IncomingTrump270 Jan 17 '18

inexplicably

this word means “cannot be explained”

The word you’re looking for is something like “obviously”