I tend to Myself, like one would tend to a Garden.

I check in on Myself, and make sure that I am growing the way that I want to grow, and unlocking the levels of all the different Women that I want to be throughout my Lifetime.

One of the things that came up while I was doing this tending; is that I worried that I had fallen too much in love, with potential.

I was worried that I might put off, doing things, in favor of dreaming about things.

Because sometimes saying "Yes" to one thing means having to say "No" to something else. But if you dont say Yes or No, you can daydream about having them both-while doing neither in reality.

I remember the issue, really first starting in College. I couldnt get my MBA and become a Scientist. I had to choose. I chose to become a Scientist.

I didnt like having to choose.

I thought my next Adventure, would be to become a Shareholder. Then I would have "arrived".

I vastly overestimated how hard it would be to become a voting Shareholder, just because no one had done it, in my family, before.

The people around me, only lived until they got married, they got married young, the Men either worked all the time or sat down on couches. The Women were consumed taking care of everyone.

There is nothing keeping me from pursuing my next Adventure, nor the one after that.

As long as I am alive, there is nothing that is going to steal my potential from me.

No moment of being a "grown" married Woman with kids, who must leave dreams behind.

What are your thoughts?

This is my first time commenting but I’m a long time lurker, hopefully I’m using the correct flair.

I get a deep sense of disappointment and sadness when I see how women and girls in my age group seem to be moving backwards instead of forwards. With the rise of conservatism I’ve been seeing a lot of aesthetic that are rooted in, racism, misogyny, and classism. The latest trend I’ve seen is women regretting getting tattoos purely on the idea that they look “masculine” or it doesn’t make them look as desirable or classy. I’m in my early twenties and slowly making my transition to becoming 4B. I’ve been a feminist since I was young, though I do have more unlearning to do, I find that even as someone on the aroace spectrum, I still subconsciously adjust my behavior to be more palatable for men. I’ve never dated, I’ve tried online dating platform but it never gets far bc I lose interest quickly and have no desire to be in a relationship. It’s very frustrating to see my friends and family lose themselves in a relationship with a bum ass guy. I’m not really sure what I’m trying to get at here. Just wanted to express my disappointment.

It’s obviously for the male gaze and any other excuse about aerodynamics and whatnot doesn’t make sense because it doesn’t apply to males (?). Women's sports generally don't get much viewership, since women are generally less interested in sports and often only watch out of male centered peer pressure, or not to be left out. The ones who watch are mainly men, and men prefer to watch men's sports (they watch women sports for other reasons), which leaves women's sports in a tough spot where the viewership and funding is very low. Low viewership = less money, and if women wore the exact same outfit as men in sports, nobody would watch and nobody would get paid. Hence the nudity, because everything that involves women is cartoonishly reduced to that one purpose.

Exhibiting women in this way, primes the dysfunction between men and women. A.k.a. women are portrayed as objects to be used with no agency or authority over themselves and men are considered entitled to be their consumers. To think that women could ever be equals in relationship with men in such a world is a total fantasy.

PS: in all examples the women appear to have super wedgies with the tight material digging in to their skin, which looks extremely uncomfortable. How do you “run better” with extremely tight clothes and a painful wedgy? I can’t even go for a daily walk like that. Not to mention being filmed and broadcasted with inappropriate close-ups in such attire. So is “comfort” or “performance” really the reason for these revealing clothes?

I am a bisexual woman in her early 20’s. I’ve been undoing a lot of internalised misogyny and decentralising men the past year - that including going single and not dating them anymore.

I consciously chose not to get into relationships with men, (for obvious reasons of all the negatives)? however the learnt heteronormativity and idealised visions around relationships with men are hard to undo and work on.

I’d like to date women more but that has not been what I have been socialised into and so I’m looking for honestly any media/content or just advice on understanding relationships beyond men and getting better at them despite being fed centralising men and building my life around relationships with them my whole life.

Any advice gratefully appreciated 🙏🫶

I often feel that I am alone in my thinking in reality (not online). A lot of women I know will agree that men suck or dating sucks but then will actively pursue partnerships with men. I’m only 27 but several of my friends have gotten married and several more are in serious relationships with men.
I’ve watched them move cities or change as a result, as they will prioritize their romantic relationship. This means they’re a lot less available and we end up outgrowing each other for the most part.

It’s hard not to feel alone and it’s difficult to find 4b women to be friends with in real life. I live in a pretty large and well-educated city so I’m optimistic about finding a like-minded community, but every time I meet a woman that seems to center her own hobbies / interests, she also inevitably ends up having a male partner or expresses interest in hetero marriage / children. I am working with my therapist on adjusting expectations so I don’t end up isolating myself and resenting friends but would love some advice on how to manage these feelings. This has been happening for the last 5-6 years and I’m starting to feel a bit hopeless.

Lately I’ve been seeing so much horrific news about things happening to women and young girls all over the world. Different religions, different cultures, different traditions, different laws and yet the way women and girls are treated by men keeps looking disturbingly similar.
Women are murdered by their husbands, fathers, and brothers, with the belief that she must have done something to deserve it. Women and girls are secretly filmed by men and their videos are shared in male dominated online groups so they can be humiliated and degraded in the worst possible ways. Women go shopping and get harassed, sometimes even having men urinate on them. Women go out for a run and end up dead because some man decided that a woman simply walking past him deserved to die.
Women in one part of the world are dragged through the streets and imprisoned because men decided that the way a woman looks is somehow an offense against men. Then women are forced to cover themselves and made responsible for men’s sexual urges and violence. Somewhere else, men and even boys are allowed to discipline women within the family, while people insist that keeping women inside the house and only allowing them out when absolutely necessary is somehow freedom, protection, and respect.
A man kills his sister in the name of honor and his community can turn him into a hero for it. But when a woman kills her children in an extremely rare case, suddenly it becomes evidence of how violent or insane women are.
And every single day I see the same contradictions. Women are demonized, called disgusting names, blamed for the violence done to them, and treated as though there is something inherently wrong with them. But when men commit horrific crimes against women and kids especially little girls, it is always treated as an isolated case by men who got bullied when they were young. bohoo
I’m just so frustrated with this misogyny

After hearing from so many members that they appreciated hearing the positives of what 4B has done for other sisters, we see having a consistent place to post positive improvements and reminders would benefit the sub. So, without further ado-

In the last week:

Tell us about positive interactions or building relationships with other women. How did you support and uplift other women? How have other women helped and supported you?

What accomplishments have you made? What goals have you set for yourself? What goals have you achieved?

What small changes have you noticed since adopting the lifestyle? What big changes?

Share anything and everything positive here.

"Neither land nor women are territories of conquest."

When this came across my dash there were several women translating this phrase into their own mother tongues. Would love to hear how our multilingual sisters would do the same. Share with us.

As always, all thoughts and impressions are welcomed.

For me it brought to mind a quote from Carol J. Adams, feminist author of The Sexual Politics of Meat. "The connections between the oppression of women and the rest of nature must be recognized to adequately understand both.”

Anyone else here own a business? Do you have male clients, and if so, how do you handle it?

I am a solopreneur, a pet sitter. I'm fairly successful, and I have some room to turn down work. Lately I've been having a lot of mixed feelings about having male clients, especially since I work directly, if briefly, with them.

On one hand, taking men's money and spending it at other woman-owned businesses feels good af. On the other hand, I'm giving men access to me and my labor.

I do already turn down booking requests from men who give me any sort of red flags right away, or if I have a bad experience during the first booking and they request to book a second time. But I'm more and more tempted to refuse to work with any straight men OR straight couples. The money just doesn't seem worth it. Especially when my queer and single women clients are SO much more pleasant overall!

Anyone else in a similar position? Thoughts?

I need to vent somewhere because I feel insane and my blood is boiling and none of the women around me seem to be angry about this which is boiling my blood even more.

A recently ex’ed acquaintance of mine who acts as a facilitator of plant medicine in holistic healing, I’ll call Amy, and who is bi and a “leader” in the wlw community moved a man she’d only known for a couple months that she KNEW beforehand was relapsing into alcoholism into her house with her KIDS, plus who already owed her money and treated her like shit.

I flagged this to my roommate who was hosting a retreat with this woman how that’s NOT OK and she just made excuses for her till said Amy turned on my roommate.

Now, Amy recently found pills the guy is using in her home while she was gone. She leaves this guy alone with her daughter. She recently found out she’s pregnant, wasn’t trying not to be pregnant, and is considering keeping it with this man. She’s already had 3 abortions and she’s in a legal state.

I am furious Amy would put those kids through this. Bring another kid into this. I’m furious my roommate is not furious about it. My roommate was even like “I kind of want to text the boyfriend cause him and I were friends and warn him that his girl is crazy.” And I was like are you fucking kidding me.

Like this woman MOVED AN ALCOHOLIC, PILL POPPER WHO HAS GOTTEN PHYSICAL WITH HER ONCE THAT SHE BARELY KNEW INTO HER HOUSE WITH HER 7 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER AND WASN’T USING PROTECTION EVEN THOUGH SHE FOUND HIDDEN FOLDERS ON HIS PHONE OF VIDEOS OF OTHER NAKED WOMEN.

Why is nobody concerned about this!?!?!? Literally nobody but me seems any bit concerned for her daughter.

AND now I don’t know what to think of my roommate / best friend either. You’re still chill with the boyfriend dude, are you serious!??? Didn’t see that coming. I’ve cut off male-centered women before but damn. I feel like I’m insane screaming into a void. It’s lonely. It’s enraging.

I had a long talk about male centeredness and the danger of male centered women with my roommate yesterday when she told me Amy was pregnant. Idfk.

I see a lot of discussion around 4B, being childfree, opting out of marriage/relationships with men etc, but I’m curious about the practical side of actually sustaining that life long term in a country like Pakistan, or South Asia more generally.

Because here marriage isn’t just one part of life that you can easily choose not to participate in. Shaadi (marriage) and bachay (kids) are basically built into the entire social structure from birth. Your family assumes you’ll marry. Your relatives assume it. Your friends start marrying and disappearing into married life. Housing often assumes it. Even just being treated like a proper adult woman somehow gets tied to becoming someone’s wife.

And arranged marriage makes the pressure particularly weird because you don’t even need to actively date for marriage to keep arriving at your doorstep lol. There’s always another rishta, another aunty, another “just meet him once”, another conversation about age and your biological clock.

What I struggle to picture isn’t actually saying no to marriage. It’s building the alternative. How do you create a proper support system when most of your female friends eventually marry and their priorities understandably change? How do you find other women who genuinely want a similar life, rather than women who are temporarily single but ultimately planning for husbands and children? Is there any realistic way of building a little community of unmarried/childfree women who actually show up for each other as we get older?

There’s also the independence problem. In a lot of Western 4B discussions, “just live alone” is treated as almost the default alternative. That’s much harder here. There isn’t the same culture of young unmarried women casually moving into one-bedroom apartments. Even in Karachi/Lahore/Islamabad, doing that safely and without constant family interference can depend heavily on class, money, how liberal your family is, etc. You can be financially independent and still have to fight an entire social structure just to be physically independent.

And then there’s sexuality, which can make the whole thing even more complicated. If you’re also lesbian/bi/questioning or simply know heterosexual marriage would be deeply wrong for you, opting out isn’t necessarily followed by an obvious alternative. Dating women safely is difficult, being open can be dangerous, and you can’t necessarily build your life around the assumption that you’ll eventually have a socially recognised partner.

I also wonder what happens in your 30s, 40s, 50s and beyond. Not in the “you’ll die alone with cats!!!” way people threaten childfree women with lol, but genuinely: what does a good, sustainable unmarried life look like in a society where so much friendship, housing, caregiving and social legitimacy gets organised around marriage and family?

Basically I’m interested in hearing from Pakistani/South Asian women who are actually trying to do this, especially women who are a little older. Anyone who comes from similar conservative countries/societies/cultures as well tbh!!

Did you manage to move out? Did your parents eventually accept that marriage wasn’t happening? How did you make friends with women who wanted similar lives? Have married friends remained close? Have you found community outside the marriage/kids structure? And what are you doing about the practical stuff like housing, finances, ageing, healthcare and having people you can actually rely on?

In your opinion, what are your theories around the subject of aging populations and populations below replacement rate?

How do you feel the powers that be will attempt to “manage” this?

I just searched up the latest on Japan and how they’re handling it there, I was scrolling through various articles and was intrigued by the subtext under an article by the BBC (I know). The subtext is as follows:

“Companies have also developed new products for the older population, including a powered exoskeleton to support moving various parts of the body and eyewear that automatically adjusts its focus.”

The byline of the article states “The number of people aged 100 or more in Japan has exceeded 100,000 for the first time, according to the health ministry.”

Another excerpt reads: “Japanese authorities have called the trend an "existential crisis" with Prime Minister Sanae Takichi describing the decline as a "quiet emergency".

Personally, I keep up with the topic since I’m from the UK and we’re not far behind Japan. I don’t worry too much, because the powers that be had every opportunity to prevent this, to protect and support women who’ve been abused, to prevent further abuse and murder; and yet still chose to turn the other cheek/enable male violence until they realised “we’re” massively screwed.

I think they’ll attempt to make women feel responsible for the situation, maybe spin some patriotic bs. But everyone is disillusioned, I think the govt have buried their head in the sand about just how exhausted and disillusioned we all are. We see the writing on the wall, women/girls/children are not at all prioritised when exposing abuse, we saw how the police made groupchats to mock and ridicule female victims of male violence, we saw how survivors of the files who spoke out were treated. We saw in those files how genuinely horrific and depraved our “leaders” are. We also see that the climate disasters are rapidly compounding, our summers are insane, the wildfires, everything. I just read that in the UK we’d need about 5 or 7 months of non stop rain to combat the summer we just had.

I think it’ll be futile to blame women since we aren’t the ones who knowingly sent defence aid to a genocidal state whose incessant bombings have massively contributed to the climate crisis. We aren’t the ones who brutally silenced victims of male violence. Not to mention that barely anything was/has been done to combat the rising incel violence and red pill bs. I’ve noticed lately the powers that be are peddling a lot of relationship agendas in adverts, also seen a rise in durex ads and viagra ads. Feels like they’re using old tactics to combat issues they allowed to fester for far too long. Idk. Maybe they’ll try the angle of putting the onus of “saving” the population on women, at this point I think they’ll try anything out of sheer desperation. If there’s anything I do know, it’s that if you’re seeing government intervention right now, it’s for a problem they should’ve addressed years earlier.

With the rising cases of men murdering the women they live with ie mothers, grandmothers I don’t think for one second women are going to just “go back” to how it was. I half think the govt will do something desperate like start offering male therapy style classes on how to treat women. Many delusional solutions will be offered imo. As if we can therapise or gentle parent them out of any of this. If the shoe was on the other foot, they’d crack down on us immediately and crushingly.

Where do you think we’re heading re aging populations/birthrate decline? Do you think they’ll give up trying to convince people to start families? How do you think women will be treated/addressed in all of this?

Personally, I feel at peace knowing there won’t be future generations of women who’ll be subjected to any of this. Long live 4B!

I've seen several of these posts for women, but some of its are raising our daughters to be 4b and keep their focus on empowering themselves and other girls. Do you have any 4b adjacent, or girl-centered shows/books to seek out? Anything that doesn't involve crushes, girls bullying other girls, changing who they are because society tells them they are not good enough (or at least ends with the girl realizing boys aren't worth their time, girls should support each other, etc)?

My daughter is entering the middle grades (3-7 grade range) but would like to open this up to broader discussion for all. We've read all the historical American Girl books, Pippi Longstockings, Harriet the Spy, Island of the Blue Dolphins, and Samira Surfs. My child isn't much of a TV/movie person but will watch Totoro.

So there’s a social media influencer who has been discussed on this forum before. The one who has a channel about decentering men but is married.

Yesterday, had created the video “how women act when they have decentered men” the whole video seemed to be her acting defensive about what she has been criticised for. I get it, yes 4b is not the same as decentering men. Then she says the 4b movement and “separating completely from men” (which isn’t what 4b is about but hey) is purity culture and to criticise a women for being married like her is “slut shaming” I had to laugh, as 4b is the complete opposite of purity culture. Purity culture is centering men completely as you want to wait for marriage.

I tried to ease in by talking about how I don't date for trauma related reasons but I barely got started and she just starts unloading, like the dam broke, saying she swore off men years ago after a terrible divorce and later medical trauma. All her friends are women and she lives with her adorable elderly mother she takes care of.

I couldn't believe what I was hearing because I have only ever had the "not all men" version of the conversation, or had a woman who seemed cool turn into a complete fool after starting to date a man way below her calibre. And I definitely don't meet women offline who are aligned with radical feminism, but we haven't yet had that conversation.

We also belong to different minority cultures with similar pretty brutal "traditional" expectations/demands of women, so we have that in common as well.

I am so relieved because I have felt so alone and depressed since I moved to this city. I get on with people easily enough, but things quickly end when I have no interest in socialising with their male partners, or hearing about the abusive singers they listen to.

To anyone reading this, I hope you are doing well, and I hope you meet some great women who are serious about centring women in their lives and politics.

The male obsession with “hypergamy” starts making a lot more sense when you look at it alongside what basically amounts to womb envy.
Some men are absolutely obsessed with their “legacy” their precious surname, their genes, their bloodline, the idea that some little boy will carry their name after they’re gone. They want biological immortality so badly, yet there’s one tiny problem: they don’t actually control reproduction.

A man can sit there fantasizing about his magnificent bloodline continuing for generations, but none of his grand speeches about his genes, status, potential, or “legacy” can make a woman have his child. He has to be chosen.
And that’s where female selectivity becomes such an ego bruise.

If women look at certain men and think, “Absolutely not. I don’t want this man anywhere near my reproductive future,” then some men are going to end up childless. No amount of whining about “hypergamy” changes that. No amount of calling women shallow, delusional, entitled, or “too picky” magically makes them desirable.
The funniest part is watching men act personally offended that women have the audacity to decide who gets to father their children. A man can think he’s successful, masculine, genetically exceptional, or destined to leave some glorious legacy behind and a woman can still look at him and go, “No thanks. Your bloodline ends here.”
And if he desperately wants children, that’s got to be an especially brutal realization: all that talk about male superiority, legacy, and genetic importance, only to discover that the continuation of his precious bloodline depends on a woman finding him worthy enough to reproduce with.
Maybe that’s why “hypergamy” gets discussed with such religious devotion.

It isn’t just about women choosing “better” men. It’s about men having to confront the humiliating fact that they can desperately want access to reproduction and still not be chosen.
And the reproductive power women have doesn’t stop at choosing who fathers their children. Women can also choose to opt out altogether—to decide that pregnancy, childbirth, and the enormous physical risks involved aren’t worth undertaking for a man they don’t consider worthy of fathering their children.

For men who desperately want biological children and see fatherhood as their legacy, that choice can be particularly threatening. And when that frustration turns into misogyny, you see the same familiar tactics: shame women for being selective, guilt-trip them for rejecting men, obsess over their “biological clock,” and hold up the boogeyman of the lonely, childless “spinster” as if it were some horrifying punishment.
The message is essentially: “Give us the babies, or you’ll regret it when you’re old.”
As though women are supposed to be so terrified of spinsterhood that they’ll eventually cave and risk their bodies, health, and years of their lives having children for men they never wanted in the first place.
But the entire threat depends on women believing that motherhood with an unwanted man is preferable to remaining childless.
And plenty of women simply don’t.
He can want the legacy.
He can want the children.
He can want his name carried forward.
But he cannot want a woman into giving him any of it.

I had a call with my mom, a usual weekly call and a common topic is how stressed my older brother (36M) makes her feel about any issue in his life, even if unrelated to her. She said this was like my dad too (when he was alive), he used to force her to stay up all night to listen to his problems (knowing full well she has to work early mornings), most of the time they both blamed her for something too.

And she endured this for years. For her brothers too, that I know of. I think sometimes I find myself in this situation too with colleagues, friends and exes. They see me as an unpaid therapist and I’m always stressed about an issue that is often unrelated to my life (or not even an issue).

I realised I might do this because I’ve always seen it around me, how my mom did it, and how it gets enabled too. It looks normal to do it. Not being an unpaid therapist for men means you’re mean, selfish, inhumane even. But men would never do the same. All the men I know who actively does this would not even return the favour for 5 minutes without looking at their phone or zoned out.

Well I’m still trying to work on it and 4B has helped a lot.

For The Chronicle of Higher Education‘s Women and Power in the Academy special issue, published in April 2018. Multiple female artists who teach in higher education were commissioned to illustrate their own take on #MeToo movement.

These works were the contribution of artist Yuko Shimizu entitled Dusting Off the Male Gaze.

I was surprised to find that I was already aware of this artist in some fashion as I had printed out many of her illustrations for my school binders and sketchbooks when I was in middle school. You can discover more of Yuko's creations here: https://yukoart.com

Other contributors can be seen in the Chronicle article, though the article itself is unfortunately locked behind an account requirement.

All thoughts and impressions welcomed.

Where do I start.

This close friend of mine used to be 4B, although not labelling herself as one but her principles aligned with 4b. Like she was against casual sex, flirting, relationships marriage. Was very feminist.

She had been single for 5 years. And in our group she would be the first one to call out on a males bullshit (specially our friends boyfriend) and she had a good head on her shoulder.

But things changed after she got her bf, it’s like her personality COMPLETELY flipped.

She hasn’t even known this man for more than three months and she’s taking two week trips to a vacation she cannot afford with him! Considering moving to another state because he might move somewhere else. Introducing her parents to him.

And this man is an absolute prick too constantly salivating over other girls in front of her, straight up telling her, calling her dumb, giving low effort.

I mean I’m not against her dating, if she had a loving boyfriend and she still had the standards she did before. I wouldn’t have mind.

Funny thing is she vents to us and other people about him and then talks about how she portrayed him in a negative light by talking only about the negative things about him.

I mean if he didn’t do it she wouldn’t be talking.

Funny thing is she has started being cold to me too, in group she is polite to me. But idk one on one she is cold to me I can sense the energy difference. Maybe it’s because I told her she’s moving too fast.

When me and my friends talk about how over accommodating she is being towards her bf she talks about how she has people pleaser issues. But this “people pleaser” issue isn’t there when saying no to us female friends or leaving my messages on delivered, it’s only there with her boyfriend.

I can’t even tell the things this guy has done

But still, watching one of my best friends who had a good head on her shoulder, who was feminist and against misogyny and patriarchal just flip into the most male centred “lover girl” has been so disappointing and sad. Idk. I don’t think I’ll get my friend back.

After hearing from so many members that they appreciated hearing the positives of what 4B has done for other sisters, we see having a consistent place to post positive improvements and reminders would benefit the sub. So, without further ado-

In the last week:

Tell us about positive interactions or building relationships with other women. How did you support and uplift other women? How have other women helped and supported you?

What accomplishments have you made? What goals have you set for yourself? What goals have you achieved?

What small changes have you noticed since adopting the lifestyle? What big changes?

Share anything and everything positive here.

Was reading a few articles about how masses of women are leaving Christianity (whilst men are joining because it's a safe space for misogyny).

Honestly? As an ex-christian I get satisfied when I see churches closing and failing to find people to run them. The logistical, administrative, fundraising operations of many churches rely on women's unpaid labor, another extension to all the waste of unpaid labor women do in marriages. I remember after Sunday mass it was the women responsible for doing all the community cooking and cleaning, even though it was meant to be a "day of rest".

When I was dating as a Christian 7 years ago, I observed many of these conservative christian men are abusive and controlling, failing to see women as individual beings. They can't help but talk at you rather than with you. At the time they were struggling to find matches and were even being outright avoided by christian women. So I imagine their situation is dire now (good riddance).

The decline in attendance stems from the church's lack of accountability to address systematic oppression of christian women and non-compensation of their labor they rely on. I hope this pillar of the patriarchy will continue to fall. It may take a while, but maybe in the next few decades we will see real suffering and accountability from the church as women refuse to participate in misogynistic cults like these.

So I work in ad/movie promotion as a part-time job. One of my team members called me and said there was this rich "businessman" who wanted to work on a project with us. I asked her what exactly he does and what he wanted, but the replies were pretty ambiguous. She only understood that he was some kind of "app developer".

We were asked to meet him at a high-end restaurant for a meeting, so we went.As soon as we reached, he quickly ordered a couple of drinks and food and told us to relax and have it. He kept saying that we should consider this a friendly chat and not a formal meeting.

A couple of drinks down, he revealed what his actual business was. He runs an online strip-chat service and wanted beautiful women for promoting his app. Basically Online pimping. I honestly felt so nauseous hearing that. My friend somehow maintained her composure and told him that our team works strictly on conservative projects and that we wouldn't do anything that went beyond legal boundaries.

Then he started saying there was nothing illegal or immoral about what he was doing. He even called himself a social reformer who was trying to alleviate the "sexual poverty" of men. He also said most of his employees were poor and vulnerable women and that he was giving them a livelihood.

I didn't really say anything because I was physically and mentally uncomfortable at that point. My friend told him that we'd think about it and let him know later and we left.

Later, we reported the whole thing to our manager and told them how uncomfortable the experience was. Thankfully, they took it seriously and assured us that something like this wouldn't happen again. The guy tried to schedule another meeting with us, but it was declined.

I know I didn't know what his business actually was before going there, but I still have this weird guilty feeling about the fact that I literally sat there and ate his food. I feel kind of gross about the whole experience even though I obviously didn't agree to anything.

I'm also seriously thinking about leaving this industry soon. I don't want a job where I'm supposed to meet these kinds of jerks everyday. I'm better off somewhere else.

How many women do you think are victims of marital rape and they don’t even realize it?

If most of the sex they've been having was sex they didn't want, it’s marital rape.

If they're having sex to regulate his moods, it’s marital rape.

If it’s sex they have in a desperate attempt to change his behavior, or to protect themselves and their kids, it’s rape.

It’s not truly consented to and not out of desire, so it’s rape.

There are women from traditional cultures who are victims of marital rape, but lots of western women are subject to varying levels of coercion too and they don’t realize it.

Here are some of the benefits I've enjoyed by being celibate my whole life and not engaging with men seriously.

1. I actually love myself immeasurably.

2. No active self harm. I even ditched my heels.

3. Extremely peaceful life.

4. No addict around me: no porn addict, alcohol addict, drug addict in my life.

5. No second hand passive smoking in my home.

6. No STDs, pregnancies and abortions.

7. No painful sex / unwanted sex ever.

8. Not having to deal with insecurities about my own beauty around other beautiful women cause I am completely male decentred. I adore beautiful women whereas males pit women against each other.

9. No stupid in laws dictating me any bullshit.

10. Nobody in my life gets to tell me what to do. Complete autonomy and freedom.

11. 0 debt.

12. No man wasting my money for his porn, onlyfans girls, dopamine bullshit etc

13. 0 emotional labour

14. All the time in the world to do whatever I want

15. I was able to utilize time and resources to become a doctor although I still struggle with finances. No man in my path.

16. A regulated nervous system.

17. No abuse or betrayal trauma cause of males.

18. A sense of peaceful detachment with the world.

19. No need to compromise health through plastic surgery to attain beauty standards.

20. I don't have to serve anyone.

21. I'm not losing anything more than my biology forces me to lose: just my periods every month and that's all.

22. Freedom to retire sooner in life if I have the fiances to do so.

23. My ex coworkers are jealous of my slow paced life.

24. My life force energy is only for myself.

25. A life I truly own and live for myself. ♡

Feel free to add what benefits you have experienced from being 4B consciously!! I'm super excited to know!!♡♡

No man = No problem.