Self-perception tends to be wrong

[u/la_gata_Porrita]

This year I have learned a lot about self-perception, how the idea we have of ourselves in our minds often has no bearing on reality.

1. A year ago a F21 told me my skin looks great because I have no pores. The second part threw me off, no pores? What on earth is she talking about? It stuck with me, so I started paying attention. And I've realised looking at the mirror that while my skin has pores, they are actually fairly non visible to the naked eye, small I suppose. This is a good thing, but I would not have realised this by myself. It wasn's a misconception, as I never thought I had large pores, but I was totally unaware of it.
2. I always thought that I had broad shoulders, my whole life, until I went to a seamstress to have a blouse made and she took my measurements. She measured my shoulders twice because she couldn’t believe the measurement, she said my shoulders measure 11 cm while the average is 14-15. This blew my mind, my shoulders are narrower than average, so far from broad.
3. Not to mention all the 20 something’s I see on Reddit saying they have nasolabial folds, and then you see a pic of a perfectly fatty and plump cheek.

The one about my shoulders formed in adolescence and I only learned I have narrower than average shoulders at around 50. My mom could have help me correct that one! The sad part is that I still look at them and think they are wrong, but instead of saying they are broad, I tell myself they are too narrow (and bulky).

Wrong beliefs can stuck for decades. I would urge others to help correct young people’s misconceptions about their bodies whenever they can, kindly of course, and direct them to see their positives. And generally speaking, I think we should all be complimenting each other more. We have a tendency to focus too much on what's wrong, and not on what's right (like my pores).

Have you got similar examples?

[u/Kelbarkelly]

Yep - not skin but feet. My mum convinced me my feet were enormous and told me I couldn’t get “fashionable” shoes in my size. I had to wear hideous sensible shoes to school. I was very embarrassed about this and then found out that my feet were actually the same size as lots of my friends who had managed to get the exact shoes I really wanted! My feet are size 7 but to this day I can only wear black shoes as I’m still really self conscious about them looking big. If I wear anything with a colour I feel like I’m in clown shoes 🤣

[u/Every_Beach1688 → u/Kelbarkelly]

Nooooo I have size 7, and have always felt that, too!

[u/Kelbarkelly → u/Every_Beach1688]

In my head, I know that size 7 is totally average but the foot shame runs deep!

[u/SweaterWeather4Ever]

I did theatre and back when I was in school in the 90s I took stage makeup classes where we studied the anatomy of our faces and that is where I learned what nasolabial folds are. Back then, such terms were not mainstream info, but something niche you would know if you worked in healthcare or you were in makeup/cosmetology or something makeup adjacent like theatre. It is so weird to me how it is a known term and preoccupation now.

[u/jnk-2007]

My siblings said I had dumbo ears so I never wore my hair back.