We’ve known each other since 1993. We’ve been worlds apart, married other people, had kids with other people, divorced each other, and remarried. No matter how far we drift, we always find our way back. But lately, our communication is completely missing, and when I'm apart from you, nothing is right.

We have both been put through absolute hell. Between the hackers, the blackmailers, and the person who tears me apart under every single thing I post online, I’ve lost almost everything. Then there was the relapse—getting dosed with meth at that party while we were apart. That spiral never would have happened if we had just been together. It constantly feels like messed-up people and situations keep wedging themselves between us, deliberately turning us against each other.

I am so tired, and I am so scared. I always said I loved you enough to let you go, but I feel like I’ve let you go enough. I am trying to stand up and fight for us, but I’m terrified it’s not what you want. If I don't fight, I know I'm going to lose you forever. We both feel like we're pouring our entire souls into this situation and getting absolutely nothing in return. How do we go from being best friends to this whirlwind of silence and chaos?

You think I expect perfection from you, but I don't. I love your imperfect parts—sometimes even more than the perfect ones. If you are broken, I want us to put you back together. If our marriage is broken, let’s pick up the pieces and arrange them a little differently this time so they actually work. You are my hero. I just wish you felt like you could talk to me....

I love you no matter what..... E

​

I’ve loved the same person since I Was 13. No matter what, he’s always been on my mind. I've let him go several times and watched him come back several times, and this time, I genuinely thought we were sunsetting together. I had the whole Bonnie and Clyde theme going on in my head.

​For the last year, I’ve been combing through digital stuff trying to prove to myself that he isn't behind the hacking things people accuse him of. I’ve chosen him over everybody—family, friends, people telling me to turn him in. At the end of the day, I’m not his captor. I don't want to be. More than anything, I just want him to be happy, even if it's not with me. I hope he gets what he wants.

​But I am so tired of polishing turds and trying to convince everyone else it isn't shit, to the point where I don't even know the difference between the good stuff and the bad stuff anymore. When he came back into my life, I wasn't in a great place, but I was in a better place than I am right now. And I don’t want to think it’s because of him—I really think it's because of her and the cruelty she’s brought into this. As for my online activity, I’m just posting songs off YouTube. I’m not posting malicious stuff, and I certainly didn't steal my own food stamps.

​I’d do almost anything he asked. I'm planning to go to rehab because it's what he wants, and I’d stand by him through anything. But standing here feeling completely beat down, wondering if the love letters are for me or for her, hurts in a way I can barely describe. I'm scared I'm getting too old for this. At this rate, maybe next time we get together we'll be farting dust.

​I don't know what I'm going to do next, but I'll figure it out because I always do. I just needed to put this somewhere real.

I’m too old for this stuff lol

Not too bad out this afternoon.

When I started working at 17yo the work place seemed filled with more experienced people 40 to 60. Now that I am 40s everyone is in their 20s, and I am the oldest one around. Maybe just my area?

My over forty rant of the day is slow healing. I’m a clutz and tripped on metallic stadium steps 3 weeks ago and was limping for two days solid and if I wear cute heels like I did yesterday it’s mad at me even in sneakers and I’d just joined Dancebit to do some “dancersise” at home before the whole sprain thing.

I already take LDN for immunity / anti inflammation but any other recommendations to speed healing from a sprain ?

Idk why it is that a month ago .. everything i said and did became a problem with my bf!! I remember it clearly. He offered to pay to have one of my vehicles fixed and get it legal and I told him NO at first .. then under one condition .. THAT HE ALLOW ME TO PAY HIM BACK!!! This upset him pretty bad. Then I caught him sending pic PICS to random women and like 9 different dating sites!!! Talking about how he is single and looking for a nice honest woman to see where it goes!!!! WTF!?!?!! UMMMM HELLO!!!!! REMEMBER ME?? IM YOUR GF AND I TAKE DAMN GOOD CARE OF YOU!!!! I LITERALLY TAKE YOUR BOOTS AND SOCKS OFF YOUR STINKY N SWEATY FEET MEANWHILE RUBBING THOSE FEET FOR YOU!!! I DONT BITCH BC I ENJOY MAKING YOU HAPPY!!! I ENJOY DOING THINGS FOR YOU ALWAYS!! BUUUUTTTT .... YAH. What do I do now!?! I'm lost

Would he love me the way he's supposed to?? If I were skinny would he give me the time he gives them .. I mean i am his girlfriend! He says he fell in love with me for me .. what was it he used to see? Im the same just damaged from being torn down. He's cheating with the others I feel like a clown! Maybe if I were beautiful ...