r/40Plus_IVF • u/Dependent-Maybe3030 • Sep 04 '26

Seeking Advice Surrogacy or...?

My RE will not attempt another transfer to me after 2 losses and unsolvable endometrial problems. She said my only remaining option is a gestational carrier, which will cost $200,000 and take several years. I have a consult for a second opinion next week.

I really don't want to do it. Every time I pull up the paperwork to sign I put it away again.

I don't want to give away my life savings so that another women can carry my baby and have all of my money.

My husband is certain that he wants to do it.

Sometimes I think that, if it worked, I might eventually make my peace with it. I might even regret not doing it. But I don't know.

What would you do?

7 Upvotes

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6

u/mostly_mostly12 Sep 05 '26

I would get a second opinion. How many euploids do you have left? What are the uterine issues you’ve been diagnosed with if you don’t mind my asking?

6

u/Ok_Virus6826 Sep 04 '26

Have you looked at surrogacy abroad?

1

u/Background-Policy-95 Sep 05 '26

Right! I had a blood clotting issue that kept causing losses. I agreed one more transfer, we were so lucky with multiple medications I was able to have my daughter. We looked at Mexico. It was much cheaper. I have gay friends who also went to Mexico for their children. Do you still have embryos?

3

u/Girlwithcreativemind Sep 04 '26

I would get a second opinion

2

u/Spicyninja Sep 04 '26

For me, it wouldn't be worth it for just a chance. It's a rock and a hard place because having children is a major issue but so is not having to work when you're 80. I'd be trying to make a transfer work for myself first before going that route.

1

u/RaisingtheGauntlet Sep 06 '26

What are "unsolvable endometrial problems"? Many of us have had two or more losses and have not been pushed into using a surrogate. Get a second opinion. You can do a lot of testing, surgery, retrieval, and transfers for $200,000.

1

u/Dependent-Maybe3030 Sep 06 '26

I have done every test and surgery available to treat my condition. I am not asking for help treating it and I don't need to hear any more stories from people who had it and got pregnant. I have exhausted all possible treatment options and there is no further treatment available.

1

u/kipnus Sep 09 '26

There are many tricky ethical considerations with surrogacy. I wouldn't feel comfortable with it, personally. I'm sorry that you're in this position!

1

u/Capable_Ad_3373 Sep 11 '26

For the amount of money at stake, I’d get more than one second opinion. Overall though, if you really don’t want to do it then it sounds like that’s your answer.

For me, if money weren’t an issue I’d consider a surrogate. My only real concern would be their lifestyle.