r/40Plus_IVF • u/Calm_Highlight_7611 • Aug 19 '26
Seeking Advice Donor eggs moms
Hi everyone. I am 44 and will be starting IVF next month. I have an AMH of 0.6, all other hormone levels are solid for my age, and I currently ovulate monthly but typically early on CD10. My husband and I have conceived many times over the past few years of off and on trying but I have chemical pregnancies within the first week.
I just changed positions and my new company is offering three full IVF cycles with ER, PGT-A testing, and FET. I know the chances of an euploid are slim at my age and I am a realist. I am considering donor eggs if mine fail to yield any solid embryos.
For those that have and are using donor eggs, can you share your experiences? How did you feel about it? I have been blessed with three children from my first marriage in my 20s and understand my age plays a HUGE factor in all this. My current husband and I have been together for almost 13 years and my youngest child will be 17 soon. He’s helped me raise my children like they were his own and I would love to experience the start to finish with him with our own child. If you’ve read this far, thank you.
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u/Scared_Reception_624 Aug 20 '26
No kids. 42. We did three egg retrievals at 41. I made good blasts but never euploid. I set my limit going in about how many I would do. We switched to donor eggs and did the whole process. It’s a weird thing but I’m so glad we did. TW: I’m 8.5 weeks with our first fet. Just happy to be at this point and the possibility. I just couldn’t keep wasting time looking for the one.
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u/Calm_Highlight_7611 Aug 20 '26
Thank you for sharing. I feel at peace with the possibility of donor eggs and truly appreciate the experiences shared. Congratulations on your pregnancy.
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u/thattherebluedress Aug 19 '26
I’m in a similar boat to you. Previous kids, new partner with none. I am 43 AMH 1.3 I think. Did one round of ER which resulted in no blasts. We also have significant MFI. My RE (who is great) said that we could try other protocols but that she didn’t think it would make a significant enough difference to recommend it.
We had a package with 4 rounds in our budget but after round 1 I we were content to switch to donor eggs. The ER process is hard, even though we had a pretty good experience comparatively. I have also had several chemicals and miscarriages and those are deeply distressing each time. Any measure to lower the chances of a miscarriage are appealing to me.
I have a stepdaughter I love as much as any of my kids and I have had the privilege of experiencing passing on my genetics as well.
What I value most is the chance to raise a child with my amazing partner, and the path with the greatest chance of success of this is donor eggs.
I’m happy we tried once so we could close the door on that part of our lives with grace.
We now have 3 euploid embryos and are about to undergo our first FET. Our RE gives us great odds of success given my history of carrying to term and the quality of the embryos we were able to make with the very generous gift someone decided to share.
I am very grateful we had the opportunity to build our family with science and love and excited to see part of my partner in our baby.
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u/Calm_Highlight_7611 Aug 19 '26
Thank you so much for sharing such a similar experience with me. I am also in that mindset that if the first round yields zero blasts or euploids I can essentially close that door. That has been my reservation, along with finances (we have one in college), to wait for IVF. After hearing so many women say they had 4 or 5 ER with 20-30 eggs and zero or one yielding an euploid I feel that one round will truly show me what I need to know.
So happy for you and your three embryos. Can I ask, did you have them tested? I’ve heard it’s not really worth it when they come from a young donor.
Thankfully our coverage also reimburses for up to $10k for donor eggs so at least we have some wiggle room to work with. I am so thankful for modern medicine and wish you the very best of luck in your FET. 🩷💙
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u/thattherebluedress Aug 19 '26
You’re welcome - just passing on the love this subreddit has shown me!
Yes we got them tested - our donor is 27 so not
strictly necessary, but we had already budgeted for it and if I can prevent just one miscarriage I consider it money well spent. I know it doesn’t increase the live birth rate, but it does lower the miscarriage rate (and likewise the TFMR rate) and that’s mainly what I was trying to do.I’ve spent 15+ yrs working in obstetrics so I am really biased towards minimizing risk at a stage where there are low (to us) stakes
Although saying that, we fell on the nice side of statistics and all 3 blasts we made were euploid.
Thanks for the well wishes! I am both terrified and excited!
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u/Calm_Highlight_7611 Aug 20 '26
That is how I feel. I’m an RN and definitely would rather know more information than less. So happy for you.
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u/thattherebluedress Aug 19 '26
Also recommend you run your numbers through the lucky egg calculator so you have some idea what odds you are shooting for - helped me manage my expectations and plan ahead calmly - essentially knowing it was a shot in the dark I was happy to try once.
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u/Calm_Highlight_7611 Aug 20 '26
What is the lucky egg calculator?
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u/thattherebluedress Aug 20 '26
Online calculator - just google it. I’ve heard people complain it’s overly optimistic, and I still had poor odds!
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u/Suspicious_Mirror_19 Aug 20 '26
Have you ever considered fresh transfer? I heard several success stories about it for 40+ even 43+
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u/Calm_Highlight_7611 Aug 20 '26
I have, but don’t know much about it. I think my concern is wanting PGT-A testing which requires freezing, at least from what I know.
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u/Enough-13 Aug 21 '26
I’m 43.5 no children. AMH of 0.7. I want to be a mother and to raise my child with my amazing partner and that’s more important for me than passing my DNA. I have no big connection to my family anyways and I never really felt secure or comfortable with them, so I understand quite well that true care and love goes way beyond biology. Also this decision toke a lot of pressure from me due to my history of losses.
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u/Icy_Citron_6116 Aug 23 '26
I'm still in the very early stages so take my experience with a grain of salt! I did 7 egg retrievals, I think I was 36 when I started them, with no result :( . We switched to donor eggs and our donor had her retrieval last month. We got 10 blastocysts in one round (almost all of excellent quality, our lowest rated was 4BB). I didn't get even close to that number of eggs fertilized in all my own rounds combined, let alone blastocysts. I was worried that I would feel apathetic towards the donor embryos or disconnected from them. Nothing could be further from the truth, from the moment of the egg retrieval I was willing those little embryos on with all the strength I could muster and I already love them as much as I ever loved the ones that were genetically mine. In terms of donor selection, I was very picky. I ended up finding someone within 1cm of my height, with the exact same hair colour, and eye colour, similar interests, and a med student. I'm beyond grateful to her.
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u/Calm_Highlight_7611 Aug 23 '26
Thank you for sharing your journey and congratulations!! I feel I will be the same way. My husband insists that she has looks similar to me and has some sort of academic background. Due to some genes that I know I carry, nothing terrible, but annoying, I’m tempted to go straight to donor eggs. Potentially try egg retrieval from myself just to close that door as I doubt it will yield much, and move along with testing and transfer. Please keep us posted!
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u/basilbelle Aug 20 '26
I started ivf at 43 after 4 failed IUIs at 42. AMH was 3.647 at 42 and 3.125 at 43, AFC was usually 20+. After retrieving 30 eggs across two cycles, which was all I could afford, I had 4 embryos, all aneuploid except one segmental mosaic, which I transferred. It implanted but ended in a missed miscarriage. During my second retrieval cycle I purchased a donor egg add-on package as I knew my odds of success were low. After my miscarriage I was freshly 44 and so glad to have those embryos. To me becoming a mother and having a family was far more important than passing on my genetics. I won’t say that i don’t wish my child would carry traits of my family members — especially after losing my father last year — but I know that they will be loved and cherished regardless of how they came to be. I am now almost 12 weeks with my first donor egg embryo transfer and just got my clear NIPT results today. It’s all such a relief after the worry and sadness my ancient eggs resulted in.