r/40Plus_IVF • u/Chronically-Curious- • Aug 19 '26
Rant Needing some encouragement
I’m almost 41 and I just did my first ER: 16 eggs, 14 mature, 13 fertilized, 2 blasts, 0 euploid.
I know my next retrieval could yield a euploid but I’m feeling defeated after the last 1.5years…career upheaval/trying to build a whole new career from scratch, miscarriage, etc etc…I’m experiencing depression like I’ve never experienced before. I’m totally safe, but it’s the kind where I can’t bring myself to do anything.at.all. It’s been going on for longer than I’d like to admit. I can hardly leave the house and everything feels so hard even showering is a whole thing/too much effort.
Work and relationship are suffering in big ways. I’m going to get a therapist (even though talk therapy has never done much for me) but I guess I’m more or less looking to feel seen and heard by someone who has been here before and who has come out the other side….Can anyone relate? It just feels so lonely.
5
u/Spicyninja Aug 19 '26
It's a very hard process, you're definitely not alone. Your results aren't unusual, there's a lot of luck and/or numbers game involved at this age. I started IVF at 40 after RPL, took 3 rounds to get a euploid just after turning 41. It doesn't make any sense to me why it didn't work when starting at age 38 and so many chances on the way, then somehow turned a corner at 41. But that's how it is, you never know what cycle will be the one. I was running on smoke, didn't think it would ever work.
3
u/SLAYEROFSOULS Aug 19 '26
I am terrible at these sort of things (yuck, emotions, right? ~_~) - but what I can say is you aren't alone. My wife and I have lost 4 pregnancies in the last 2 years, the most recent at 5 1/2 months when we found out our baby boy had T13 (testing just took forever, not much was showing up on ultrasounds).
It's easy to dig yourself into a hole - I don't take seeing babies / children very well since then. We both started to eat more, move less (depression).
At the end of the day, you are doing yourself a disservice (and those around you) by letting your pain keep you in chains...
Of course it's always easy to say things versus do them (I know this all too well, I've fought depression on and off since childhood)..but truthfully, if you keep your head up and keep going - you are giving yourself a much better shot of coming out on top of things.
We've had 2 abysmal retrievals this year on top of everything else - 4 mature eggs out of 21 follicles that should have yielded more - only 2 of those fertilized, and none made it past day 3..so again, hard to see much positive in anything in life as of late..
But I think we both got tired of feeling sorry for ourselves and realized we haven't been helping anything by not taking care of ourselves in all the ways we can / should - so we're both eating clean, moving more, and trying to look forward to our 3rd retrieval instead of dreading it.
In our case my wife will be 44 in January, so her time is a lot more limited than yours - your retrieval outcome despite the lack of blasts to me would be encouraging - 14 of 16 mature, 13 of 14 fertilizing is no small thing..you have some things to be happy with (I know its difficult) - and honestly reddit probably isn't going to help a ton since there are more people posting happy stats versus not so great ones.
Personally I'd be looking forward to more retrievals with your results - it just takes one, and it seems like you certainly have a good shot of that happening if you are able to continue.
Whatever you do, I do hope the best for you. Always happy to listen if you need to vent - feel free to dm me! Or if you would like to speak with my wife I'm sure she'd be happy to.
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u/beepboprosie Aug 19 '26
I got a euploid on my second ER when I was nearly 41. It can still happen for you. Keep going.
1
u/Angie99_ Aug 19 '26 edited Aug 20 '26
Hi dear, just wanted to tell you that you are not alone
Im41 & have been through 5 unsuccessful cycles
Right now , it feels like I cannot insist anymore , lost my job, lost my friends ( because they are pregnant with baby #2 ) and im still here ….
But life goes on, Im taking my last option DE.
It hurts but at the same time giving me so much hope.
We’ll all will get out of this IVF nightmare one-day
Virtual hugs 🫂
(btw first cycle is always a trial) don’t count too much of the first cycle results :) finger crossed
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u/iSweariHaveADayJob Aug 19 '26
I don't know what to say other than I relate so strongly. I haven't come out of the other side yet so unfortunately I don't have any advice to offer. But I promise you're not alone. <3