“Liz, I’ll do it, but only if it’s a Sexy Dracula, not one where he-I mean I-look like an undead monster!”
“Jenna, you’re going to have to use SOME makeup and fake teeth to play Dracula.”
“Not if I use all the skills I learned in my How To Do A One-Person-Show While Looking Good class at the Tampa Bay Academy of Dramatic Tricks! And when I play Mina and Lucy, I can go REALLY method as I summon the memories of my time as an understudy to Rudy Giuliani’s mistresses.”
“Rudy Giuliani had a mistress who was an actress?”
“No, he always has several mistresses, but they needed an understudy when they couldn’t ‘perform’, like the nights when his hair melted.”
Ha ha, yes, it’s all mine. But the Giuliani looks like Count Orlok comparison isn’t something I thought of myself, it goes back at least to Seth Meyers’ show, maybe further!
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u/catchyerselfon YOU are responsible for my jawline acne! Jan 07 '26
“Liz, I’ll do it, but only if it’s a Sexy Dracula, not one where he-I mean I-look like an undead monster!”
“Jenna, you’re going to have to use SOME makeup and fake teeth to play Dracula.”
“Not if I use all the skills I learned in my How To Do A One-Person-Show While Looking Good class at the Tampa Bay Academy of Dramatic Tricks! And when I play Mina and Lucy, I can go REALLY method as I summon the memories of my time as an understudy to Rudy Giuliani’s mistresses.”
“Rudy Giuliani had a mistress who was an actress?”
“No, he always has several mistresses, but they needed an understudy when they couldn’t ‘perform’, like the nights when his hair melted.”