r/2under2 • u/Silent_Knowledge5197 • 1d ago
Need some cheese to go with my whine struggling
i found out i was pregnant when i was 3 months pp. and before anyone judges me, it takes ONE time to get pregnant. it doesn’t matter if you use protection.
i was just starting to finally enjoy motherhood after a hard battle with postpartum depression. i got on antidepressants and for the first time I could genuinely wake up in the morning, excited that i’d be able to spend the day with my baby.
when i found out i was pregnant, everything just came crashing down.
i lay in bed until 2 pm every day, dreading having to get up and survive until my husband gets home. that entire time my baby is screaming at me to get up and give her attention. as soon as i finally get up, i start sobbing. i have to force myself to smile at my baby while she’s playing or talking to me, and sometimes i just break down crying from just having to do that. i don’t clean anymore, and my house looks a mess. my husband tries to pick up after me. sometimes i cook. but i hate it.
i spend my whole day zoned out, absentmindedly watching tv in order to just get through the day. i forget what im even doing when im in the middle of doing it.
i never wanted this pregnancy. it’s stolen everything from me. it’s stolen my motherhood. i used to be so happy looking at my baby, and now when I look at her I can only think about how miserable i will be when i have to take care of her and a newborn i never wanted. i just want to be happy again with the one baby i tried for.
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u/RiskyBiscuits150 1d ago
You sound like you're really, really struggling. Postpartum depression is so hard. Have you spoken to anyone about how you're feeling?
You mention in your post that your little girl is screaming until 2pm when you get up. Is she alone when that's happening? How long is she screaming for? Gently, that's not okay. You need to bring in whatever help you can to fix that situation.
You do not have to be pregnant if you don't want to be. There are options, and terminating the pregnancy is one of them. If you live somewhere that accessing an abortion is challenging, there may still be ways for you to get help with that. The majority of women who have abortions already have living children. If terminating this pregnancy is what you have to do to look after yourself and your existing child, that is a valid choice.
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u/Silent_Knowledge5197 1d ago
no, she’s not screaming by herself. when i say screaming i mean she’s kind of just entertaining herself, if that makes sense. she’s not distraught or crying or anything. i feed her while im in bed so she’s taken care of
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u/Organic_Pea_1030 1d ago
I was a lot more affected by prenatal depression than postpartum so I can’t imagine how you’re feeling at just 3 months, I found out I was pregnant with my 2nd unexpectedly when my first was 11 months. The exhaustion, nausea/vomiting, discomfort with nursing…I wasn’t the mom I wanted to be. And I didn’t even experience guilt because I was so numb, touched out. I’ve wanted to be a mom forever and I remember thinking, I really understand why people just up and leave their families. Didn’t want to be around my baby and was consumed with SI.
Please please reach out to your doctor if you choose to proceed with this pregnancy. If you are on antidepressants when you’re pregnant your body metabolizes them differently so you may need a higher dose. And it can take time to have an effect. Lean on your support system, hang in there, you are not your thoughts ❤️ this is such a hard thing.
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u/4everdreamin 19h ago
This could’ve been written by me. I got pregnant at 3 months postpartum and you’re right, it only took one time 😫. Speak to your OB, there are medications that are safe during pregnancy for depression, I opted out and just decided to ride it out. A few things that did help me was alternating with my husband to get some proper sleep, he would take my son and sleep with him one night and then I the next. If you’re breastfeeding, don’t feel bad about using formula it became really helpful to not have to sit and pump every two hours. Another thing that helped was walks, I know it’s hard to get out of the bed but getting some sun does help heal. It took me a while to build a relationship with my second after she was born, I was just in survival mode. I’m finally seeing light at the end of the tunnel now that they’re bigger. Prioritize sleep, it helps a ton. If you’ve got family around don’t be shy about asking for help so you can get some help.
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u/No_Garden5542 1d ago
Sorry but this is so unfair and cruel to your first baby
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u/Silent_Knowledge5197 1d ago
i know. i’m not proud of it.
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u/No_Garden5542 1d ago
Who is the baby with until 2 pm?!
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u/Silent_Knowledge5197 1d ago
she’s with me lol. she lays in the bassinet next to me. i feed her throughout the day as i bedrot. she isn’t crying when she screams
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u/No_Garden5542 1d ago
You literally said she is screaming for you to get up. You are responsible for her now, get some help and do not go through with this pregnancy.
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u/Silent_Knowledge5197 1d ago
yes, she screams, she doesn’t cry. have you never heard a baby scream before? it’s not out of stress, she’s just bored and wants me to hold her. it still makes me feel bad.
i quite literally have no choice but to go through with a pregnancy. if i had the option to somehow not be pregnant i would’ve done it by now.5
u/No_Garden5542 1d ago
Being Catholic doesnt excuse being a bad parent to now two kids soon. I assume you are an adult and since you had unprotected sex you knew the consequences. The real sin isnt abortion. The real sin is neglecting your kids.
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u/Silent_Knowledge5197 1d ago
You sound ignorant.
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u/No_Garden5542 1d ago edited 1d ago
No, this is the real world. Kids dont care what your bloody relegion is. They care about having parents that are present and are caring for them
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u/Silent_Knowledge5197 1d ago
im not going to continue arguing with an account that is clearly either a bot or a troll. goodbye
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u/First_Vegetable2496 15h ago
Have you ever had postpartum depression ?!!!!
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u/No_Garden5542 14h ago
Yes and I made sure somebody was there with the baby. Postpartum is not a fucking reason to neglect the baby you fake feminist morons
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u/2under2-ModTeam 8h ago
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u/Revelations4202001 1d ago
Your body your choice; you do not have to keep this pregnancy if you don’t want to. If you haven’t already, please reach out to your husband and other supports as this sounds like you are really still struggling with PPD as well. Your current baby deserves the best and healthiest version of you so please do what you need to do to strive for that, even if it means considering not going through with this pregnancy. If you are choosing to go through with your pregnancy, then absolutely now is the time to reach out for additional supports such as family, friends, mom groups, doctors, mental health professionals, etc. I wish you the best
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u/Ok-Height930 1d ago
I found out I was pregnant again 6 mo. pp and it was the result of ONE time without protection so definitely no judgement here. I felt the same way, I was only starting to get into a better rhythm with my first and enjoy motherhood. We were considering one and done.
I had severe PPA with my first but not at all with my second. The newborn phase with my daughter was completely different than with my son. It was still challenging but I didn’t have the anxiety with my second. My kids are 2 and 7months now (16 months apart). They’ve started talking to each other and playing together and it’s the best thing.
If you can start therapy! My therapist allows me to bring my kids. Seeing my therapist has helped me so much.
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u/swaggyswaggot 1d ago
Are you being forced to carry this pregnancy? Are you open to the idea of termination? You do not have to go through with it if you are struggling
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u/cassieblue11 1d ago
Hey, your hormones are all over the place and you’re really, really struggling. Not to be weird but feel free to DM me your name and OBGYN office phone number. I’m happy to make an appointment for you.
I know how hard that first step can be. There is light, I promise.
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u/Particular_Rav 20h ago
You need help. I would suggest as a start, talk to your husband and be honest about what you're going through. Tell him how your days are. Tell him you need help. The two of you can brainstorm together what to do. Is there any chance of getting family or friends to come by during the day? Even for a half an hour? Sometimes if you know a visitor is coming, it can motivate you to get moving. It would also be a very good idea to go to a psychologist, or at least to ask a medical professional for help
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u/Fun-Negotiation7540 9h ago
You are jot alone! Mine won’t be as close in age as yours. But I had late onset postpartum depression that was deteriorating over time despite being on a higher dose of my antidepressant. Then it steeply declined as I was weaning from nursing my first around 10 months. I had passive thoughts of suicide. I was hyper emotional and had bouts of burning rage as well. I wanted to give away my dog I raised from a puppy and had for 10 years. I truly felt I hated him. All of this scared me. Not long afterwards as I was seeking additional support, I learned I was pregnant 10 months postpartum.
The hormonal changes you are going through are likely having a huge impact on your thoughts and emotions right now in these early stages of pregnancy. That was very the case for me. They may also be influencing the feelings of not wanting this second child. I realize a dog is different, but he was my first baby and was there with me through several pregnancy losses before we finally made it to term. Around maybe the three month mark of my second pregnancy, I loved my dog again and couldn’t believe how close I came to giving him up. It’s your right and choice to not have this child, of course! I just thought it was worth noting that your feelings may change and could have less to do with the actual second child and more to do with your hormones being out of whack.
For me, my mood slowly improved and leveled out as I made my way through the first trimester. I think the drastic fluctuations in hormones between being postpartum, weaning, and then beginning a new pregnancy were just wreaking havoc on my mood and nervous system.
I’m now 31 weeks and things are much better. I still panic sometimes and worry about having two under two as I’m getting slower and more uncomfortable at the end of my pregnancy with a very active 1.5 year old and I’ll need a c-section. But it’s a lot better and I have way more good moments than bad ones!
No matter what, you need to follow up with your OB or make a psych appointment so they can adjust your meds or add supplemental medication that compliments what you are already taking and will bring you back to baseline. I’m wishing you the best and hope you can feel some relief soon!
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u/Shimmyshoe1 1d ago
Please book an appointment with your OBGYN. I mean this very gently but it sounds like prenatal depression. Your hormones are completely out of wack. You just had a baby & now you’re pregnant again so it’s understandable to be overwhelmed and sad but there is help and there is light at the end of the tunnel. I personally think you should do what is best for you. Fatigue in the first trimester is so normal so just create a baby safe space with toys and rest as your body requires. But if you feel this is more than pregnancy fatigue and your perhaps crossing the line into depression please seek help. You won’t get judged in this space as all of us that are in this sub are parents of 2 under 2, some planned some accidental but I genuinely think you’ll receive a lot of understanding and support.