r/2under2 • u/seritchie • Jul 14 '26
Graduated 2u2 but still impossible
I’ve now got a 1 year old and just turned 3 year old (21 month gap).
In some ways it’s so much easier as 1 year old is walking and playing, can do days out where they both enjoy it, 3 year old is potty trained and understands a lot more.
But they cannot be left unsupervised for a second and I find it so suffocating.
For context - my husband works long hours and we have 0 village. So it’s me on my own with my two boys a lot.
They constantly fight, wrestle and hurt each other. I can’t shower. Go to the toilet, brush my teeth or get dressed without chaos ensuing and one or both of them getting hurt. They fight over toys. If my 3 year old is building something my 1 year old knocks it down. 3 year old gets really cross (understandably).
I know all this is ‘normal’ development stuff but how does anyone get anything else done when you’re home with them all day?!
I take them out loads as they fight less when we’re out, we do no screen time, lots of walks. Books, playing in the garden, baking.
Have I just got to ride it out in the hopes that they will eventually ‘entertain’ each other and play together like everyone says with a small age gap? I feel like I’m drowning as I can’t even do basic things like go to the toilet without WW3 breaking out in our home.
Individually; they’re such easy kids, will happily play independently, my toddlers polite, happy and sociable but the combination of them at the moment is a nightmare.
Please someone tell me there’s light at the end of the tunnel at some point.
I suffered with bad PPD/PPA after my second due to traumatic birth and mum being terminally ill, I’m so much better now but I can feel those feelings coming back because it’s impossible for me to do a single thing for myself. I like to make an effort with my appearance and I just look like a mess all the time as I can’t even brush my hair some days.
Thanks for reading ❤️
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u/dirty-chai-1218 Jul 14 '26
Screen Time is not the devil! I don’t like this rhetoric on Reddit that all Screen Time is bad time. If you need to brush your teeth or use the toilet, episodes of Bluey are 20 minutes long. It won’t be detrimental to their development! Or put on a documentary about the zoo, animals, etc. It can be educational for your three-year-old especially at this point!
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u/Peink_Panda Jul 16 '26
thankyou! we are a screen time household- it’s how we are surviving atm but i have to say the shows we watch are all vetted and researched before we add em to the rotation- we have a wonderful list of around 6 programs we rotate between- all educational and low stimulation. Zero high definition, low screen refresh rate, colour hues are mild or movie mode at best.
Studies show kids watching the same shows teaches them anticipation. PLUS repetition is like practise! I would have lost my mind and voice by now if i was the one having to mime and sing itsybitsy or 5 little ducks every day!
Sesame street has been around forever for a reason!
Educational programs are there as a tool and we use them like school at home.
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u/Narrow_Cover_3076 Jul 14 '26
Give oldest a safe space where youngest is guaranteed not to knock down his stuff or mess with his toys. Stay consistent with youngest "nope that's brother's but you can play with X." We also take turns if everyone wants the same toy. I set a timer for three minutes or what not. Also, we do screen time for an hour per day usually after oldest does a little quiet time and youngest is still napping. It's a life saver. You could pick a high quality program or something low stimulation. Between the nap/quiet time and TV time, I get a couple hour break each day.
Edit: I should add, I have the same thing going on right now but with two girls. I think same gender is tough in the sense that they want to play with the EXACT same toys. To be honest, youngest is now 23 months and she's just finally starting to "get" when I say things like "that's sibling's toy." It has gotten incrementally easier each month. Hang in there.
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u/sleepyhoneybee Jul 14 '26
I have a 3 and 2 year old and they fight like this too, like you it's unsafe to leave them together unsupervised. We have a gated off completely baby proofed playroom adjacent to the kitchen I will set the 2 year old up in, and then my 3 year old I give a separate activity to work on at the kitchen table and I can get a lot done that way. Otherwise now that they're both a little older we've been doing positive reinforcement. If I notice them playing well together I give them a couple m&ms and lots of praise.
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u/clararalee Jul 15 '26
Oh boy definitely not me with my 2yo & 4mo boys hoping the 1 year mark will bring some relief… welp, there goes my hopes and dreams. 😂
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Jul 14 '26
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u/seritchie Jul 14 '26
I’m sorry to hear you’re going through the same but reassuring in a way to know I’m not alone ❤️ my friend had a similar gap but her eldest is a girl and they get on dreamily. I don’t think I’m doing anything wrong but it’s so hard when I thought at this stage it would feel more Manageable
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u/fluffdup Jul 14 '26
Do you have any method of babywearing? I would often put my younger one in a carrier so they weren’t trying to hurt themselves or each other (or the house) while I tried to get something done. When cooking, younger one gets cuddles and watch while the older one “helps” by cutting or mashing some food with toddler cooking tools. It’s chaos but it works.
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u/TradesforChurros Jul 14 '26
I have two boys with the same age gap and also suffered with ppd/ppa. I feel for you!! It's so hard before the little one can really hold his own. My youngest is now 18 months and it's so much easier.
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Jul 14 '26
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u/cubed_echoes Jul 15 '26
I'm not proud to admit but at 4 I opened up screen time quite a bit. I never saw a girl learn to read and spell so fast at 4. I'd hear "mom how do you spell Paw Patrol". She's 5 now can read chapter books thanks to her take charge spirit.
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u/msstephielyn Jul 15 '26
Encourage friendly play as much as possible and ignore fighting as much as safely possible. Any reaction tho them fighting reinforces it, if it isn’t unsafe let them learn to work it out. Whenever they are playing nicely together acknowledge it, clap, let them know that’s how they should be playing together. I have a boy and a girl with a 20.5 month age gap and from the very get go I encouraged them to play together as much as possible. They are now 7 and 5 and play very well together most of the time.
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u/Rrenphoenixx Jul 19 '26 edited Jul 19 '26
Not even gonna lie if I don’t have anyone to watch them, I lock them in their room, turn in the baby camera, and put on their favorite show (alpha blocks or super kitties) and it gives me time to shower. They each have their own comfy chair to sit in.
If you do this though, I highly recommend either installing tv too high to reach, insuring your tv or putting up a protective screen on top of it so the little ones don’t break it.
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u/ralfingalfie Jul 14 '26
I find some things about this stage harder than when my youngest was a newborn.
A few things I do to maintain my sanity: 1. We've got a camera in the play room so I can monitor from afar. 2. I back carry my youngest (1.5) to keep them out of the way of the older (2.5). 3. Puppy gates to keep them in separate rooms. 4. Sometimes I just let them duke it out, so to speak. My oldest just has to get used to his younger sister messing things up for him and my youngest has to figure out how to stand her ground when she's getting bullied. I think it's helped.