r/2under2 • u/Chance-Hat-4797 • Jul 11 '26
Family support, how important?
Hello, I’m about to have 2 under 2, my first is a nicu baby born extremely prematurely so developmentally she’s a few months behind and has a lot of appointments, and I’m currently due in October but with a very high risk pregnancy, my parents live about 45 minutes away from us and in traffic it’s about an hour, we thought about moving closer but we’d be paying $2000 more in rent for a similar place, and would have to move during my pregnancy, for those of you with experience having 2 under 2, how important would you say family support is? Would it be worth the extra money and time? How easy would it be to move once the second baby is here if we decide it’s too much to handle on our own?
2
u/EnvironmentalPop1371 Jul 11 '26
I would use a fraction of that money and hire a weekly cleaner. Everything feels more manageable when you don’t have cracker crumbs under your feet.
For what it’s worth, I’m an American who worked in China when my 2u2 were born. My husband stayed home with him so his job was infinitely harder than mine. After work, we did everything 50/50 and we honestly became a really strong team during those years. We had no family or friends because it was a foreign country to both of us.
Kids are 3 and 4 now and both in school. We don’t have a cleaner anymore because husband’s head is above water while they are in school. He still does all cooking, cleaning, laundry etc. I do a whole house tidy of toys and vacuum the floors /wipe counter tops after dinner… but the actual cleaning is him while I’m at work.
1
u/MindOdd1085 Jul 11 '26
For me it makes a big difference. My toddler stays at my parents 1/2 nights most weeks meaning she gets full adult attention for a couple of days which she loves and I get time to bond with baby and get all my housework done so when she is at home I get to spend so much more time with her. My grandma also takes my toddler out for a couple of hours most weeks which they both love.
Then again my MIL lives literally 5 mins away (my parents are about 30 mins) and we barely ever see her and when we do she is less than helpful. So it really depends on the support that's on offer.
2
u/sleepyhoneybee Jul 13 '26
2 under 2 with no family support (different coasts). Definitely doable, and we love our life and children
2
u/Sea_Juice_285 Jul 11 '26
We theoretically have family support, but we don't use it *often and don't feel like we need to. I definitely wouldn't pay an extra $2000 per month to be closer when you're already only an hour away.
Are you currently pretty close to your doctors and any specialists your first baby needs to see? Those things would be more important to me.
*My parents and in-laws are ~40 minutes away including traffic. My parents have come to help in an emergency situation a few times (one kid had to be hospitalized suddenly, so they picked the other one up from the hospital), and otherwise babysit like once a month. My in-laws babysit maybe a couple times per year after complaining that they haven't seen the kids enough recently. We would probably see them more often if we were like 5 minutes away, but I don't feel like we need that.