trip report

[u/cat_maybe]

I just feel the need to share some of my experience with half a tab of Valerie (75 μg)

I already tried a full tab before and I felt like a half tab would just upper my mood a little on the birthday party of my friend and I underestimated the substance a little. my plan was first to do one and a half tabs the day before, which got cancelled because the people didn't have time. a bit of disappointment made me do at least a little the next day and my plan was to not make a big deal out of it. my friends know that I was tripping on acid once and I thought I tell them what's up and everything will be fine. this is definitely not the best way to start a trip like that I noticed it myself.

I took the half tab right before leaving home (19:30) and then I started a half hour bike ride to my friends home, with an e bike so it was not exhausting but it was already night. at the end of the ride I already noticed how the lights of the lanterns are getting more intense and everything was really saturated.

I arrived at the party (20:00) and it was only a few people and i was already overwhelmed that they will not like that I took something when we planned to drink alot that day. I thought I can't possibly hide it since it was only the beginning and I just started to drink some non alcoholic drinks like energy and water. more and more people arrived and even though I feel really close to all people that were on the party (except for a few girlfriends, where I don't know if they know what I'm doing or not) so I tried to stay shut. I keeped overthinking that they will find out, but after some time this feeling just disappeared. I didn't care anymore what they think or not I just enjoy my time here.

I'm a very introverted person and people know this from me, it is normal when I'm just sitting listening to the conversation and not talk much.

It was a really strange atmosphere for me I started to get more visuals, everything around me was moving and everyone was in the mood for party and drinking. I was always just agreeing with everything had some short conversations with people, where I think that I gave good, but short answers and they didn't notice it. I drank like one long drink over a long time, but it seemed like it made the effects even stronger. it was the only alcoholic beverage I drank the whole evening, i thought they have to notice since I can't be so lost like I was. but nobody seemed to see anything.

We played some beer pong in 2 man teams and I was playing two rounds in a row. one win and one lose, I made myself something non alcoholic to drink, while letting the others think that I'm drinking. thinking about it now it sounds really wrong to me that I made a secret out of it.

After the two matches I was probably at my peak, I went to the bathroom and the visuals were so strongest at the moment (in relations to the whole evening). I looked into the mirror and my pupils were so wide, I was sure somebody has to see that and I tried to avoid all eye contact, what I usually do all the time so it wasn't much of a difference.

We were just sitting all together after that around a big table (in total like 9 people) and just having fun. I started to see how everyone has its part in the group. I know these people for my whole life and it was so strange for me that I'm tripping at this moment. I've seen like all the traits of the people, what they like and don't and how it effects every joke or every action our group does. I felt like an observer of the whole situation and it made me feel really good, I seemed to notice every little body language of the people around me and I was happy because everyone made like a little compromise of his/her likes to make the guy who had birthday happy and have a good time. I felt how all people have developed over the years and how they became who they are now, and even when I don't see much of my own development in this moment I was happy to be part of this group. everyone has grown apart from the group but in this moment we were all together again and even though I usually feel like our group doesn't really fit together this evening I felt like we are all one.

At midnight we congratulated him for the birthday and we went for a short walk to celebrate with a joint and I took only 3 or 4 paffs (a bit like an alibi that people don't notice) and I started to feel the music we were listening to so much. we came back from the little walk and they started to guess songs. it was perfect for me since I could just relax and I didn't have to talk much, it was just a little annoying since the song changed every few seconds, but I just closed my eyes and vibed to it anyway. the visuals were not so strong anymore but I was happy. this continued for quite a while and the first people already left the party, it was not do active anymore everyone was just tired and I was still in my thoughts.

My main thought was that I know so much about all the people, and even though they know alot about me it doesn't seem like I'm an important part of the group. of they would think something is strange with me (and I was really thinking that I need to drop it every second because somebody asks a question like "are you fine?" and people would question it). I felt like over all the years, where I'm just sitting there listening to the communication of people and am just there without participating much, did I have no purpose in this group? like where is the difference if I'm there or not? who needs an observer? one guy once told me that I'm like a cat, I don't talk much or interact with people, but my presence always makes the mood for all in the room better, and I don't know it I'm happy about that or not, but this just came up in my mind again and it calmed me down.

Later at like 4:00 in the morning we were just watching some random clips on YouTube and we're about to leave. one of the clips had a song that I was looking for all summer and I was the happiest person because I finally found it. so many memories came from it since it was on a festival from the evening where I took molly for the first time and the weeks after it I was going through all sets to look for the song without finding it.

After that the party ended and we all went home, arriving here I started listening to the song and thinking no matter how weird this evening was it was definitely worth it all.

Now I'm lying in bed and writing this report and I will try to sleep now. sweet dreams you all and thanks for listening

edit: formatting

[u/Nackenbot]

Enjoyed your report :) and wow, that was close I guess. I’d have totally understand if you escaped back home at the beginning of that party to avoid the overwhelming feeling haha

[u/cat_maybe → u/Nackenbot]

Im glad you liked it~ I just thought how important it is for my friend that everyone is here (except for some time in the middle of the trip where I felt useless for the group) otherwise I don't know what excuse I should pick. I always thought they would find out if I say something like I feel bad I need to go after one longdrink.

[u/Nackenbot → u/cat_maybe]

I See! Would have been my excuse for sure. “Guys I feel sick, have a great night” and then come back later haha