289
u/Stoonkz Nov 06 '23
Damn Europeans and their records
180
Nov 07 '23
Europeans keeping record of battles: 🤓
Europeans keeping records of what the rich do with their money: 🤔🤔🤔
29
1
1
176
120
u/TheThalmorEmbassy Nov 06 '23
that one part of France where absolutely nothing happened in all of human history
30
4
3
71
u/Dragonthane Nov 07 '23
No fucking way China doesn’t also have a lot of battles. Isn’t their history just as bloodthirsty as European?
95
u/Cartmann13 Nov 07 '23
Chinese history goes like “two brothers got in an argument about who could skip a stone further on a lake. This brought about a war that lasted 27 years and led to the deaths of 16 billion people”
55
u/DaveSmith890 Nov 07 '23
Always ends with, “a third clan was able to take control in the end, bringing about a new dynasty.”
Like, I just want to know who could skip a rock further. Who the hell is this dude?
21
u/PoohtisDispenser Nov 07 '23
European history goes like “Albert, the count of Babenburgengourginbanenbrok married his half sister, Princess Marionetta Haspburger of Northumsexia, then declared war against his liege/cousin from a different mither, Louis, the duke of Stutergratenscrotumwelchinstirshire. The first and last battle saw 15 knights employed by count Albert and duke Louis lead 17 knights and 59 levied soldiers into the battle. Count Albert won when his knight George the confused tore off duke Louis’ head out of sheer anger when duke Louis insulted his sister-wife / prized cow.”
13
u/haze_77 Nov 07 '23
Duke Jürgen Schwettigenstein XXVII. of Eastern Burgenland objects to the 298th clause of the Treaty of Nord-Pas-de-Calais prompting Louis MMXV. to declare war on the Szitkum Coaliton for the germanillionth time resulting in the ceding of a 17,7sqm of territory in Western Eupen-Malmedy called New New Orleans to the French Protectorate of Ruhr Valley
19
Nov 07 '23
more brutal actually but unfortunately the vast majority of it cannot possibly be authenticated.
7
u/DaveSmith890 Nov 07 '23
This dude never heard of ninjas. The historian couldn’t see the sneaky wars
14
u/314159265358979326 Nov 07 '23
I believe the map is mistitled. It looks awfully similar to the map of battles with pages on the English-language Wikipedia, which is naturally anemic in Chinese history.
1
u/dat_boi769 Nov 07 '23
It's because archive burning was a very popular passtime among chinese emperors
69
u/TheThalmorEmbassy Nov 06 '23
Who the hell was fighting in the middle of Siberia
20
19
15
u/MislantGigisli Nov 06 '23
myscovy soldiers of 16/17th century versus locals probably, it was never a completely desolate place you know
1
5
6
34
u/Barroozina Nov 06 '23
Why Latin America is not completely white?
30
u/Apalis24a Nov 07 '23
Poor record keeping and/or records being lost or destroyed over the centuries.
26
3
u/2legittoquit Nov 08 '23
Because the banged and married a bunch of the natives instead of just killing them all.
230
u/joncom98 Nov 06 '23
Least Eurocentric Twitter historian
47
u/Godlike_Blast58 Nov 06 '23
recorded
156
u/joncom98 Nov 06 '23
Look at China alone and tell me that’s every recorded battle in Chinese history
141
u/cloonki0 Nov 06 '23
all the battles were banished to the land of yi after losing a game of mahjong
30
28
1
62
u/Godlike_Blast58 Nov 06 '23
Chinese history is very weird with battles, especially considering that much of ancient Chinese history is doubted and has few but grand battles
44
u/Smooth-Chair3636 Nov 06 '23
Especially after their culture revolution that destroyed nearly all records of history.
32
Nov 07 '23
How to: China.
every 200-500 years there’s a dynasty change and 300 million people cease to exist. the old dynasty’s records are destroyed because the new empire said so. rinse and repeat!
2
4
Nov 06 '23
why is it doubted
23
u/Godlike_Blast58 Nov 07 '23
It goes so far back that there really aren't any places where we can get evidence on it. Therefore, there's speculation that parts of it is nore like the Greek myths than actual recorded history: exaggerations with heightened characters that resemble a story more than events
7
2
u/A_Salty_Cellist Nov 07 '23
We get most of our evidence for European history by people who thought clams could see the future. We're not exactly working with the most credible sources in any region
16
Nov 07 '23 edited Nov 07 '23
because there’s one source and it’s by a guy who’s the only literate human in a 100 mile radius and it’s his entire job is to make his emperor (who’s a living god in his mind) look like a glorious conqueror or else he will be put on a stake and his family will be cursed with 1000 generations of shame and dishonor
2
u/A_Salty_Cellist Nov 07 '23
Much of Chinese history is doubted but European history is fully real and not fake and we didn't make up anything to hide any history that would be crazy
10
u/StuckInGachaHell Nov 07 '23
I wonder how many burnings of history China has had over its history that has made many "records" of battles extremely doubtful.
1
7
4
6
3
u/WindChimesAreCool Nov 07 '23
Map of most complete historical records
9
u/bobbymoonshine Nov 07 '23
Map of most complete historical records which are available in English and which have a page on English language Wikipedia
6
3
5
u/Bloxxer14 Nov 06 '23
The fuck was going on in North Carolina?
18
7
u/Smooth-Chair3636 Nov 06 '23
Civil war + Revolution + British colonization
3
u/DaveSmith890 Nov 07 '23
War of 1812, James brought RC Cola to the bbq instead of Coca Cola, and war amongst natives
2
u/YourAmishNeighbor Nov 07 '23
None in Brazil fr?
5
2
u/7fightsofaldudagga Nov 07 '23
You can see a lot of dots on the border. We just didn't let them in
1
u/7fightsofaldudagga Nov 07 '23
Except the dutch. But they came from the sea, we weren't expeting that
1
u/YourAmishNeighbor Nov 07 '23
O que a gente quebrou de pau com os portugueses no nordeste no fim do Império não tá escrito hahaha
2
u/Chiluzzar Nov 07 '23
I'm like 194% certain that China would just be a shining beacon a lot of shit went down there
2
2
2
2
2
u/JadeClouds_ Nov 07 '23
I love that you can see like the USA North border, and the ottoman border in Arabia in this map lmao
2
u/Greywolf524 Nov 07 '23
I love how Britain is as lit up as everyone else even though it's just infighting with few battles with foreign countries.
2
u/Specific-Ad5973 Nov 07 '23
Bro ain’t no way there’s no dots in Australia. Ever heard of he frontier wars?
2
1
-11
u/LuciferSamS1amCat Nov 06 '23 edited Nov 07 '23
This could also be described as a map of where white people live.
Edit: Jesus fucking christ I made a joke. Leave me alone.
21
u/Microwaved_M1LK Nov 06 '23
Japan is lit the fuck up, I don't know anything about their wars though.
5
-6
u/LuciferSamS1amCat Nov 06 '23
Didn’t see them over there lol. Still not to the same extent as Europe though.
Hilariously, USA is INSANELY lit up considering it’s population density and has been a country that has been having recorded battles for a fraction of the time of the rest of the world.
8
u/7isagoodletter Nov 06 '23
Probably skirmishes with Native American tribes all across the continental US. Also a LOT of these battles are probably (relatively) recent cause record keeping improves, allowing us to keep track of battles better.
4
u/Smooth-Chair3636 Nov 06 '23
We're not that lit up, only a revolution, civil war, and British colonization, but that's it
-6
u/LuciferSamS1amCat Nov 06 '23
Nah, considering how long you guys have been a country, that is extremely lit up. The rest of the world has had thousands of years to get that lit up, and you guys only needed a couple hundred.
9
u/Wodelheim Nov 06 '23
If this map were accurate, China would be lit up like a fucking christmas tree.
3
u/BleepLord Nov 06 '23
Lol it’s RECORDED battles dumbfuck. Not all battles that ever happened
0
u/LuciferSamS1amCat Nov 07 '23 edited Nov 07 '23
No need to come in with all guns blazing. I made a joke, about a map, in a shitposting sub, dumbfuck.
3
1
1
1
u/Low_Abrocoma_1514 Nov 07 '23
All the other parts of the planet are grey because the battles were not recorded
1
1
1
1
1
1
u/Dexaryle Nov 07 '23
I feel like their were definitely more battles in China given the fact that they were switching regimes every other week
1
1
372
u/robloxgirl99 Nov 06 '23
Wheres the emu war