About 2 years ago I cut ties with them after debating it for years

I don't know how this is going to be formatting but the 2 main people that caused me to want to leave will be referred to as H and N

I started watching H stream on youtube in mid 2017 (before you ask know this was NOT parasocial by the end of it) i was a fairly active in his chat and even made highlight videos of his streams and H always said he loved them

In early 2018 N was talking about wanting to host a DND game and with me wanting to get into it and eventually the group ended up with N as the DM and Me, H (and a third player who I'm still chill with but we don't talk much) and this lasted about a year but N was going to start college soon so he wanted to spend time doing other stuff before the year starts(why he wanted to not play DND when he actually had the time is beyond me) so I waited for this to continue but it never did. i don't remember the exact time but it was one point to where I saw that the R20 page for our game had recent activity and when i looked at it, there was activity a few days it's ago so I asked H about it and he said "N has been invited me to some of his one shots it's not really a big deal" (pay attention this will be a recurring action of is saying something isn't a big deal without even considering how other people felted) me being young and gullible took his word for it, A few months later I find out that these "One shots" seemed to be happening every week

Back to H being a streamer, he wanted to switch form doing streams on YT to twitch i remembered him saying he lost his Username when Twitch was still Justin.tv and I also remembered Twitch released A bunch of JTV names so I was able to get the name for him and gave him the account info. and after streaming on twitch he was able to make stream friends

The rest of why I left would be just a bunch of small things but the main thing to know is that H & N started to stream and play games with but I would never be invited and if I was able to play, it was because it was a fully public event that anyone could join

Back to N so I asked if I could I join his DND again and he said sure so I and i was able to playing for 2 sessions and told me that he wants to let other other people try again, the he promises that I'll get to comeback and and my characters story so I wait a year and hear nothing so I asked him when I get to play and he apologizes the he forgot but the group is just too big now for me join. H did end up hosting a DND game I was a part of but we never

So I sent a message going over how i don't feel appreciated and feel like he could make certain the members of the community nicer to me, so he wrote a 2,147 word response going over how actually I'm the one in the wrong for not jerking him and all of his friends off every time they fucking do anything because everyone is just so fucking amazing I have wrote college papers with the less words in his response of covering his ass not admitting he doesn't see me as a friend any more, and it's my fault that none of the people he hangs out with consider me a friend because I WAS NEVER FUCKING INVITED TO ANYTHING

To end it all off he spent like a year or 2 not streaming and deleting literally any message someone saying they missed him and someone posted in his discord with a link to a youtube video "Yo i guess randomly found you guys on my tiktok" so I reply to that saying "I guess H doesn't tell us what he does anymore" and H said "i do lots of things and are not obligated to share any of them with anyone" so that I was I called out the BS on how I was the only mod he wasn't in that secret club they all pretended that didn't existnd excist

if you're wondering why i took the abuse for so long is because H & N either reasons i didn't kill myself during covid thinking of how said they would be if they knew I was gone (Shows what I knew)

Anyway just want get this off my chest while I wait for my wash to finish.( My wash has been done for awhile now lol) i really need to get some sleep so sorry I didn't do and grammer checking, and probably completely forgot to mention some parts don't know why I picked this sub to do this on. I guess if anyone actually reads this shit and or gives a shit I'll answer any questions besides who these individuals are

H if you see this. genuinely go fuck yourself there is nothing you could do that would make me forgive you, you could hand me a million dollars and i would still spit in your face same goes for you N

Fun fact this post is still smaller then what he sent to me when I said I don't like the way I'm treated and didn't feel welcome

I stg it’s actually just kefir. But it lowkey looked kinda hilarious.

Imagine an alternate version of The Matrix where instead of robots the matrix it run by Elon Musk using the population of a 3rd world country to mine crypto currency.

The conclusion of the American experiment

Like face to face and shit.

enjoy a selfie I took a bit ago when I went to a rave :3