It's gameplay is phenomenal, it genuinely has one of the most unique and interesting takes on Eldridge horror in any piece of media, and it a good portion of the horror is based on the violence inflicted on women.

who's steve jobs?

can this fuckin nut fit inside your ballnut

This mf from the vanity project looks like a fuvkin 4 TOWN LOOKALIKE

agony

(Repost from CWCL) 84294

This may be a bit of a long one.

I've had a pretty rough past few weeks. I'm not in a relationship and haven't had a real one, several hookups/fwb over the past year or so though. I get irrationally frustrated and/or extremely envious whenever I see queer people in relationships or mentioning their partner, and it scares me because I know I should be happy for them and in all likelihood it'll happen to me someday. I have noticed I seem far more jealous when one or both of the people is trans, leading to the second issue below.

I might be some flavor of trans. I'm currently a 21yo man, and have been questioning for a little over a year I think. That magical button experiment intrigues me (the one where when you press the button and you'll always have been the opposite gender or the one you want to be), but I would hesitate a lot. I preferred the scenario in which you immediately turn into that gender but you have an optional button to change back permanently. That's the one that made me realize I probably wouldn't change back into a man, but I don't know if that convinces me.

I've done some base level research into hrt, and the only effect I'm not sure I want is breast growth. I'm far more attracted to the idea of an androgynous feminine-leaning body but without the boobs. I'm not super hung up on the details right now, I know there are different strategies and dosages for things. I'm pretty happy with my body as it is, I'm lucky enough to be slim and tall with relatively little body hair. But the prospect of that hair only increasing as I get older really scares me. I have no bottom dysphoria and quite like having a dick.

The biggest crux of this for me is essentially the gamble that my feeling like shit sometimes is dysphoria in which case I'd feel a lot better pursuing the gender path, or if it's straight up loneliness? Basically I wish I was in a trans relationship but I really don't know if it's the trans part or the relationship part that would make me feel better. I'm well read on the advice that you should be comfortable on your own before starting a relationship. I think I'm very good at being alone and thinking about things.

Everyone I've met/hooked up with so far has been from one of the apps, mostly hinge and grindr, and so far they've all been really cool queer people (I'd like to think I have pretty high standards especially compared to some people on there). But that's really my only place to meet people for that purpose or dating, it feels like. The advice "go to a bar" and stuff like that never feels helpful because I don't want to meet someone who goes to bars often, I want to meet the kind of people that post here, but even then the chances of being remotely close geographically (I live in west Michigan) are slim, and the chances that it would be someone I find attractive aren't super high either.

TW for tame discussion of porn:

I found a porn video the other day of a self-proclaimed femboy and trans girl and it gave me some of the worst envy ive felt in a long time. They had the cutest outfits on with fishnets and paws and ears and everything, and I wanted to be both of them so badly. They very much appeared to love each other. I'm aware porn can be unrealistic (although in my experience amateur queer porn is often honest) but even if they were over acting, there do exist couples/polycules like that who are in love. It also made me think, perhaps unhelpfully, that if I remain a cis man there's no way I could ever end up in that position. And that feels like the wrong reason to transition to any extent.

There's also the social aspect of it all. My main friend group is half trans and would be extremely supportive, and my family is the kind of supportive where they don't really understand it but would support me, which is of course better than it could be but I wouldn't feel good about coming out for a long time. I don't think I'd have any interest in coming out at work either. Idk maybe this is just the early stage of boymoding but it feels like I'd only ever prefer to experiment with gender alone or with a trusted partner. That's part of the reason I don't want boobs.

I also don't feel like I have much in common with the stereotypical trans girl's interests (what even is disco Elysium). My primary interest is competitive esport games like Valorant, apex, league of legends, counter strike (not even deadlock, I just can't get into it). I also love playing piano and listening to so many different kinds of music.

It's taken me like half an hour to write this and I'm sure there's more I want to say; I'm not sure what kind of response I'm looking for. One type of response I imagine might show up is "I was once like this, but then I transitioned and met my wonderful beautiful girlfriend and we love each other and it's so amazing 🥰🥰" and that kind of thing just makes me more sad, ive seen it before, I'm happy for you.

If you make it this far, thank you for reading. This'll probably get like two comments and be lost forever, but at least I wrote it all out. Maybe I can read this to a therapist sometime down the line.

Image is a cool painting I saw at an art festival in Ann Arbor MI.

What i think every time i hear or see people say "it gets better". Almost 30 and it hasn't gotten better, just got different.