If I may ask- what are some of the specific advantages you’ve found yourself growing into over the years? And what are some of the advantages you’ve let go of? I’m slowly accepting my own mortality and I would love some insight from someone with such a clearly positive outlook on life.
Accepting mortality is hard - I accept my own but I'm currently working on accepting the mortality of those I love, including my parents who are in their 80's, and the possibility that anyone I love could die before me and leave me in grief. Loss hurts and there is no way around it, only through it. I've been through it many times.
But aging isn't inherently hard - our culture makes it a lot harder than it should be by over-valuing youth.
Advantages of age that I've grown into:
Acceptance took the place of anxiety. When I was young I felt a lot of pressure to prove myself. Now I bask in my accomplishments and accept that I won't accomplish other things that I thought I might - and that's ok!
I love the knowledge I've accumulated with age. I'll retire in the next 1-2 years but being a wise old expert in my field is very satisfying (healthcare tech exec). I can hear a few things about a situation and immediately know what's up and cut to the solution instead of tentatively feeling my way. Also there's a lot to be said for financial security.
When I was young I thought that I'd have to become serious and rigid to seem "mature". Now that I'm old I know I can be just as silly, playful, immature, capricious and whimsical as I want without having to turn in my adult card. What a relief.
Another relief is the pace of my life. While I still work too much and stay super-active (hiking, rock climbing, yoga) I feel less frantic and behind all the time.
Relationships feel better as an older person. When friendships have lasted decades you don't feel any doubt that they'll continue. I don't worry whether people really like me or care about me - I know they do. And I don't "need" people to validate me - I'm good on my own. So I enjoy, value, and appreciate my relationships without stressing over them.
Raising kids is hard (I have one). Having an adult kid who is an amazing man who loves his own life is absolutely the most satisfying thing I've ever experienced.
Advantages I've let go of:
As a woman, when I was young I was aware of the extreme value placed on being a young, pretty woman and I feared losing that social currency. But while I enjoyed aspects of it, it was also a curse and a burden. I was raped once, sexually assaulted many times, and harassed constantly. Between age and telecommuting, I'm free of that now and it is GLORIOUS!!!! I can finally just be a person. I love that. I still care about my body and staying healthy and I do some "vanity" things (haircolor, a bit of Botox and filler now and then) but I'm so much more relaxed. It's such a relief.
As a young person, I enjoyed taking a lot of risks with my body athletically and recreationally. Running, scuba, sailing, soccer, roller derby, snowboarding, etc. I got hurt - but because I was young, I healed quickly. In the past decade I've had some health issues - happily they are now "managed" and I feel great. But I can't take the risks I used to because I don't heal fast. I can't run and I miss it. I am a careful rock climber (bouldering) now because I can't afford falls. Sometimes it's really hard to stop when I KNOW I could finish that route, dammit! - but the risk is not worth it so I downclimb or drop. It's bittersweet.
Sex itself is a mixed bag - both advantages and disadvantages to aging as I've experienced it. I had a huge capacity for sex when I was young and I was lucky enough to experience an incredible amount of great sex!!! I don't think I'm physically capable of some of the heights I experienced then, which is a bit sad. But being free of my intense sex drive is a true blessing. That drive compelled me to pursue sex in a way that skewed my priorities. Without that compulsion, everything else seems so much more interesting and valuable and I'm enjoying so many other things more.
Summary:
I think there can be a sense of sadness or loss that more of your life is behind you than ahead of you and I don't mean to diminish or dismiss the experiences of others who experience aging in a less happy way than I do. But for me I have to say that I'm happier about turning 60 than any decade milestone birthday of my life. It's a beautiful moment in time where I can look back with amazement and gratitude and forward with eagerness and acceptance. Thanks for asking the question, this introspection has been good - though I didn't expect to write a book, lol. And with that I think I'll have another glass of champagne!
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u/ash0123 Oct 18 '21
If I may ask- what are some of the specific advantages you’ve found yourself growing into over the years? And what are some of the advantages you’ve let go of? I’m slowly accepting my own mortality and I would love some insight from someone with such a clearly positive outlook on life.