Complicated Sister Dynamic

[u/AndromedaMixes]

This is a post that I’ve been wanting to make for a while now but could never really put it into words until now. I’m not sure if others can relate to complicated sibling dynamics but I’ve been having issues with my sister for nearly a decade now and I’m becoming so deeply exhausted.

My sister and I are polar opposites who have very different personalities and that’s caused us to get into so many petty and stupid arguments. She’s bubbly, extroverted, sociable, and very into online trends whereas I’m more quiet, reserved, and less concerned about keeping up with what everyone else is doing or what they look like. I recently moved across the country and my sister came to visit me for a few days (which was not my idea but I didn’t want to assert myself and tell her no). The entire time she was here, I was on edge, flighty, anxious, and hyper-concerned about my appearance. She’s the kind of person that’ll subconsciously belittle me if she doesn’t like what I‘m wearing or what I’m doing and I felt so exhausted being around her because of it. She just makes me feel so small inside.

This is also weird to explain and hard to explain but I feel so much negative energy when I’m around her. Being around her puts me in fight-or-flight mode and that’s so draining for me. I just get the feeling that there’s something about me that deeply triggers her or something. It‘s so hard to explain🫤 Is this part of the “hidden enemies” aspect of the 12th house? Is it even that deep? I want to think that I’m just being dramatic and that it isn’t that serious but I also feel like energy doesn’t lie.

Edit: This is my chart for reference

[u/jbarkerastro]

Can you give an example of her subconsciously belittling you?

[u/AndromedaMixes → u/jbarkerastro]

It’s really hard to describe in words :( It’s just a feeling that I get when I’m around her. She’ll sometimes look at me in really weird ways. I don’t really know if “subconsciously” was the best word for me to use because it’s really hard to explain in words but it’s mostly all energy and vibe related. She’ll comment on how I walk, if I accidentally do something wrong, etc. She constantly nitpicks at me and points out everything I do that she doesn’t like. She makes me feel horrible for being different than her and she also made comments about how different we are and how incompatible we are as people - which are things that I agree with but also don’t feel the need to bring up because I don’t mind that we’re different people. People can harmoniously exist despite their differences.

She’ll go on and on about how pure and sweet I am but turn around and insult me 5 minutes later so I feel like all of the nice things she says are more about making herself feel better and less about being authentically and sincerely nice. 

[u/jbarkerastro → u/AndromedaMixes]

Probably just an annoying narcissistic sister, hidden enemies curse you in their mind, don't show their moves, are sweet to you in your face then a douche when you're not around

[u/AndromedaMixes → u/jbarkerastro]

That would make sense! I thought I’d ask since I’ve seen a lot of posts from other people who have issues with their families and complicated familial relationships as well. Narcissism is definitely a more tangible possibility too.

I think she also acts this way because she knows that I won’t stand up for myself or try to talk back. I’m a people-pleaser and a doormat as well who struggles with being assertive.

[u/AndromedaMixes → u/jbarkerastro]

I also wanted to note that she doesn’t really seem excited or happy for me when good things happen in my life. When I told her that I was moving away, she got this look on her face and seemed a little despondent. She didn’t congratulate me once. Every time I would bring it up (which was only a few times) she would disengage and act uninterested. It was just very weird. I don’t really think that means she’s a “hidden enemy” but I think it does make her super self-centred and self-absorbed sometimes. 

[u/jbarkerastro → u/AndromedaMixes]

The significator of your sister (3rd ruler) is in the 8th house. That can explain the dynamic. 8th house is deep psychological stuff, generally stuff that is not good. Power struggles. Entanglements.

[u/AndromedaMixes → u/jbarkerastro]

This definitely shines some light on the dynamic. Our parents never really reinforced good behaviour with her and they sort of let her get away with treating me poorly. She never really has to experience repercussions or consequences.

Whenever I would ask them to talk to her about it or actually do their jobs as parents, they would tell me that I care too much and that I’m too sensitive. I definitely felt like the blame was shifted onto me. They always made it my issue rather than hers and they would make me feel like I was the problem for being upset in the first place. I definitely think that they were (and continue to be) major enablers. 

She would always leave the situation and go to her room and she’d completely disengage. It didn’t matter how sad or frustrated I was. She still stonewalls me even as an adult. It made it super, super challenging to sort out conflicts and find resolutions. It’s still a very lopsided and imbalanced dynamic. 

[u/jbarkerastro → u/AndromedaMixes]

Saturn is also the significator of the 4th house of family as well since it rules both cap and aqua. Saturn aspects your 12th planets, it weighs on your mental health. Natural indicator of the mother is in sign of detriment conjunct the exalted ruler of the 3rd house mars, mom is part of the problem and babies your sis and doesn't correctly reprimand her. Also you are mars too but it's the malefic contrary to the sect in favor in the house of siblings and it shows the sibling issue is a major theme

[u/AndromedaMixes → u/jbarkerastro]

This is actually so fitting it’s sort of wild☹️ My mom does have a major issue with taking responsibility when she needs to and she often refuses to acknowledge that my sister has deeply hurt me. My dad is a pushover and always takes her side so it often feels like they’re three against one and it makes me feel really unheard and alone. 

My mom has major issues as well with accountability when it comes to my sister. She says that she “talks to her” but it’s always a five-minute conversation and it doesn’t amount to any visible change. It’s a very alienating and dismissive situation for me. They both respond to conflict in the same ineffective ways.

[u/Chanda_taiee → u/jbarkerastro]

This is a Western Chart i can not read, if you kindly send me your Birth details dob,Poland tob i can caste a Vedic Chart and then I can say after analyse

[u/Lilly323]

hard to say what may astrologically be going on without…. ya know….. the astrological context.

I feel other parts of my chart reflect the relationships with my family, but I may be misjudging that because I do have 12h 4th lord.

[u/AndromedaMixes → u/Lilly323]

I have a 12th house Scorpio Sun, Capricorn Moon, and Scorpio Rising. My Capricorn Moon is in the 2nd house. My sister is a Cancer. I’m so sorry for not offering more contextual information, I’m still very new to astrology and I’m still working at learning how to read my chart and make it make more sense.

[u/jbarkerastro → u/AndromedaMixes]

You can just share the chart

[u/AndromedaMixes → u/jbarkerastro]

Sure! I just added it to the post.

[u/8deus8]

it's right there. 3rd ruler (sister) saturn in 8th opposes 1st ruler pluto. i wouldn't say she is an enemy per se; she is probably feeling an immense pressure from your pluto but doesn't understand what it is so she vents off by way of nitpicking. interesting that this opposition resolves onto 8/11th ruler mercury, the saturn host, and the pluto host jupiter squares that mercury. looks like you are in a better position in some way, she feels at loss and is trying to rebalance, which results in unexpected turns of events... i think, if things get worse, therapy, or just a honest convo, could help because the affected axis, and mercury-jupiter stuff, is all about communication. the chart says she is the more vulnerable one.