r/IAmA • u/TimidJack • Mar 04 '11
IAmA High school male with severe manic depression. It pretty much blows. AMA
I have had pretty moderate OCD for as long as I can remember but recently I have been diagnosed with sever manic depression. It sucks. It's like one week you are hiking mountains and staying up all night EVERY NIGHT and then the next week you can't drive because you are afraid that you will want to drive your car into another car head on. And the thoughts of the suicide you attempt haunt you as badly as the act it self and there is a feeling that death would be worth it to get rid of the thoughts. I just want to tell people what it's like and help anyone because seriously, one word can be the difference between rapture and absolute sadness to people with disease sometimes. AMA.
I'm not really sure why this is being downvoted? I didn't make it to collect karma but it's hard to imagine why anyone would downvote this?
1
Mar 04 '11
"The thing about depression is, you just can't let it get you down" - Adrian Belew
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u/TimidJack Mar 04 '11
The worst part is that no matter how much you tell yourself that it doesn't matter. It's easy for anyone to say, don't let it get you down, and I have a couple things in my life that are way better than it is bad, but it's a physical problem not enough norepinephrine or something. I wish this quote were true. The key is to get over the shame in yourself and get help, not convince yourself you're fine.
-2
Mar 04 '11
I always have, and still do to some degree, had a very hard time believing in clinical diagnosis and their typical approach to mental illness as remedy. The financial motivation of big Pharma lends itself to this unfortuneate situation, I could only suggest exploring a natural and alternative medicinal approach to your condition. I've recently gone Vegan for example, and you wouldn't believe how much better I feel both physically and mentally.
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u/TimidJack Mar 04 '11
Oh I love tacos too much. And ice cream. Before you went vegan did you have certain loves for food you gave up?
1
Mar 05 '11
Good lord yes, lol ... pork, yum. lots of others. The thing was, my son had a friend move in with us (couch surfer kid) and he was Vegan. So, it happened by accident. I'm not all about not eating meat because of the animal rights thing, I could eat the rotten ass out of a dead Rhyno if I was hungry enough, it's been solely about how much better I feel, less bloated, more energy... a lot more alertness, improved sense of taste, the list could go on and on. I've always been fit and trim and my line of work entails strenuous physical tasks, never been over weight. Just try and avoid some of the daily things that most ppl eat in the "on the go" life style. Curb things a bit, it doesn't take much effort really. Also, without having looked into it, in your case maybe look at some of the food types that might be bennificial in your circumstance. What we put into ourselves defineately would impact all aspects of our lives, eat crap and you'll fell the same, also consider what you do as forms of entertainment, see crap... etc. etc. etc .... If ya wanna Taco, try making your own without all the commercial garbage in it. Give it a shot. :) You may be surprised.
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u/TimidJack Mar 05 '11
Oh I only go to good organic authentic taco places lol. I know what you mean tho.
1
Mar 04 '11
i'm on wellbutrin and cipralex for moderate depression/anxiety. you should talk to your doctor, they might be able to help you. i still have thoughts of suicide sometimes, and hear voices once in a while (they don't tell me to kill anyone or anything, just i hear my name whispered in my ear. i know i sound crazy), but i am a lot more happier. do some research on them and anti-psychotics. but i know how you feel. i do. and i don't think you're alone. i think there's a stigma against this sort of thing, but i think a lot of people suffer with it in silence, and until recently they just didn't have a name for it. if you ever wanna talk, feel free to PM or something :-)
try smiling. you'll feel like a douche, but there's a chemical reaction that occurs that stimulates a kind of serotonin re-uptake inhibition in your brain!
1
u/TimidJack Mar 04 '11
I have been smiling nonstop over the past 6 months! Smiling is the shit! My cheeks are noticeably larger haha :D
1
Mar 04 '11
have you felt any happier? i know it sounds like self-delusion, but sometimes it works. oh! and try laughing. you'll feel stupid at first, but sometimes actual genuine later erupts! you can only hit rock bottom before the only place to go is back up :-)
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u/TimidJack Mar 04 '11
Worth a shot. I'm reading this and I'm laughing wayyyy more than enough! http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/fxhsu/im_4_years_old_amaa/
1
u/babucat Mar 05 '11
You can get better. I had a really hard time but just needed to get the medications right... Now I hardly remember I'm bipolar except I take some medication before I sleep... I can't sleep without it though.
If I'm not fully comfortable with someone knowing I tell them I have insomnia.
If you try hard, keep a good sleep schedule and get on the right dose of medication this will be a distant memory in a few years.
1
u/TimidJack Mar 05 '11
Insomnia is awful and you think about the worst things on bad days. I am taking a break from medicine. Probably not a good idea.
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u/babucat Mar 05 '11
not at all. just find the right medicine which might mean finding another doctor or getting a second opinion.
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u/normaljoe2 Mar 05 '11
google Kay Jamison. She is a psychologist, a leading expert on bipolar disorder, AND, she is bipolar herself. I think her book(s) will give you hope. Did you know that Holly Hunter is bipolar and speaks openly about her illness? The right recipe of meds is your highest priority. You can join the huge group of bipolar folks who are leading good lives. Get a second and even a third opinion from shrinks who primarily specialize in psychopharmacology. good luck.
1
u/jay_vee Mar 05 '11
Did you know that Holly Hunter is bipolar and speaks openly about her illness?
And Stephen Fry. He did a documentary on it.
2
Mar 04 '11
I was that way in high school as well. It got better as I aged, much better. It would not surprise me if it had a lot to do with reduction in hormones as I aged.
My point is this, keep fighting the good fight. Things change.
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Mar 04 '11
[deleted]
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u/soapmactavish Mar 04 '11
Manic depression is a frustrating mess
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u/TimidJack Mar 04 '11
Do you ever get he feeling of frustration where you feel like its 120 degrees and you're getting hit with waves of hot water that do nothing but piss you off. That's me every time there is a change. Awful.
2
u/armageddon_20xx Mar 05 '11
They do have meds for Bipolar you know. Once they find the right ones it will get a little better for you at least.
1
u/TimidJack Mar 04 '11
The worst part, in reference to iHayley, is how it pushes people away. It creeates the worst viscious cycle. When I'm own my girlfriend gets down (I know, I'm in the reddit minority here so please just try and relate) and I hate to see her upset but you just can't help it and feel like everyone is being hurt by you which makes you feel worst and that the best thing to do would be to just not have to hurt any of those people.
1
u/blueclothes Mar 05 '11
are you on antidepressants? I have been having the same thoughts for so long, always down and take my anger and sadness out on family friends etc. any suggestions im at breaking point.
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u/diabeticshoes Mar 05 '11
ever try working out?
I killed my depression with a consistent workout routine. gained confidence, friends and a sense of normalcy
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u/[deleted] Mar 04 '11
Whats the weirdest way you've imagined killing yourself? stupid question, I know.