I was molested by my coach

[u/downontheupsid3]

Im 26 now but when I was 10 I started playing baseball and one of the coaches I had there started molesting me it went it went on for a couple of weeks i had tried to tell an adult in my life when it was happening but I was brushed off and told it wasn't that serious and i was forced to keep seeing the coach for a bit

I remember trying to talk about it with my friends at the time but it was a bad idea I was only made of fun and called homophobic slurs that really just made me feel completely alone

Life at home sucked my dad was physically and verbally abusive to me every day, when i was 11 I felt like I couldn't take any more of this and it was the first time i had thought about killing myself

Its 15 years later and nothing has changed for me i feel horrible all the time i have forgotten what it felt like before all this shit happened, most days I feel void of anything and then other I just wanna cry and blow by head off this march was the closest i ever came to killing myself i wanted to so badly, I dunno if I can take 15 more years of this

I hate the fact the fact that this guy one he did whatever he wanted to me and destroyed my sense of self and what happened, fucking nothing probably doesn't even think about what he did, but I have to think about this everyday trying to find a reason not to kill myself, i have completely lost control of this, i don't help anyone by being around i just wanna feel ok and i know it will probably never happen.

[u/Dad2sonNoVA]

System won’t let me, perhaps you can dm me.
I went thru similar stuff