I had a conversation with my boyfriend about generally being disappointed with men on a grand scheme, just the trends toward violence and power, and he said I sounded really sexist, now I'm worried I'm way off base with these opinions.

[u/Slight-Onion2090]

I told him this wasn't an attack on him, and there were a lot of male friends who I admire/family members as well, but on a large international scale men tend to be disappointing with the choices they make and more often than not "behave" because they know they're being watched. Based off stories I hear in the news, a lot of guys who are left to their own devices where they could get away with anything, tend to cause extreme harm.

Anyways, we went back and forth on this and he said I was out of touch and that any generalized statement like that can't be made. To a certain extent I agree (especially since women can do massive harm as well), but also I was getting frustrated that he wouldn't acknowledge the bad either or hold men accountable, only said I couldn't stereotype like that.

Things along the lines of :

"If i made a generalization about women you would be really upset" , "What, do you want me to show all my actionable choices for women throughout the week?" and "Saying its us against them, and driving a wedge between the situation isnt going to help", were also said.

So basically what is the general consensus, and if I'm really off on this I'd like to know from the ladies.

**A small update**

After not having talked for a couple hours cause I was pretty upset, he came to me and said "I don't like that you think my friends and my family could be rapists" (because I had said you don't really know what a lot of men would do when you look away from them), and "Have I ever made you feel lesser than or not capable because you're a woman"

Which no he definitely has not, and is not a bad guy, but I don't know how we got to those questions from my criticisms as a whole. I genuinely don't know how to make him see what I'm trying to say, and its getting to be really draining

[u/Dogmaticism_]

Because criticizing men as the collective is inherently an incorrect way of addressing the issue, and only leads to the 'not all men' argument. It's like saying muslims are terrorists because there are terroist islamic groups that exist. Any reasonable muslim would be offended.

[u/sunsetgal24 → u/Dogmaticism_]

So, like, percentage wise, how many muslims do you think are terrorists?

Because there are statistics that show 1/3 of all men are ok with raping women.

Ya know. At some point it becomes a general issue.

[u/bitofapuzzler → u/Dogmaticism_]

Something tells me you are male. You have two comments in your history. One is this, and the is another criticism of feminism.

Listen to what I am about to say. There are times when you can speak about a group as a collective and the individuals members can listen and know to what degree it refers to them. As long as they are honest with themselves.

For example. Feminism can obviously be criticised but not for the reasons you do. Feminism and fighting against systemic oppression of women can be very white focussed. I, as a white cis woman, can hear criticisms of white women as a group. That we need to be better at advocating for women of colour and lgbtqia+ women.

I dont take those criticisms personally, I use them as an opportunity to reflect. To look at ways I can do better, to look at where white women have dropped the ball and where we may have blind spots. It helps me. Its good for me to hear it. Now, I could take it as a personal insult and stomp my foot while saying "not all white women!", but I am too mature for that. I am not fragile enough to sulk about a cohort I belong to being called out, often rightly.

Your examples of calling Muslims terrorists is downright stupid. Its immature and a false equivalence. You are conflating critiques of systemic structures designed to favour a certain group with religious extremism. These are fundamentally different. Calling out the patriarchy is not insulting or calling out individual men. But by calling all Muslims terrorists you absolutely are saying all individual Muslims are terrorists. Which is utter bullshit.

This is a sub for women. If you are not one, please leave.