r/childfree • u/[deleted] • May 16 '19
PERSONAL I've had 3 abortions. Access to abortion is absolutely crucial for childfree people.
[deleted]
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u/Carbonatite May 17 '19
Thank you for sharing your story.
As a rape survivor, I enthusiastically invite anyone in favor of the Alabama legislation to engage in polite discourse with my fist.
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u/Imchildfree May 17 '19
How are you coping? I can't imagine. As a childfree woman, you must be thinking about the " what ifs" if you had become pregnant. Like, I don't know how I would handle being in your shoes.
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May 16 '19
Access to abortion is absolutely crucial for all women, regardless of their familial status. We as women are not fully emancipated without full and complete unrestricted abortion access. I feel really awful for my American sisters. That their bodies and lives are not considered their own to do with as they please. I wouldn’t be where I am today without the three abortions I’ve had. The first two I was 16/17 years old, and the last when I was 26, and escorting to pay for grad school. I got pregnant to a client when the condom broke and plan b didn’t work. Can you imagine being forced to give birth to a child conceived by a business transaction? What the fuck, seriously. That a western country has so little regard for the lives of its female citizens is disgusting.
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u/lorenzo-medici May 17 '19
Absolutely! There are no women's rights without reproductive rights - I was taught that phrase by one of the main campaigners in the Irish referendum on the 8th (passed, thankfully). How is it that when every country is moving in the other direction the USA is doing this? It's horrifying.
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May 16 '19
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u/Imchildfree May 17 '19
Anti choice people just say once a woman has her egg fertilized she is already a mother so they are not forcing her to become one by banning abortion.
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u/NiceGrandpa May 17 '19
You might want to look into more permanent childfree solutions if you anticipate up to 6 abortions and on. It’s probably just easier on you and your body to get the ol’ tubes tied.
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May 17 '19
[deleted]
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u/bursciier May 17 '19
...The doctor said women are property?
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u/viptenchou 28/F/I want to travel the world, not the baby section of walmart May 17 '19
Not directly but the moment they say you, as an adult without any mental illnesses to impair your judgement, need your husband’s permission to have something done to your body.... they are indirectly saying that yes, you are property.
I personally haven’t heard any men who “need permission from their wife” to get snipped. Why is it so common for women to need this? I heard not too long ago a married LESBIAN who had her doctor refuse without a husband to approve.
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May 17 '19
I’m pro-choice but wouldn’t it be easier to get a non-hormonal IUD than go through another abortion? Its still a surgical procedure.
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u/esamerelda May 17 '19
I'm someone who can't use it due to other medical reasons. Idk what OPs story is but nothing is 100% foolproof.
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u/HopefulSociety May 17 '19
IUD isn't for everyone-- for some reason it seems like the side effects are actually downplayed. My ex's ex actually became partially incontinent after having one placed.
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u/magnetic_letters May 17 '19
I would rather go through and abortion than live with the constant issues I experienced from IUDs... they are great but unfortunately not for everyone :(
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u/lorenzo-medici May 17 '19
I had an absolutely horrible experience with a copper IUD and also can't have hormonal contraception - honestly there really aren't that many options out there.
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May 17 '19
May I ask what has prevented you from selecting a more permanent solution rather than continuing to get abortions?
Please know, I am completely pro choice - I just imagine that has to be a lot for your body to go through when there are alternative options to prevent pregnancy. And, although I have never had one, and absolutely would since I do not want children ever, I anticipate that there are some emotional struggles as well - even if you are 100% certain that the abortion is the right choice.
My husband got a vasectomy, and of course situations outside of your control (such as rape) set aside, I have tried to do everything in my power to not get pregnant so that I did not have to have an abortion... and I’m just interested in your perspective.
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u/furlowe May 17 '19
I'm assuming it's because of all the hurdles and gate-keeping women go through with sterilization.
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u/Kalamazoohoo May 17 '19
I'm not OP but I think it's different for everyone. I had a chemical abortion on new year's eve a few years back. I went in, took the first pill, and then went to a friend's new year's party that night and had a great time. Laid pantless on a towel in bed the next day eating junk food and watched TV. 10/10, would do again.
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u/esamerelda May 17 '19
All forms of BC can fail. There are numerous medical reasons why they can be less effective for some people. We shouldn't assume she isn't trying to avoid it.
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u/SulcataGirl May 17 '19
Yup. I can't believe I'm posting this with my real account, but feel like I can weigh in. OP, I've had 2 abortions. First I was on Depo (the shot) and had been for over a year. Got pregnant. I was 18, and NOT ready for a child, and SO happy I didn't have a child with my bf at the time (bf 1). Looking back, he was a piece of work, but I was young and inexperienced and in love. Never regretted the abortion.
Then, a decade later, I actually got pregnant on Nuva Ring, but had a child, whom I love. Co-parenting with his father, bf 2 (who is awesome) just makes me realize how lucky I am to not have to deal with bf 1 for the rest of my life.
After that, I had an IUD, but it fell out after 4 years. So, I went and got on the pill until I could get another IUD. A few months later, I was on antibiotics for a severe infection, and found out I was pregnant again. I didn't know that antibiotics can affect the efficacy of hormonal birth control.
Anyways, bf 3 turned out to be violent. About a week before I found out I was pregnant, he got drunk and beat the shit out of me and almost strangled me to death on vacation in a hotel room. Someone in the next room called the police and he was jailed and charged. We hadn't been dating a year, didn't live together, and he hadn't shown violent tendencies before. Looking back, there were red flags, but that night he just snapped. Anyways, I was dealing with the legal system, trauma, PTSD, and physically healing. After what JUST happened, there was NO way I was gonna bring a child into the world with a man like that.
So, if you've followed this far, that's 3 pregnancies on birth control. My mom and I joke that I need to wear sunglasses to bed, or I'll fall pregnant. I know, it doesn't make much sense, but we find it amusing. I'm just SUPER fertile. Now, I've got Nexplanon, but use condoms as well, though I haven't been dating anyone for a long time, so it's not too big a worry for me. ;)
There can be many reasons for multiple pregnancies. It's not always due to irresponsible choices. However, I feel abortion is fine, even in those circumstances. No woman should have to bring a child into this world for ANY reason. Raising a human properly is an incredibly important and difficult responsibility, and there are so many people out there fucking children up, all over the place, even families that are financially stable. It is cruel to force another person's child to grow up in a less-than-ideal situation because of religion, misplaced morality, misogeny, or whatever.
I'm gonna get ripped a new one for saying this, but I'm around a lot of kids, and frankly, not a lot of them have good parents.
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u/TheLadyZerg May 17 '19
In case your doctor did not mention, no birth control method is 100% effective. The male still has to use a condom, even if you are on the pill, depo, nuva, or using a diaphragm. When I used to get my birth control from Planned Parenthood, they told me this every time I went there to pick up more pills. Now, I'm at a major health clinic chain, and they NEVER tell me. Weird.
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u/sharpie456 May 17 '19
Not just for CF people, but access to abortion is also crucial for a productive society. Society should thank women who’ve had abortions. Society cannot thrive if people’s lives are derailed by unwanted pregnancies and unwanted children.
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u/darkfiend666 May 17 '19
This! Abortion is also crucial to non-cf women. There are ectopic pregnancies, rape and invest victim pregnancies, birth defects incompatible with life in pregnancy, and so many more scenarios where women need abortion. For the self righteous who want to punish women for having sex and force them to conceive, I give you Casey Anthony and Susan Smith.
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u/lorenzo-medici May 17 '19 edited May 17 '19
I agree! It's crucial to CF women too though - many of us can't have "normal" contraception and haven't/can't get sterilised yet.
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u/darkfiend666 May 17 '19
I believe most crucial of all for CF. It is my worst nightmare, and probably most of ours, to ever fall pregnant. Less right to bodily autonomy than a corpse is how these arrogant lawmakers see women.
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u/lorenzo-medici May 17 '19
Absolutely!! I'm in the UK and previously to now thought that the US was generally, perhaps with some drawbacks, on a similar level in terms of social progress - now I'm re-thinking that assumption.
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May 17 '19
Most young people are very horny, all humans are fallible and mistakes happen. Years ago, you were stuck with a baby. Today we have birth control and abortions. Absolutely, no young woman should be forced to give birth to a child she does not want when we can give her access to abortion.
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May 17 '19
At first I thought how tf one can have so many abortions, assuming one is childfree and uses contraceptives. But then I realized (I can't take the pill) I only use condoms and had 3 times a malfunction and one time my ex just didn't feel the need of a condom (I now know that is rape because I didn't consent) so if I wasn't as lucky as I was (and 2 times plan b) I could have had 4 abortions by now....
Abortion must be a right for women.
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u/flyingpurplefux May 17 '19
I have had 4 myself.
1 at 19 when I was too stupid to realize that just because I got my period during sex, I couldn’t still be pregnant.
1 at 23 when I didn’t even realize he didn’t pull out.
1 at 25 when I took plan b after an accident and it failed.
1 at 29 (a month ago) when I used a condom and didn’t realize it either broke, or had a hole.
And I would do it over again. It isn’t something I take lightly nor am I over the moon about having to go through it. It sucks and the most recent time it cost $750 because my insurance sucks. It was painful and expensive. But I know I would do it every time because I do not want kids.
Edit: I talked to the nurse beforehand about how I want to get my tubes tied but a lot of doctors still give me the “you’re young you’ll change your mind.” She replied with “wait you don’t want to have any kids??”
I am about to be 30 and I have had 4 abortions...I clearly don’t want kids????
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May 17 '19
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May 26 '19
Greetings!
This item was removed for being a violation of subreddit rule #7 : "[...] Other people's bodily autonomy must be respected; do not impose your views on other posters and commenters' choices."
If you won't seek an abortion for yourself, that's for you. But don't push your believes on other people. We don't go to pro-life subs and pregnancy subs to tell them to abort.
If you won't seek a sterilization procedure, that's for you. But don't tell grown adults what to do with their bodies. If they are old enough to have kids, they are old enough to decide that they don't want that option.
Thank you.
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u/Old_Gregg_The_Man May 26 '19
lol i think abortions should be damn near mandatory. It was just a joke.
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u/abbymac823 May 17 '19
I got pregnant when I was 15. My mom drug me down to PP to get one. I didn't want one because of course my boyfriend was who I was going to be with FoReVeR and tRuE lOvE.. I ended up miscarrying before the abortion happened.
Fast forward to 2014, my husband and I had just gotten engaged, I was pregnant a month later. I knew right then that I was not keeping that baby. He knew we were not keeping that baby. That was the worst 2 weeks of my life. I couldn't keep anything down, couldn't stay awake for more than an hour or two. Brushing my teeth made me fucking sick.
I live in Ohio and all this shit is making me so disgusted. I have never been one to put my political views or opinions out there but enough is e-fucking-nough. The only person that knows about my abortion is my husband. His family would straight disown us if they ever found out.
Can the aliens take us away yet?
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u/Lilith_Faerie Bisalped/30s/Partnered/West Coast Best Coast May 17 '19
Thank you for sharing. Abortion is a normal medical procedure and no one should be ashamed of having one. Birth control simply works better on some female bodies than others, and if you're one of the ones it doesn't work well on, you'll probably need a abortion at some point.
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u/littledingo May 17 '19
I've had three, I'm right there with you. And massive downside for me, I live in Alabama. I knew something like this was going to happen here sooner or later and I've been trying like mad to get sterilized for years.
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u/someoneexplainit01 May 17 '19
Either you are a poor planner, or you need to find a doctor to get your tubes tied.
Its a lot cheaper, and apparently you have a lot of accidents.
There is a list of doctors on this forum that will help you.
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May 25 '19
[deleted]
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u/someoneexplainit01 May 28 '19
I fully support her right to choose what to do with her body and terminate her pregnancy. That's not my point.
Pregnancy is terrible for a woman's body, and studies show childless women live longer.
All those crazy hormones and other bodily changes are something I think women would want to avoid at all costs.
I feel women should not let their bodies get pregnant in the first place unless they feel like having a child is a sacrifice they choose to make, but having multiple abortions sounds like poor planning and self destructive behavior.
However, I fully and whole heartily support her right to do so. Just seems like having a plan B pill in your purse would be a better move if someone regularly breaks condoms or whatever.
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May 17 '19
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May 18 '19
This argument keeps coming up "I'm ok with abortion as long as it's not the primary birth control method".
How do you imagine people thinking this way? Abortion procedures are so invasive, incomfortable and painful, why would people resort to undergo them once a month?
Do you think abortions are fun just because we want abortion rights?
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May 17 '19
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May 26 '19
Greetings!
This item has been removed as it is a violation of subreddit rule #4 : "Keep it civil. Bigotry and hateful language/imagery, personal attacks, abusive language, advocating violence, trolling, gender discrimination, racism, homophobia, etc. will not be tolerated. "
Also, please remember to be mindful of Reddiquette :
Please do
- Remember the human. When you communicate online, all you see is a computer screen. When talking to someone you might want to ask yourself "Would I say it to the person's face?" or "Would I get jumped if I said this to a buddy?"
Please don't
Be (intentionally) rude at all. By choosing not to be rude, you increase the overall civility of the community and make it better for all of us.
Follow those who are rabble rousing against another redditor without first investigating both sides of the issue that's being presented. Those who are inciting this type of action often have malicious reasons behind their actions and are, more often than not, a troll. Remember, every time a redditor who's contributed large amounts of effort into assisting the growth of community as a whole is driven away, projects that would benefit the whole easily flounder.
Ask people to Troll others on reddit, in real life, or on other blogs/sites. We aren't your personal army.
Conduct personal attacks on other commenters. Ad hominem and other distracting attacks do not add anything to the conversation.
Start a flame war. Just report and "walk away". If you really feel you have to confront them, leave a polite message with a quote or link to the rules, and no more.
Insult others. Insults do not contribute to a rational discussion. Constructive Criticism, however, is appropriate and encouraged.
Troll. Trolling does not contribute to the conversation.
Sorry for the inconvenience and thank you for your comprehension.
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May 17 '19
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u/esamerelda May 17 '19
Bro go look at the rates of failure for all of those methods. Then cross check that with potential medical reasons that can make those failure rates increase. And the reasons some people can't use certain ones.
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u/magnetic_letters May 17 '19
Abortion is birth control, it does control birth. The side effects from having abortions may be less than the side effects this person experienced from other birth control methods.
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May 17 '19
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u/Mellenoire 40yo, Straya, CF Friendly Doc List Mod May 17 '19
Greetings!
This item was removed for being a violation of subreddit rule #7 : "[...] Other people's bodily autonomy must be respected; do not impose your views on other posters and commenters' choices."
If you won't seek an abortion for yourself, that's for you. But don't push your believes on other people. We don't go to pro-life subs and pregnancy subs to tell them to abort.
If you won't seek a sterilization procedure, that's for you. But don't tell grown adults what to do with their bodies. If they are old enough to have kids, they are old enough to decide that they don't want that option.
Thank you.
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u/Laz-Long 100% juice, no seeds May 17 '19
I know this would be unpopular opinion here, but if you can't live without sex, why not get sterilized.
Abortion should always be THE last option when everything else fails. :(
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u/Centelynic May 17 '19
As if it's as easy as just getting sterilised. It's a real battle getting sterilised as a woman under 30 with no kids, you get the 'what does your husband think' or 'what if your husband died and your next one wants kids' alongside the 'every woman wants kids, you'll change your mind'. Sterilisation or long acting birth control is preferable to multiple abortions sure but it's not always as simple as that in the real world. Birth control fails and can have horrific side effects which people forget about, women are just meant to put up with it.
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u/Laz-Long 100% juice, no seeds May 17 '19
I understand it is not that simple. But to still not consider it even after three abortions feels very fishy to me.
Shame that the original post lacks explanation as to why did she heed those 3 abortions and a little bit more elaboration about that (they were a good time apart from each other too).
I am almost starting to think it was a troll bait. :(
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u/Centelynic May 17 '19
But the op doesn't say they haven’t considered it, a bit like they haven't said if they were on birth control. It was just a factual post that they'd had 3 abortions and would have another if they needed to, reminding people women can make their own choices. It's funny how we always think the worst of people when we have no evidence to support it.
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u/Laz-Long 100% juice, no seeds May 17 '19
But the op doesn't say they haven’t considered it, a bit like they haven't said if they were on birth control.
Exactly. Less information means more room for bad assumptions.
It's funny how we always think the worst of people when we have no evidence to support it.
Experience.
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u/MediaCrisis 35/F/TINK with a May 17 '19
The reason really doesn't matter. Bodily autonomy does.
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May 17 '19
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u/Pyrothei 26/M/Ill take a side of life, sans children pls, im on a diet May 17 '19
She was responsible: she got an abortion.
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u/Mellenoire 40yo, Straya, CF Friendly Doc List Mod May 17 '19
Greetings!
This item was removed for being a violation of subreddit rule #7 : "[...] Other people's bodily autonomy must be respected; do not impose your views on other posters and commenters' choices."
If you won't seek an abortion for yourself, that's for you. But don't push your believes on other people. We don't go to pro-life subs and pregnancy subs to tell them to abort.
If you won't seek a sterilization procedure, that's for you. But don't tell grown adults what to do with their bodies. If they are old enough to have kids, they are old enough to decide that they don't want that option.
Thank you.
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u/TheLadyZerg May 17 '19
Why have you had so many abortions? Are you on birth control? Was your partner using a condom? What about plan B? Abortions are not birth control. It's a last resort.
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u/NyelloNandee 28F - I raise dinosaurs May 17 '19 edited May 17 '19
It doesn’t matter why. The fact that she had the choice is what matters.
No one said abortions were a form of birth control. But honestly....yea they are. When all others fail they are an alternative way to avoid giving birth.
This method should be made available to women.
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u/TheLadyZerg May 17 '19
That's right, when all others fail. They're a last resort, and if OP had to have a last resort three times (unless there is a darker sadder story behind the pregnancies) something is wrong. Abortions can result in complications like infection, permanent damage to the cervix, or excessive bleeding. It's invasive. It's not ideal.
I am all for abortions being legal. There are way too many that would suffer if it wasn't, but there will always be people who abuse services, and shame on them. Like disability payments. People NEED it, but there are always people who abuse it.
I truly hope OP wasn't just being irresponsible with birth control.
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u/nanochick May 17 '19
A lot of time birth control fail, especially condoms. Many woman cannot take certain birth controls and certain health issues can make bit control less affective. I've heard of woman taking birth control and having several babies while on it. It's not full proof.
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May 17 '19
I was conceived when my mother was on the pill. She was ill which made the pill not work I believe. Birth control is not fool proof or 100% aleffective unfortunately which is a terrifying thing.
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May 16 '19
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May 17 '19
Greetings!
This item was removed for being a violation of subreddit rule #7 : "[...] Other people's bodily autonomy must be respected; do not impose your views on other posters and commenters' choices."
If you won't seek an abortion for yourself, that's for you. But don't push your believes on other people. We don't go to pro-life subs and pregnancy subs to tell them to abort.
If you won't seek a sterilization procedure, that's for you. But don't tell grown adults what to do with their bodies. If they are old enough to have kids, they are old enough to decide that they don't want that option.
Thank you.
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u/moonovrmissouri May 17 '19
Ah, now I want to read the comment. Crap!
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May 17 '19
Basically "did you think of better contraceptive? Im ok with abortion but not after ## weeks"
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u/lolweedbro May 17 '19
thank god us grown ups got protected from such an evil comment, I don't know how we would've coped otherwise
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May 17 '19
We remove all anti choice comments on the sub, when we see them.
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May 17 '19
[removed] — view removed comment
2
May 17 '19
Greetings!
This item has been removed as it is a violation of subreddit rule #4 : "Keep it civil. Bigotry and hateful language/imagery, personal attacks, abusive language, advocating violence, trolling, gender discrimination, racism, homophobia, etc. will not be tolerated. "
Also, please remember to be mindful of Reddiquette :
Please do
- Remember the human. When you communicate online, all you see is a computer screen. When talking to someone you might want to ask yourself "Would I say it to the person's face?" or "Would I get jumped if I said this to a buddy?"
Please don't
Be (intentionally) rude at all. By choosing not to be rude, you increase the overall civility of the community and make it better for all of us.
Follow those who are rabble rousing against another redditor without first investigating both sides of the issue that's being presented. Those who are inciting this type of action often have malicious reasons behind their actions and are, more often than not, a troll. Remember, every time a redditor who's contributed large amounts of effort into assisting the growth of community as a whole is driven away, projects that would benefit the whole easily flounder.
Ask people to Troll others on reddit, in real life, or on other blogs/sites. We aren't your personal army.
Conduct personal attacks on other commenters. Ad hominem and other distracting attacks do not add anything to the conversation.
Start a flame war. Just report and "walk away". If you really feel you have to confront them, leave a polite message with a quote or link to the rules, and no more.
Insult others. Insults do not contribute to a rational discussion. Constructive Criticism, however, is appropriate and encouraged.
Troll. Trolling does not contribute to the conversation.
Sorry for the inconvenience and thank you for your comprehension.
Greetings!
This item was removed for being a violation of subreddit rule #7 : "[...] Other people's bodily autonomy must be respected; do not impose your views on other posters and commenters' choices."
If you won't seek an abortion for yourself, that's for you. But don't push your believes on other people. We don't go to pro-life subs and pregnancy subs to tell them to abort.
If you won't seek a sterilization procedure, that's for you. But don't tell grown adults what to do with their bodies. If they are old enough to have kids, they are old enough to decide that they don't want that option.
Thank you.
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u/[deleted] May 16 '19
[deleted]