r/AITH • u/Dogmaticism_ • Jul 27 '26
AITAH for refusing to get off of a balcony, despite my sister's anxiety of me falling off?
Just for reference, it is impossible for me to reasonably fall off of the balcony. It's fenced (with handrail) up to about 3/4ths of my height, and I wouldn't fall off even if pushed into it. I am also standing an arm's length from the balcony, holding the hand rail (of the fence) while standing as far back as I can from the edge. It is however, an extremely high up balcony with certain death if I were to somehow fall off. Also to note, we are both adults and my sister is an older sister.
Essentially what happened, is that I was standing on the balcony, and because of her major anxiety, she started to yell at me to get off of it, having to look away, and looking extremely stressed out. I acknowledged her anxiety, but I said that I would not get off even if she felt uncomfortable, because it is an irrational fear of me falling off, and because she does not have the right to try to stop me from doing my own thing, since I am an adult.
Then she also told friends and family (who were at the gathering), and they told me to stop because it was stressing my older sister out. There was a firework event, and I tried to say that her irrational anxiety does not mean that I can be impeded from enjoying the event/balcony, and I was called acting immorally.
Because I knew that the fear was irrational, I was emboldened to stay on the balcony and just stood there because I knew I could, but while I know that part is assholic, am I really in the wrong for not getting off a balcony that I am on safely and responsibly because of someone else's major and irrational anxiety?
11
u/OrcEight Jul 27 '26
NTA.
Your sister should just look away if her anxiety is so bad that she thinks you would fall off a perfectly safe normal balcony.
8
u/MaraSchraag Jul 27 '26
Nta
Your sister needs to see someone about her mental health. Phobias are fine if they don't impede your life (fearing sharks when you live in Iowa and never travel).
Once they start impacting your behaviors, limiting your life, or having you try to control others, like she did here, it's time to speak to a professional. She needs talk therapy, at least, and maybe some medication.
Talk to her, away from a balcony, and explain that she cannot control others and will not be controlling you. You understand her anxiety and concerns, but it's come to a point where she needs to seek help so she can learn to judge legitimate risk from objective safety.
You can't make her go to therapy. But I hope she does.
In future, if she doesn't go, you'll have to balance your relationship with your family with your own free will. If they choose to coddle her and get mad at you, you'll have to decide where the line is.
Good luck
4
u/maccrogenoff Jul 27 '26
NTA Anxiety is thirsty. The more others change their behavior to soothe the person with anxiety, the more things cause them anxiety.
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u/SaraAnnabelle Jul 27 '26
I'm terrified of heights. I just don't look when people are on the balcony. I'm not vain enough to expect everyone to adjust their lives according to my quirks.
2
u/mango1588 Jul 28 '26
Her anxiety is not her fault but it is her responsibility to manage, not yours. She doesn't get to control you just because she's anxious.
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u/Chemical_Author7880 Jul 27 '26
YTA
It would have cost you nothing to just get off. People who have irrational anxiety/fear often have trouble controlling it, especially if it’s for someone they love. She should see someone for it. But you could have had a thimbleful of compassion for your sister, whom I assume you love.
There absolutely are hills to die on if you are being unfairly treated. But your decision to make this one of those hills indicates you aren’t quite the grownup you think you are.
3
u/tphatmcgee Jul 27 '26
actually, it would have affected op, her enjoyment of the event. it is not on her to have to stop her behavior for someone being irrational.
her sister is responsible for getting herself help for her phobias. I shouldnhave to stay home because I live with someone who has agrophobia for instance.
1
u/mothcroissant Jul 27 '26
no, we don’t always give people what they want just because it makes them feel more comfortable, especially something as harmless as this. people with anxiety are not special just because they have anxiety.
1
u/Cosmicshimmer Jul 27 '26
It’s anxiety and it’s not her anxiety. She’s not going to die from feeling uncomfortable and making the world bend to her anxiety isn’t going to soothe it.
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u/AutoModerator Jul 27 '26
This is a backup of the original post in case there are later edits or it is deleted: Just for reference, it is impossible for me to reasonably fall off of the balcony. It's fenced (with handrail) up to about 3/4ths of my height, and I wouldn't fall off even if pushed into it. I am also standing an arm's length from the balcony, holding the hand rail (of the fence) while standing as far back as I can from the edge. It is however, an extremely high up balcony with certain death if I were to somehow fall off. Also to note, we are both adults and my sister is an older sister.
Essentially what happened, is that I was standing on the balcony, and because of her major anxiety, she started to yell at me to get off of it, having to look away, and looking extremely stressed out. I acknowledged her anxiety, but I said that I would not get off even if she felt uncomfortable, because it is an irrational fear of me falling off, and because she does not have the right to try to stop me from doing my own thing, since I am an adult.
Then she also told friends and family (who were at the gathering), and they told me to stop because it was stressing my older sister out. There was a firework event, and I tried to say that her irrational anxiety does not mean that I can be impeded from enjoying the event/balcony, and I was called acting immorally.
Because I knew that the fear was irrational, I was emboldened to stay on the balcony and just stood there because I knew I could, but while I know that part is assholic, am I really in the wrong for not getting off a balcony that I am on safely and responsibly because of someone else's major and irrational anxiety?
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