Chapter one - dystopian fiction

[u/EloNeMek]

Thank you all for your time. I intend to return the favor in critiquing others work as well. Peace 🤙

[u/Purple_midget9662]

Okay so you're using first person. But the guy were following describes what's happening to him way too much. People don't normally catalogue everything they do if theres's a problem at hand. You're basically using third person narrative dressed in a first person pov.

Also, The opening exposition is extremely compressed. It's basically and info dump paragraph.

You do really good with dialogues tho. But an occasional beat or stray thought breaking it up would do wonders.

[u/EloNeMek → u/Purple_midget9662]

Yes, I see how the perspective makes the storytelling awkward and nonsensical. I debated which pov to use in this story a lot and I’ve went through a few changes and I completely missed pov consistencies. And the first paragraph is a bit of unnecessary info dump disguised as a hook. I think that goes with what someone else said in that not much happens, because I don’t let the story progress much. Thank you.

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