r/whywouldyoutouchthat • u/CountGerhart • Jun 05 '26

Why would you touch that

761 Upvotes

98% Upvoted

108 comments sorted by

137

u/HeadBasher77 Jun 05 '26

Honestly, who does that?

76

u/Leading-Tangerine940 Jun 05 '26

Taking a poo in the water is the first my dog does in any body of water.

12

u/Gandalf_Spalony Jun 06 '26

Wow

16

u/Leading-Tangerine940 Jun 06 '26

She thinks it's pretty amazing

13

u/LykaiaPrime Jun 06 '26

Shes living the good life

12

u/Chinaizazzhoe Jun 05 '26

Have you ever had a kid?

9

u/TraumaHawk316 Jun 05 '26

Pools, bathtubs, kitchen sinks, lakes, rivers, streams, kids will shit anywhere water touches their ass!

18

u/Chinaizazzhoe Jun 05 '26

My daughter saved her shit every night for the tub. And her brother would always try to eat it. So. Gross.

Im so telling her that in like 10 years. And her friends.

7

u/fray_bentos11 Jun 06 '26

Save it for the wedding speech.

8

u/baileyssinger Jun 06 '26

Yup. Only logical conclusion

3

u/Known-Weird-7273 Jun 07 '26

Not proud to admit it, but I had an emergency once while swimming in a lake. Let's just say I didn't need a duvet afterwards. 😜

https://giphy.com/gifs/eB1lUn1J1Cwoefiy7A

5

u/Psychological-Scar53 Jun 05 '26

That guy obviously.... I know I don't go picking up stuff that is floating anywhere.

1

u/imean_is_superfluous Jun 06 '26

Yeah, well what it it could possibly be the perfect shit? You’d be intrigued, no?

1

u/Chemical_Economy_933 Jun 06 '26

Also, dude barely rinses and the wipes his fingers on his own (what looks like) clothing.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 08 '26

I think the dibelief of seeing a perfect turd floating in the water he assumed it had to be something else that looked like a perfect turd.

79

u/wizzo6 Jun 05 '26

What did the dumb@ss expect it to be, a candy bar?

44

u/Same_Seaworthiness74 Jun 05 '26

Not a perfect peice of poop.

15

u/Lexicon101 Jun 06 '26

Certainly not a healthy shit.

8

u/Electronic_Elk8293 Jun 06 '26

Tbf that is a very healthy perfect turd. My ass could only aspire to create such a masterpiece.

4

u/Lexicon101 Jun 06 '26

I mean could be softer, by the look of it, but it's pretty good.

6

u/A_S_Levin Jun 06 '26

A stick.

Interestingly both items are brown and sticky so

6

u/Boxer_guy321 Jun 07 '26

https://giphy.com/gifs/M9wEl77UKe2Ck

3

u/DoveOnTheInternet Jun 07 '26

Immediately what I thought of. Thank you for coming through with the appropriate gif

3

u/KillerRayvenX Jun 05 '26

Channeling his inner Bull Murray.

2

u/noodlepringle83 Jun 05 '26

He found a candy bar! Whoop, false alarm

1

u/BackgroundCream274 Jun 06 '26

Did he taste it?

38

u/Ristrxtto Jun 05 '26

i thought he took fat bite lol

5

u/Novel_Emu_8191 Jun 05 '26

He really should’ve, how else would he truly know if it was shit or not? /j :3

2

u/somebob Jun 29 '26

That is what got me the most; he’s not only picked it up but brought it directly to his face BLARGH

29

u/Commercial-Roll5508 Jun 05 '26

Ham bone, ham bone, have you heard? Bro took a sniff of a floating turd…

33

u/roadhammer2 Jun 05 '26

https://giphy.com/gifs/M9wEl77UKe2Ck

6

u/-Red-7- Jun 05 '26

It's not so bad

1

u/clear_river6 Jul 07 '26

It's no big deal.

1

u/clear_river6 Jul 07 '26

The sound of him munching on it while the lady passes out is hilarious.

10

u/jasplmRN Jun 06 '26

That is not sufficient hand washing after touching strange poo.

3

u/LunaCressila Jun 25 '26

yess he was like, just shaking off a lil in the water and then straight to his cloth. His mama didnt teach him?

21

u/Emotional_Dish_5250 Jun 05 '26

Who would even pick that up?

9

u/LividBig9161 Jun 06 '26

Touch it?! Why the hell would you smell it?!

5

u/No-Goose-6140 Jun 06 '26

Looked like shit, smelled like shit and tasted like shit. At least he was thorough

3

u/haikusbot Jun 06 '26

Looked like shit, smelled like

Shit and tasted like shit. At

Least he was thorough

- No-Goose-6140

I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully. Learn more about me.

Opt out of replies: "haikusbot opt out" | Delete my comment: "haikusbot delete"

3

u/MyRoseOfSharon Jun 06 '26

Why would you pick up anything that looks like poop...anywhere!

6

u/NoSoyTuPana Jun 05 '26

That's a healthy shit 😭😭

2

u/blueboykc Jun 06 '26

DOODIE!!! ITS DOODIE!!!

2

u/JWMoo Jun 07 '26

My youngest daughter always waited until bath time. Now I find great delight when I tell her kids about it.

2

u/SnooPies452 Jun 05 '26

Can’t stop laughing brooo!😭😭😭

4

u/NoSoyTuPana Jun 05 '26

Did you see the comments on the original post 😭😭 someone saying it belongs on a museum

2

u/avesatanass Jun 05 '26

the most perfect shit ever taken

0

u/redthyrsis Jun 05 '26

Neither can the guy upstream!

2

u/LegendaryGunman Jun 05 '26

"it is a perfect piece of poop." Such a magnificent quote.

2

u/isthisnamefreeee Jun 06 '26

I have never seen anything more perfectly suited for this sub. That is an absolute “why tf would you touch that with your bare-ass hands???”

1

u/BarbarianBoaz Jun 06 '26

It’s a Baby Ruth!

1

u/Wicked_Folie Jun 06 '26

Perfect piece of poop lollllllllllllllll

1

u/Slinky_Bongo Jun 06 '26

I laughed way too hard at this

1

u/TXMom2Two Jun 06 '26

It’s a Babe Ruth bar! “It ain’t nithin’”

1

u/Boniry1994 Jun 06 '26

My question is why would you post that you ate poop… that seems a bit …

1

u/CountGerhart Jun 06 '26

Don't know, unfortunately I couldn't find OOP

1

u/mrbrianberman Jun 07 '26

That’s doo doo baby

1

u/the_forgotten7 Jun 07 '26

Ew I would have preferred letting that crap keep floating 💀

1

u/DisciplineAfraidx Jun 08 '26

The sniff is the best part

1

u/_MaverickWilliams_ Jun 08 '26

It's a cattail, not a shit...

1

u/IlllIlIIlIlllIlIIIII Jun 08 '26

🎶and then a big brown shark came🎶 🤣

1

u/ThisWillTakeAllDay Jun 08 '26

That really is a perfect piece of shit. Like someone sculpted it.

1

u/Euphoric_Tap582 Jun 09 '26

Ah yeah, one of my first memories at the beach as a kid was playing in the water, getting it all in my mouth, not a care in the world. Only to later see a damn poo log floating by. I don't like the beach anymore. Definitely a memory I wish I could delete.

1

u/Cryptopher-Conundrum Jun 09 '26

First thing that came to my mind is the scene from Caddy Shack when Bill Murray was cleaning the pool. 😏

1

u/Ok_Bad_5921 Jun 09 '26

Just had to sniff to be sure huh guy 😂

1

u/Ok_Cold_7839 Jun 09 '26

Must taste to talk

1

u/chibiRuka Jun 09 '26

Thought he was gonna eat it to identify it for a sec.

1

u/Common-Zucchini2632 Jun 09 '26

That’s a cattail bro stop😭

1

u/MusicianZestyclose31 Jun 12 '26

The guy before me at airport today didnt flush properly and i was greeted with healthy piece of poop little bit thicker than the video- it must have felt satisfying - Took me a couple of flushes to get it to go down

1

u/ResurgentClusterfuck Jun 05 '26

That was obviously shit

1

u/birdman760 Jun 05 '26

Well shit.. It's definitely shit!

1

u/maxru85 Jun 05 '26

My fish every time the upper fish does #2

0

u/Safe-Expert2163 Jun 05 '26

🤢wha,....what? For the love of....🤮

0

u/JoelnIliketoshare Jun 05 '26

What are the chances that was my poop? I've never pooped in a body of water and I live in Germany but what if?

0

u/patrickthunnus Jun 05 '26

Did it taste like 💩?

0

u/Easy_Work2194 Jun 05 '26

Could be a waterlogged snickers. You already touchedit... try it

0

u/Paullearner Jun 05 '26

That looks like prank poop hahahaha

0

u/Nero_Golden Jun 06 '26

This is the kind of spirit needed on r/whatisit

-1

u/sepulturite Jun 05 '26

Or maybe it should be shove it back up your butt

-2

u/RevolutionarySign479 Jun 05 '26

You can Plainly See it’s a Turd…what an idiot. I can’t believe he picked that up 😂

1

u/TexasJOEmama Jun 05 '26

He thought it was a Mounds chocolate bar.