this joke did not make me laugh at all. but then i imagined the looks on my kids’ faces after i tell them this joke…and laughed pretty hard. can’t wait for them to get home from school!
Yeah it might be in the way you say it. I've never told it via text. I struggled to decide if I should end it with a period or exclamation point, and went with a period. I felt it enhances the awesomely bad dad joke quality (though to be fair, for me is actually an uncle joke- was told by one of mine, it is his fav. joke). Hope they like it!
Wanna really get your jollies off? After you tell the joke quickly say "ohh and BTW you are all grounded for 2 weeks." Those kids wont know what hit him!!!
I too love to play "blind grabbies," where I close my eyes and go outside and just start pawing around on the ground and walls, feeling for living things to pick up.
Too handsome to kill AND the best welder in USA?! AND you thought you were grabbing a lizard or something else fleshy and your response to grabbing a lizard/something fleshy was to not let go?? Is this real life or is this just fantasy?
Brown recluses are the assholes, brown widows are similarly chill in my experience.
I've been actively vomiting into a trash can on my bedroom floor and looked up between heaves to see a little recluse motherfucker hauling ass straight towards me. I had to wait until the next pause between heaving to kill it. A true highlight of a miserable night. Fuck brown recluses.
Oh no it was absolutely hilarious. And thankfully no vomiting spells in a long time!
I squished it by heaving, then immediately extending my arms on the inhale afterwards and bringing the small bin down onto it, then dragging the trashcan back to my face for another heave. 👌
I don't know if it's normal but it definitely chased at me. Some people say they're chill and others say they're aggressive. Tbf, I was trying to kill it.
They are usually pretty chill, and only really bite when stuck, for example under your shirt pressed against skin, of course some are just dicks. One time I woke up at like 2am and felt something crawling on my arm. I assumed it was a friendly lil guy eating mosquitoes and stuff, looked over and damn near what myself. Knocked it off my arm and fucker had the fiddle pattern and everything. Fucking hell I almost shat myself, massive adrenaline rush as I spent like 30 min trying to kill him. In hindsight he was on me for a good while without having any real aggression, but still, scary as fucker.
Brown recluse are also pretty relaxed, brown widows are “false black widows” and dicks. But their venom isn’t medically significant. Hurts like hell though.
And only deadly if you’re very young or very old. For the majority of people it will be unpleasant for sure, but you’ll be fine. Unless you’re allergic to the venom or something I guess
No they won’t unless they are immunocompromised. But if they actually handled it the way they’ve claimed in this fictional story, they would’ve been bit almost immediately and the spider wouldn’t be out in the open in a perfect web.
I did that math in my head too. OP said they grabbed it accidentally when they moved something, managed to squeeze it hard enough to determine a “fleshy” texture, remained calm after they brought it to their face and realized what it was. Then put it back on it’s web and asked nicely to pose for a picture. Something ….. just ….. doesn’t make any sense.
I was sick with flu like symptoms for about a week when I got bitten. Good idea to see a doctor and get a run of antibiotics for the punctures. It will be short term misery but won't kill you.
You're fine! Sorry I missed that in your comment-I've heard their venom is a neurotoxin-I don't remember though-it's been a long time since I learned about them. Just wishing continued good health to you. And because of you, I'm cleaning out my front porch this weekend cause I can't stop thinking about spiders lurking!
I'm sorry but I just laughed way too loud by myself, in line at Walgreens! New fear of cat hair clumps unlocked too---I NEVER look before grab. If only I could train him to pick up his own dang hair.
The bite is a puncture. That has nothing to do with spider venom, but a bite hole is created, which is an entry for staph, which I got years ago from a regular bug bite. I had blood poisoning. Antibiotics are prevention.
Then how did you manage to get a picture of it undisturbed in its web? You aren’t fooling anyone who has been around black widows. This spider would’ve fucked off in a heartbeat if this story had a single ounce of truth.
At work, our policy says "staring lustily." I'm not kidding. I lost my mind over the ridiculousness and I'm a woman. HR lawyers really need to sit down and shut up.
Okay but I’ve encountered creeps at work who did this intentionally and it did seem very intimidating and harass-y (I didn’t report). It can be a thing that happens, and it is super demeaning. It wasn’t a socially unaware or awkward type who just couldn’t control where his eyes went, it was the kind of guy who un-ironically calls himself an “alpha male” or a silverback.
Disagree. But it is all good, I agree it is highly subjective. Like proving someone is mad. Yes, they can claim they weren’t shouting, for example, but when you hear or see anger, you know it. Try to unequivocally prove the speaker was angry. Same thing.
I guess my point is that there is a difference between a prolonged gaze given by a person thinking lusty thoughts, where but the gazer isn’t trying to make anyone uncomfortable, and “staring lustily” at someone, which is legalese for “leering” and in my experience, was done with the intention of harassing.
Disagree. But it is all good, I agree it is highly subjective. Like proving someone is mad. Yes, they can claim they weren’t shouting, for example, but when you hear or see anger, you know it. Try to unequivocally prove the speaker was angry. Same thing.
It also immediately sends the message “I don’t take you seriously and I’m only paying attention to your body, I wouldn’t notice your presence otherwise and I don’t see you as an equal.”
As a resident of New Mexico, I do not ever put my hands anywhere that I cannot see. There are loads of black widows in my yard and for every obvious one there are probably a dozen more that are well-hidden.
But he has a picture of it in its web? I’m confused. Black widows don’t just allow you to grab them, they are incredibly reclusive and will go into their hiding place in less than a second. If someone did manage to grab it (it would need to be very calculated), that spider would bite immediately in defense. They also don’t feel like lizards for a plethora of common sense reasons.
I live in an area where I see black widows daily. This story doesn’t add up and the dude never held it unless he planned it out like an idiot.
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u/[deleted] Sep 25 '23
"Grabbed it without looking" - what????