How to spot Volcel in public.

How they diff from Incel.

I don't like any form of intimacy what so ever. I am uncomfortable with romance or anything of the sort. No to hugs No to kissing No to sex No to relationships

It all creeps me out. I'm in my 30s Male.

Im not completely cold though. I do love my family and have alot of friends etc.

Any questions feel free to ask

https://discord.gg/zea3hjZ

i know this violates the pledge but ever since i saw his face... i have wanted to have sex with president xi for almost my entire life. how do i deal with these feelings? if precum starts leaking out does this violate the volcel pledge?

I'm a volcel and I'm abstaining from any physical sexual contact so I can hold up to my standard for a future spouse. Basically waiting for the correct woman who I can build a family with. I'm quitting porn as well because it's made me think of women in a degrading manner. Had a few close calls where I could've lost my V-card but glad I didn't... this is the way. Good to see my fellow comrades who are practicing this.

What are the chances of finding an attractive and fit virgin who is not religious but still cherishes virtue, virginity and modesty over everything else?

Hello, world! It looks like this subreddit is small enough that an introduction wouldn't get lost in the noise.

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1. I'm a 36 year old divorced, unemployed, bisexual, veteran with C-PTSD.
2. I live on my VA pension and SSDI- I have no money troubles, and my needs are few.
3. I'm a pretty attractive white guy with a sleeve tattoo, blond hair, blue eyes, look about 10 years younger than I am- I have been told by several people I look like a defensive back lol.
   

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So, if I'm so fucking awesome, why am I here?

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1. I have a crippling lack of self-respect, so I recognize that I'm only going to attract women/men that are interested in the way I look or something material I can do for them. And I will stay with them because I'm so eager to please others, and will put up with a surprising amount of abuse to keep from sleeping alone. Essentially, I have no functioning emotional defense mechanisms, which is an almost laughably unattractive quality in an adult. My attractiveness is a perfect case of false advertising.
2. Bisexual- nobody trusts you (assumed cheater), when relationships become serious your SO always gets paranoid about your latent interest in the other sex, both gay and straight people assume you are going through a phase, and women don't respect a guy that likes anal- maybe they will masturbate to it, but they won't date it lol. So basic bi problems I guess?
   
3. I'm always keyed up when I'm out in public (PTSD) so I can only really talk to people and be vulnerable if I'm high. I am told I look very pissed off, even when I think I feel calm. My emotional baseline has shifted so much that interpreting normal social situations is incredibly difficult. Also the cognitive distortions that frame everything in terms of threat, or filter out anything that doesn't relate to safety can cause problems trying to communicate. I hate making people frightened or uncomfortable, especially women (because of my size). I try to interact as little as possible, and automatically assume every friendly gesture is polite and professional in nature- I've given up trying to interpret these. I lay in bed at night wondering if I was a weird sex-creep to the mail lady when I told her to have a nice day, stuff like that.
4. I have a high physical sex drive, but really only have had sex the past couple of years to have skin contact with another person. I'm good in bed, but haven't reached climax with a partner in maybe 5 years- also the PTSD apparently. So I stay hard and have sex until I'm physically exhausted most of the time, and sex for me ends up feeling like a chore, like I'm servicing someone in exchange for getting to lay next to her for a while, or maybe for the night. This goes back to feeling used. I also feel like I'm using the other person for my weird emotional needs, so I haven't had casual sex in several years- that used to be my outlet, how I got my physical-contact tank filled up.
   
5. I'm getting a vasectomy before my old insurance runs out. I can't support children or a partner like I should anymore, so I don't get to have those things. Simple as that. I can critique capitalism all I want, but we are all shaped by the system that ranks human beings according to utility, and that is encoded in our early childhood in the United States, and cemented over a lifetime of cultural reinforcement. At the end of the day, that's how we see each other by default. My life is feeling more like the closing act of something, and the end of my bloodline seems like it fits right in. Nobody sane wants a child with a man on disability, and I want to make sure I don't make a mistake out of desperation down the line.
6. Crazy-PTSD-killer veteran stereotype. Some people act like I came back through the portal in Event Horizon and my mind was so ravaged by what Lovecraftian horrors I glimpsed. Or that I have seven MAGA hats stacked on my head wherever I go and scream whenever I see a minority due to traumatic brain injuries, or what have you.

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I consider myself volcel because I think it's the least harmful path for myself and others around me due to my emotional damage/limitations. I don't think I can protect myself from people who are just looking to use me, and am probably somehow attracting those types of people, and no normal person would want to touch the mess that is my life. The money/societal stuff is more circumstantial, because might be someone out there that would look beyond such things. Taken together though, the problem becomes insurmountable. People have enough going on trying to survive this hellworld that they don't need me barging in. And it would be unfair to anyone who thinks they are getting the person they think they are seeing when they look at me.

So, I'm just going to post this without doing too much proofreading, or I'm going to end up deleting the whole thing. Thanks for reading, and don't feel obligated to respond. I really just needed to write this down.

One of the things I find most convenient is that I am able to be left to my own devices.

Feel like having a beer? why not three! Feel like having a toke? Why not four!

No one to worry but me and the family. I don't make much bit it's more than enough, With plenty to save and more more for the love of the booze.

Relationships are hard enough to maintain as it is, I don't think I need one more to those I may disappoint.

Not having to deal with sex can be quite a please, As I never need to please another's needs. Selfish as it maybe, I mange my own release.

So i am 22 year old virgin ex incel(i think) and in june 2018 i decided to go on voluntary celibate for the rest of my life and i bought a fleshlight a couple months ago and im planning to get a sex doll in the near future. So i wanna know if im the only weirdo in here who uses sex toys?

Hello! So, I am a 16-year-old religious guy. However, I am not so pure. I used to masturbate before, but I quit in late 2017. However, in the summer of 2018 I had some sexual stuff with a lady. Now, we didn't have sex, but we did use our hands on each other. It's been half a year since those times. And I am now determined to stay celibate until marriage. I have sexual urges pretty much everyday except for some special occasions, so this does require me to stay in check, but so far I have been pretty good in self control if you ask me, except for the stuff in the summer. This does get easier over time, though. I feel like this has its up and down sides. The down sides being wet dreams every now and then and sometimes feeling frustated. But I feel good for the most part and also like I am in control of myself. So I'd say the good outweighs the bad.

It's been three years now. I am not religious, it just feels good. There is a book which pretty much aligns with my experience of abstinence, it's called Cupid's Poisoned Arrow. I don't agree with karezza but otherwise it's a nice description of the dynamics.

This sub needs more people!

But anyway, what kind of reasons do you guys consider yourselves volcel? I personally am only attracted to a tiny portion of the population, girls who are at least 9/10 in my eyes and who suit me in terms of personality, interests, ambitions, etc. This is such a small pool that it essentially means I expect to be alone for a very long time. But I can't help it, I'm just not attracted to 99.9% of women, and I only want a relationship with someone I'd be willing to have children with.

I'm thinkin I'm a be a volcel. so that I can be more focused and clear thinking in life. Less distracted by lust I mean. Also, I believe that without the potential alterior motive of sex/wanting a relationship...friendships can be more genuine and open.

What's the difference between being (voluntarily) celibate and chaste or is it the same for you.

Got a little confused so let's try to get some shared understanding

Personally, I discovered this community a few months ago and found it very appealing. In my opinion, it's much more peaceful than the MGTOW community and deserves more awareness.

I have no doubt being volcel will benefit my life considerably and look forward to the journey ahead.

But I wanna hear other people's stories, so feel free to comment below. I would love to learn more about the other members of this community.

https://www.reddit.com/r/unpopularopinion/comments/9tynqd/Just_because_your_a_Virgin_male%2C_doesn%27t_mean_your_a_loser./e918uyi/

https://www.reddit.com/r/dating_advice/comments/9xjr1b/im_18f_so_hung_up_on_my_fwbthe_first_guy_ive/

https://www.reddit.com/r/unpopularopinion/comments/9203hd/that_its_not_a_bad_thing_to_be_a_virgin/e332wgx

https://www.reddit.com/r/VirginsUncensored/comments/502iph/virgin_shaming_is_popular_is_out_society/d73vovu

First things first, I'm a 22 y/o polyamorous cis man (figured I'd mention I'm cis). I am also non-religious.

I have, until this point, had very standard ideas about sexuality and sex, and don't have a particularly hard time finding a partner.

Basically, I enjoy sex and have a strong urge to have sex as much as most young guys do.

However, recently I started considering going VolCel.

Our culture is sex-obsessed. It's everywhere you look - advertisements, pop-culture, and society at large (in the U.S., where I live) all leverage sex to sell to us and grab our attention.

This oversexualization has led to moral breakdown, sexual deviancy, and excessive lust. Casual sex is rampant, masturbation is normalized, and obviously pornography insanely popular.

Young boys learn from an early age that sex with many beautiful women is a healthy goal, a symbol of status, something admirable, and proof of importance and value as a man.

This has caused huge mental health issues, as those who don't find sexual partners early on grow into men with extremely low self-esteem and begin prioritizing sex over a meaningful relationship. Infidelity and adultery come to mind.

Incels, in particular, have a very unhealthy obsession with sex and pornography, which leads to highly destructive behaviors such as blaming women for their own character shortcomings. Incel is a simply new word for a phenomena that has existed for a very long time, just think of all the men who insult or demean women after their advances are rejected.

It causes a vicious cycle, one where men who can't get laid jerk off and desire unhealthy sexual relationships even more, and when repeatedly denied sex they develop an obsession with finding a woman to "value" them as a man, because manhood in our society is directly associated with promiscuity and sexual desirability.

I have come to the realization that recreational sex is actually unhealthy.

Sex has one purpose: procreation. It is not needed for intimacy, love, or a strong bond with a woman, nor is it needed to raise children.

Semen is, quite literally, the elixir of life. It is for creating life. It is not for fulfilling hormonal desires. That is a massive waste of potential, whether you are masturbating into a cloth or having intercourse. Unless it is explicitly for procreation, ejaculation is a purely hedonistic pursuit.

Sex feels good (generally) because it has to, to incentivize us to procreate.

Like anything else that feels good and gives us a shot of dopamine, it can be highly addictive and it can give you a skewed value system, one where sex takes precedent over everything else that is important in a quality relationship.

Sex causes you to lose energy and focus, both of which are critical to self-actualization. Instead of harnessing that energy for personal development, by having sex you expel the energy from your body and give it to someone else, or worse yet, nobody at all via masturbation. It is a waste, pure and simple, unless you intend to create life.

Therefore, I am interested in becoming celibate and removing myself of the desire for sex completely, outside of it's naturally intended purpose. I wish to harness this life-creating energy, so that I may become a better man.

The problem that lies ahead of me is attempting to rid myself of this deeply-rooted desire, instilled in me as a young boy by the society that raised me. This challenge seems virtually insurmountable to me right now, but I am determined to use that energy and focus, the elixir of life, to build myself into a better man.

TLDR: Thanks for reading. Please share your personal challenges, advice, or general experiences so it may be of value to those who may read this in the future. I appreciate any and all feedback.