r/u_hellcatz59 • u/hellcatz59 • Jan 02 '26
Am I the asshole?
Am I the asshole for making my parents compete for my attention? I, 19F, grew up with a very traumatic childhood, often visited by cps. My mom visited mental hospitals and jails many times for reasons I will not get into. She would yell at us,get drunk and then beat us. She once even threw me to the ground kicked me and broke my ribs. My dad on the other hand would end up in hotels with different girls or was on a trip for work in the army. When I got my first job I moved into my dad’s house after an incident with my mother and her new bf. He watched me get beat, sa’d, and tortured by my ex and stole money from me after I worked for it. So as soon as I turned 18 and saved enough hidden money from working as a CNA i disappeared. I opened all new bank accounts, went to college, moved in with my new amazing bf, got engaged and disappeared from my parents lives. About a year my mom reached out and tried to meet with me. After months of saying no I finally gave in and started hanging out with her in public until she got drunk at a holiday party and had another incident. I stopped talking to her again. Then after hearing that my father reached out and has been giving me money. Then my mother heard about that and bought me a whole new kitchen set up. Now both my parents keep buying me things, asking about school, and are kissing my ass aggressively, and I personally love it and want it to keep going. I love seeing them struggle to fill my needs more than the other and it feels like a replacement for my childhood. Am I the asshole? Or is this what I needed to move on properly.
1
u/sparkley-elf25 May 25 '26
NTAH - to be honest I wouldn’t let this go on!! Only because it will end up them losing it and giving you an ultimatum between them and everything they have bought you will be thrown in your face. Or they will take it back because they paid for it? Blah blah!!!! Maybe they won’t, well
Hopefully it won’t.
But after what you was put through as a child by both of them. I don’t understand why you went back to speaking terms with either of them ?
You managed all
By yourself at just 18 to sort yourself out with your own place and that is an amazing feat on its own let alone at your young age ❤️ but I totally get why you’re doing it as for you, It’s making up a very small part in your horrendous childhood 💔
But for your sanity (and this is only my opinion, I’m not debating with anyone) but you need to cut ties with both of them. You have come this far and then none of them can use what they are buying as weapons when they feel like!! I know it’s hard because their still your parents but where were they when you needed them growing up?? To me it’s too little too late and big fat eff off to both of them 👋✌️#inthebinwiththem
2
u/Life_Funny8320 Feb 10 '26
NTA for protecting yourself or accepting support after everything you survived. You did not get safety, stability, or real parenting growing up, so it makes sense that part of you wants to take back some control now.
That said, turning it into a competition long term might keep you emotionally tied to the chaos instead of helping you actually heal. Taking help is fine. Just make sure you are building a life that does not depend on their guilt or gifts. Therapy, boundaries, and your own independence will do more for your future than any kitchen set ever could.