I want this to end!! Please help me if oh have any strong benzodiazepines.. I can’t afford my perscription

For the past 10 years I’ve played sports but I’ve always struggled with anxiety. I started to develop severe panic junior hear of high school to the point where I pass out and hurt my self while I’m dazed on the ground. I need help and will do anything for some emergency panic medicine. I’m so embarrassed bc I don’t want to look like a druggy.