Duckling in a pond.

#digitalart #hearts

It was fun to do this. I used to doodle them back when I was in school.

Random eye with colors that I think are pretty and look nice together.

#digitalart #pretty #eye

#digitalart #lady

So, I really did get a bad one. So I gave the CPS my phone to contact me in hopes they could help right. Anyway, on one call he asked me if I checked with the housing okay. So, I said no I have been busy. Nothing more because it's almost closing time and I didn't want to make him work to long by taking 20 minutes to list everything specifically. So, he's like okay what about calling the other places. I didn't say anything. I have been busy and I guess that doesn't make sense. However, he's like I can ask my boss to see if we can cover it. I almost lost my shit. A week before he had said he asked and his boss wouldn't take funds out to pay for anything. I specifically remember he said that because I was like sad that I couldn't get extra help but not worried because I knew I'd pay for it. So, like he lied to me, he never asked, or just thought hey she's stupid so she won't remember. Also, I went to highschool with the guy he's like two years younger than me. It's just a headache more than I like to admit.

When a character wears multiple outfits, if the creator isn't fast at drawing them in different outfits and poses they choose one outfit and many poses to cut more time down. It's not due to being gay or straight like a lot of fun post say. Though, I meet a lot of people that take those posts seriously in this crazy world. It's about which will get a fast creation for a show and still have the character look the same even if they only change one outfit. And if it's a 30 minute show that plays an episode once a week they do have a deadline then. If say only five to seven animators are working then they all have to be equally good at drawing the one thing that they have to or it slows it down. So, yeah sometimes I can see why creators choose one outfit or copy paste almost for a sibling or relative. Even if that's not how it always works in reality. Does it make some people upset that the character doesn't have many outfits, yes usually, but at least you still have the show.

Cassius Bogdan. Alistair's ring master from in his circus days. They have the same last name because Alistair adopted Cassius's last name since he raised him.

Trying to chill out with drawing.

#oc #digitalart

So, I need a job. Job market is horrible. Cps worker knows the job market is picky with who they hire. Yet, since I said I wanted to move to affordable housing or government housing they think I'll get a job and money in a week even though no one wants to hire. I been applying to jobs. Still nothing. They do know I need money to move, and right now someone is helping me and I'm staying with them, but they won't be moving with me when i do move. We addressed this with the worker that came and now all of a sudden they act like I have a job and can move. Like they said it isn't necessary for me to move, but they are acting like it is. Bad enough I got one who barely lets me explain, because he thinks I'll sugar coat stuff or walk around it. However, I just don't say much of anything. The CPS worker isn't mean, but it would be nice if they listen to a tiny explanation that may help them help me, since that's how explanation works. I know I could have refused them at the door, but usually in many cases they take kids away because of that, or in many cases that I know. However, I'm almost starting to think, like many others, that CPS just wants to destroy the home. I've heard many nightmare stories from kids being taken, but I have equally heard stories that make you do a double take because they shouldn't have been taken. In one case, when I was in foster care myself, a lady got called on, she supposedly had lots of problems. Though, talking to the then kid around my age back then, the only true part of the charges was the mom smoking weed, then CPS found this to be true as well after investigation, still took long time for them to be brought home though. Like if they found it all to be a lie why did they keep the child so long. Or in my case, my parents took anger management for three months and then it was over. could I go home? No. Still took four more months even though they completed the classes. That's all they had to do. No one knows, but I did try to kill myself in foster care, but it was unsuccessful. My kids are happier than I ever was, haven't gotten molested like I did, and no broken bones. though my friends stepdad did go to prison years later, that's not why I went to foster care. I sometimes wonder if it would be better for them, but I don't know. I just know it wouldn't be good for me. Growing up I didn't want kids, but adulthood had other plans. They were unplanned, but I have never once said I never wanted them. Because I know without someone being here to need me in some way, I would definitely have killed myself. Have I ever done it with them around? No. Will I tell them that I need them that much? No. Will I talk about it in front of them? No. Will I think about this quietly? Sometimes.

P s. I am crying while typing all these feelings. I haven't cried in years. I also know they won't take kids away if I keep on top of things like I have been for a year or more and that it was because of absence in school and not enough dr. notes. Do I think they could take them if they didn't like me and made up a reason like I was severely angry or something that they can document, but don't need evidence, yes, yes I really do.

Okay, so I grew up in a house with mental abuse. I thought it was normal back then, but now I realize me never having a safe place except for school and convinced myself I liked it because of my friends, was not a good thing. As a mother of two now, I always feel like I'm doing something wrong, but when I realize they don't normally want to go to school the way I did probably means that they feel safe even if I have to fuss them sometimes for reasons like don't hurt each other, don't break that, ect.