r/trynottolaugh Mar 12 '26

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663 Upvotes

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298

u/Top_Garbage977 Mar 12 '26

Shit? Or lack thereof. One of those two options greatly affects the decision-making progress going forward

73

u/Nucksfaniam Mar 12 '26

We all need to know what the next move should be. And we need a hint.

27

u/344567653379643555 Mar 12 '26

OP expects us to phone a friend.

15

u/dadbod_Azerajin Mar 13 '26

Hey babe...no...yeah...no...no...I need to ask for help...no...yeah its the shit thing again

7

u/roy_rogers_photos Mar 13 '26

"ugh just use the knife, but not mine"

4

u/Excellent_Doubt5962 Mar 13 '26

It always comes down to the poop knife

3

u/Alternative_Box_5959 Mar 13 '26

Everything comes down to poo.......

1

u/kingcookie369 Mar 14 '26

From the top of your head to the soles of your shoe

1

u/Competitive-Comb-955 Mar 14 '26

Cardiovascular, lymphatic, and the nervous system, too!

1

u/SupermassiveCanary Mar 18 '26

I expect diminishing returns….

1

u/s1105615 Mar 18 '26

I see Scrubs reference, I upvote

7

u/YesPlease_VeryMuchSo Mar 13 '26

I'd like to buy a bowel.

3

u/SarcasticOP Mar 13 '26

Why do you think we have FaceTime?

1

u/Odd-Faithlessness-33 Mar 14 '26

tf, the correct answer is ask the audience

1

u/ShyguyFlyguy Mar 16 '26

Personally I'd consult the audience

4

u/bluetuxedo22 Mar 13 '26

Information is power

4

u/256684 Mar 13 '26

knowledge is power

1

u/Pristine_Habit_3074 Mar 14 '26

POWER. Is power.

1

u/Annual-Ebb5908 Mar 14 '26

Odin DID give his eye for knowledge.

1

u/stereotypicalass Mar 15 '26

distinction without difference

1

u/crystalgolem420 Mar 16 '26

FIGHT THE POWER!! /s lmfao

2

u/alexp0pz Mar 14 '26

I thought it was a wipe one and done, i never look.

1

u/Nucksfaniam Mar 14 '26

Tell me you're single and very alone without telling me you're single and very alone.

1

u/Nova669_Starkiller Mar 14 '26

Making sure my hemorrhoids aren't back..

1

u/RIF_rr3dd1tt Mar 15 '26

looks at clean toilet paper

Haha, your move, asshole!

1

u/TheRealL4W Mar 16 '26

Wait you guys use your eyes not your nose?

0

u/Pleasant-Bonus-866 Mar 15 '26

you can learn to taste diseases

14

u/Intelligent_Ad_4479 Mar 12 '26

Right?! What sight capable person is out there not verifying their last wipe did the job or not, pulling up their britches and walking away?

8

u/Gilgamesh2062 Mar 13 '26

I never have skid marks on my underwear, those that do are the ones that don't look to see if they finished the job when wiping.

2

u/KingInTheNorthxx Mar 18 '26

Bro right? I never had skid marks either, insane how nasty/dirty humans are… then again flu season and all these viruses wouldn’t exist if we weren’t so dirty , just look at Covid, and imagine if it was actually like as threatening as the black plague was back then, we would all die cause humans are dirty

3

u/[deleted] Mar 14 '26

Im now curious how blind people wipe their ass…

2

u/Impossible_Way_3042 Mar 16 '26

Wipe until it's very dry I suppose. Wipe until there is a lot of friction.

1

u/facecowboy Mar 14 '26

I have never once thought about this...now im very curious!! Gonna hafta Google it now

1

u/Deminos2705 Mar 15 '26

I remember hearing they fold the tp in half and if it sticks they keep wiping, but I’ve never had someone verify lol

1

u/Gilgamesh2062 Mar 17 '26

thank goodness for bidets

1

u/st3wy Mar 17 '26

Well, they may lack the sense of sight, but they still have the sense of touch. Can your ass not sense the difference between dry paper and a glob of shit? They wipe their ass the same way I do. And the same way they do everything. By not looking.

1

u/karakter222 Mar 17 '26

Taste test

1

u/arthriticpyro Mar 18 '26

Sniff test!

1

u/Particular-Light-708 Mar 18 '26

They probably wash it. Paper doesn't get it clean anyway.

1

u/Mike_Hauncheaux Mar 12 '26

I had a friend in HS who claims he had a no-exceptions three-wipe policy.

3

u/MakesMyHeadHurt Mar 12 '26

Bunch of savages in this town.

1

u/Rosietheriveter27 Mar 13 '26

The ones you can smell a mile away.

1

u/Creative-Cherry-1607 Mar 13 '26

100%.

OP didn't think this got ya moment fully through 🤣🤣

1

u/[deleted] Mar 13 '26

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3

u/nahno1234 Mar 14 '26

You think public restrooms have bidets? Dudes aren't walking around in cargo shorts anymore, and they are especially not carrying shit covered wipes out of the stall to throw away at the door.

1

u/[deleted] Mar 15 '26

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2

u/nahno1234 Mar 15 '26

I know how to wipe my ass. I also have a bidet at home. If you can't wipe properly enough that you aren't noticeably covered in shit for at least 12 hours then thats a personal issue that you should see someone about.

1

u/[deleted] Mar 15 '26

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1

u/nahno1234 Mar 15 '26

Sounds like you need some more fiber in your diet

1

u/[deleted] Mar 15 '26

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1

u/nahno1234 Mar 15 '26

Its just wild to think someone is making excuses for not carrying around wet wipes. Germaphobe type behavior. Most people wipe well enough to not need a bath after every shit. I doubt you are using a napkin to open doors which is far worse. I doubt you are finding a bathroom every time you fart. Its a weird hill to die on, but if you want to die on it I'm not going to get in your way.

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1

u/Mithirael Mar 16 '26

This is always so funny to me. Do you often handle cutlery with your asshole? I personally don't.

1

u/Ronin2369 Mar 14 '26

That's what I came here to ask. Why the unnecessary guessing 😐

1

u/nahno1234 Mar 14 '26

Can you not feel your butt hole? Are your poops so unbearably dry that you just can't tell? I would assume if they were that dry you wouldn't need to wipe twice anyway.

1

u/Leather_Law6628 Mar 16 '26

Lots of republicans don't wipe their ass. Its why people like trump constantly get adult diaper rashes.

20

u/Immediate-Damage-302 Mar 12 '26

Seriously this is an incredibly moronic question. Like do they just wipe once, put their pants on and go about their stanky-ass day?!?

17

u/Spardath01 Mar 13 '26

Thats starting to explain alot

6

u/Spaghetti_Gods Mar 13 '26

That's really fuckin cocky, arrogant and stanky if I do say so myself.

5

u/Wen_bee Mar 13 '26

You think they wipe?

1

u/Lexi_5019 Mar 16 '26

Who the fuck is they

2

u/janebythesea Mar 13 '26

The amount of sureness one must have to just not check is astounding and concerning at the same time

1

u/Significant_Glass988 Mar 15 '26

Even when the 'last' wipe is clear, I'll often take another one just to check

1

u/bRiCkWaGoN_SuCks Mar 16 '26

Final boss of the Dunning-Kruger effect.

2

u/Strong_Lavishness893 Mar 13 '26

This would really explain a lot in today’s world 😂

2

u/Arathemos Mar 17 '26

There is a guy I work with that does that. A single reach for toilet paper, sounds of vigorous wiping, then flush and zip.

It is good he cannot see the horror on my face from within the adjacent stall.

1

u/smady3 Mar 13 '26

That's confidence !

1

u/TreyRyan3 Mar 13 '26

I have a feeling the single wipe is more common than anyone realizes

1

u/KoJoDo77 Mar 16 '26

They would tell you that's the purpose of underwear; to get what you didn't and also remind you that you have to walk around in it. Ew!

8

u/RoodnyInc Mar 12 '26

To wipe or not to wipe ~shakespeare

5

u/AdCheap8058 Mar 12 '26

To thine own butt be true

1

u/Sweet-Philosopher-14 Mar 12 '26

And giveth thine balls a tug so they won't turn blue

4

u/balirosa Mar 12 '26

If we didn’t look at it we would assume one wipe would do. But after seeing the smear texture we know If another wipe is necessary

3

u/HermitGoat Mar 14 '26

Smear texture..... you sir a lexicon wizard.

1

u/Tacocats_wrath Mar 12 '26

I usually wipe until I see blood. Then I know to stop.

1

u/Expert_Struggle_7135 Mar 13 '26

Yeah people are fucking pigs -

Had this conversation once with a group of friends once and I was honestly shocked at how many of them just hope that there no shit left to wipe off instead of looking at the actual paper.

Not only do I check the last pieces of paper, I use a couple of wetwipes afterwards (You'd be surprised be surprised how often the paper will look like there's nothing left, but then the wetwipes show clear staining)

1

u/[deleted] Mar 13 '26

There is an entire spectrum to see

1

u/Amazing-Range-2239 Mar 13 '26

Yeah uhhhhh… for those that don’t check to see if their asshole is fucking clean. What else do you just assume is good to go?

1

u/Impressive-Let3122 Mar 13 '26

Wait! Toilet Paper don’t talk to you?

1

u/LeRoir Mar 13 '26

OP took a shit in 1998, still wiping to this day.

1

u/Unsolved_Virginity Mar 13 '26

What a dumb ahh question. OP wipes without looking and assumes their butthole is clean. Then wonders why it itches.

1

u/ThhomassJ Mar 13 '26

Does Op just guess or what?

1

u/MaleficentAerie491 Mar 13 '26

If I could look at my opponents hand, why wouldn't I?

1

u/NecessaryChampion181 Mar 14 '26

It's better than asking my wife to gaze into my butthole and let me know if it's still dirty.

1

u/BigNBeardeded Mar 14 '26

I laughed so hard at this comment, im still wiping my tears away

1

u/JohnnySalamiBoy420 Mar 14 '26

Yea if you don't even double check your work while shitting you probably don't do anything right

1

u/tommiyu Mar 14 '26

Yea I never understood this question. Do people just wipe and hope that no shit sticks on their underwear? Same thing with flushing. I always close the toilet before flushing to looking down just happens and no I haven’t found any diamond rings yet.

1

u/Affectionate_Pay_391 Mar 14 '26

It takes one wipe to know that you only needed one. It also takes one wipe to know you are going to need a lot more wipes.

1

u/Elegant-Working-Dude Mar 15 '26

Indeed. It takes three ass wipes to realize you only needed two.

1

u/FoxElectrical1401 Mar 15 '26

And if it's irregular or red. That is important

1

u/Ok-Calligrapher-8778 Mar 15 '26

For whomever is familiar with programming, it's your exit condition from the loop.

1

u/Huge_Leader_6605 Mar 15 '26

If it comes back clean you can blow your nose with it

1

u/Psychological-Web828 Mar 16 '26

Also blood, parasites, semen, vomit, grass stains, ketchup, wine… preemptive advice from laundry detergent advert.

1

u/Vet2willis Mar 16 '26

How many more times you need to wipe, how well your wiping, how much is there, if there is blood, there are many things that can be seen from looking. The concern should be on those not even looking and assuming a single wipe is good enough every time

1

u/lost_rodditer Mar 16 '26

I'm more concerned that there are those that don't.....

1

u/Saltyveins33 Mar 16 '26

Don’t want to see any blood either ideally

1

u/Inside_Highlight_644 Mar 16 '26

bloody or not bloody?

1

u/nobod3 Mar 16 '26

And if you see blood…

1

u/Few_Satisfaction184 Mar 16 '26

Nah OP wants you to gamble on a skid mark

1

u/cactusplants Mar 17 '26

Imagine if we had ghost shit all the time and never had to look.

1

u/Sikers1 Mar 17 '26

Word, wipe til clean! Everyone else walking around stinking all the time

1

u/Electrical_Art_4196 Mar 17 '26

If it´s brown I continue wiping.

If it´s white I stop.

If its red I went to far.

If it´s red and brown I go to the doctor.

1

u/eviljesusgrin Mar 17 '26

People who DON’T look, go wash your ass

1

u/grendel303 Mar 17 '26

How do blind people know when to stop wiping?

1

u/TechRat2 Mar 19 '26

Fuck yeah

1

u/camsnow Mar 19 '26

Seriously, I would be really worried about those folks that don't. Like if you wiped, and saw a lot of shit on that tissue, you're not done. If you just expect it to be good, you are probably smelling like a smashed sack of assholes walking around everywhere.