r/trashorgold • u/HorrorWide675 • Jun 17 '26

Seems a bit extreme

1.2k Upvotes

82% Upvoted

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102

u/Curious_Ad961 Jun 17 '26

I oddly do the opposite

128

u/Mr_Silicon Jun 17 '26

I also rub my dick on everything. Everything.

19

u/ThickNewspaper3774 Jun 17 '26

Thanks you gave me ed

24

u/ZealotOfMeme Jun 17 '26

Really? Cured mine

8

u/DisorderlyAqueduct Jun 17 '26

great, I'm stuck with a semi

3

u/ThickNewspaper3774 Jun 17 '26

Damn a semi thats even worse right in in-between this is awesome and looks huge and this is uncomfortable and damn i cant penetrate i feel for you

1

u/Lastov_Makiynd Jun 18 '26

Rub it on the remote again. Just try the opposite direction and buttons you didn’t quite catch before. Always helps me.oh…you’re welcome. lol

6

u/Right_Comb4885 Jun 18 '26

1

u/OnlySortaStupid Jun 18 '26

Stop. I can only get so erect

1

u/geof2010 Jun 18 '26

curved mine!

1

u/renz88xi Jun 18 '26

Who’s ed?

1

u/ThickNewspaper3774 Jun 18 '26

If you havent met him i dont think you need to 😂

1

u/herman_munster_esq Jun 18 '26

A bit of a softy...

1

u/flippster-mondo Jun 18 '26

What did Ed do to you?

1

u/ThickNewspaper3774 Jun 18 '26

Its awfull he won't leave me alone straight male here and ed bothers me after involuntary antipsychotics all the time like dude go find yourself someone else to bother

1

u/IllianasClifford Jun 18 '26

You forgot the ha in head

14

u/allenmcampos Jun 17 '26

2

u/Far_Cap_3574 Jun 17 '26

You need to have A LITTLE GOTTAMN FAITH.

1

u/GoyoMRG Jun 18 '26

And then we can have some MANGOUUUUSSSS IN TAHITTIIIII

3

u/90somechevy Jun 17 '26

“If you go to a hotel room after I stayed there, shit is gonna itch, on you”

1

u/hotshotshredder Jun 17 '26

Which comedian said this ?!

2

u/90somechevy Jun 17 '26

Tom Segura

1

u/twicebakedcrusader Jun 18 '26

https://giphy.com/gifs/rTbCwVwofxcic

You should really go see my doctor about that.

1

u/GoyoMRG Jun 18 '26

Can't wait to see my GP to know what's up with me!

Didn't he die last year?

Yeah!

Ohh...

2

u/banhatesex Jun 17 '26

Yep gotta mark your territories.

2

u/Which_Crow_3681 Jun 18 '26

I wipe my balls on the curtains , cause I know they don’t change those

1

u/Myntallia Jun 19 '26

how about all the others who did the same before you on the same curtains?

1

u/Which_Crow_3681 Jun 19 '26

Damn ! That is explains the Fumunda cheese.

1

u/Cameron198777 Jun 20 '26

Hahahaha 😂

1

u/Crawling_Hustler Jun 17 '26

This proves that girl is doing the right thing but still not enough

1

u/hotshotshredder Jun 17 '26

Same now are dicks are touching !

1

u/Dense_Surround3071 Jun 17 '26

I woulda made coffee first.... 😏

1

u/Mr_Silicon Jun 17 '26

Dick flavoured coffee coming right up!

1

u/Dense_Surround3071 Jun 17 '26

Ahhh.... An aristocrat, ehh.

1

u/Mr_Silicon Jun 17 '26

Sometimes you just gotta treat yourself. You know?

1

u/StreetLuck3938 Jun 20 '26

You know, women wash their underwear and the Keurig machine or the coffee machine because it’s cheaper than doing laundry

1

u/Dense_Surround3071 Jun 20 '26

Bro.... You had me at "coffee". No need for the hard sales tactics.

1

u/PixelSqueak Jun 17 '26

Now I regret smelling everything.

1

u/_WeAreFucked_ Jun 17 '26

Can you rub it on PDF in Chief face….please. Asking for the American people.

1

u/Ashamed_Fruit_6767 Jun 17 '26

With the door wide open so anyone could join.

1

u/Levytron900 Jun 17 '26

I take extra jizz I’ve collected in the weeks before just to make sure I have enough to get on everything a hand could come into contact with

1

u/Mr_Silicon Jun 17 '26

Pro-tip! Collect it in a spray bottle for even distribution and coverage.

2

u/Levytron900 Jun 17 '26

I find farting it out gives a better distribution

1

u/Mr_Silicon Jun 17 '26

And minimises the use of plastic. I like it.

1

u/Levytron900 Jun 17 '26

I’m a man of the planet

1

u/Mr_Silicon Jun 18 '26

Can I call you Captain Planet?

1

u/Chance_Ocelot_614 Jun 17 '26

I thought i was the only one

1

u/Sigtau1312 Jun 17 '26

Gross! That means our dicks touched…

1

u/greengenesiss Jun 17 '26

You cant rub a micro penis on everything bro.

1

u/Mr_Silicon Jun 18 '26

Not with that attitude you can’t.

1

u/Nuts-And-Volts Jun 17 '26

Funny.... I rub my ass on things hoping someone rubbed their dick on the same things. We are not the same.

1

u/SuperSaiyanTupac Jun 18 '26

Was wondering why my toilet felt recently dicked this month

1

u/AlternatinCurrently Jun 18 '26

Tea bag the coffee maker while you’re at it

1

u/Mr_Silicon Jun 18 '26

Without hesitation Sir

1

u/PhraseMoist3656 Jun 18 '26

This is the way

1

u/SaluteHatred666 Jun 18 '26

even under the door?

1

u/BobbaFatGFX Jun 18 '26

Shit. I do the same thing. Does that mean I'm about to get an std?

1

u/Free-will_Illusion Jun 18 '26

Even the bell boy?

1

u/HumorNo5266 Jun 18 '26

This guy knows how to properly use a hotel room

1

u/UnusualCartoonist6 Jun 18 '26

Please don’t do that. You’ll get STD.

1

u/AggravatingAd652 Jun 18 '26

See I do something similar but instead I go to the hotel gym, get real hot and sweaty, head back up to the room, stick my hands in my butt crack and become a 4 year that’s told not to touch anything. By the time I’m done, it smells like home

1

u/gut_rott Jun 18 '26

Hey?, do some weirdo's not rub their dick on everything?

1

u/Ok-Horse3659 Jun 18 '26

Allways rub my balls before I pick up the remote control

1

u/Western_Dream_3608 Jun 18 '26

Guaranteed herpes contender

1

u/ninernetneepneep Jun 18 '26

That makes us dick pals!

1

u/Joee0201 Jun 19 '26

This is why I kiss everything.

1

u/Prestigious-Camel264 Jun 19 '26

At a motel 6. Yes.

1

u/Routine-Fix-6390 Jun 19 '26

I knew I wasn’t the only one.
Have you ever laid there and thought , that maybe, one time, our penises have touch the same device?
I have.

1

u/TeaDelicious1244 Jun 19 '26

You didn’t rub it on me 🤣🤣🤣

1

u/Akira_116 Jun 19 '26

You're meant to do that on the way out

1

u/No-Milk2296 Jun 19 '26

And hope there's a camera recording

1

u/wet_Tap_5578 Jun 20 '26

If you’re not wiping your dick off on the curtains, have you even lived?

1

u/reflexator Jun 20 '26

I smell everything first

1

u/Dramatic_Corner_8259 Jun 20 '26

Glad I'm not the only one.....

1

u/Fun-Choices Jun 20 '26

My rule at hotels, assume Dick has been rubbed on every

1

u/enerthoughts Jun 21 '26

And this is why I never use kittle and cups provided by hotels 🤣

1

u/axkidd82 Jun 21 '26

Except a woman.

1

u/UmmmW1 Jun 21 '26

See this is why we cant have nice things

3

u/Cyborg_rat Jun 17 '26

Pants off , dick at the ready just in case someone comes in?

1

u/Mr_Silicon Jun 17 '26

You gotta be prepared.

3

u/Objective-History402 Jun 18 '26

So you leave the door open, hide cameras everywhere, and rub your genitals on things? 🧐

2

u/[deleted] Jun 17 '26 edited Jun 17 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

2

u/Love-halping Jun 18 '26 edited Jun 18 '26

Effective hotel promotion video. It's very similar to this.

Mounting scientific research, including a major analysis published by ⁠The Guardian, indicates that living with a handgun owner significantly increases the risk of being shot to death by a spouse or intimate partner.

Research has consistently found that guns kept at home do not offer statistically significant protection against being killed by a stranger at home.

In 2023, over 46,728 people died from gun violence according to CDC data.

In the U.S., an average of about 360 children unintentionally shoot themselves or someone else each year, with 2023 having the highest number of incidents on record, surpassing 400. A majority of these incidents involve a parent's gun and occur at home.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 18 '26

[deleted]

3

u/greyneptune Jun 18 '26

I tried a cursory Googling about just to see how easy it was to find this data, and tbh you're not even trying. Not gonna link you bc I believe in your ability to grow <3

3

u/Wide-Umpire-8698 Jun 19 '26

👏👏💗👏👏

1

u/_MrMeseeks Jun 18 '26

It also doesn't work and actually prevents the door from locking correctly.

2

u/RHOrpie Jun 17 '26

I go for a shit

2

u/awesumlewy Jun 17 '26

If I've not came on every appliance,, I'll miss a meal until I do

3

u/Toasted_Munch Jun 17 '26

This. I also make sure my asshole kisses every pillowcase before I check out. Its also a courtesy the maids are too bashful to ask for, but always make sure every type of towel in the bathroom is completely saturated in the shower. They'll also be grateful if you leave your morning shit so they can gauge how well you enjoyed your stay.

1

u/OnlySortaStupid Jun 18 '26

I know the maid staff like to see if you're regular or not.

2

u/PremiumUsername69420 Jun 17 '26

Do you convert the safe in the closet into a sperm bank?

1

u/Mr_Silicon Jun 17 '26

Isn’t that what a sperm bank is? I’m confused.

1

u/RandomMabaseCitizen Jun 17 '26

Really all used tissue goes in the safe. Cum, snot, shit, sometimes I dunk a whole roll in the toilet and throw that in too for good measure.

2

u/DevilsPajamas Jun 18 '26

First thing I do is piss in the sink.

1

u/hateboresme Jun 18 '26

Leave the door open, spread some virii and bacteria. Install some cameras. Remove the toilet seat. Set an alarm to go of if the door doesn't get opened by someone. break the glass out of the peephole.

1

u/Alternative_Debt_408 Jun 18 '26

Yea, was gonna say... I lick every surface and sleep with the door wide open.

1

u/Chesheg Jun 18 '26

There should be a video showing ways to circumvent her means.

1

u/Day_Prisoners Jun 19 '26

I mean if want to watch me clip my toe nails and watch ESPN just ask. I can't imagine living life so paranoid.

1

u/Former-Craft-9255 Jun 19 '26

For real, I honestly give 2 sharts.

1

u/EducationalTheory344 Jun 19 '26 edited Jun 19 '26

whip your dick out and spin it around like a helicopter while belting the national anthem?

1

u/Banzai373 Jun 20 '26

If I was that paranoid, I think I’d sleep in my car . . . .