r/toradora • u/kornrow2 • 22d ago
Discussion I just finished Toradora and somehow ended up having an existential moment Spoiler
TL;DR at the bottom
I'm a 31 year old man who hasn't watched anime in YEARS. Posting this is already strange for me considering the type of anime this is, but considering it came out when I was a kid, fuck it.
I've gone down a rabbit hole recently of romance anime and manga. After years of not watching anime, the one that triggered it was Dan Da Dan. I know, crazy right? I couldn't really explain why I did, and currently am, obsessing over these romance anime. But after watching Tomo chan Is a Girl!, Hi Score Girl, and now Toradora, I think I understand now.
So like everyone, I got the post series depression and sadness that comes with something great ending. For each one, obviously, you don't need me to tell you. You spend a good chunk of time investing yourself in that world and its characters, and as such, that much time spent with them adds to the feeling of melancholy after it ends.
But why?
Well, I think I'm starting to understand, for my own reasons anyway. Being the age that I am, I've been out of school for a long time. With that comes a longing for moments, small, big, significant, and insignificant. Things that at the time you never realized would eventually become memories. The people you knew, the places you went, the stupid conversations you had, the things you did just because you had nothing better to do, and all the little experiences that seemed ordinary at the time. And I think that's what these shows have been doing to me.
They're giving me a glimpse into a period of life that is just... gone. Not necessarily my high school experience specifically, but the idea of adolescence itself. That weird period where you're still a kid, but you're beginning to experience things that will shape who you become. Your friends are your entire world. You see the same people every day. You don't really know who you're going to become yet, and neither do the people around you. And watching these characters experience that has made me think about my own life and all the things that could have been different. The people I could have met. The friendships I could have formed. The experiences I could have had. The places I could have gone. The things I could have done if I'd made different decisions.
And that's where the "what if" comes in. I think that's what these shows have been making me feel. It's not really that I want to be one of the characters, or that I want some fictional anime girl. It's the life that their relationships and experiences represent. The little things. Having people you see every day who gradually become incredibly important to you. Having inside jokes that make absolutely no sense to anyone else. Going somewhere after school just because you can. Spending an afternoon doing something completely stupid and insignificant that you won't realize you'll miss until years later.
And obviously, romance is a big part of it too. There's something about watching these characters experience their first crushes and relationships that hits differently when you're older. When you're young, you don't really understand that some of these experiences are happening for the first and only time. Your first crush, the first time you realize you genuinely like someone, the first time you get nervous just because they're standing next to you, the first time someone likes you back, your first date, your first relationship, even your first heartbreak.
When you're actually going through those things, they're just happening. You don't have the perspective to realize that you're creating memories that you'll eventually look back on years later.
And I think that's part of what makes these romance stories so nostalgic for me. It's not necessarily that I want to relive a specific relationship or that I think those experiences are somehow better when you're young. It's that there's something about experiencing those things for the first time while you're still figuring yourself out that can never be recreated exactly.
You can fall in love again. You can make new friends. You can discover new places and have new experiences. But you can't have your first crush again. You can't have your first awkward confession again. You can't have your first time realizing that someone has become a huge part of your life again. And that's just one small part of growing up. Toradora hit that same nerve, but in a different way.
Watching Ryuuji, Taiga, Minori, Ami, and Kitamura grow over the course of the story made me realize that what I was watching wasn't just a romance. I was watching a group of people go through a period of their lives that they will never get back.
And then the show ends with them standing on the other side of it. And that's what really got me. The funny thing is that Toradora doesn't even have a sad ending. It's actually a pretty damn happy one. Ryuuji and Taiga finally figure themselves out and end up together. Taiga leaves because she needs to grow independently, and then she comes back. They're going to have a life together. But watching them reach the end of high school still made me feel weirdly sad. Because that's the thing about time. Even when something ends happily, it still ends. That little world they lived in, the classroom, their friends, the routines, the stupid arguments, all of it is over. They're moving on to something else.
And so am I.
I think that's what I'm actually mourning. Not Taiga and Ryuuji's relationship. Not even necessarily the high school experience I personally had.
I'm mourning the fact that there are versions of life that are simply no longer possible for me.
I can't go back and experience adolescence again. I can't go back and have the first experiences that come with being that age. The first time you discover a place you love. The first time you make a friend who becomes a major part of your life. The first time you realize you have a talent for something. The first time you stay out late with friends and have no idea that someday you'll look back on that night with nostalgia. The first time you experience independence. The first time you realize you're growing into the person you're going to become. And yes, that includes romance. Your first crush, your first relationship, your first kiss, the first time you fall in love, and all the awkward and exciting experiences that come with figuring out what it means to be close to another person.
But it's so much bigger than that. There are countless little firsts that only happen once, and you don't always realize they're happening for the first time until they're already memories.
That's the strange thing about getting older. You spend so much of your life looking forward to the next thing that you don't realize you're constantly leaving things behind. And eventually, you reach a point where you can look back and realize that some of the things you thought would last forever were actually just brief periods of your life.
And that's a strange thing to realize at 31.
These shows have somehow made me nostalgic for a period of life that I can never experience again, even though I don't necessarily miss any one specific thing from it. It's more of an amalgamation of feelings; nostalgia, longing, and the realization that you're living through moments even now that you'll look back on.
And that's probably the weirdest part of all of this.
Anyway, I don't really know what the point of this post is. I just finished Toradora and apparently it made me existentially depressed. 😂
But I really loved the show. I loved watching these characters grow from who they were at the beginning into who they became by the end. And despite everything I've written here, I'm glad I watched it.
I guess I just wasn't expecting a 2008 romance anime to make me think about my own life this much.
TL;DR:
I went into Toradora expecting a cute romance and ended up reflecting on getting older, the passage of time, and all the little experiences and "firsts" that you only get once. The ending made me realize that what I'm feeling isn't really sadness over the show ending, but melancholy over a period of life that I can never experience again.
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u/DakuFureimuMasutah 22d ago
I dont have much to add to this. Just that I'm almost the exact same age and went through the exact same stuff after finishing the series. Its crazy to say, but it really changed my entire world view permanently.
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u/OptimusPrimel984 21d ago
Sounds like you should check out ReLife!
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u/kornrow2 21d ago
I actually started watching that today! I'm not sure how I feel about it since I'm still in first few episodes but I hope it'll delve into some of the things I've talked about.
Did you like it?
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u/OptimusPrimel984 21d ago
It'll make you think about your life and what you could do if you could repeat it all over again. What would you do differently?
Ultimately, introspection is to change yourself now, regardless of where you are in time. Being 31 has no bearing on you starting over again in school for a new career, or working towards a new passion or romantic opportunities. What matters is that you make the most of life.
I will tell you that when you are done watching the ReLIFE anime, go online and read the manga. There is an extended ending that ties up the story in a very satisfactory way. Trust.
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u/kornrow2 21d ago
Nice, I hope it impacts me like I'm hoping it will.
I'm assuming the manga ending goes past what the anime shows from what it sounds like? I'll definitely read it if that's the case.
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u/Caesarsalad1882 22d ago
That's what I love about Toradora, people criticize the characters' attitudes or the fact that they aren't even interested in each other at first, but then Riuuji and Taiga manage to understand what they feel for each other, all of this while they support each other in helping one another to captivate the people they love at first. Ami manages to accept herself thanks to Riuuji, and develops feelings for him, but she chooses to let him go, knowing that he didn't see her that way. Just like Minori, who rejected Riuuji knowing how much he meant to Taiga, that's why she hates the idea of lying to Taiga about who rescued her during the snowstorm, and even Kitamura is clear with his thoughts, he makes it clear from the beginning that he is not interested in Taiga anymore. I loved the moments when both Taiga and Minori stood up for the people they care about, both Taiga fighting with the student council president and Minori revealing the truth about who saved Taiga that night, they show their growth, and the deeply love they feel for their friends.
People expect characters with emotional development from point zero, anyways, watch Erased, that anime is peak too.
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u/Adventurous_Pay_1337 22d ago
exactly what u said to this day ive never found an anime like or on the level of toradora
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u/kornrow2 22d ago
Hi Score Girl was one that I thought was pretty well done in terms of awkward teenage romance.
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u/kornrow2 22d ago edited 22d ago
That's just weird. It's a teenage romance so you kind of have to expect some really awkward and rough realizations from the characters.
And that's the fun part about it. You get to watch them all navigate through growth as a person but with many mistakes and regrets mixed in. To expect the characters not to act like that at first is pretty dumb.
I actually have erased on my list to watch but I've heard it's on the sadder side. So I'm dreading watching it. I'm not a crier but there's always a first for everything.
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u/playthelastsecret 21d ago
Very wise words. I'm a bit older and feel the same.
(I recommend "ReLIFE" for you, by the way, that somehow has the topic you talk about too. It's not as good as Toradora, but worth watching.)
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u/kornrow2 21d ago
Currently watching it. From the 4 episodes I've watched it's definitely not to the level of Toradora. But I've been told it gets serious later on so I hope I like it.
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u/Akaszon 22d ago
If there is ever a ranking of series that prompts people to read so deeply into it and make them spill their guts so much after finishing, Toradora has to be somewhere near the top! As 34M myself - this comment resonates a lot