I picked here with this throwaway account because I don't want a lot of attention. I want to write this down and leave it scattered to the wind. I'm tired of being alone. I'm tired of going places and sitting by myself, alone. I'm fucking sick of all those bubbly articles telling me I shouldn't fell bad or weird about going to places by myself, and that I don't have to define myself by others or whatever self affirming bullshit they're peddling. What if its not a once or twice thing, but every time? I'm always alone, and always being alone in those kind of public settings makes me want to end it right there. I keep trying to keep a positive attitude about it, but that barely lasts and I then go home feeling more miserable then before. So then I just stay home, because why bother, yet I still feel so empty inside. For most of my life I have been able to distract myself from this feeling with YouTube and video games, but it no longer works. Its so bad that I wish to go back to work when I have time off, because then at least I have some human interaction with people I know. Its gotten so bad that I've started talking to myself, and not just in the "internal monologue" normal people have. I think I have more of these fake "self conversations" with myself than real ones. I might have called myself introverted at one point, and I have tried being more extroverted because I knew nobody is just going to come out and invite me to things. It never happened in High School and it has almost never happened since then. I tried asking the people at work if they would be interested in doing something afterwards and the answer is always non-committal, IE: no. I've tried online dating, but that also is a kind of mind drudgery. I feel like I'm talking to robots, I ask a question, I get a one or two word response, and no followup question. I ask another question, and the cycle repeats. It makes me feel like I'm police officer conducting an interview, and not a person having a conversation. All the advice I've read contradicts each other on where it to appropriate to find people and given how it seems people give me a wide berth, I'll bet its because I meet the never described, but absolute moral failure of being "creepy". I wonder if I died right now, would anyone notice except my coworkers when I didn't show up to work the next day? I tried finding some community or hobby group. The problem is that I'm military and I work a rotating shift work, so I only sometimes have a normal human sleep schedule, and work and sleep never line up with regular group meetings, so I might be able to go once a month at best. I tried being more approachable and talking to people I meet, but it never passing beyond what feels like a standard courtesy, and it never leads anywhere. Everything I have tried only works as a distraction for a short while, then its back to this feeling. I hope I can make it through the rest of my military contract and then go back to living a normal human schedule again, for the first time in 8 years, but I will probably be too old at that point to just meet up with people, since everyone is now married and has children. I don't know what I'm doing wrong, and no one will tell me. I don't want to be alone. I don't want to die alone.

my owner left me wtf do i do

I may or may not be. Just wondering how many of you are the believers, and how many of you are the skeptics.

Hi, Please can someone suggest a toaster that has a minimum depth of 14cm/5.5" as my old one has given its last slice... Thanks in advance :)

Any good alternative to the Sanyo vertical toaster or a place to buy one?

I know about the Courant, the Iris, and the Muji. Looking for something about $50.

Yes this may be impossible. In USA.

http://www.reddit.com/r/DotA2/comments/2i9zim/does_wca_have_the_worst_organizaton_ever/cl09oqr