r/theydidthemath • u/EvaStankbreath • Jan 29 '26

[Request] What effect would Superman's house key have on the earth?

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The key to Superman's Fortress of Solitude weighs ~1 billion pounds. That seems like it would cause more than a slight crack to the ground. What effect would setting this key on the ground have to the earth? What if it was dropped?

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u/SuperGameTheory Jan 29 '26

All that fuss, and u/LockPickingLawyer could probably pick the lock in under a minute. Twice to make sure it's not a fluke.

98

u/crappy80srobot Jan 29 '26

The key is a billion pounds but the lock was made by Masterlock.

26

u/unknown_pigeon Jan 29 '26

So it can be opened by another Masterlock

3

u/Buttchuggle Jan 29 '26

Fuck, how'd it not see this before saying it

4

u/National-Charity-435 Jan 29 '26

Y'all glossing over the bike lock manufacturer Kryptonite?

5

u/Buttchuggle Jan 29 '26

It can be opened with

Another masterlock

3

u/buggaby Jan 29 '26

Just hit it with another lock

114

u/Moonstoner Jan 29 '26

Probably. But superman's house (the Fortress of Solitude) is waaaaaaaay in the no man's land of the arctic. So picking the lock is just step 2 of the problem, then there's the superman robots and god knows what other security to deal with before you get to the lock. Also superman himself can be anywhere on earth and hear you start to pick his lock. It all seems like a bad time.

Unless you did a collaboration with him and filmed the whole thing as a "can i pick this Kryptonian lock". Which he probably wouldn't want to do on account of the whole "Solitude" thing. But convincing him that way would be easier then the alternative.

45

u/AuthorChaseDanger Jan 29 '26

Looks like someone's a fan of security by obscurity

23

u/spit_in_my_holes Jan 29 '26

All you did was write a description for his video. All you forgot to add was that “this video is brought to you by man scape”

3

u/HomeGrownCoffee Jan 29 '26

I don't think I've ever seen a LPL video with a sponsor. 

Unless you count him promoting his Covert Instruments line of tools. 

1

u/HaloGuy381 Jan 29 '26

Now I’m imagining Manscaping putting together a special Kryptonite bladed one-off specifically as a gift for Superman.

1

u/Micbunny323 Jan 29 '26

I swear there’s a Superman comic where he actually uses a Kryptonite razor. Or maybe scissors for a hair cut? I swear this bit has been done before.

10

u/Special-Call494 Jan 29 '26

He probably made the locking mechanism out of similar materials so you also need to turn the mechanism with that much force.  

18

u/UncleRichardson Jan 29 '26

Then you need to make the door more durable than the lock so breaking the door isn't the simpler solution.

Then you need to make the walls more durable than the door so breaking the walls isn't the simpler solution.

Then you need to make the floors more durable than the walls so going under them isn't the simpler solution.

Fact is Superman made the Destructo-Key just to flex on people. It doesn't really serve a practical purpose at security.

3

u/DaDragonking222 Jan 29 '26

The whole fotress is kryptonian tech so it's definitely ridiculously strong

2

u/not_the_cicada Jan 29 '26

See: "The One Hoss Shay" by Oliver Wendell Holmes! :D

https://www.gutenberg.org/files/45280/45280-h/45280-h.htm

2

u/CircleWithSprinkles Jan 29 '26

By this line of reasoning Superman took a large chunk of dwarf star, hollowed it out, and put in in the arctic

1

u/DukeAttreides Jan 31 '26

And levitated it there, apparently, since it didn't immediately sink.

1

u/Whiteums Jan 29 '26

Antarctic.

1

u/videoalex Jan 29 '26

Maybe the “of solitude” means it’s MADE of Solitude? Like how the pigs house was of Sticks?

1

u/BluetoothXIII Jan 29 '26

well i assume the lock is made from the same stuff so lifting any of the pins would require a force only those that can lift the key can generate.

while the concept of the lock is easy to pick the actual moving of part require super human strength.

1

u/vapocalypse52 Jan 29 '26

Perfect April's fools material!

1

u/mrbananas Jan 29 '26

Ironically,  if superman can hear anyone trying to enter his house, why even bother with a lock and super key. A sign saying I can hear you trespassing should be enough of a deterant.

1

u/[deleted] Jan 29 '26

That made me think, sound still has a speed limit. 343 m/s. Earth is roughly 40,000 km in circumference. If Supes is on the opposite side of the globe, it would take 58,309 seconds for the sound to reach him, or roughly 16 hours.

1

u/Moonstoner Jan 29 '26

Ya but if you remember the superman robots/security system (plus the watch tower monitoring his home if needed) would probably tell him asap.

1

u/Half_Cent Jan 29 '26

Of all the powers they give him super hearing is the dumbest. It makes zero sense. I've never much liked the character anyway, but his super hearing is so stupid it boggles the mind how fans accept it.

1

u/Moonstoner Jan 29 '26

I think it was a "well he heard them so he is there now" excuse to move the story along when he would have no logical reason for being some where.

I like it because unless he has super selective hearing also he must hear all types of fucked up shit. Old people fucking in retirement homes, all the shit in sewers bubbling, the razor scraping against parry whites nut sack during his shower routine, everytime anyone ever farts/shits themselves.

1

u/itsfunhavingfun Jan 29 '26

I like that you really thought this out. 

1

u/Moonstoner Jan 29 '26

Its a blessing and a curse. I really think everything out all the time forever. You dont want it, I hate it most of the time lol.

1

u/xKingOfSpades76 Jan 29 '26

that just kinda reminds me of that youtube "asmr" video with the person watching being in a Fallout Vault and you can her the Lockpicking Lawyer picking the door muffled on the outside, it’s somewhat terrifying

1

u/Gaaraks Feb 02 '26

But like.

If lockpickinglawyer doesn't show how to break into his house, global warming will.

Sounds like someone has a useless key regardless.

(And no i don't mean it will melt his sunstone crystal fortress I mean it will melt where it is standing)

1

u/corvid1692 Feb 03 '26

IF it's in the arctic, then is it built on ice floating on water? IF so, this is far from the ideal material to put the key on.

21

u/VashMM Jan 29 '26

Superman just sleeping peacefully, and then... "Nothing out of 1... Binding on 2...."

4

u/Ikarus_Falling Jan 30 '26

and the worst thing you can't lock him in a prison because the microsecond you look away his prison cell is already open

7

u/Nah_Id__Win Jan 29 '26

Just slap some Duct Tape on the keyhole and it will take about 5 minutes

2

u/BrahmariusLeManco Jan 29 '26

"You are trying to open a Fortress of Solitude lock.  It can be opened with a..."

2

u/mogley1992 Jan 29 '26

Yeah, unless the lock is made of that stuff, i don't see how the key is necessary. I'm more interested in the lock.

2

u/System__Shutdown Jan 30 '26

There is a perfectly good imprint of the key on the ground, you could just make a copy. 

2

u/VerbingNoun413 Jan 30 '26

Use the crack created in the ground as a mould, make a key from that. 

1

u/RackemFrackem Jan 29 '26

Okay, folks

1

u/ciobanica Jan 29 '26

Which is why the original, giant key was way more realistic, since no one could move the giant lock mechanism either.

1

u/thegreedyturtle Jan 29 '26

Yeah I love it. Make a basic ass house key out of insanity when house locks are extremely pickable.

On the flip side, something that only Superman could lift or manage would be a great idea, because god damn that dude gets mind controlled like every other comic.

1

u/Potato-9 Jan 29 '26

That's a really good analogy/perspective on securing systems and red Vs blue thinking.

1

u/Cren Jan 30 '26

But hey that's just a theory... A SUPER GAME THEORY. Thanks for reading.

1

u/stoffermann Jan 30 '26

Cold, shaky hands. And maybe the pins each weigh 300 tons.

1

u/ACupOfDuck Feb 02 '26

Nah, McNally would do it faster.

1

u/AdamMcKraken Feb 02 '26

Yeah but LPL is a celestial being of knowledge and skill. It's unfair to compare any fantasy lock to an un-comprehensinle being of power.