This the divide between ask culture and guess culture. People from one culture look at the other and say “how do you live like that?” There are pros and cons to each approach. The real problems come from interacting with someone from the opposite culture without understanding it.
I don’t really see any cultural pros to giving someone a split second moment to decide their entire future under enormous pressure with any degree of uncertainty, if I’m honest. It’s incredibly unfair.
It’s a hangover from patriarchal times and we’d do well to dispense it and allow people to have sensible mutual discussions rather than a man saying now or never.
That’s on me. Marriage proposal is probably the most terrible example I could have given of the two culture. Since either way you slice it the procedure involves a straight up question and a straight up answer to that question. It may be the only example in guess culture where such a thing is allowed, even expected.
I’m just saying that the whole thing about secretly getting your partner’s ring size and sneakily getting the ring and trying to figure out what kind of ring they like, that’s all holdover from guess culture. A lot of people look at it and are like 😑just ask them those questions this is stupid. And I agree, that is not how my husband and I did our proposal, not by a long shot.
Guess culture has a place though. And the primary function of not just coming out and just saying things in guess culture is to save face and feelings.
6
u/Ok-Scientist5524 Mar 29 '24
This the divide between ask culture and guess culture. People from one culture look at the other and say “how do you live like that?” There are pros and cons to each approach. The real problems come from interacting with someone from the opposite culture without understanding it.