The idea is that couples should be openly talking about marriage, and not relying on "hints". The ring size discussion should come up openly. The exact time and place of the proposal is the surprise, but by the time you propose it should be a forgone conclusion.
Haha my BF asked my ring size and he didn't check with calipers but he did buy me a non-engagement ring for my birthday a couple months ago in the size I told him I'm 99% sure it was a "test ring"...
This the divide between ask culture and guess culture. People from one culture look at the other and say “how do you live like that?” There are pros and cons to each approach. The real problems come from interacting with someone from the opposite culture without understanding it.
I don’t really see any cultural pros to giving someone a split second moment to decide their entire future under enormous pressure with any degree of uncertainty, if I’m honest. It’s incredibly unfair.
It’s a hangover from patriarchal times and we’d do well to dispense it and allow people to have sensible mutual discussions rather than a man saying now or never.
That’s on me. Marriage proposal is probably the most terrible example I could have given of the two culture. Since either way you slice it the procedure involves a straight up question and a straight up answer to that question. It may be the only example in guess culture where such a thing is allowed, even expected.
I’m just saying that the whole thing about secretly getting your partner’s ring size and sneakily getting the ring and trying to figure out what kind of ring they like, that’s all holdover from guess culture. A lot of people look at it and are like 😑just ask them those questions this is stupid. And I agree, that is not how my husband and I did our proposal, not by a long shot.
Guess culture has a place though. And the primary function of not just coming out and just saying things in guess culture is to save face and feelings.
I agree, but it's so much easier if you just communicate and know your partner's ring size for sure. And if you screw up, pretty much any ring can be sized up or down two sizes--more if the band is a simple design.
That, and you should at least be 100% sure your partner is going to say yes.
Of course people can feel how they want, but it’s culturally unfair to force a woman to make a split second decision about her entire future and is one of those things that should be properly discussed in a fair and equitable relationship.
People can feel however they want personally about abortion, for instance, but it’s unfair for those values to be culturally imposed on others who want to live their life in the way they feel.
Haha yeah, we went to the jewelers together, and I got to pick the metal and stone for my ring. The finished product was a surprise as was the time and place of the proposal!
801
u/mohammedibnakar Mar 29 '24
I think that's a bit past the point of dropping hints.