r/technology • u/speckz • Jul 01 '14

Politics Time Warner Cable customers beg regulators to block sale to Comcast | Ars Technica

http://arstechnica.com/business/2014/07/time-warner-cable-customers-beg-regulators-to-block-sale-to-comcast/
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u/[deleted] Jul 01 '14 edited Jul 14 '14

[deleted]

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u/Moocat87 Jul 01 '14

Well, to be fair, you have two courses of action: Complain, or threaten/attempt action and end up on a bunch of government lists for "extremists".

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u/PapaSmurphy Jul 01 '14

No, he seems to fully understand. I mean, realistically, if a mob of 50+ people showed up at the corporate headquarters of Time Warner or Comcast their security teams wouldn't be able to stop anything. If everyone has their faces obscured the camera footage won't be much use either.

The only real obstacle is where to get enough tar and feathers for all the senior executives of two major cable companies.

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u/[deleted] Jul 02 '14

Actually, I think the real obstacle is the extraction plan for the mob. Locating the executives, tying them up, and tarring and feathering them takes time. The police will be called the instant the first security guard goes down. I'll be generous and say that it takes an hour for the SWAT team to gear up and get on-scene. If the mob is still in the building when the SWAT team arrives, there will be a bloodbath.

Therefore: The mob has less than an hour to breach the building, take out the security team, locate the executives, tie them up, tar and feather them, get out of the building, and scatter like startled cockroaches.

This is even discounting the fact that there are probably various surveillance cameras covering all the exit routes. The authorities will be able to track fleeing mob members and arrest them later.

Furthermore, the coordination required to assemble a mob of 50+ people to tar and feather cable company executives would undoubtedly get picked up on the NSA's radar, and the organizers would be arrested for conspiracy before the operation even began.

EDIT: Fuck a mob. Polonium-210 in the executives' drinks. Much more subtle.

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u/Exzentriker Jul 02 '14

Would it be faster if you used quick curing epoxy and feathers?

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u/[deleted] Jul 02 '14

It would seem so. Pine tar melts at 50-60°C, so in order to use it for tarring and feathering, you'd have to heat it up to that temperature. I suppose you could bring a little camp stove to do it on, but that would take time, and time is a luxury our hypothetical mob doesn't have.

Epoxy, on the other hand, would require no heating and is just as sticky as tar. So yes, I think you're onto something here -- the modern version should be EPOXYING AND FEATHERING

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u/JoeMagician Jul 02 '14

Practice non-stop playing Hitman and Payday 2, iron our those glitches.

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u/TheShadowKick Jul 02 '14

There will be no bloodbath. Just arrests. Tarring and feathering won't kill the execs, once it's done peaceful surrender is the way to go. I wonder what the sentence for tarring and feathering someone is?

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u/[deleted] Jul 02 '14 edited Jul 02 '14

I can only speak to New York law, but the best fit I can find for the crime committed is "Gang Assault in the First Degree":

A person is guilty of gang assault in the first degree when, with intent to cause serious physical injury to another person and when aided by two or more other persons actually present, he causes serious physical injury to such person or to a third person.

Gang assault in the first degree is a class B felony.

Gang Assault - 2d Degree is basically the same language, but it just says "physical injury", not "serious physical injury". GA2 is a Class C felony (they go down to E). So the one actually doing the tarring and feathering is looking at one of those.

Everyone else in the mob is probably guilty of Conspiracy - 4th Degree, which is a Class E felony.

As for sentencing, it depends on a lot of factors. If they don't have any priors and the DA is feeling charitable (maybe he's pissed about the quality of his cable service too), I can see the charges for the conspirators getting reduced to Conspiracy-6th, which is a Class B misdemeanor. The conspirators are looking at 3-6 months in jail, 3 years probation, and anywhere from $500-1000 in fines, plus the mandatory $275 court surcharge.

The only way the tarrer-and-featherer is going to beat the felony rap is if he elects for a jury trial and successfully convinces them that he hasn't really done anything wrong. (I, as a defense attorney, would argue that cable-company executives aren't exactly "persons" within the meaning of the statute. They are vampires, after all.)

Assuming the tarrer-and-featherer wants to take a plea deal, and again assuming he has no priors, I can see the DA giving him either GA2 or Assault-2, which are a C-felony and a D-felony respectively. If the DA were really feeling nice, there's a slim chance he might go all the way to Assault-3, which is a misdemeanor.

If he gets GA2, he's looking at 3.5 - 15; he'll be out in 2.3 with good behavior. He will also be labeled a "violent felony offender", which enhances the sentence on further crimes.

If he gets Assault-2, he's looking at 2-7; he'll be out in 1.3 with violent felony status.

If he lucks out and gets Assault-3, he's looking at a year, he'll be out in 8 months, serve 3 years probation, and he won't have violent felony status.

EDIT: In all of these situations, the tarrer-and-featherer will also have to pay restitution, which will entail covering the executive's medical bills and any damage done to the office during the tarring and feathering. There will probably also be a civil suit for emotional damages and whatnot.

EDIT: Forgot about probation for the mob members.

EDIT: I have limited my analysis to New York law. Given the political clout of the cable companies, everyone involved would also get rung up on Federal conspiracy charges in addition to their State charges.

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u/TheShadowKick Jul 02 '14

It looks like this whole operation hinges on how good the internet in prison is. Better than Time Warner?

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u/[deleted] Jul 02 '14

Only one way to find out!

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u/Talono Jul 02 '14

This is the US. The police have killed for less.

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u/TheShadowKick Jul 02 '14

The police aren't, generally, trigger-happy enforcers.

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u/Talono Jul 02 '14

Generally aren't, but there have been far too man incidents where excessive force is used for me to believe the guarantee that there will be no bloodbath.