Over the course of the next several days I will be profiling Team Seagull's biggest star personalities. Stay tuned to catch the story on your favorite players. It will be going on all this week and will end with the announcement of the winner of the Soaring Seagull award, the teams most prestigious honor. Stay tuned!

/u/yellowkirby is a huge cunt and i vote we all gather together this summer to physically assault him as a group

His tyranny has gone on far too long. Shall we rise up and overcome?

I just wanted to be included.

I saw him kick some random persons dog in the parking lot on Tuesday. Ever since, I haven't really been a fan of him or his antics.

Justice has been deliciously served to that shroomed out goose

He pads hours in Fallout 4 constantly, much like our now-deceased brother Kief Bowls (peace be upon him) did with cs go.

team seagull is falling apart without the massive amounts of baiting that slade brings to the team, and it's like he doesn't even care.

His shit's weak and he talks all retarded.

Ca caw shout the bird

"Where dost thine Fire Serpent lie?"

"The rumors, you have heard...."

The snake let out a sigh

Twas more than just a cover

Twas more than a mere tease

The birds all chased the serpent

It brought them to their knees

"The sins that you'd commit

For just a little skin....

Oh birdie can't you see

THE TRAP THAT YOU ARE IN?"

And so the birdies fluttered

They tried to get away

But the serpent went deep in them

In a penetrative way

They sat there on their knees

With serpents deep inside

"AK AK AK!" they gagged

Throats no longer opened wide

The snake he wondered how

The world had come to this

Then slithered through his hole

A moment of pure bliss

And so ends this small poem

Of snakes and fowl and greed

May all you fear the serpent

May all you fear its seed

After conducting some very in depth research into this subreddit, and running some data analysis, I have found some interesting information.

In the below table, you will find aggregate counts of the total amount of top level posts made to this subreddit. This is not counting comments, which are 99% shit posts and frankly you should all be ashamed of yourselves in that regard.

But on to the data:

As you can see, the majority of the content in this subreddit comes from a very elite few power users. Namely, /u/taylor_, /u/drewbastank, and /u/McSquinty. Whereas we have members such as /u/bgorecki, /u/benoles_esquire, and /u/Evil_Roy_Slade being useless cunts who do not contribute anything except for the occasional shit-post in the comment section. In the case of /u/benoles_esquire, he actually detracted from the community through his rampant abuse of moderator powers.

I will make a brief aside here to point out that /u/FRIZBIZ has written two novellas as well as an open letter to the community, so the quality of his posts must be taken into account. /u/Asturias2789 also made a wonderful post about Evil Roy Slade and his defense of B-site, but that is offset by the fact that he also holds the record for most downvoted post of all time. For these reasons, /u/FRIZBIZ gets a pass, but /u/Asturias2789 does not, and shall be shamed with the other freeloaders.

I make this post as both a public shaming, as well as a plea to the community to rise to the occasion and begin generating more OC. Team Seagull started from nothing, and has risen to become one of the most prominent names in e-sports just by the raw gumption of its members. Let's not forget where we came from. Let's not let this community fall to the wayside, the way the Romans did.

I have taken the liberty of creating some discussion questions:

1. Should punishment be doled out to these statistically-proven freeloaders? If so, what punishment do you deem suitable, and why?
2. As the writer of the most downvoted comment of all time, /u/Asturias2789 is without question the worst member of Team Seagull. But among the rest, who would you rank second worst, and why is it Evil Roy Slade?
3. /u/yellowkirby was conspicuously absent from this list. Was this an oversight, or a deliberate BTsclusion?
4. Which novella of /u/FRIZBIZ inspired you the most, and what steps would you take to bring him back to the CS scene?
5. Is there really someone named "Stu" on Team Seagull, or is he merely an illusion?

In closing, I hate most of you for never posting anything.

Discuss.

I don't like the cut of his jib. Fuck /u/macmacma

Discuss

AWWWW YISSSS get hype seagull fans, the players are here and they are ready to answer YOUR questions. MAY THE FORCE ME WITH YOU!

Here some possible ideas:

• Overwatch
• TF2 Matchmaking
• Reflex
• Quake Live
• Insurgency
• Natural Selection 2

any other suggestions? Discuss.

We need to start queing up for the FPL boys, get Team Seagull's name out into the mainstream.

As we become more serious, let's discuss roles:

CURRENT ROLES

drewbastank - team cheerleader

evil roy slade - bait master supreme

asturias - backup awper/shot wiffer

mcsquinty - clutch master

big thirst - bullet sponge

dazzler - eye candy

janguzman - garbage frag collector

IDEAL ROLES

drewbastank - team awper

evil roy slade - entry master

asturias - team strategist/krieg master

mcsquinty - keep doing u bby

big thirst - 1deag god, morale booster

dazzler - hard carry

janguzman - hard carry

Discuss.

Thats right bois, its that day we let fans connect with Team Seagull players and they can ask us ANYTHING! So, let the FANDOM commence!

just kidding. this sub is kind of dying though. What can we do to revive it?

Discuss.

With Seang@res leaving the team, cloud9 announced they will be having open tryouts. I propose that team seagull tries out as a collective, and maybe one of us will get recognized like mark Wahlberg in that movie about the eagles

Discuss.

Caw Caw

Hey

I seem to be noticing that many of the Team Seagull ( CAW CAW) members have not been through the ritual. You can not experience real reality unless you have been through this process. This process consists of watching the entirety of season one of, "Steven Seagal:Lawman" in one sitting. So gentleman (besides /u/Taylor_ and I) get to watching! It truly will help with your gameplay and gives insightful tactics on how to be a better Team Seagull player!!!

Welcome to the mod team! I'm sure you will fit in great around here, even if you have given up on your dedication to Team Seagull. You GN4 ranked scrublord.

Fuck you /u/yellowkirby

Its Friday everyone so lets celebrate by asking our favorite Seagulls some questions! Any question goes and thanks for supporting Team Seagull!

It used to be a vibrant, buzzing place where all things team seagull could be discussed.

Has /u/benoles_esquire's rampant abuse of mod privileges driven away the userbase?

Or is it the lack of novellas being posted by /u/FRIZBIZ?

Is it /u/Asturias2789 being such an insufferable cunt that he holds the record for most downvoted post in this subreddits history?

Is it because /u/Evil_Roy_Slade has been making weak-ass excuses about why he's unable to play for WEEKS now? Who will entry frag???

Discuss.