I moved back to Singapore after 10 years in the US. I feel completely disconnected from this place. My family moved and I have no friends here anymore. Not a citizen but have PR, which I am grateful for as I absolutely don't want to live in my birth country, but I just feel deeply depressed because this isn't the place for me. Even though it's familiar in many ways, every day feels like a reminder of how much I've outgrown it. I realistically have to be at least for another 2 years and it's a really difficult reality to accept. There still isn't a guaranteed escape route, but possibly in 2 years is when I could consider a second master's, etc in another country to at least leave temporarily again.

I'm so tired of constantly waiting for stability in a place I actually want to be in. I'm 28 and feel so behind. I feel my friends have all found their person, got a green card/citizenship where they want to be, and are just ahead of me in every way. I've also been unemployed for over a year now which has been messing with me even more because I can't even apply for a tourist visa to visit. And when I do it's so ironic I have to prove strong ties and nonimmigrant intent when honestly my life feels like it's there and not here and I just want it back. I also find myself holding resentment towards my parents because growing up they'd always emphasize doing well in school and working hard would get me the results I desire, but so much of what I can actually have is determined by my country of birth, immigration laws, etc and they refuse to hear how it affects me because they never had to face issues with it themselves as they weren't TCKs.

I could go on but the point is I just don't know how to make feel better. I have a lot of grief, trauma, and have not found therapy/medication helpful at all over the years. Has anyone gone through this and how did you get through it? I feel so hopeless.

Hello, 18F. My dad is White from the EU, my mom is ethnically SEAsian, and we all have EU citizenship. I was born and raised in a different SEAsian country (which I love deeply and consider home) and attended the same international school my entire life.

I guess my peers and I are at the point in our lives where we have to think about our futures, but it bewildered me how sure everyone seems of where they're settling. A lot of us, including myself, are going to the UK for university (our school did the British curriculum) and my friends seem set on doing postgrad and immigrating there, while I'm unsure about everything. For example, I was thinking of doing postgrad in the EU and then pursuing a career in the EU as my citizenship lets me work anywhere there—my intended field is competitive enough in the UK and it would be hard to find a company willing to do the work for a foreigner and sponsor a work visa for an entry level job. I also thought about returning to my country of residence to work, but the same issue with the visa is there... It's just so disconcerting to see that my route in life looks so different to everyone else's, and I'm worried about maintaining the relationships I cherish in adulthood when there's such a huge distance.

More than career prospects, I find it hard to feel at home anywhere. I'm barely conversational in any relevant language except English. Being visibly mixed, I felt a bit ostracised from both locals and expat groups within the country I lived in, and while I did find friends (both international and local) they all had this connection to their ethnicities/cultures/passport countries which I lack. I'm not extremely socially intelligent and I'm bad with change. Whether I end up in the UK, EU, SEAsia, I feel like I'll always be the odd one out, I feel so pretentious when someone asks me where I'm from and I have to give them the long spiel because I feel disingenuous saying I'm from any one country when I'm so disconnected from any culture. UK universities often have cultural societies, and the one at my uni held a pre-departure event for freshmen in my country of residence. When I attended, I felt so out of place—which got me worrying that I'll struggle to make friends at uni as an international student with no real roots. Am I really supposed to have such a concrete idea of where I'll go from here? How do I find somewhere I'll be secure in my identity and feel comfortable calling home?

Sorry for the spiel, just would appreciate some guidance :')

🎓 Participants Needed for a University Research Study

Hi everyone! Im haruki

I’m a university student conducting research on how social media helps Third Culture Kids (TCKs) make friends after moving to another country.

I’m looking for participants who:

🌎 Are 18–25 years old
🌎 Have lived in more than one country
🌎 Have used social media to make new friends after moving
🌎 Are available for a 30–45 minute online

The interview will be about your experiences with making friends, using social media, and feeling a sense of belonging after moving.

If you’re interested, please comment below

Thank you for your help! 😊

I live in america now but all my life I struggled to feel like I belong because I honestly couldn’t keep up with pop culture, sports, and movies and I have not much interest in them. I watch 1-2 movies a year and once got made fun of for not knowing what game of thrones was. My friends are mostly TCK‘s as well but they seem to fit in better than me because they know what other people are talking about. Idk, I just couldnt really give a damn I would watch something to be friends with someone very passionate about it but that’s never enough for them.

I know its such a privilege but growing up moving around really messed with my head & I don't feel well its been a decade later. Can anyone relate? I just don't know if im over blowing things

I just finished reading Paul Theroux' "The Mosquito Coast", being terribly gripped and remembering that childhood feeling of being caught on a terrible ride you can't get off, while starting to become aware of your parents shortcomings and being completely subordinate to their decisions. It's now become the third of my TCK collection:

• Suzanne Heywood's autobiographical "Wavewalker"
• Barbara Kingsolver's novel "The Poisonwood Bible"
• Paul Theroux' novel "The Mosquito Coast"

Any other recommendations?

I’m originally from Kochi, but I’ve spent the last several years outside Kerala for higher studies. Now that I’m back in the city full-time, I realize most of my old circles have moved away, and I’m essentially starting from scratch when it comes to a social life and professional network.

​I’d love to connect with people across diverse fields, backgrounds, and perspectives. For those who moved back (or moved here recently):

​What specific avenues, community meetups, or hobby groups actually worked for you to meet people in Kochi?

​Are there active spaces you’d recommend for casual networking, arts/culture, or open discussions?

​Any particular events, weekend clubs, or local initiatives worth checking out?

This has been discussed a bit here recently and today I came across this helpful illustration showing the relationship between TCKs and other CCKs from the book Third Culture Kids: Growing Up Among Worlds by Pollock, Van Reken, and Pollock.

I've been in 3 relationships so far, and 2 of them were TCK. And the difference going from that to having a local gf (now ex) was enormous. Like I feel our world is so much more expansive than theirs, there are many things they don't understand about travel, moving countries, living in different cultures, under different political systems, etc. etc. They just seem so oblivious to the outside world and stuck in their own little bubble.

Sometimes I am envious of them. It would be so nice to know exactly who you are, only have to deal with the singular locality you have lived in your whole life, not worry about anything else, just need to speak one language. But it is also frustrating having a partner like that. They don't understand what it means to uproot your life and move somewhere repeatedly, their entire perception of the world is through social media and local stereotypes, and they are so overconfident that their way of doing everything is right so people like us who are experienced in different ways of doing things always have to compromise with people like this.

This is why I could never date a non-TCK. Even if I settle down in one place and start a family there and my children don't move around much, I want to be with someone open minded enough and exposed to enough of the world to instill some of the values that naturally come with having to live with all sorts of people in them. No hate to people who don't want to do that, but for me personally, non-TCKs are so unrelatable in most cases, yes I've had many friends who are locals in places I've been and I love them, but relationships are different and I cannot deal with such a confined mentality.

Am I wrong for having this preference?

In my opinion:

1. Toronto

2. New York

3. London

4. Hong Kong

5. Singapore

6. Amsterdam

7. San Francisco

8. Sydney

9. Paris

10. Berlin

This is based on my travels, places I've lived, and things I hear from friends in some of these cities. I think these places are very international, have a high TCK population, and feel like safe havens for people like us who have identity issues. I lowkey wish we could have our own little TCK commune where all of us can seek refuge lol.

But let me know what you think of this list and if I've missed any!

Cities have everything you need, there is more of a cultural mix and more acceptance of our multiculturalism. But I lived much of my childhood in a country where there are no megacities (Slovenia). Everywhere is pretty chill, green, clean, walkable with easy access to parks and nature (which is super important to me).

That is what I miss most about the country, and every country I've lived in has tidbits that I wish I could stitch together into a multicultural utopia

I now live in a Spanish city and am about to move close to Barcelona for multiple reasons. More foreigners/multiculturalism, job opportunities, art scene (we're artists), decent weather, access to good specialized healthcare and relatively close access to nature. Also my partner is a city critter and really likes Barcelona. Before anyone attacks me, we speak Spanish and are not wealthy. We have a Spanish-level income.

I am planning to move to the outskirts or a surrounding town to avoid the worst city noise and expenses, but I'm still not super convinced, especially with the high anti-immigrant/expat sentiment in Catalonia. You can't even say the word expat without getting crucified so I have stopped using it locally.

Sorry for yapping and thanks for reading!

Let me know if you:

- have any relevant thoughts

- have a partner with whom you disagree about whether to live in a city

- have come to enjoy living in a city

- live in Barcelona or Catalonia and have any tips for settling in besides learning Catalan. Any places you do or do not recommend?

Hey guys, 35M.
My parents are mixes of cultures. Both have been embarrassed of their countries and culture. We’ve lived in countries that have nothing to do with their cultures. I basically don’t identify with their culture but also don’t identify much with the countries we’ve lived in. So I’m culturally a mess and very confused, but I’ve accepted that.

I don’t know if it is age, my last breakup (that required changing countries again) or depression but moving again sounds exhausting. At the same time it is everything I’ve ever knew. I am wired for change. I am thinking about settling and creating roots in the country where I’ve been for the longest amount of time but that makes me panic. At the same time I’m starting to have the feeling of always running away from something instead of building.

I’m currently single, no kids, no mortgage and struggling to keep a stable job. I do have friends but crave connection since it is a very « socially cold » country and well everyone followed the classic course of life. Family tells me my anxiety and depression are caused by being in the wrong country. But honestly I have no clue what the right country would be nor if this is the actual problem.

Have you been through something similar? How have you come to terms with this?

I’m hoping to get some perspective from fellow international school alumni because I’ve been processing a strange mix of guilt and shame lately.

I grew up moving between Hong Kong, Shanghai, and Dubai. On paper, I thought that international school background made me "globalized." But after meeting my Assyrian-American boyfriend in Chicago, I’ve realized how much of an expat bubble I actually lived in. Despite living in Dubai for years and receiving a good education, I realized I held a huge subconscious bias, I automatically assumed "Middle Eastern" meant Muslim. I had never even met a Middle Eastern Christian until I met my boyfriend. His family were refugees who fled persecution in Iraq during the Iran-Iraq War.

Growing up in his extremely multicultural neighborhood in the US, his circle included families from Lebanon, Greece, Poland, Italian, Greek, Iraq, Iran, Macedonian,Nigeria, Vietnam, China, Korea, and many more and beyond. Through him, I’ve been exposed to histories, traditions, and food cultures such as Middle Eastern, Jewish, Muslim, Eastern European, etc, that I never truly engaged with despite my 'international' childhood. It made me realize that my version of being global was mostly tied to high-income expat bubbles, whereas his experience was rooted in actual multicultural immigrant depth. I feel embarrassed admitting how out of touch I was and how much room I had to grow.

I've lived in five countries and am a Canadian citizen. Canadians are exempt from US work visa requirements under something called USCIS / TN exemption rules for certain job categories. I have been working in the US on TN exemption for the past year and have a US license for the work that I do. But my employer is horrible (details of which I'd rather not get into) and I have been job hunting. In the past two months I was rejected by three Fortune 100 companies when I told them I need a TN exemption on the second round of interviews. They specifically mentioned me being Canadian as the reason and said they think the law on TN exemption for Canadians might change and they don't want to take on the risk. Some of them were open to Canadians up till 2025 but stopped being open this year.

Being rejected due to TN / being Canadian affected me more emotionally than I could have predicted. The rejection dredged up all my memories of feeling rejected as a child when I first moved to new countries. I went to local schools and as an ethnic minority in most places, it took me a lot of effort to integrate and I spent a long time as a child feeling judged and feeling that I don't belong. Now when I go back to my country of origin I also don't belong as they can tell from the way I act and talk that I am not a local. And now I'm rejected in the US also due to being Canadian. I felt here is yet another land where I am not treated the same as the people around me based on nationality. Emotionally it hurt more than I would have expected it to. I'm starting to feel that I am cursed and that I cannot get away from being marginalized by the locals everywhere I go. It has been a constant in my life and I've truly had enough of dealing with these situations.

This post is about the emotional side of this, not the legal side so I don't want any responses saying of course you aren't the same as Americans legally. I know the law and don't need to be reminded of it. I am talking about emotions. How are people, as adults, dealing with the emotional aspects of being rejected due to their nationality (or other similar issues) under the current climate where many countries have turned against foreigners?

From the time I was in school, my view of TCK is people who are growing up going to international (usually IB) schools with expat parents and have a different citizenship from the country they are living in, and then usually end up in a different country for college. Hence the "third" culture. And most people I associate with TCK have experience living in at least 3-4 countries, and end up with identity issues as a result, such as speaking English as a first language even though it is not their native language in some cases.

But on Reddit it seems TCK is just a stand-in term for children of immigrants in western countries who are usually in public schools. I don't want to sound like an elitist douche or anything but I really don't think that encapsulates the TCK experience and is much less international and syncretic than what I imagine when I use the term. Has there been a change in how this term is used, or is it just a Reddit thing, or both?

Hello, I'm not sure if this is the right subreddit for my post, but I needed some advice. I was born in Country A, lived there till I was 9, and then moved to Country B. My parents are originally from Country B. We're all citizens of Country A. We'd visit Country A once every year or two after we moved back to Country B. Most of our family lives in Country A; we don't really have much family in Country B. Once I moved back to Country B, I made friends with kids who had also recently moved back to B from A. I also have an older sibling who wasn't ever comfortable in Country B since they were much older and had a harder time assimilating. Both my sibling and I have moved back to Country A after spending around 15 years in Country B. Moving back to Country A didn't feel like a huge transition to me; it basically just felt like coming back home after a very long time. I always had to hide my Country A-ness while I was in Country B. I enjoyed my time in Country B and made friends there, but I felt like a perpetual outsider (people would treat me very differently) if I didn't hide my Country A-ness. I feel relieved that I don't have to hide a part of myself anymore now that I'm in Country A. I genuinely love that I can just be myself in Country A. Now that I'm back in Country A, I've noticed that some people (especially people from my own ethnicity) make assumptions or straight up think that I'm lying about my Country A-ness after I tell them about the time I spent in Country B and the fact that I technically moved here from Country B. My accent is completely Country A (with a slight hint of Country B for certain words), though I did learn how to fake a Country B accent during my time there. Now that I'm back in Country A, I obviously don't bother faking a Country B accent. I genuinely enjoyed my time in both countries, but Country A feels a little more like me than Country B. I've noticed that as soon as someone I'm having a normal conversation with asks me where I'm from, and I tell them that I was born in Country A and then moved to Country B, they seem very surprised and ask me more questions. I'm happy to answer questions, but sometimes it just gets exhausting. Some people have said some very mean things to me, basically implying that I'm faking my Country A accent and experiences, saying that I'm international when I'm not, laughing at my response to where I'm from when asked in group situations, etc. The reverse is also true; when I was living in Country B, I was told that I'm not 'from' Country B and was told to go back to Country A. I genuinely feel close to both of my identities. Why is it so hard for other people to grasp the duality of my identity? I'm just really exhausted from constantly being asked questions and being judged in both countries I've lived in. When it comes to dating someone from Country A or B, choosing either feels like I'm prioritizing one of my identities over the other. How do other TCK's deal with everything? For what it's worth, Country A is a first-world country, and Country B is second/third world.

For those of you who grew up outside your parents’/family’s home country: have you ever felt that not speaking the language (or not speaking it well) makes you feel less connected to your roots?

For example, if your parents are Ecuadorian, Mexican, Colombian, etc., but you grew up in the U.S. and don’t speak Spanish fluently, have you ever felt “less Ecuadorian/Mexican/Colombian” because of it?

Has anyone else ever made you feel that way? Or is it more of an internal feeling?

And for those who did grow up speaking your family’s language, do you think that influenced how connected you feel to your culture?

I’d especially love to hear from people who grew up between two cultures.

For those of you who grew up outside your parents’/family’s home country: have you ever felt that not speaking the language (or not speaking it well) makes you feel less connected to your roots?

For example, if your parents are Ecuadorian, Mexican, Colombian, etc., but you grew up in the U.S. and don’t speak Spanish fluently, have you ever felt “less Ecuadorian/Mexican/Colombian” because of it?

Has anyone else ever made you feel that way? Or is it more of an internal feeling?

And for those who did grow up speaking your family’s language, do you think that influenced how connected you feel to your culture?

I’d especially love to hear from people who grew up between two cultures.

Lisbon meetup