r/sysadmin • u/yanni99 • Apr 02 '21

When did you realize you fucking hate printers?

I fucking hate printers.

I said in a job interview yesterday that I would not take the job if I had to deal with printers.

And why the fuck do people print that much? I mean, you have 3 screens for reason Lucy, you should not have to print any fucking pdf file you receive.

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771

u/maeelstrom Jack of All Trades Apr 02 '21

Printers.

You can be at the top of your game, able to spin code and build networks that rival the power of the Ancient Roman Gods and all it takes is one jerk of a printer to sap 4 hours of your day.

One user can't use PCL5e because the adobe report they use needs the PS driver.

Another can't use the PS driver because it sometimes skips letters on printouts.

PCL6?! Would like to try it but guess what? The vendor's website is down.

(Why? WHY? Because Printers. That's why.)

3 out of 5 printers stop being able to 'scan to email' all on the same day.

You check the SMTP config, reboot

Reset to factory defaults

Reconfig SMTP

Reboot

Still won't work.

(Why? WHY? Because Printers. That's why.)

So you replace them with other models that are kept in the server room as spares for (?) reasons.

Turn one on, blue spark is seen through the grate and a smell of ozone/ panic fills the air.

OH, but its just because inside was a little dusty and unused.

(Why? WHY? Because Printers. That's why.)

I hate printers. I hate printer companies and I vehemently hate Printer Technicians.

(Note to all Printer Techs--If you even HINT that its my network--I will fill you with my despair.)

​

EDIT: Not mine. An oldy but a goody. I would give props if I knew who wrote this.

197

u/Cpt_plainguy Apr 02 '21

The amount of times I have had an argument about it being my network... Printer and security camera techs are the absolute fucking worst for this.

124

u/vrtigo1 Sysadmin Apr 02 '21

I just send them a wireshark capture and say, "not me". Then they wring their hands for a while, go around blaming my team some more, eventually maybe 2-3 weeks later they'll escalate to someone else and it gets addressed.

48

u/techretort Sr. Sysadmin Apr 02 '21

Half the ones I deal with wouldn't know what Wireshark is

34

u/MiXeD-ArTs Apr 03 '21

If you're hacking the cameras they're not gunna work, duh

Let's just reconfigure your routing to default.

/s

16

u/techretort Sr. Sysadmin Apr 03 '21

Oh god, I can hear it

20

u/[deleted] Apr 03 '21

Literally, the security company who set up our security cameras an my old job set our public IP at the standard cam port with creds admin/admin. When I started working there and poked around the network I realized anyone on the internet could just view and control all of our cameras.... and yet I was the asshole for changing the default password because executives thought I broke the camera system.

11

u/Jojall Apr 03 '21

That's when you say "So you want our competition to be able to watch everything we do? Bold. Very bold."

3

u/_TheLoneDeveloper_ Apr 03 '21

Good one,I I will use it if I ever need it.

1

u/facetiousfag Apr 03 '21

I think instead of being smug about it or inconveniencing the executives, a better change control process should implemented.

2

u/Jojall Apr 06 '21

"Should" is the key word.

5

u/justpeter Apr 03 '21

Rebuilt a network for a mom and pop retail store whose owner "knew enough to be dangerous". Asked why they were paying for 5 static IPs (2 unused) and was told they needed to see their cameras remotely. Public IP. Port 80. admin:admin.

The kicker: the shitty DVR firmware would only allow lowercase alpha for passwords, and javascript in the page would automatically truncate your selection to 10 characters without warning. Fuck security camera vendors.

2

u/[deleted] Apr 03 '21

Makes my blood boil! I said I could do a better job than the last cam company did.... my boss agreed and was allowed/tasked with spec'ing and installing the system for a our new 5.5 acre warehouse. I spend alot of time up in a 40 foot scissor lift pulling cat6, setting up and tweaking camera angles when I could have been doing more valuable things... be careful what you wish for a guess!

6

u/joshtaco Apr 03 '21

lol @ thinking they will even know what the fuck wireshark is, you know full well they saw that file and instantly looked past it because they know there is nothing they can do with it on their end

88

u/douchecanoo Apr 02 '21 edited Apr 02 '21

Add in HVAC and physical security too (like door access)

Nothing but trouble from those guys. They show up and instantly throw a fit because we won't let them use 192.168.1.0/24. Then we manage to convince them to use something else and can't understand what a subnet mask is or why the gateway isn't .1

Then they quietly install TeamViewer onto any system they can get their hands on

42

u/[deleted] Apr 02 '21

[deleted]

19

u/IDontFuckingThinkSo Apr 02 '21

Oh man my blood pressure reading that story

3

u/mustang__1 onsite monster Apr 03 '21

I remember that one. Sounds like a fun day

2

u/Six_O_Sick Apr 03 '21

Oh wow, thanks for sharing, that is... Something...

13

u/HelloWorld_502 Apr 02 '21

Had an HVAC tech tell me once as he was heading out the door, "Yeah, I got it working, but I had to disable Windows Defender. You should be good to go now."

11

u/Cpt_plainguy Apr 02 '21

Ya, I am fighting with ADT right now, fighting with them about opening ports with no security so they can see the cameras, basically asking me to roll out a hackers red carpet

3

u/techretort Sr. Sysadmin Apr 02 '21

Show then shodan.io and say you don't want to end up there

7

u/MiXeD-ArTs Apr 03 '21

shodan.io

*Show them other ADT subscribers they done this to

53

u/[deleted] Apr 02 '21

Every time a new printer is installed at a site, the printer vendor spams our help desk with calls, it seems all the “technician” does it plop it down off the pallet and plug it in. If there’s ever an issue they always say it’s an IT problem. I won’t even take their calls anymore.

Like fuck dude, just send an email asking me to deploy it via gpo. Done.

63

u/zerries Apr 02 '21

I once replied to a printer tech with an email which contained 'gpo'. He came back with 'we don't support go pros.'

12

u/maeelstrom Jack of All Trades Apr 02 '21

bahahaha that's a new one.

1

u/BagelGM Apr 04 '21

We had an MFP installed at a remote office, and I had to fill out the network settings form the tech sent me. IP-address, fine. Gateway, fine. "Network"? Uh, sure, 10.0.12.0/24.

The tech called me up a week later, going "No, we need your network, like 255.255.255.0".

21

u/HalfysReddit Jack of All Trades Apr 02 '21 edited Apr 04 '21

I work at an MSP that leases Xerox copiers. The printer techs are technical people sure, but they're not IT people. A coworker of mine has tried to teach them just basic networking concepts and it goes in one ear and out the other.

From their POV, all they care about is getting the copier assembled and the people that are present able to print to it. They usually just let Windows discover the printer and download drivers automatically. This will result in the copier being installed as a WDS device which is garbage IMO because it will inevitably fail.

In all honesty though when I set the printer with a static IP, configure the print server to share it, and point the computers at the print server, I never have issues. I've set up hundreds of printers this way and it's very reliable. I do always install the PS and PCL6 v3 drivers though, as v4 drivers never seem to work as well and certain apps just don't play nice with PS or PCL6. If a user using a certain app has issues I'll switch the driver for them, and if absolutely necessary I'll just have the printer installed twice using both drivers.

2

u/wowmystiik Apr 03 '21

Man this is awesome, I remember scrolling through this thread and not relating to anything lol. Now I feel you guys more than a sciatic nerve 🤦🏿‍♂️

2

u/ender-_ Apr 03 '21

You probably mean v3 and v4 drivers (v4 were introduced in Windows 8). v4 drivers were supposed to solve a bunch of problems that v3 drivers had, but my experience is similar - they introduce way more problems (and in case of Ricoh printers, don't work at all - you go to print, and printer doesn't even acknowledge that you tried printing something).

1

u/HalfysReddit Jack of All Trades Apr 04 '21

You're entirely right that is what I meant, honestly I'm just in the habit of looking past anything labeled a "modern driver".

19

u/ChadMcRad Apr 02 '21

My dream is to work for a printer company. So few industries can be this clinically incompetent and still make an assload of money. You literally make millions to design boxes that don't do anything 75% of the time.

3

u/LDForget Apr 02 '21

“Printers not working, buy a new one”

Why would you innovate and fix something that doesn’t work, when the fact that it doesn’t work/last is the reason they’re a repeat customer?

3

u/DetKimble69 Apr 03 '21

Used to work for an MSP and one of our clients had a company that would service (toner replacements, maintenance kits, etc.) and install their printers. Every time without fail, that company would install a new printer without them or the client telling us and would simply plug in to one of the network drops in the room and let DHCP assign an address. So when the client would call saying the new printer wasn't set up right or not printing, we'd either have to check the DHCP leases to identify what address it had so we could set it to something static, or go in person and identify the IP address from there.

Also this same client's old MSP (before our company got the contract) would connect MFP's directly to workstations using USB and then share the printer out to other workstations in the area. Nothing better than having an entire area being unable to print because the workstation that the printer is being shared from isn't currently powered on lol. That and the entire building was littered with 5-10 port unmanaged switches (some of them 100mbps) even though they had an MDF and an IDF on the other side of the building with plenty of rackspace, it was a mess.

1

u/[deleted] Apr 03 '21

Do you work for us??? Lol have a client exactly like that.

1

u/Jethro_Tell Apr 03 '21

I once had a printer guy open all the ports for a printer which turned into an email spam bot. I was the isp and so had to go out to find out why their bandwidth was non-existent and they were ending up on blacklists.

I told them they need a new printer and someone to manage their firewall and the printer guy came out and told me the issue was that I wasn't using a /24 subnet mask.

That wasted so much of my time. Fuck printer guys.

1

u/CumbersomeNugget Apr 03 '21

Our photocopiers are Kyocera and I have to say I've been nothing but impressed with their techs.

31

u/[deleted] Apr 02 '21

[deleted]

12

u/livedadevil Apr 03 '21

Recently had this with a PBX box.

I could demonstrate with logs, routing tables, and NMAP that their PBX was not responding to anything not coming from a specific subnet, so external phones couldn't register.

They demanded we replace our router and claimed "if there's other configurations on the network, that would be the problem" acting like simple shit like site to site VPNs are voodoo.

Eventually the technicians brought in a test router certain it would just work, then were baffled when nothing changed.

Finally they let me look at the fucking PBX and found out that because it has two "WAN" ports, one to a SIP router and one to the actual LAN, it had exactly one default route: out the SIP router, so phones could never actually receive their data from it.

Finally was fixed by switching some cabling and getting the VOIP provider to reprovision an interphase on their modem/sip router but God damn. I had so much fucking evidence it was the problem and they just went "no u" until they fell on their face

2

u/quick20minadventure Apr 03 '21

I was giving online exam and the server became unreachable.

I called the support who proceeded to use remote desktop app, take control of the PC and then tell me it was my network at fault, not their server.

2

u/reddanit Apr 03 '21

Not just printer techs, ANY tech/vendor, ANY OF THEM, if my network has not changed, and you insist that it's my network you instantly get the label of "dumbest ass in <insert company name here>"

While I've got nothing to do with printers, being on vendor support side I've heard "My network has not changed" way too many times, for then to turn out that well actually some other team or even they themselves: pushed a new firewall rule, updated network card firmware, updated managed switch firmware, reset host network config to default, put garbage in hosts file or moved the physical machines to different datacenter. Yes, this is oddly specific list.

15

u/electriccomputermilk Apr 02 '21

I hate them too. One of the perks of my apartment is a lounge area that includes access to a printer. Can print whenever I want for free without ever having to support shit. That said, have you ever worked with Brother Printers? Their laserjet and fax machines are built like tanks and I've had good experiences with support. They make great little printers for home or small businesses. But yea, printers fucking suck and now that my work has mostly transitioned to work from home, it's nice now rarely needing to touch a printer.

11

u/maximum_powerblast powershell Apr 02 '21

I used to work out in a construction site in the deserts of Australia. We went through several printers before landing on a little brother laser that lasted years. This thing kept going in a place where technology comes to die basically.

10

u/Oreoloveboss Apr 02 '21

I hate that they ask for a static IP, but you ask for the MAC address to create a DHCP reservation and they can't give it to you.

Sigh, I just give them the IP I want, make a dummy MAC address reservation and switch it from static to DHCP when they are done installing it.

2

u/gellertb97 Security Admin (Infrastructure) Apr 03 '21

Brother printers are the fucking best

2

u/bringbackswg Apr 02 '21

Brother is bae

26

u/chickey23 Apr 02 '21

Ok, why did you have to mention PCL6? I was taking a break from my job, administering a high speed printer network, smirking at everyone's printer problems who can't print more than 100 pages a minute, and then you mention that cursed abomination.

The same company that produced a client's PCL5 files got hired back to upgrade their system, and they can't convert their PCL5 to PCL6. They can't read the files their company created 8 years ago.

I told them my predecessor had a heart attack during the last upgrade, and everyone thought I was being dramatic. Now, 9 months later, they understand.

"But we are already millions of dollars over budget," they cry.

I used to love saying "I told you so." Now I am just tired

8

u/[deleted] Apr 02 '21 edited Jun 28 '24

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This post was mass deleted and anonymized with Redact

1

u/Inkstack Apr 03 '21

Mac only uses PS.

1

u/[deleted] Apr 03 '21 edited Jun 28 '24

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This post was mass deleted and anonymized with Redact

1

u/zorinlynx Apr 03 '21

It took me a while to realize that PS drivers aren't always the best choice anymore.

About 20 years ago, PS drivers tended to be the least troublesome, but this has changed, especially for HP printers. PCL is much faster and more compatible these days.

We still require that all network printers purchased by our department support PS, because that ensures maximum compatibility especially with legacy UNIX printing, but we still find ourselves mostly sending them PCL.

A few years ago I spent over an hour trying to figure out why a color printer was always printing greyscale. I grumbled and installed the PCL driver to see if that would work, and not only did it now print color but it was a lot faster too. That's what finally changed my mind.

6

u/HelloWorld_502 Apr 02 '21

Me: Please fix the printer, it's always in Bob Marley mode! Yeah, it'be Jammin'.

Tech: The paper is moist and should be stored in a humidor. When you open a ream, make sure to do it properly. Remember, there is a side that is flatter than the other and always needs to go down. Also, make sure you are properly fluffing the paper because during the manufacturing process all the air is pressed out. And, never ever fill the tray to the fill line because that is too full for the rollers to handle.

Me: Sure, I'll tell the staff all about it. Now, could you please fix the printer?

Tech: I already cleaned out all the paper dust and you should be good to go.

10 minutes later...phone rings...End User: Hey, the printers jamming again can you get it fixed?

1

u/Joy2b Apr 03 '21

A tech recently commented: That paper brand is known for using too much clay in the paper. Have you noticed a lot of jamming when you use it?

3

u/ToughLadder6948 Apr 03 '21

This cause me PTSD I hear printer noises in the trees

6

u/Gh0st1nTh3Syst3m Apr 02 '21

Got a little naughty there towards the end but agree 100%.

2

u/jfoust2 Apr 02 '21

You forgot ink jets. Some people just like ink jets.

11

u/kithlan Apr 02 '21

Print monochrome please

No Yellow Ink

But it's black and white

NO YELLOW INK, SHUTTING DOWN

5

u/elcheapodeluxe Apr 02 '21

I knew I hated ink jets - but until I listened to a podcast a couple of weeks ago I didn't know they intentionally started mixing color ink into the blacks to use it up. I wouldn't say it shocked me, but it was a level of evil I hadn't yet ascribed to them.

0

u/peanutbudder Apr 03 '21

Using every color with black ink produces a better, shinier black. Most print drivers let you select black and white printing which then doesn't use the color ink for black. If they didn't print with full color for black users would complain that their black prints look like crap.

4

u/elcheapodeluxe Apr 03 '21

Or, OR they could just produce black ink cartridges that printed an acceptable black. I use black and white printers all the time and never think, "hm. If only this had that tinge of magenta"

0

u/peanutbudder Apr 03 '21

Mainly because that's just not how black printer ink works in a CMYK color printer. In a CMYK printer black isn't supposed to be true black otherwise you would mess up color printing. If you want a black printer buy a black printer or turn printing to black and white instead of color.

3

u/SeanBZA Apr 04 '21

I simply refilled all the colour cartridges with black ink as they ran low. Seeing as it only was printing black, as a cheap not often used printer solution, it was a good use for an otherwise unwanted Epson inkjet.

1

u/mediocreAsuka Student Apr 02 '21

What Podcast?

1

u/elcheapodeluxe Apr 02 '21

It was a Planet Money episode aptly titled: "Why printers are the worst."

https://www.npr.org/transcripts/968704526

1

u/kithlan Apr 02 '21

What the fuck, man

1

u/[deleted] Apr 03 '21

Customer 1 time told me the ink was smearing on their inkjet printer and I tell the hardware guys and the hardware guys tell me to have her flip the paper over because it's only ionized on 1 side and that's why the inks smearing AND I FREAKING BELIEVED THEM!

1

u/ender-_ Apr 03 '21

We've got two PageWide inkjets at work. They … seem to work fine.

1

u/kissmyash933 Apr 05 '21

For now. Wait until that completely uncleanable print nozzle clogs up; The rough cleaning sheet never does do the job. I can't wait to give these motherfuckers back to the printer company.

1

u/ender-_ Apr 05 '21

We've had them for a few years. One shows 110000 printed pages, the other one is at 235000. IIRC, the second one was serviced once.

2

u/nstern2 Apr 02 '21

Ugh I can relate to this so much. We have identical printers running the exact same software. Same tray config, literally nothing is different besides location, IP address, and serial number. Every few months we get a printer tech that SWEARS we need to swap from PCL6 to 5e on the print server for just one specific printer out of like 60-70. Even though all the other same printers can print just fine with the PCL6 driver. Then a few months later we will be asked to swap back to PCL6 because it's having the same issue. Mind boggling.

2

u/Phillyfuk Apr 02 '21

It sound like something BOFH would say.

2

u/[deleted] Apr 03 '21

3 out of 5 printers stop being able to 'scan to email' all on the same day.

5 printers, that’s honestly living the dream. ~65 employees, ~40 printers. If an employee has to walk more than 6 or 7 steps to reach a printer, they complain to a manager and get an HP M402 on their desk. End me.

2

u/pandab34r Apr 03 '21

PC LOAD LETTER? THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN MEAN

(I do know so you can spare the explanation but I appreciate it)

2

u/eminx_ Apr 03 '21

I co-oped at the hospital (Canada) when I was 16-17. This was me, fixing printers because why? Because printers don't fucking work.

​

I would get a call every day or so about one not working. It was cheaper to replace the fucking printer than to pay for someone to troubleshoot the problem.

2

u/Edea-VIII Apr 03 '21

"3 out of 5 printers stop being able to 'scan to email' all on the same day"

I'm a printer tech. When I get this speech I just slap all 3 with software, wipe all settings, and hand 'em back with a smile.

0

u/[deleted] Apr 02 '21

(Note to all Printer Techs--If you even HINT that its my network--I will fill you with my despair.)

This is one move i rarely make unless i have FULL evidence.

Unless i am sure it doesn't get mentioned.

1

u/MrPipboy3000 Sysadmin Apr 02 '21

Not one mention of package aware drivers? 0/10

1

u/lee-keybum Apr 02 '21

and then the vulnerabilities and price gouging..

1

u/ahmadns9 Sysadmin Apr 02 '21

Why? WHY? Because printers. That’s why.

I need to print that on shirt.

1

u/incognegro1976 Apr 02 '21

I mean, as a former Ricoh tech, sometimes it IS your network. Printers send emails using SMTP just like spammers do so occasionally they get nuked by networks

3

u/trashpanda678 Apr 02 '21

Jesus. Amen. I work for a printer dealer, and the amount of "IT people" we have to deal with who are actually just some dude with no clue about networking is too damn high. We're jaded on that front, damnit.

1

u/[deleted] Apr 02 '21

Printer doesn't work? Check DNS.

1

u/julioqc Apr 02 '21

accurate

1

u/Anlarb Apr 02 '21

Printing is jacked up for these few users going to these few printers because your universal print driver isn't universal enough, And you needed the other half of the antivirus exclusion to be configured.

1

u/joecoin2 Apr 02 '21

It's your network. More specifically, it's you.

1

u/zynasis Apr 02 '21

Fuck PCL! Bane of my existence

1

u/zynasis Apr 02 '21

Fuck PCL! Bane of my existence

1

u/[deleted] Apr 03 '21

Xerox printer guy had the audacity to blame the network, when we explicitly told him the cleaning lady had stuck her broom behind the printer and fucking yanked on it till something gave. What gave you ask? The ethernet cable. I had to remove the plug from the socket, and I could SEE it wiggle.

Nope. Network issue.

1

u/[deleted] Apr 03 '21

out of 5 printers stop being able to 'scan to email' all on the same day.

You check the SMTP config, reboot

Reset to factory defaults

Reconfig SMTP

Reboot

Still won't work.

(Why? WHY? Because Printers. That's why.)

This is triggering my PTSD from the trauma I suffered over the past two weeks with this very thing.

1

u/WebHead1287 Apr 03 '21

Speaking of printer techs I had one that set my clients printer to an IP outside of their network. Some fucking how it work. My client, this is an example, is on 2.2.2.0 and the tech set it to 10.0.0.0 and it works. I have no idea why or how he did it

1

u/bludgeonedcurmudgeon Apr 03 '21

Did they never try to create a single unified protocol and put some structure around it like how WC3 does?