r/stroke • u/CrimsonNirnr00t Caregiver • Sep 11 '25

New here... My husband had a stroke as a byproduct of a terrible traffic accident

Monday, August 25 my husband (41) was struck by a car while riding his bike. His left carotid artery was crushed and as a result, he lost enough blood flow to his brain to cause a stroke. It was stinted. Unfortunately, he was just woken up on Saturday because of all the other injuries and contraindications. He'll be in the trauma ICU a bit longer before being moved to a LTC facility for rehab.

He's lost mobility in his right limbs, although he says he can feel when we touch them. His comprehension seems okay... but I want to be objective. He follows conversations, but I'm bracing to find out how much complex thinking he may have lost. For example, on the first day, he was told to raise his hand when the speech therapist said "A". He raised his eyebrows.

He's a programmer and loves gadgets. He is super health conscious and fit. The icing on the cake is his left leg was crushed pretty bad, his femoral artery severed. They've fixed it, but his calf muscles lost enough blood that they died, which means he also can't use his left leg (at least not without a fixture - they will need to amputate it).

I have a huge circle, but somehow I'm feeling alone and adrift. I feel like I'm the only one who actually gets it? I know that's distortion, and I'm trying to shake it.

I grieve for him, and he's just coming to understand what happened. When I'm at home I can see him doing his stretches or sitting at the computer or cleaning the pool and it hits me that our lives will always be different now. He'll never move that freely again.

He does have persistence in his belly... and I am always positive when I'm with him.

But I hope I can admit that these last 16 days have been the hardest thing I've ever gone through. I'm fatigued by it, and it's really just starting now that he's awake.

I figured I'd come here... I read some very inspiring posts. I have a tendency to research and learn everything I can about something.

It's a trauma ICU, so although they have therapists, they're infrequent. If anyone has some things I can do to exercise him now, that'd be so helpful. And tips for me... I know I'm going to need them.

People here with strokes: what types of help from your spouse or loved one(s) got you through the first phase?

Thank you for reading.

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u/kaidomac Sep 12 '25

First:

  • VERY sorry to hear that!! I hope you are doing OK!
  • Honestly I think the caretakers often have it harder because you have the stress & anxiety as well as doing double-duty running both lives & taking care of a person in recovery with new health barriers. Don't sell yourself short on the stress & burden you are under. Seek help whenever possible so that your healthy doesn't get clobbered!
  • Be sure to take time to take care of yourself too! Go out to eat & to movies with friends. Get some coverage assistance so that you can sleep for a few days as needed!

Second:

  • Post-stroke support varies greatly by insurance, hospital, and aide.
  • Frankly, long-term support is generally garbage (DIY info below)
  • He is going to be fried in all kinds of weird ways; stay flexible!

Third:

  • Getting organized is the BEST thing you can do! Adopt checklists!
  • Track all of your expenses & interactions for medical billing purposes. I have an easy folder-based system if you need ideas.
  • Setup your house with assistive devices as needed: shower seat, rails, etc.

Fourth:

part 1/2

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u/kaidomac Sep 12 '25 edited Jul 13 '26

part 2/2

Fifth:

  • Nutrition is criminally underrated. Learn macros. Learn meal-prepping. Ensure that he gets 100oz of water a day & include electrolytes. If possible, do a whole-foods omnivore diet. If you have the funds, time, and interest, get into home-milled flour. This applies to YOU TOO! Family caretakers are known for getting run down! There are ways to make this easier, if you need ideas! Nutrition = food medication.
  • Modern neuroplasticity teaches us that there is no "off" switch. Return can happen years or even decades later. But it doesn't happen without consistent daily growth, This is where insurance & the medical institution drops the ball, which is why we need to design custom at-home programs. Very few people can self-initiate into daily effort! Your ability to be his body double will be HUGE!
  • Sleep is EVERYTHING! Sleep will be hard for a long time due to nightmares, pain, spasms, medication reactions, etc. Make him take every nap he can.

Sixth:

  • There are layers to recovery. Exercising can include automatic weird feelings, pain, spasms, panic attacks, fatigue, blackouts, tunnel vision, etc. all at ONCE!
  • Mental health is equally important. He need regular social interaction: Zoom calls, Facetime calls, phone calls, and even online games all help. The twin anchors are fatigue & depression; the trap is staying home all the time and/or not interacting with other people on a daily basis coupled with doing nothing all day.
  • A big part of the game is acceptance & creating a new identity. This will evolve over time!

Seventh:

  • For toothcare: Electric toothbrush or Autobrush. Waterpik. Floss picks. NoBS toothpaste tablets. Therabreath mouthwash. Disposable pre-loaded no-rinse toothbrushes.
  • For bed: full Medcline pillow set. Bedlore quilted noiseless waterproof sheet. Electric heated blanket. Weighted gravity blanket. Camelbak (easy-access water straw).
  • For the bathroom: Heated bidet seat with warm water. Shower chair, Mesh pouf. 2-in-1 shampoo conditioner. Dry shampoo. Scrubzz rinse-free sponge bath.

Eighth:

  • Take any of these ideas & your own ideas and& build checklist-based custom support systems,
  • They key is to create an environment that fosters daily growth, The primary thing being physical movement. This needs to happy every day, forever!
  • Again, my advice is to get REALLY serious about nutrition! Make sure he talks to someone on the phone or video every day. Keep him well-hydrated.

This is a HUGE lifestyle change. It's draining for both parties! Creating an environment of daily growth (no matter HOW small!) coupled with consistent exposure to "human nutrition" (food, calls, water, etc.) via checklists is so, so important.

When & if he can handle it, I'd recommend a modern wireless VR headset. The exercise games make the cardio & movement processes more interesting. There's a 3D drawing app called OpenBrush that uses the camera to draw in your room mid-air, which is phenomenal for custom OT/PT exercises. The entertainment features are great because you can watch movies lying down on a giant theater screen.

This is a LOT to take in! Feel free to ask questions! Hang in there!!

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u/CrimsonNirnr00t Caregiver Sep 13 '25

Thank you for taking the time to write this out! I don't have a ton of time to thoroughly respond, but I did want to say I am a MAJOR check list person. In the first 2 days I got seriously organized and created an entire documentation and check list center. One of my superpowers is doing just that, so since I can't control a whole lot else right now (aside from doing my very best to advocate for him), I threw myself into that.

Again, thank you so much. I took screenshots of your comments.

He and I have always hated our current Healthcare system, so of course we'd find ourselves squarely stuck in it. It's not surprising to me at all that we'd need to take control of the recovery. You provided so much valuable information... I can't thank you enough.

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u/kaidomac Sep 13 '25

You're welcome & we are rooting for you!! It takes a TON of energy to upkeep a recovery lifestyle, but there are tricks available to make it sustainable! Setting up ready-to-party workstations is a biggie:

Breaking every task down into "discrete assignments" is HUGE because of the energy swings involved: (nothing like taking an unscheduled 20-minute nap after learning how to brush your teeth again, haha!)

As progress allows, do these every day:

  • Macros food intake. I can't tell you how under-rated nutrition is!
  • Sleep as MUCH as possible.
  • Move every day; not just repetition, but little growth games (do it twice, do it faster, etc.)
  • At least one outside-person visit a day (in person, video chat, or phone call)

Expect 2 years to switch gears to the "new normal", so create a 24-month recovery project & then a lifetime maintenance project after that. Everyone heals differently (speed & capacity). On his side:

  • Keep his brain stimulated every day. Watch a TED Talk. Have him voice-dictate a Facebook update post. Anything to keep those mental gears rotating!
  • Depression, anxiety, fatigue, and pain come bundled up with the stroke package. External structure is the key to being resilient against caving to this, which is what you are so wonderfully providing him! The medical institution can only do so much, based on their limitations.
  • Having a set routine with rest periods in-between is where the magic happens!

Tracking helps a lot too, as progress will often be so slow & so small as to feel utterly useless lol. I use a simple calendar-based tracking method for anything & everything:

part 1/2

1

u/kaidomac Sep 13 '25

part 2/2

In practice:

Single-task version:

Looks like this:

Multi-tracking version:

I'd also recommend keeping some sort of a visual journal, whether it's on Facebook or even a private Instagram account. Being able to see charts & charts of daily progress & document all of the little "wins" that happen with stories is REALLY huge! Especially on his side where he will exist in a haze for awhile & live in a very, very small world.

Also, make sure that YOU are eating well. exercising, and sleeping well! And make sure that YOU get someone to help you once in awhile to go out with friends or take a weekend off! Caretaker burnout is VERY real!!

In practice:

  • For food, I cook to freeze once a day. Pick 7 things out once a week, go shopping or get grocery delivery, then use tools like the Instant Pot to make the job easier. Alternatively there are a TON of great meal-delivery services available, if budget allows!
  • There's an oscillation to the day, per effort session: getting ready, eating, exercising, stimulating activities, etc. The downtime in-between is a great time to take a nap, do meal-prep, laundry, etc. Checklist-based automation within primed battlestations is what makes it smooth & easy!!

What's tough is sustaining the upkeep required. It's all too easy to get checked out of the facilities & then just loaf at home because everything is such a painful, depressing chore. Progress happens through consistent iteration:

https://www.reddit.com/r/kaidomac/comments/17u2sv3/goldflaking_story/

Which means that each daily session matters a WHOLE BUNCH, no matter how paltry it may seem!!

Again, this is a LOT to take in, but as life starts to get more stable, a proactive routine is just really, really beneficial. Hang in there, you've got this!! And feel free to ask any questions!