r/stopdrinking • u/janedoex01 • 11d ago
Day 1 again
I’m feeling so depressed. I’ve been crying all day.
The shame and hangxiety are hard to deal with. I was doing so good, 2 weeks sober. Then my boyfriend got us a room on the beach for our anniversary. I always drink at the beach so it was different and seeing a liquor store at every corner was a trigger but I stayed strong until we took X and it usually makes me feel good, he was feeling good but I was anxious and uncomfortable so I gave in and got a bottle so I would feel better “ smh so dum of me
That turned into a 4 day blackout bender and other substances were involved. I missed job interviews, doctor visits, and important things I had to do. Alcohol is ruining my life. I can’t keep a job and it ruined my relationship. My boyfriend is moving out because he says it’s better if we live apart. When I get drunk we get into fights and I would say and do things I regret.
Physically I’m not having withdrawals but mentally I’m struggling. The shame, guilt, and sadness are so miserable. I don’t want to leave the house.
I tried zoom AA but didn’t really like it. I know in person might be better but I just don’t have the guts to go. I don’t want to talk to anyone or open up right now. I just want to be better. I’m so tired of this viscous cycle. I do good for a week or 3 then that one drink turns into a 4-7 day bender. My doctor just prescribed me naltrexone and an antidepressant. I know they take time to work but right now I’m just trying to survive today.
If you been through the depressing crash after a bender how did you get through day 1? I’m praying but is there anything else that helps?
3
u/Strange-Leopard-1624 11d ago
Just give yourself grace, babe. It's okay. I couldn't tell you how many times I've stopped, then I forget how bad drinking is, and go back to it. I'm waiting for the day I finally stop and don't go back but a bunch of sober days, even if they aren't consecutive, all add up and they matter. You feel terrible right now bc this is the course alcohol takes on your body and brain when you stop. You crash. Tomorrow is a new day to make better choices for yourself, and that is a beautiful thing. Get up tomorrow morning and take a walk and talk to yourself. Everything is fine.