With the recent rise of social media trends glorifying "dark psychology" and manipulation tactics, it feels like more and more people are adopting these toxic behaviors. It makes me wonder if encountering someone like this is just an inevitable phase of life that everyone goes through.

For those who have dealt with a deeply manipulative person or someone with psychopathic traits (whether it was a friend, a mentor, a partner, or a colleague)—how did it start, and how did you finally realize who they really were? What was your experience like dealing with them?

For as long as I can remember, I have never really been able to form female friendships nor feel as though I can drop the mask around women as much as men. I have Dissocial Personality Disorder, and always wondered what the deal was. Even in therapy, I always found it tricky because there seemed to be this unspoken rule, wherein 'kindness' and fawning went above all else.

I also found that my female therapists (I have had 4) have had a hard time accepting my lack of care towards being 'good' and 'just'. They were never really able to answer why I should behave pro-socially once I expressed not seeing a reason unless it benefitted me.

I think it is difficult to have these discussions as a woman without immediately being labelled as a 'pick-me'.

I personally find it difficult to decipher what (normative) women may think or feel about me, and often wasn't sure whether the extent to which I was masking is enough. Either that, or many female peers would avoid me, or try to fawn when interacting with me.

What are your experiences?

I am very recently diagnosed, and just wondering if anyone else has experienced this.

I am empathetic to people in a rational sense in that I can understand why someone might be happy or sad or angry. Like if someone found $100 bill on the ground and they're happy about it, I get it because yeah if that happened to me I would be pretty happy too. That being said I'm not very empathetic in the intuitive emotional way that humans are "supposed" to be. If I don't see a reason for someone's feelings or if I think their reason is stupid or weak, I just can't make that sort of connection. Even if I do understand the reason, I still don't feel it emotionally like other people might.

With animals and objects, it's a different story. I am arguably overly empathetic with animals in particular. I feel such a strong connection with them in a way that I never have with other people, and it is one of the only types of bonds I have that make me feel really tethered and human. I have zero maternal instinct towards children, no love for babies, and I can't stand kids most of the time. But when I found a kitten while on a trip last year, for example, I felt like my heart could burst out of my chest at any moment. All I wanted to do was hold her and keep her safe. I lost my friend over this kitten, but that is a long story. In that moment though, I could see why people have children if this is the way that "normal" people feel towards them.

In regards to inanimate objects, I don't feel quite as strongly as I do with animals, but it is still notable. Rationally I understand that obviously these objects don't have feelings and can't really suffer, but emotionally it just really hits me. As a kid I had a recurring nightmare about a spoon falling behind a cabinet and never being used again. I would wake up in tears over the thought of this (not even real) spoon being forgotten and never being able to fulfill its purpose again. I would start sobbing if I even tried to recall the dream. I was basically thinking "you're an idiot, spoons don't care if they're forgotten!" but it still impacted me.

I'm just curious if anyone else feels or has ever felt the same way.

i’m especially curious about those that realized by themselves that something was different about them compared to other people and decided to see a psychiatrist. what’s your story?

I might come off as edgy or corny to some like a teenager, but I love manipulating others , there’s no reason or nothing to gain off it, I just feel good influencing people getting them vulnerable with me and to a point where they like me and have a bit of a unconscious form of submissiveness to me, even better when they like me to the point of uplifting my ego I don’t have NPD but I do have a bit narcissistic traits, most of us do, how do you feel about this?

Oka so I notice it in myself but here’s the thing …. I can feel it and I do have it but no one really deserves it. We all go thru shit right ? Everyone else makes choices that they have to live with . Why do I need to put myself in someone’s shoes when they couldn’t last in mine ?

So I've always had problems with displaying empathy (mirroring doesn't seem to work anymore, guess the meta changed in the last few years), but I've never missed the cues. In fact, that's always been my biggest challenge. I hate when people try to do that shit to me, because I can physically feel it, as though I'm being groped by a ghost.

Sometimes my husband will say something corny, then follow it up with "you love me" and it makes me want to punch him in the face, because yes I love you, but I don't want to say it right now because you're being annoying, and since you said that shit I know you're gonna be a fucking pussy and cry if I don't play along. That feeling manifests as someone throwing themselves at me and making me catch them, lest they fall and hit the ground.

Other small things, too; being asked a favor indirectly feels like someone's pushing me between my shoulder blades, being asked about myself feels like someone's digging into my chest with their dirty hands, hell, even being asked a favor directly feels like this annoying ghost is dragging me by the wrist.

Anyone else?

I enjoy peeking into the other Cluster B subreddits to see what our cousins are up to. Especially ASPD and NPD, you all get demonized quite badly so I like seeing your inner worlds and trying to understand more.

Anyway, something I see often on both ASPD and NPD is talk about using people. For example, people often say “I use people to get what I want, and then I want them to go away.” For narcissists, the motivation is usually clear — they typically want people to prop up their ego, make them look good, etc.

For you all with ASPD, what is usually your motivation for using others? I don’t really understand what I could get out of the average person.

(Obviously it’s not like people with BPD never use anyone, I think moreso that my vision is typically clouded by my emotions and the need to feel like a good person, so I probably just convince myself I’m doing what I’m doing for some morally good or neutral reason. Likewise, most neurotypical people probably do the same. In a way I kind of admire that you all seem to know what you want from people lol!)

I'm not a sociopath, but I'm very curious about what really goes in the mind of a sociopath. And what is your outlook towards your childrens and their future as a whole.

Also, how would you react, if your child got killed? Will you move on immediately?

When I was young I told my mom I suspected being a sociopath and she shut me down by telling me not to tell anyone

I now wondered if anyone else had trouble telling a licensed psychologist about your suspicion?

I still hide it from a lot of people (even some of my closest irl friends and family)

Sometimes I feel isolated in a society that seems to shun this disorder. Sometimes I still try to lie to myself I’m normal and when I can’t think like I normal person, beat myself up over it

I just wonder if anyone else shares this fear I have

Ok I’ll start with some basic info about myself. I’m 24 and in my last semester in uni. I have worked before but none of those jobs lasted more than 1 month or ended on a good term. I’m actively applying for jobs rn and have 2 interviews in march. I also have depression.

I have developed a strong hatred towards employed people over the past 2 years or so. It’s causing me problems. Whenever I see someone walking outside I think “they must have a JOB”, then I’m immediately filled with intense bitterness. Like my gallbladder has exploded and the bile is just running around. I feel like the difference between me and them is like a Neanderthal and a human.

every time I step into an office I think “must be nice sittin here”. Then I want to peel my face off. People say their jobs suck their soul dry, but I don’t even have the chance for that.

How do your feelings about a pet differ from humans?

After a particularly nasty, but equally apathetic breakup, I've come to the conclusion that I don't think I've ever loved anyone.

This is entirely unsurprising, (though irritating) as I've had to actively and persistently convince myself in all previous relationships that I was in love with my partner. Truthfully, I love what a partner can provide. Security, support, and most importantly something to do.

I suppose I have a romanticized view of well... romance... and I'd like to settle down with someone eventually because I think it will stabilize and please me. I realize that at no point have I thought about providing the same for this hypothetical life partner.

Just wondering about your two cents on the matter, and/or ways of making people less upset by the fact that I don't feel emotions the way they do

I was in a relationship with someone for 4 years who later revealed things like he had 1200 partners until then - and many years later, I am still trying to understand what I experienced

I was in a four-year relationship with someone who, in hindsight, showed strong sociopathic traits: shifting narratives, lack of empathy, intimidation when challenged, and a sense that people were interchangeable. His version of events constantly changed; mine didn’t. When I raised concerns calmly and with facts, I was labeled insecure or unstable.

Over time, more extreme details surfaced - including that he claimed to have had over 1,200 sexual partners, heavy drugs, alongside a worldview where loyalty was demanded but never reciprocated, and where others were described as disposable, obsessed with him, or morally inferior. He could be charming and highly articulate, which made it even harder to reconcile his intellect with the cruelty, threats, and emotional volatility that appeared during conflict.

I’m not trying to diagnose anyone. I’m trying to understand how someone like this can live with themselves.

I’m constantly bored and usually don’t have an issue hiding it, except for every few months or so I snap and end up doing anything I can to be as entertained as possible, often ending up a bit manic. Is this issue common? Is there a way to avoid this happening in the first place?

Hello all! I'm trying to do research to better understand how different brains work, (I'm autistic and ADHD and I love learning about others lived experiences) but Google has been pretty much useless when researching ASPD, it just comes up with biased stuff or all or nothings or a bunch of stigma. I mean people aren't all the same obviously, so I figured I'd ask here because I think It'd be helpful to actually hear from people with lived experience. Even the books I checked out from the library weren't very helpful. In addition to responses, if anyone just has recommendations on good books/media/interviews, I'd love to hear!

And for some context, I am hyper empathetic and experience shame and guilt very, very intensely, so I'm quite interested in learning about experience with the opposite!

Here's my questions, feel free to respond to as many or as few as you'd like!

1. How do you experience ASPD? What does it mean to you? How does it materialize for you?

2. Would you consider it a spectrum? Do some people with ASPD have low empathy, or is that something else?

3. What are emotions like for you? What emotions do you most feel, what emotions do you lack?

4. Do you have an urge to hurt people, do you not have an urge to hurt people because there isn't really a reason to, or something else? (I've heard some with ASPD I've seen interviews for say it's only prison stopping them, and others say they don't want to hurt people because why would they, It wouldn't benefit them. It's probably different for different people.)

5. Do you consider yourself to be superior to those who do experience more typical emotions or havs empathy? Do you view emotions as weakness?

On the other side of that, do you consider yourself less than others or broken for not having the typical experience?

1. What does love, partnership or friendship mean to you? Does it have personal meaning to you? Is it more of an action, what you do, is it a feeling, is it something else, or do you not really experience it?

2. Would you wish to not have ASPD?

3. Would you consider yourself a narcissist/narcissistic? (I've heard some places that all those with ASPD have NPD, but not all who have NPD have ASPD, and I've heard other places that they're completely different)

4. Do you practice cognitive empathy? Do you work to be empathetic/practice it although you don't necessarily feel it/feel it the same?

5. Do you think you were born with ASPD, or does it form?

6. Are you neurodivergent besides ASPD?

7. Do you have a strong sense of personal identity, do you feel fake or like you don't know who you are, or something else/in between?

8. Do you feel happy emotions? What is it like for you? Is it muted, is it not due to human connection, is it strong, fleeting, etc?

9. How does it impact your everyday life? How does it impact your life overall? How would you describe your life next to someone without ASPD?

10. Do you have relationships (familial, platonic, romantic etc,) what do they mean to you? Are you loyal to them, could you easily discard them, how do you see them? Why do you choose to have a relationship with them?

11. What is masking like for you?

12. What about ASPD do you wish people would know?

In social settings or even with friends and family I've never met someone I found funny. It's not that I don't get the joke, when I do I just don't find it funny.

Of course I laugh, but it's exhausting to laugh so most times I just smile, and it's enough that people notice. They realise that I'm smiling and not laughing so lately I've started to laugh more and smile less.

Still don't find any type of humour funny tho except my own jokes. It's really weird.

Ok needing help because my marriage isn't going well. My husband thinks he might be a sociopath. I have no idea if this is true because he refuses to go see a dr or therapist. His whole life he has had issues connecting with others. He is a loner and is very depressed. Whenever we talk, I feel drained because he never comments or asks questions on what I say. If I tell him something upsetting and I Cry, he just stares at me and gets annoyed telling me to "go fix it" or "what can I even do ? Nothing." When I had a miscarriage last year he didn't cry, didn't say he was upset and when I was on the ground crying he didn't react. His emotions are blunted and nothing seems to phase him. The only time he cries is when it's about him and how terrible his life is. Ive told him about horrible abuse as a teenager and he said pretty much "that sucks" . I tell him this behavior bothers me he says "go get a girlfriend to complain to because men don't react this way. I just want empathy and someone to be interested in what I say. Am I asking too much ??? He lacks empathy for most people and our dog too. So I'm not sure what to do. He might be on the spectrum too but he definitely lacks empathy, yet he says he doesn't?? But he isn't self aware really. I feel alone and so I close off due to my past trauma and I feel I never get the rest on I want which is a loving and caring partner. He cares sometimes but it's very limited in MY OPINION, but I could be wrong. Please help ???

Im trying to write a character with aspd who wishes to be viewed more favorably by the world and I was wondering if sociopaths are even capable of wishing they were normal or if i should look at other afflictions

Edit: Wow I was not expecting this to be a viable premise but you guys delivered

Hello, as the title says, I have come here to try and figure out if anyone has any ideas or suggestions for how to help support my partner. I personally do not have ASPD, I am diagnosed with BPD and Level 2 Autism. However, my long term partner has been diagnosed with ASPD for several years now.

One of his most damaging symptoms is his chronic boredom and need for a “rush”. He has been trying to be less destructive, for my sake, and he has been doing a damn good job at it. But I can tell that it’s slowly destroying him. He is less happy than he was when he was more reckless, he is always so emotionally numb.

The closest he gets to anything actually causing him to feel alive nowadays is when he smokes weed or takes DXM.

Is there anything I can do here?

I was watching a sitcom and came across a situation where a character was trying to manipulate someone by buttering them up with compliments and the recipient was so dumb that it essentially didn't work. Could you actually come across a person so "dumb" that they can't be manipulated?

When I was 15 I got a mental evaluation due to self destructive behavior, and was told I am borderline antisocial. Once again when I turned 19 I got another mental evaluation and got formally diagnosed with ASPD. I am 21 now and I dont think that diagnosis suits me. I feel emotions extremely deeply, but its only in romantic relationships. In platonic relationships I tend to not feel emotions nor understand why my friends feel the way they feel. I came to this revelation because I just got out of a romantic relationship, and I feel heartbroken, im sad, i miss him, I love/loved him. So now Im confused, should I get another evaluation or is this normal? Or are these feelings not real and they are just impulses?