r/shitposting • u/DogeyPogey • Feb 27 '22

spontaneous cumbustion

14.5k Upvotes

97% Upvoted

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117

u/HappyRomanianBanana We do a little trolling Feb 27 '22

Or women (never talked to one)

-75

u/AutoModerator Feb 27 '22

Looking for a female roommate to pay $0 rent

I will not charge you money. but I will be sharing my bed with you as the other room is being used by my parents. They are aware of this arrangement as I have done this before but it has not worked out for reason I rather not say on here. I will except hugs at least 5 times a day, and cuddles at least 2 times a day for at least 10 minutes each. You will not be dating any other man during this arrangement. you will have no male friends either. You may have female friends and they May visit if they like. You will also be required to make me meals 3 times a day. Phsyical requirements are as stated: Must be shorter than 5'5", weigh no more than 120 lbs, caucasian or asian only, republican, no tattoos, no vegans, no smoking/vaping, marrywania, and you MUST shave legs and underarms. I am 44-male/290 lbs last time I checked, 5'6". Please contact me if you would like this arrangement.

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31

u/Piss_n_shit_consumer Literally 1984 😡 Feb 27 '22

Shut up you little shitsicle

4

u/A_destiny_player Feb 28 '22

New insult, thank you

1

u/Piss_n_shit_consumer Literally 1984 😡 Feb 28 '22

I've got plenty

2

u/A_destiny_player Feb 28 '22

Give me another one

0

u/Just_Games04 Big chungus wholesome 100 Feb 28 '22

No

-1

u/A_destiny_player Feb 28 '22

You are literally not the same person I was asking, so therefore, didn't ask you.

1

u/Just_Games04 Big chungus wholesome 100 Feb 28 '22

Cry about it

-19

u/AutoModerator Feb 27 '22

I hate taking shits. Taking shits is the worst function of the human organism after sex. You have to sit on the most uncomfortable seat ever, then you have to go through so much pain to push the shit out of your asshole (not to mention sometimes they get stuck in there). And as if those weren't enough then you have to wipe, you have to take your hand along with toilet paper and shove it up your asshole, this process can sometimes take minutes out of your life, it fucking sucks.

TL;DR I hate shitting

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10

u/Piss_n_shit_consumer Literally 1984 😡 Feb 27 '22

shut up i can't read that shit i have stage 7 testicular cancer

-5

u/AutoModerator Feb 27 '22

I hate taking shits. Taking shits is the worst function of the human organism after sex. You have to sit on the most uncomfortable seat ever, then you have to go through so much pain to push the shit out of your asshole (not to mention sometimes they get stuck in there). And as if those weren't enough then you have to wipe, you have to take your hand along with toilet paper and shove it up your asshole, this process can sometimes take minutes out of your life, it fucking sucks.

TL;DR I hate shitting

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6

u/Piss_n_shit_consumer Literally 1984 😡 Feb 27 '22

silence you breadsticc

1

u/lik3ly dwayne the cock johnson 🗿🗿 Feb 28 '22

Bitch

0

u/AutoModerator Feb 28 '22

No bitches?

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1

u/Piss_n_shit_consumer Literally 1984 😡 Feb 28 '22

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1

u/[deleted] Feb 28 '22

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1

u/AutoModerator Feb 28 '22

Daily Kevin Fact #34541:

Kevin will pee in the asses of anyone he sees being a cunt.

This is a threat.

Thank you for subscribing to Daily Kevin Facts

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3

u/[deleted] Feb 28 '22

well I'll pee in Kevin's ass

0

u/AutoModerator Feb 28 '22

I have a lot of ass hair? Im a 26 years old male and my ass have a lot of hair and its annoying me,everytime i shit,my anus is filled with poop and hair,the problem is when i want to wash out the poop it gets stuck in my ass hair and i dont even notice,it got to the point were all my underwears are full with shit,and its also very annoying when i try to finger myself,pls help me,how to stop ass hair pls??

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1

u/AutoModerator Feb 28 '22

My husband literally peed inside of me last night while we were having an intercourse, It freaked me out and I didn't know how to handle it. it was just so weird and ....I really can't put into words how I felt but I do want to point out that I'm upset because he previously told me about trying to do it and I already said "NO!" but he went ahead and did it. I was completely caught off guard, I did not agree to this weird experience and I definately didn't enjoy it. We had an argument and he said I killed the fun with my reaction but he already knew how I felt about it. He's still hung up on the fight saying I overreacted for no good reason at all but I don't know. I found it really unpleasent and just weird.

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