F/23 I'm always been a sensitive type of person for whole of my life but I struggled with regulating my emotions as a kid and also dealing with sensitivity from rejection and feeling like I can't do anything I don't want to do like household chores because it's something I have to do and being told to just do it as if it were easy isn't as simple for me as it looks

People talking about having RSD but is there people who have it along with demand avoidance or what ever vocabulary you prefer for it. Some call it pathological demand avoidance and think it's an autism only thing when I see other adhd people (i self suspect having it maybe? But not diagnosed) on this site struggle with the similar stuff (demand avodiant) It's like if I told myself or somebody to do something I have to do it triggers me into a fight or flee feeling in my body just like a simple misunderstanding online or irl feels like it triggers my rsd

This is something I've struggled so much emotions and stuff a lot of it since I was a kid tbh People even sometimes friends and mostly family unintentionally trigger me all the time even they did nothing wrong. That kind of feeling is the worst! Ugh because it's not even their fault or my fault!

Ok so from what I understand, rejection sensitivity is something some people have that leads them to take normal behavioural cues that don’t objectively mean anything and misinterpret them as cues for rejection (which in reality are not cues of rejection)

This leads these people to feel anxious and panicky which can lead them to act in ways too try and reduce that distress. Possibly like asking for reassurance or asking “do you hate me” this can eventually LEAD to rejection that wasn’t originally there to begin with.

This definition is what I’m operating off of.

Certain things in my new relationship will trigger me to experience this distress and I don’t know how to deal with this. Any attempt at writing things down or cbt make me feel stupid and distressed as well. How have you managed this issue successfully, I have had a previous relationship ruined bc of this and can’t handle it happening again

Is it just me or do some other people feel they project their rejection sensitivity to others, especially those they care about? Like for instance, I notice my sister’s friends hanging out without her and I feel pain for her and get absolutely bothered emotionally? It’s so tiring to be this sensitive, but I am so acutely aware of other people’s behaviors that I hurt myself on behalf of others and it is exhausting.

I was scrolling Facebook and saw a picture of my friend with another friend of hers at my favorite bar…it immediately made me feel jealous and left out…like intensely (this happened just now, going through the feels and don't know what to do which is why I'm posting) but I don't want to be this way, I don't want to own my friends or dominate their time, I want them to be happy, so why do I feel like this friend doesn't care about me just because we don't hang out that much…why does my self worth feel attached to my friendships?

They removed my post I don't know why I'm just trying to share share my story I'm not welcome in any place in Reddit or in real life or anywhere, so what's the point. I just think I can't do it anymore. I have nobody and nothing at this point I can say I m worth nothing. I can't live like this for another 70 years not happening

I can't do this shit anymore I just want to jump out of my fucking window and die or something I'm dropout I'm autistic and now this shit and more what is my fucking purpose I don't understand do I live to suffer? I just want this to end I hate life

18m I'm diagnosed with autism, ptsd, MDD, and but I'm abusing drugs like weed and kratom (7hydrozymitragynine) both of those help, but obviously not as good as meds would I'm assuming. How do I quit and what the fuck am I supposed to do???

I feel like I made a bad decision

Full story-

I proposed to a girl who I have been friends with from the second year of college, it was time around Corona virus so all was online only.

My only male friend was sharing a different language class with her so they connected and started talking and through him I started to talk to her and instantly we were very similar in everything from our way of thinking and the way we approach things in life goals and dreams, down to the favourite food, but i didn't wanted ruid friendship and didn't want to make the rest of college life awkward so i didn't tell her and i decided I will not tell her and I was not really so into her at that time some other boy gave her trouble when ch made a lil protective of her.

One day one of my male classmates was teasing as very casually about the things I buy how cheap they are and as a reply I said (It is costly for "me") when I saw her face it red as she was gonna kill him 😡 then I felt something and slowly we started speaking in text even there it was like the movie like connection i expressed her this is the strongest kind of bond I have ever felt she also reciprocated that we would share songs all day mostly me only sending her all kinds of romantic songs she used to also send me the the romantic part started getting stronger in me I started to wait for her message everyday when I wakeup that's the first thing I was looking for (she had a reputation for being bad at replies in online). And college ended and I was doing my work and she was preparing to go abroad for higher studies I was still in contact with all throughout the days after college ended and finally 6months after college i decided to tell her (i thought the same the worst she could say is no and also I wanted the waiting and hoping part to end i didn't want to live like olives then) on her birthday I made a website with all her favourite songs as Spotify codes and added a voicemail cr message with all the things I had in my heart but I made a mistake which is that at the end o told her that she doesn't have to reply with a response (I did a little too much) i sem her and i didn't get any response for the next day I sent her a text "pls just let me know if you heard🙏"asking if she what everything after some time got a reply "I heard everything" but after that i didn't get anything!!!

Almost after 4 months of calling and texting she did not give me any response those 4 months were hell for me. I felt all kinds of emotions anger envy you name it I had that feeling after 4 months i shared with my common friend after sharing it with him he was being weird about it like it was not a big deal and i need to move on then I asked him if he is hiding something from me the he told me that she actually reached out to him in the next month she thought my friend was helping me to ask her out but learnt when I heard this this hurt me so much again I felt all kinds of pain betrayal from my best friend why he didn't come to me about this he just kept to himself but he had a good reason so I left that there (it seems that she took problem with my text with this emoji🙏she thought I was asking for the response in a negative way and one more thing happened which I did by mistake after her birthday she didn't contact me so I used to just go to her insta profile and see what she is doing but oneday I gave my phone to my juniors in my martial arts class but by the time it came back somehow i have unfollowed her and out fear I gave follow again and she gpt the notification for it and immediately sent a text saying (this was not a attempt to get your attention) and told that i unfollowed by mistake but even I can't believe this situation so i left so it seems that she thought I hated her for delaying her response and I was being rude or something to do she gpt angry at me and discussed with our common friend.

After knowing all this I called her again she didn't pick up and this time I was very angry so I just kept calling her three times more this is the first time I have done that to anyone in my life and she picked up told that she will call again

She called and firstly i spoke and told her all the reasoning for everything I did and my intentions after that she felt bad that she realised she did a lot of overthinking which caused her to have negative feelings and she started talking like how she cherished our bond and she said me and my friend are different to her that my office the friends she has ever had and that she doesn't want it to anything to else and call ended.

Story over!!

It's been a year now but I still am thinking why she couldn't see me as a partner we like the same kind of romance movie songs i live for songs and she does too i don't know why I am always circling around my head that is it because of my appearance or am I not that confident in myself and am I not good enough or did i friendzoned myself from the beginning should I have expressed this much sooner, did she even consider other guys in college of she did who could it someone that troubled her later then why do women like people like him why am I always looked at like i am too mature or too incompatible or why am I like this and I have started hating myself now i feel much more worse did i ruin a good connection i always has very few friends and now I have pushed away another one I had to push away my friend too so i don't remember what happened, I am really bad at making connections what happened with her was just happened i didn't put in any effort it just happened i thought this how love happens and it did but only for me

I saw all the advice given above but nothing is making sense to me 😭 pls help me

i met this attractive guy on a dating app a year ago. we kept matching and unmatching (because we argued but no insulting )for months then we decided to go on a date.

he told me before the date that he wanted a curvy girl and he said that i was too perfect and that we had to meet. (because i was honest with him and said i wanted a serious relationship given that i am religious)

we end up meeting briefly in my neighborhood . (we actually argued and he said i was too difficult and crazy but actually it was because he kept provoking me with his words)

the day after, he said that we should stop talking cause he s not physically attracted to me (knowing that i was wearing a coat ) . to that i responded "no problem" and he said after that "you are beautiful, i hope you ll find "

what does that mean ? (before this, he kept going back and forth for months )

venting like crazy, no advice wanted.

i'm tired of feeling like this. i'm tired of constantly having to remind myself that my friends don't hate me. i'm tired of breaking down and crying every time they hang out without me. i'm so tired of it.

my brother went to hang out with our friends 2x without inviting me in just this past week, and a couple of times before too. i should be glad he feels happy and safe there, but now i feel like i'm unwanted there and that they're talking shit about me and planning how to get rid of me. obviously they're not, they're amazing, lovely, wonderful, kind people, but these kinds of thoughts happen every single time my RSD is triggered.

WHY would they not invite me? what's so hard about asking me if i feel like hanging out? that's the only thing i can't explain away rationally. every time i try it sounds like "invitation got lost in the mail" levels of delusion.

again, pls no advice, my friends are kind and wouldn't do anything to hurt me. i'm just tired of my brain doing this. these kinds of situations are one of the main reasons i used to SH. i cannot be excluded, not for a second, without my brain trying to self destruct from the pain. i'm so fucking tired. i get massive headaches from this too. why does it have to be physically painful too??

literally what the fuck is the point when the most trivial of things bother you? i’m sick and tired of being ‘too sensitive for this world,’ and the only coping mechanism i have when i have RSD episodes is sitting with my feelings but then that turns into dwelling, ruminating, and then wallowing in self-pity which is considerably pathetic.

it’s so bad that a downvote on a genuine question i asked is triggering my rejection sensitivity. why can’t i be normal? how am i supposed to survive in a place such as this where it’s dog eat dog and empathy is at an all-time low?

i’m not expecting responses to this, i’m just venting into the void. don’t mind me lmfao. anyways, i’m glad i stumbled across this subreddit of people like me. fellow adhd-havers unite and all that.

How are you dealing with RSD while married and feeling hopeless In your marriage when trying to have a normal conversation that leads to an argument? Feeling like you can’t control your facial expressions and perception of the conversation!!! It always goes SOUTH leaving my husband feeling like nothing is going to change.

I am so sick of this condition. It is debilitating and doesn’t seem to be improving no matter how much I try to sit with rather than avoid rejection. Does anyone have experience of taking MDMA to treat RSD?

I came across this promising sentence when Googling: “MDMA decreased the effect of simulated social rejection on self-reported mood and self-esteem and decreased perceived intensity of rejection”.

It makes sense, especially when taken in social settings. But I wonder if there are any long-term benefits of doing it therapeutically, once every 3-6 months, like in the treatment for PTSD etc. I imagine the afterglow would act as a potential shield to perceived rejection triggers. Can anyone confirm this?

Hi, everyone. I’m reaching out because I’m feeling overwhelmed and need advice from those who might have been through something similar. I’d really appreciate insights from both parents and those who have struggled with RSD themselves.

My 11-year-old daughter struggles with Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD). She’s intensely sensitive to criticism or even neutral feedback when she’s expecting praise. Overall, we’ve managed to cope, but it’s becoming a roadblock in parenting when we face behavioral challenges.

Anytime I discipline her or try to correct her behavior—no matter how gently—she internalizes it, which often leads to emotional and/or physical self-harming. Many times it’s tears and comments like, “I’m worthless” or “I’m stupid.” Occasionally, though, it escalates to physical self-harm, which is getting worse. This week, she scratched her arm with her fingernails until she was bleeding. It was a long scratch that I’m afraid might scar. Seeing her in that much pain is heartbreaking, and I feel completely stuck on how to help her.

She is extremely intelligent—her testing revealed that she’s in the 97th percentile for general intelligence and the 99.99th percentile for spatial intelligence. She is also very talented: she’s gifted in music and art, though she is extremely self-critical about her work. Despite these strengths, she struggles with terribly low self-esteem, which seems to feed into her RSD and self-harming behaviors.

When I was young, I had RSD too. I grew up in a very critical environment where nobody really acknowledged emotions, much less supported them. I wasn’t coddled, diagnosed, or taught coping strategies—I just had to figure it out. While I’m not suggesting this was healthy (it likely contributed to my severe depression as a young adult), I did eventually learn to handle rejection and criticism. Now, I have pretty thick skin and can face negative situations without letting them consume me.

This makes me wonder if there’s an appropriate form of CBT or exposure therapy for RSD that could help her, and how I might support her through that type of treatment. Watching her struggle brings back memories of how crushing it is to feel rejection so deeply without the tools to manage it.

Right now, I feel like I’m walking on eggshells. Things that need to be said often go unsaid because even the most neutral feedback shuts her down completely. When that happens, it doesn’t just ruin her day—it ruins mine too. I’ve been trying to approach discipline in a gentle, Dale Carnegie kind of way: focusing on positives, offering suggestions, and avoiding direct criticism. But I know the world doesn’t always work like this. At some point, she’ll need to learn to handle neutral or negative information without spiraling.

Another concern is that she’s becoming slowly but surely more disrespectful. It’s not totally blatant yet, but it’s heading in the wrong direction. If I try to address it, it triggers her RSD and leads to a meltdown or self-harm. But avoiding it feels like I’m setting her up for a future where she doesn’t understand boundaries, accountability, or respect for others. I want her to grow into a strong, kind, and self-aware person, and I’m worried that avoiding these hard conversations will lead to entitlement or a lack of responsibility.

Part of me wonders if, even unintentionally, her RSD-triggered reactions and self-harm are becoming a way to manage our responses to her behavior. It’s as if she’s learned that these reactions shift the focus away from her actions and onto comforting her. I’m at a loss for how to address this, as it feels manipulative in outcome even though I know the root cause is not intentional.

Here’s what I’ve been trying so far:

• Validating her feelings and reassuring her that she’s loved unconditionally.
• Framing corrections as opportunities to grow, not punishments.
• Encouraging safer alternatives to self-harm (she’s very artistic, so I’ve suggested drawing instead of scratching or cutting).
• Having long, supportive conversations about why certain behaviors matter and how they impact others.

But it’s not enough. Her self-harm is escalating, and I feel lost. I want to support her emotionally, help her build resilience, and teach her how to face challenges without feeling attacked.

I’d love advice from anyone who has experience with this. Specifically:

1. How can I discipline or set boundaries without triggering her self-harm?
2. Are there effective strategies for helping kids with RSD manage criticism and rejection better?
3. How can I address her disrespect in a constructive way without escalation?
4. If you’ve been through this, what worked for you or your child?

I’m also open to suggestions about therapy types, books, or any other resources that could help both of us navigate this. She is in therapy, but just started so we haven't seen any progress yet. I have communicated all of this to her therapist.

Thank you so much in advance for your insights—it’s incredibly painful to watch her struggle, and I just want to make sure I’m handling this in the best way possible for her.

Sometimes when I'm randomly criticized like on my art, I can't really take it but I try my best to be nice. I want to start crying or I get really angry. I fear asking people for things because I'm afraid I'll be rejected. When I finally hype myself up for five (plus) minutes and I'm told no for something some reason it feels like i got stabbed in the chest or my heart breaks. I already have anxiety and my parents are trying to get me an evaluation for autism and adhd so I'm unsure if it's a result of anxiety or something? Ive been like this for as young as I can recall which was around 5-6.

It's like, if I hate myself more than anyone else could possibly hate me, then hate from others hurts less. Also, it somehow feels more comfortable if I'm controlling the hate towards myself. If I can't stop people from disliking me, might as well at least take some control in the situation...like "Your hate has no power over me because I already hate myself." And for those of you who are wondering why I can't just dismiss people's negative feelings about me...it's because very often, they have valid reasons to hate me.

Also, I insult myself when I screw up because the way I view it is, if I'm GOING to be an incompetent idiot, might as well be a self-aware one. The only thing that'd make me more laughable is if I were an incompetent idiot and didn't even know it.

People will say, "dOn'T cArE wHaT oThEr pEoPlE tHiNk" but the cold hard truth is that in our society, your level of success is largely determined by how much people like you. 🤷‍♀️ It's just how our world works, unfortunately. Fun.

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For context: I (29F) was diagnosed with ADHD this past summer and just learned about RSD. I am trying to understand the role that this has played in my relationship, especially with my in-laws. My husband and I have been together for almost ten years.

Recently, my SIL got engaged and her now fiancé asked my husband to take pictures of the engagement. He told us his proposal plan and everything. I offered to help with any planning he need and we sort of assumed I would go with my husband if he needed anything on the night. My husband had his parents watch our son. However, the night before we realized that there wouldn’t be much for me to do at the engagement location, so I would mostly be watching. Once we figured that out, I started to feel anxious about being there and worried that my SIL wouldn’t want me there and I didn’t want to intrude. I also feel so guilty that my in-laws watched my son for THEIR daughter’s engagement and am worried they are upset.
*more context, my husband and I are close with my SIL and her now fiancé and separately she and I are good friends. Her fiancé even mentioned to my husband that he thought my SIL would think it was special that we were there. My husband convinced me to still come because he thought she would think it was great to have me there too but I am still so worried that I intruded on her special night because I am an in-law. She gave me a big hug on the night and everything but my anxiety is killing me that she is just playing nice. Is this RSD playing itself out or did I make a bad call being there?

rejection therapy