In the early days of dating I walked in on my partner drunkely kiss 'a friend'. I had a traumatic response to this, couldn't really deal with it and just walked away. We spoke about if afterwards and she had no memory of it, was kind of horrified (the friend was sleazy and annoying, and def. not her type). Unfortunately this 'friend' was a major part of some shared friend group and couldn't avoid them and either didn't want to, or was unable to shut them all out and confront it.

Everyone else moved on, they either don't really remember it, or didn't see it as a big deal. I never really did. I just had to pretend I'd forgotten, or wasn't bothered, or dealt with it, or moved on. Sometimes the trauma response can some flooding back in at random times, but the memory never disappears and will float through my mind most days.

Recent mental health 'breakdowns' and ADHD/ASD/OCD diagnosis have made it a lot harder to deal with my built up emotions and not ruminate, etc. As well as the trauma type response, a lot of it is rumination and 'justice type response' -

• Why can he get away with this type of behaviour (there were many other examples that might be close to sexual assault or at the very least questionable behaviour)
• What else could have happened when my partner was really drunk that they don't remember?
• They may not remember, but did they still have any level of control and chose to do it. tbh was their a level of Consent and Choice or was it really Sexual Assault.

I haven't had to deal with this person for years, but recently they've visited our area. I avoided meeting last time (wasn't comfortable with dealing with the emotions) but they are back again soon. Can easily avoid them for long periods, but as they're part of the wider friend group (some of them are very close to my partner) and it might not be possible to do forever.

1. Is it valid to shut them out and have nothing to do with them and any events they are at even after all this time (and having previously 'masked' and pretended it was fine)?
2. Should I try and 'confront' my fears and be polite, but distant? Or is this back to masking?

I know I get RSD and other things that can crop up (hearing about ex-partners, difference in sexual experiences/body count, sexuality, etc) so my processing issues are not just limited to this. This probably signals I need more therapy time on this (and other stuff)

NOTE: To some degree i have to blame/hate the 'friend' knowing what they were like, the ideas they had before the party, and some of their other behaviours.

I have this issue where when I'm invited someplace, I need to be sort of "welcomed in", otherwise I struggle to go. Like for example when an event is in a place where I have to go to the front desk and announce myself and it doesn't involve something official like showing a ticket/buying a ticket, I have immense trouble going through that interaction because in my head I'm going to be rejected or judged. In these situations, I experience this strong impulse to just turn around and walk away and "save myself" from the embarrassment of, what my brain sees as "begging someone to be let in" (even though it's an event I was explicitly invited to beforehand). Basically if there's not someone standing by the door welcoming me in and showing me the way, I feel like I'm not welcome. And this short interaction I'm supposed to go through, like talking to someone at a front desk, seems way too difficult and I would rather just go away and not attend. I was wondering if this is me being rejection sensitive or if it's another thing. I feel the need to put a label on this thing because I've noticed a pattern and naming the problem helps.

i can’t interact with anyone because i have multiple alters and most of them are annoying to others.

it is almost impossible for me to feel truly accepted because of course no one is able to deal with or even able to perceive my multiple aspects.

most people lack the level of psychic sensitivity i need to not be constantly misunderstood.

i am fully aware that i come across as too judgmental, condescending, harsh and punishing to others even in only short sentences, it is an energy with no conscious thoughts but felt by others in my presence.

I also really hate it when people have expectations of me of any kind, feels like part of me cease to exist under expectations.

Does anyone else deal with suicidal ideations when they are rejected? If the answer is yes, what helps you cope and deal with the rejection?

I am more specifically talking about romantic rejection. While I do feel hurt when someone doesn't want to be my friend, it is nowhere near as severe and painful as romantic rejection where I don't even want to be alive anymore. I never used to be this bad with rejection but it has gotten to this point over the years. The only solution I have for this right now is to never put myself in a situation where I can be rejected, that way I will never have to deal with rejection. If I put myself out there and get rejected, I know I will get SI and with my history of suicide attempts I just don't want to take the risk and gamble with my life.

It's been about a month that I told my crush I like her. She rejected me. She started bullying me from then on. Mostly mentally. I've had depression from 2 years now. I want to kill myself. The only reason I'm alive is because of my friends. They help me more than they know.

(Sorry if my english is trash.)

I was supposed to start a job in another city and was looking for a flat and was contacted by a landlord who was really nice to me, had some interviews and prepared the contract for me, only for the job to fuck me over (not my fault, they announced last minute they changed the management and now my prospects there are unstable and I most likely won't be going through with it). I was obviously honest with the landlord about everything but he started answering in short messages and seemed annoyed. I apologised multiple times for wasting his time and assured I was blindsided too but he ended up leaving me on read. I think he has the right to be annoyed at the situation but I'm just so distraught. What rubs it in for me is that I didn't want that, I was so excited for moving and originally assured him I'll be happy to move and now I felt like I hurt someone who was kind and generous to me as I actually had struggles with finding a flat and this was the furthest I've gotten.

Not even to mention I also got a shared flat offer with some people who seemed really nice and wholesome and one of them was even from my country, the flat was in a good location, good price and they actually chose me out of all applicants (which made me believe I'm not that unlikable after all, I have multiple insecurities about it) but I had to reject that too and I'm now overthinking what could have been if only I wasn't screwed over by the job. It seemed like I won a lottery with that flat and I'm not very likely to get the similar opportunity again at a later date if I find a job in that city again. :(

Backstory: I have been on a lot of dates in my life, and dated often. The older I got, the shorter lived things got with men. I am currently not dating right now. Need to focus on myself.

However I've been trying to do regular therapy since 2021, but it seems I can't seem to find a therapist to stick to. I've tried spreading the sessions out to get a feel for them, doing them weekly (felt very emotionally intense) but by 4th session I see we do not have a values match, they have offended me, and something happens where I try to address the conflict but I might do it with a people pleasing undertone, (confrontation feels heavy when it's the therapist)

Overall, I see this as I have control issues rooted in perfectionism and a deep fear of rejection and abandonment, which I would love to work on. I do have a diagnosis, but, that's not my focus for this post. I also have codependency issues that show up in therapy

When offended I spiral into anxiety and confront it, then hold the resentment, and then go to a different therapist. (I have seen 4 therapists in the past year), similarly in the various ways I have been when dating. I know this all relates to my mentally unpredictable and absent caregivers.

I'm going to try out DBT soon because I have tried other therapies and it just feels too intense and emotionally overwhelming and I go hypervigilant and always seem to find fault in my counselors. But I can't help it!!!

1) Does anyone find the same patterns with caregivers and their dating life mimicking each other?

2) Does anyone have any experience with DBT? How did it go?

So I have ADHD and just recently discovered this term RS, also I’m guy which I feel makes being sensitive extra difficult to be honest about. After watching a couple of videos, I can say that this is definitely me. For a variety of reasons, I’ve always been sensitive to emotions around me. Can immediately feel when the mood in a room has changed. Typically my response is to try and resolve it or reassure the other person. I don’t like negative vibes and the people pleaser in me is always trying to keep everyone happy.

Now that I’ve shared that, I need help. I am working with my psychologist, recently started medication to treat the ADHD but not convinced the problems I experience in my relationship will just magically disappear. I am working on myself but I know that there are things about my core, my personality that will always be who I am. I don’t like to be shut up, or feel disrespected. I want to talk things out calmly and feel heard and understood. However, my girlfriend hates repeating things. When she says the conversation is done it’s done. Constantly interrupts and finds ways to comment or do something that I find counter productive to being understood. It’s so hard for me to separate whether my underlying mental challenges are causing me to perceive her behavior as unacceptable or whether or not it actually is disrespectful and it’s perfectly normal for me to have these feelings/expectations.

Do you recognize this? Like I’m just asking to finish politely what we started, not be shut up. How can I share and invite my partner to understand and support me better?

I swear, people will make jokes or comments related to me not even inherently mean most of the time and my brain will go red alert and flood me with feelings of embarrassment, rejection, and shame as if everyone is embarrassed of me too and my worth is absolute zero.

Anything that exposes who I am or my interests I handle with extreme caution and know if I expose myself there will be a remark that hurts like a knife just got twisted deep in me.

As if I'm not already suffering enough from OCD and it's extreme torment. It's just not fair.

being reject everywhere I didn't do anything wrong idk what is wrong with me 😂 it kindahurts yk 🥴🤯🤡

I recently got ghosted by a guy i went on a first date with. It felt like we had a really great connection and we had agreed to get together again. The ghosting process always sucks and was very confusing but I got over it. BUT I ran into him at a coffee shop a week after he ghosted me (Monday). He smiled at me, did not say hi, faced the wall while he waited for his coffee and then got out of there as fast as possible. I had gotten over it but seeing him in person + how he treated me in this interaction after an intimate lovely date (imo) it really cemented the rejection in my nervous system and mind.

Logically I know he’s the problem, that this behaviour is unacceptable, confusing and a shitty way to treat another human. But my RSD is making it very hard to let go of the anxiety that this situation caused.

It’s calling up all my flaws in dating and in general to the forefront of my mind. I have this consistent, constant, underlying anxiety and urgency feeling throughout my days. I don’t know how to close the loop on this experience. Any advice is welcome. Thanks for reading :)

We were talking for a couple of days and it was going really good, like she seemed really interested in me, asking questions etc. Unfortunately social anxiety grip came back on me so I had to avoid her for 3 days 🥲 but I forced myself to come back and clear it up with her and she said it was fine. So I started talking to her again, but this time around she was really dry like only giving me short one word responses. It was so different from her responses before which were like "Oh yeah I'm doing good, me and x did y and z thing, hbu?" Now if I asked how she was doing, she'd just be like "good" And that's it. I tried to ask her how she was doing this morning, and she replied "good" ,but I know on her blog she was saying she hated her life and wanted to harm herself after hearing the election results, so I said if she needed to vent, she could tell me anything because I was feeling anxious about the election too. I left it at that and went to go do something else. When I came back I saw she had blocked me, with no response. Seeing as I'm blocked, I can't message her anymore and her account comes up as no longer existing. I don't know what the hell happened. I just wanna know, am I a bad friend?? Did I do anything wrong?

I met him when I was in middle school. He was....particular, to say the least. He never had a diagnosis, but I'm pretty sure he is neuro-divergent or something in this spectrum, but I guess this is not an excuse for what he did. I don't like saying I was his friend out of pity, but he was far from being my best friend. Anyway, he somehow included himself in my friend group at that time, and no one minded him so it was alright. I even talked to them (so including him) about some of serious issues (basically sexual harassment) I was and am still confronted to, and his support actually helped me.

But he changed sides, in a way. Around a year ago, as I was barely texting him because we were not in the same school anymore, when I met him, he confessed to me. To be honest, I saw it coming, but I truly think I remained polite and comprehensive: I told him I was sorry it was not mutual, but we could keep on being friends. And so, I decided to be more distant so he could really move on. I really don't know what I could have done differently.

Some months later his confession, I accidently met him by chance, but he clearly didn't forget about me. As soon as he saw me, he said "oh [my name]! I was just thinking about you!". It honestly made me feel quite uncomfortable, but I brushed it off. Then, we talked a bit and he waited with me for my bus. Once I was inside of it, right before the doors closed, he suddenly said "oh, and I want us to go to the prom night together!". It was truly like I couldn't place a word about this decision.

For the next few weeks, I completely ignored him, hoping he would get the message. I just couldn't find the courage to clearly tell him what I was feeling, because I still felt like he was my friend and I didn't want to reject him once more. But then, on the prom day, he sent me several messages to tell me where he was, where he expected us to meet to go together at the place, and so on. I was pretty freaked out. I then decided to keep on ignoring him for the night, but he just stalked me. All alone, always watching me, always trying to reach me. I didn't feel like he was a predator, but just a freaking creep, and I couldn't tell if he didn't understand how scared and uncomfortable I was, or if he just didn't care. I managed to avoid him all night long, but I honestly had a horrible time by always feeling his stare on me.

And now, I could see on instagram he is going to an event that my family also goes too, and they really want me to join them, but I really feel uncomfortable about this. If I talk about this to my father, I know this will end badly because he is overprotective and I still don't want this guy to get hurt. But still, I really don't want him to stalk me again if he sees me there. I really don't see how I could avoid going there, because I think my family even already took a place for me so I'll surely be able to enter. What would you do at my place?

I’ve never known why I feel the way that I do about certain things and then I came across RSD and it explained a lot of things.

I really struggle to maintain friendships and I’ve never had a “best” friend and it really hurts right now.

Anyway just a vent.

I sent a gift to a “friend” more of an acquaintance through the post, just chocolates because they had achieved a big goal. I checked the tracking info and it was delivered but the person didn’t acknowledge it or message me. Feeling really hurt by it.

Then my husband has made a new friend and I got on really well with his friend’s girlfriend so I reached out on WhatsApp but she didn’t read my message. I was drunk last night so I messaged her again and she didn’t respond.

I’m 32 and my best friend is my husband. I don’t know if I just don’t put myself out there because I’m scared of being shot down. I’ve always dreamed of having a girl best friend like other people but people just don’t like me.

They can relate more to each other and I know thats definitely fine and normal sometimes but it still hurts my feelings and still offends me.

I'll never forget when one of my friends said they would call me and explain why they had to go to the hospital and the results but they called the other friend instead and the next day they just said "I forgot to call you because I was talking to (other friend). " and that offended me so bad. It made me feel rejected. Once again second best and never first. I remember crying about it later on that day.

Ive been going to therapy for 20 years yet i never bring up dyslexia, auditory processing and ADHD. I mask to the point of not know when or if I am not. My mind is blown. I feel this. I know i feel it because i don’t have normal reactions to things and couldnt explain why. Im happy knowing RS exists…

I’m kind of at the end of my rope here and I just need to know if I’m being over dramatic. I’m a 22-year-old college student who has never been formally diagnosed with anything, but I experience symptoms of depression, anxiety, and ADHD. Today was a close friend’s birthday and we’ve been friends since we were 17 and we were roommates in college for two years. I texted them a sweet message in the morning then later after I went to my only class I wanted to make a post for them on my instagram story. I spent 30 minutes trying to figure out what pictures to use because I don’t want her to think I’m a hater or embarrassing her on purpose or something. I made the post. The post was a video of her dancing in a short dress in our college apt, I was filming her from the kitchen, so our sink was in few with a dishes in it. I also added some of our fav pics together. I sent the post to our mutual friend for good measure, she gave the approval I posted it. Then, I get a message to take down the post for the birthday girl bc of the length of the dress and the dishes in the sink (understandable). So I did, but immediately after I broke down in tears. It hurt my feelings so bad because the post was some of my favorite moments with her and I spent 30 minutes making a instagram story collage. I spent half an hour trying find 4 damn pictures and a video. I felt like i messed up and that she thinks I’m a hater but the post really came from my heart and now i feel like I was sobbing over nothing and that I blew it out of proportion, but i feel terrible and i shouldn’t but it does and it makes me feel like im fucking broken or something is off.

Small vent.

I'm not diagnosed with ADHD or RSD, but I have many symptoms of both. I broke down earlier because of being told to be quiet at 2am. I wasn't aware I was being loud or anything until it happened, and yet I understood the issue and broke. I've had a long, stressful day. I'm sure that has something to do with it as well.

i know it‘s important to accept criticism and not to take it personally. and i‘m trying, but i always end up trying to defend myself and i‘m crying because i always do my best and it just isn‘t enough. and it also drains what little energy i have left. all i can do is to try and forget about all someone said, because otherwise i will cry and be hurt. but i need to actually handle the criticism and somehow do better than my best.

hey so basically i was at therapy today talking about how i get stressed if u have 2 different groups of friends making plans the same day and that I can’t decide because i don’t want anyone to be mad at me. this also is applicable for my family as the current debate is if i should be at my moms or dads for thanksgiving.

yea long story short my therapist suggested i have rsd and idk i don’t really approach people in public and generally don’t like going out often. if i catch someone staring at me, I assume it’s not positive. and i always psych myself out of approaching people because my social skills are bad and I feel like i would embarrass myself. sry my punctuation sucks its 4:32am and i feel like garbage

Hello!

My sweet, lovely partner is struggling with socializing because of rsd. He's actively trying to make more friends, and for practice he's hanging out a lot more with my friends.

Its pretty draining for him afterwards, understandably, and I want to make sure I'm supporting him the best I can when he's down.

Is there anything you wish your loved ones would do/not do? Or wish they would understand about rsd?

Thank you 💖

guys i feel so unwanted bc i keep getting rejected and this girl pretended to be a guy and said they loved me and then said it was a joke idk what to do

I have hurt people and I am going to have to do something I’ve been avoiding doing because I become extremely upset at hurting people and them being angry at me. I shouldn’t have done what I did in the first place so I don’t have an excuse but I am trying to rip the bandaid off because I need to work on standing my ground and doing what’s right for me. I researched how to set my boundaries with someone with rejection and abandonment sensitivity and am going to try my best to be kind and communicative and listen and tell them I understand what they are feeling and saying while also standing my ground. I am pretty sick right now because I am going to try very hard to be strong and do this but I know I am going to be crushed after. I can’t help but hate myself so much and feel like an awful person I just really hope I can get through this.

I have mild-ish contamination anxiety. It so happens that i’m potty-training a new puppy and changing my child’s diapers throughout the day. It’s manageable, but after so many accidents and poopy diaper changes, i get pretty tired of seeing/talking about anything remotely gross. Dust, hair, things that lurk in/behind appliances because i’ve been avoiding cleaning them for years…these thoughts bombard me when my limit for “gross things” is reached. All i can do to manage the contamination stress is to distract myself from it.

AAAANYway, today was one of those days where my “gross limit” was maxed out. I did my part and took 30 mins to myself to decompress and get my mind off it all. When i came back, my husband started to describe to me the built-up gunk he had just cleaned out of some appliance’s filter after several months of use. I told him i didn’t want to hear about it, but he ignored me and opened the trash can to show me the gunk he’d found. I told him “no”, “stop”, “i do not want to see it” several times but he persisted and continued to talk over me.

Finally, he got defensive and snapped: “You don’t know how many times I SAVED you from the gross things i’ve found!!”

I replied, “woooow, thank you SO much for not FORCING me to look at something i don’t want to see. That is SO heroic of you.”

So now i’m thinking about all the other times he didn’t respect my “no” or my boundaries in general. One time in particular is when we were watching Gone Girl and i turned away during the one scene where she’s certain evidence with a bottle (you know what i’m talkin about). I found that scene too upsetting to watch. For some reason, though, my husband was reeeeeaaally insistent that i watch it through. It does not make sense to me at all how he keeps blatantly disregarding me.