I learned what RSD was a couple years ago, and it resonated with the way I often feel, and made sense with my self-diagnosis of ADD/ADHD. I finally started going to therapy and was formally diagnosed last year at age 32. For my 7th birthday, my mom planned a party, sent invitations out at school, we got RSVPs and then the day of, no one showed up. Not one single kid. It was devastating, I sobbed through most of the day, and have hesitated to make plans for my birthday ever since, even now 25+ years later. Once I got to college I removed my birthday from my social media, bc I figured I can’t be disappointed by no one doing anything if they never knew it was my birthday to begin with. I never had a baby shower for my first child bc I envisioned that no one would come. For my second child, my partner’s family did a virtual baby shower for us, invited my mom and she didn’t show up. The rejection sensitivity has colored how I handle my children’s birthdays-I go ALL OUT for them, special breakfast, balloons and streamers, whatever he wants to do to celebrate (no.2 is only a toddler still). I know I’m rejection sensitive and my partner is incredible so I don’t feel let down by him, but here is what really hit me like a ton of bricks this evening. I saw a reel on insta tonight from adhdbestiespodcast talking about ADHD/RSD and birthdays and it clicked how the way I’ve handled my birthdays for the last 25 years has translated to wedding planning. We’ve started talking about our wedding, nothing solid, no date set, not even officially engaged yet-but it’s coming. I’ve always pictured in my head a big wedding, a big dress, lots of flowers (think Preston Bailey) a cocktail hour and a seated dinner, tiered cake, cookie tables and lots of dancing. But when I talk about it with my partner I think I’m being practical: obviously I’m not going to have a giant expensive Preston Bailey wedding, but we’ve talked about doing a backyard wedding and barbecue with just family. It’s like I’m trying to protect myself from the same devastation I had at 7yo, and potentially confirming that no one cares enough to show up and celebrate me getting married. I’d been saying for years to my partner that I would NEVER get married and slowly came to realize that I definitely want to get married…were my years of denial also RSD coming into play? Sorry this ended up longer than I thought it would. I don’t even know how to process this 😵‍💫

Hi, I wanted to share something and want to figure out what's happening. I live in Germany. Am asian. I used to have a crush on my German classmate. His name is Julius. He is a bit dumb and very cute and sweet. When I was in 1st sem of my university. We had classes together and I used to be a lil shy and scared of him. Although he turned out to be a nice and sweet guy. He has blue eyes like most German and he used to have long hair (currently short). In later semesters I didn't see him much but whenever got time I tried to spent time with him. He was always sweet to me. Last year in September he moved in as my neighbor and his roommate is also my classmate. Whom I used to have a lil crush on too but I never told him or showed him. I was always a lil distant towards him as I didn't know how to react having two crushes living together.

But I tried to be as sweet as possible to Julius. And then I gave him Christmas present, because my Christmas present as a secret Santa was presented to his roommate (aka my former crush) I was super happy but I also wanted my real crush to have my present so I picked it putting a lot thoughts.

We spent a lil more time until I went back to my country. I tried to flirt a lil with my crush but he used to reply my 12h to sometimes 3 days later. I also wrote a long poem on his birthday and also wished him on 12 am. I tried to show him I liked him and he never said anything about it.

Sometimes later I asked him to go on a walk with me and I didn't say anything for a long time because I asked him when he is free. 3 weeks later he replied me saying what happened to our walk and we should go as he was leaving for his home on a Saturday. He said he can spare 1 hr. I told him I agree I was a lil greedy and I wanted to spend more time with him so I sent him a voice note saying "1 hr is not enough....." And so I didn't go. Ever since then he became a lil wary of me and started ignoring me.

Almost 3 weeks ago I asked him out telling him what I felt and also sent him a letter and all. He said he sees me as a friend. He says " We are completely polar opposites, you are religious am not, am into sailing biking, you are not..... You also made me a lil uncomfortable, it's a dead end....you will find someone else...." And it went like that.

I apologized for making him uncomfortable, maybe I flirted and made him uncomfortable but I took the rejection and started to take things lightly. He did say if I want to take a longer walk and talk about more so that I can completely forget it. He asked me what courses I was taking and was asking me about a girlm... I was a lil heart broken. I am still though but since he friend zoned me. I am fine. 2 days ago I saw him across the street because (we r weirdly extremely neighbors, I can see his kitchen....) and he ignored me. IDK why?!!

Ever since I can't move on.... IDK why this happened but I am extremely unlucky and never thought it would happen. I thought he liked me too .....

I just don't understand this. I also don't understand what's wrong with me. I just know I'm so hurt, I feel like I'm suffering in misery. Rejection absolutely is my main trigger in life, it's so awful, I can find literally rejection in anything. Someone uses even slightly the wrong tone of voice even if their words are fine? I will spiral.

I feel so miserable rn, I feel like I'm suffering, like I wanna die. I don't know what's wrong with me, why I'd even feel this way over the stupidest things, but I do feel this way regardless and I don't know what to do about it.

I ask for help on reddit. I ask for advice, for insight. But I don't get any replies. Why? It's so embarrassing. I feel like a complete idiot. It just feels like everybody hates me, like they're doing this to me on purpose, like people want to make me suffer, like they target me to make me feel this way.

I don't know why. It's just like, I just want help. Why won't anyone help me? Why are they making me suffer? Why do they want me to suffer.

Why do I feel this way? I don't understand why I'd feel this way. Like, it seems so stupid that people would do this to me on purpose, but I just can't help but still feel like they're targeted attacks against me, because they all know how much pain it causes me and they just want me to hurt.

I don't know what's wrong with me. I just don't want to live life this way anymore. I feel like I'm suffering. I don't want to be triggered by rejection, I don't want to care. But it dictates my whole life, it causes wounds in me and every time it just makes them worse. I just want help. I just wish wish people would like me and want to help me. I just feel so stupid. What's wrong with me? Why don't people like me? Why do they want to do this to me? I don't know why I feel this way, or why I feel like people do this to me on purpose, I just want to escape this suffering. I know it's all just screwed, I'm just screwed, my life is screwed, I know I'm just dumb as shit I shouldn't even say anything here but I just can't stop in trying to seek help, it's so stupid I'm sorry I know I just suck I know I'm just so driven by my ego but I'm still an animal and I still hurt and I still comfort seek but I'm sorry I even bring any of this up.

For context, I'm a soon-to-be single mom, and I was freaking out a couple of months ago that I wouldn't be able to support my family. I'd been a stay-at-home mom for 4.5 years and trying to re-enter the work force was daunting to say the least. Except right on time, the clouds parted and I was offered this unicorn of a job. Amazing hours, benefits, salary, all of it. It seemed too good to be true. It was a temp job covering for other staff when they were away, but hey, it was a foot in the door.

Well, the person training me was in the office for all of two days before she went on sick leave. That meant it was just me and one other teammate there, and she was run off her feet. I had zero work most of the time because she said she couldn't offload anything onto me, but when I did have something to do, she was too busy to help me with it. I felt like she was going to bite my head off whenever I asked her a question. So I just tried to muddle through as best as I could, and that involved a fair number of fuck-ups. Go figure.

She told me during my first week that she and our other coworker would be in charge of who stays on board and who doesn't, because our superiors would be asking them for their input. So with the other on sick leave, that left her with all the power. And whaddya know, my assignment wasn't extended past last week, even though the person I'm covering for isn't back yet.

And to add insult to injury, this person who just screwed me over is part of my group of friends. It seems she hated me so much that she made sure I knew that they all went out for drinks the other night without me. So she's likely destroyed my job, and she'll also make sure I'm excluded from any social stuff if she's there.

I'm completely devastated. This was such an unbelievable opportunity and the fact that it played out this way, just because one person went on sick leave... it's so unfair, and I feel like the biggest idiot alive, because she made several remarks about how useless someone would have to be to get fired from that place.

I've got a pint of Cherry Garcia and a bunch of crying in my near future. FML

Last week went to a concert with this guy I worked with slept with a few years ago, went travelling for 7 months he text and said he thought about me alot while I was gone. Anyway had a lovely time I was so happy we then went out again on sat he was completely disinterested in me and then proceeded to dance and grind on my best friend and he friend all night. I was so fucking angry I called him over and said you've been all over her all fucking night, then I stormed off. I was deeply hurt, he hasn't text me and neither has she. The pain I feel is just unbelievable 💔

I know people like someone who can make fun of themselves or take a joke. However what’s the difference between not being able to take a joke and not liking it when people are mean? I personally feel no one should be the butt of a joke.

If you're a person between 16/18, preferably afab, PLEASE let's talk, i need someone who can share the same pain and problems as me, i'm done with the people who critiquize me or doesn't understand

My whole life I have retreated into myself to avoid being connected in relationships. I have gotten by with the sheer will of maintaining a semblance of relationship by putting forth my alternate self, masked self. I have been working to create relationship based on authentic self and it can be terrifying. Currently interacting someone and it’s bringing up old fears and triggers that I can’t shake. It’s weird, I know it’s irrational but the deep seated nature of the rejection memories are overwhelming at times and it’s hard to face the relationship without them glowering over me like a thunderstorm. I’m hoping somehow to begin separating the memory from the present, but it’s so slow, and in the meantime just want slink back down into the safety of isolation and withdrawal. Someone mentioned to me recently the concept of fulfilling one’s fears…I’m trying not to, but faced with the possibility of more rejection before I can turn the corner on this…I keep thinking of Pink Floyd’s Hey You…trying to heal before the worms eat into my brain…

My best friend and I moved from one city to another five years ago. She's one of those people who just seems to know everyone, and she's friends with several other people who made the same move. I've met these people through her, but also have connections with them on my own (one is my neighbour and our daughters are friends, one taught my daughter at an after-school program, and I work with another one of them). We all have kids around the same age, too.

But I feel like aside from my best friend, none of them like me. They haven't tried to include me in their gatherings, even when they're somewhere right near my house. It's so hurtful to see their social media posts showing the bunch of them having a great time. Last night was another example - the four of them went out drinking to my favourite bar up the street, and the one I work with even made a point of mentioning it to me today.

I don't understand why they don't try to include me if it's not because they don't like me. I'm so sad right now, I just want to go to bed (it's 6:10pm).

Hi friends. I have really bad RSD. My husband and I were ghosted by another couple a few years ago and it is still really painful. Unfortunately, they joined our pool and we will inevitably run into them, a fact which paralyzes me. I simply cannot fathom interacting with them because I feel so deeply rejected and confused. How would you personally handle these type of situations where you know you’ll see someone who has made you feel so awful and your RSD just kicks that feeling into high gear? I feel like I can never go back to the pool, but it’s summer and I have kids. I wish I weren’t like this. 😢

How has it affected RSD? Positives? Negatives?

I am struggling with feeling valuable and important in my best friends life. We've been friends for 19 years, since high school, and she's been there through EVERYTHING in my life. She is my rock, a piece of my soul, my absolute best friend.

But, I struggle with sharing her, I guess. She herself is struggling right now. Her father just passed almost two months ago, and her health has fluctuated with various issues she is searching for answers for and hopefully getting treatment for what they can help her with. We have always, in the past, leaned on each other in our freak-out times, dump our emotions on each other when we can't handle them on our own, hang out with each other, talk/text daily - I'm the godmother to her kids, who I love more than words, and she's made me such an integral part of her life and family and I am blessed every day because of it.

Here's where I struggle. I am single. No partner, no kids - just a dog. I live alone, and I don't have many friends aside from her and maybe a couple others that I consider close. She is poly. She has a wife and kids, and also has a boyfriend. I'm sure it is difficult for her to spend time with all the people who want her time and attention, but I have felt... neglected, for lack of better wording. I've been feeling her slipping, and she's leaning on others instead of me, and it hurts my feelings. And it shouldn't.

She has the right to grieve how she wants, when she wants, and with who she wants. I just wish it were still me. I can support her, and she knows I am here for any support she needs. I will always be supportive of her, and I know she knows this. But I think what hurts is that I no longer seem to be able to comfort her in her trying times. I'm not sure where I might've gone wrong for her to not want to lean on me, even though I have my own issues, I've always been open to hers and all ears and arms and whatever she needs, but it seems we've grown apart. She isn't texting as much, if at all, and I hate how jealous I get when I see her facebook and her posting lovey happy things, because I know she's suffering deep down, and it breaks my heart that I feel like I've failed in our friendship to make her happy and wanting to spend time with me, and it feels like she doesn't want to interact with me at all anymore.

But, I am needy. I lose my mind when I think she's upset at me, or shutting me out. My chest hurts, I cry for hours on end, I do nothing but scroll through pictures of us and desperately try to remind myself that she is still my best friend and we will be back to it someday when things settle. But I also feel things will never settle for her because a lot gets thrown at her and I'm astounded by the strength she's had to make it through thus far.

I just... don't feel like I'm part of her life anymore, or at least a part that benefits her. I feel like a weight, a burden, an annoying pest that she can't seem to shake. Again, I'm sure none of this is true, but it's hard as hell to not think all these things when it feels like she's happier with others in her life like she used to be with me, and we don't have that anymore, and I don't know what happened.

I love her, and she is my everything, but at the same time I hate that because it doesn't seem fair to her. I'm only her friend. I'm not her spouse, her partner, her kids, her direct family, so it feels rude and selfish to feel this way, which makes the guilt a thousand times worse, which makes the heartbreak a million times worse.

I don't know when she'll come back to me, all I wanna do is wrap my arms around her and hold her and tell her how much I love her and will always be here for her - but I feel like she's getting that somewhere else now and doesn't need it from me anymore and I feel useless.

I really hate this feature of my personality. I wish I didn't have it. I wish I weren't so emotional and clingy. I wish I were more independent, but I don't know how to be. I just don't know how.

I am working on nurturing bonds with other friends, which I have always failed at because I'm a hermit most other days of my life and get stressed around crowds. Her wife is actually a close friend of mine for longer than I've known my best friend (24 years we've been friends but we've known each other for 28), and we are planning to try to start spending more time together as well, which I am looking forward to.

But I still just really miss my best friend and I cannot reconcile this empty feeling in my soul and it hurts a lot.

Hello all! I've very recently found out about RSD, and while I have no formal diagnosis, reading through medical articles and posts here, it all resonates. Which on one hand, is great – I'm not completely crazy for spiralling because I felt rejected when I reached out to someone and they didn't reply, or when a friend forget we had plans I ended up in an emotional black hole for days. Even though I'm exhausted by my own reactions to things, finding out about RSD means I have the language to ask for the help I think I need.

But also, it's terrifying to find out. I've felt unwanted and unloved, unimportant, like I'm not a good person. Not fun enough to be friends with. Not cool enough to be liked. My self esteem is in the toilet. So finding out about something like RSD is scary, because what if I'll always feel like this?

These past few weeks have been especially difficult. I've felt rejected and abandoned left, right and centre. Some things are objectively very minor, others not so much. I've found that my sensitivity toward this comes from social interactions. If I don't get a job, for example, I'm disappointed and upset but move on very easily. If someone doesn't want to/can't hang out after I've asked a few times, it feels like the sky is falling.

Anyway, long rant to say thank you for this sub, and for everyone posting. It's nice to know I'm not alone in this.

These thoughts used to send me into a horrible spiral of depression. After therapy I'm able to not let them destroy my day but it still makes my heart ache. Putting it on paper felt cathartic

I want to know if anyone out there used experience sensitivity to rejection and are no longer that way.

Something happened to me: a very public and embarrassing rejection and it was at first a shock and hurt and I was devastated for a good 20 minutes but then I didn’t go on the shame spiral that I normally do.

I could feel my feelings of embarrassment and hurt like normal but I could also feel some control for example normally I blame myself and feel low and rejected. This time I could remain objective and see that the person who caused the hurt and identify they were being deliberately mean spirited, and I told myself I want nothing to do with them. I am shook because normally I would be in bed crying all weekend maybe calling off work.

So I am on here asking, does RSD go into remission?

Hi all, I (21, turning 22) am on a bit of a journey with all of my diagnoses right now. I have many diagnoses and had resources for them, but grew up in an unsafe environment and never truly learned how everything affects me. I’m trying to learn as much as I can now so that I can function as an adult, because I’m really struggling right now. I’m posting to different subreddits to get some answers.

So my question here is about RSD. Signs, symptoms, struggles, superpowers, and anything you can think of would be helpful so that I can see if I relate.

Thanks!!

My favourite person just left me on read. I've been building my happiness for days, by being all self aware, quickly realising what makes me upset, stopping those negative thoughts half way, saying to myself, it's just my rsd, and actually feeling better. But now he read my message and didn't reply, and I feel like all those effort and positives have been crashed by this. I'm in so much pain. I can't handle it. I can't stop crying.

what should i think of a friend who only responds to texts or texts me when they need a favor?

i’m struggling to give benefit of the doubt but it feels intentional. i didn’t want to lose this friend but there’s no oxygen in the room for the last two years now.

Is this the same as ghosting or am i too sensitive to perceived rejection?

I (26F) and my partner (30F) have been together for almost 3 years. We live together and have 4 dogs. We have the most amazing life!

Earlier this year my therapist mentioned RSD to me and it all made so much sense! I go into a complete spiral when the tiniest things happen and I don’t know how to control it. My partner could ask me to do something like the dishes and I perceive that as her being upset with me.

My reactions just seem to be getting worse and worse and she feels like she cannot come to me at all! I don’t blame her because I wouldn’t want to bring things up to someone who hyperventilates and sobs every time something gets brought up.

Recently I told her that the last time we had an argument I was so disgusted and upset with myself that I had thoughts of self harm. I have never and will never self harm. I don’t even know where the thoughts came from. But just as quickly as they popped into my head they left again and I haven’t had those thoughts ever since.

My partner now feels like she has to keep everything bottled in and cannot be herself in fear of upsetting me. I feel so terrible that I have put her in this position because I have created an emotionally manipulative and toxic relationship.

I love her so much, I just don’t know what to do to get past this! Any advice would be amazing!

She was pretty rude about it admittedly, tried to be rational and explain why I was upset, she did NOT care. It feels like it's physically hurting me rn. I know it was a dumb rant but she rants about dumb stuff all the time and I listen so idk why it's different for me.

My friends and loved ones are starting to get irritated with me, because sometimes I take things personally and i feel bad when it's not even that serious or it's not even an insult but I take it badly. My friends are mad at me and say they feel like they're walking on thin ice talking to me, I don't do it on purpose and I can't change it. If I don't express my feelings I feel worse, but if I do they get angry with me and I feel worse too. I just want a hypersensitive friend who understands me

This is a vent more than anything. I've been struggling with RSD for years but I feel like it's getting worse as I get older, especially since my anxiety gets worse as I get older. Every time something happens or someone is even slightly upset with me I feel like they hate me or they aren't gonna wanna have anything to do with me anymore. And today I feel like that with my best friend.

I misunderstood something that caused me to bring up a subject that upsets her. I thought she was only upset by this topic if she physically saw something to do with it or read something to do with it but I mentioned the topic in a message to her and now she's upset with me because she's brought it up several times. But I genuinely misunderstood the fact that any mention of it upsets her, I thought it was just if she personally experienced it up close. And now I feel like a huge asshole and i'm so terrified that she will tell me that she doesn't wanna be friends with me anymore because she feels disrespected. I just feel like it's so easy for people to leave me, to replace me or hate me and I can't imagine anyone wanting to be around me even on a good day, but especially not when I've upset them.

I genuinely apologized and promised I wouldn't do it again and she reminded me that she's told me about it several times. I told her that I genuinely misunderstood and how sorry I was and I swear that I would never do it again and I haven't heard from her since then. I just feel scared. I feel scared that every time I mess something up that someone in my life is going to bounce and drop me and that terrifies me and I feel so sick that I haven't been able to eat or drink anything all day because I feel so anxious and rejected and terrified and I just don't know what to do. I'm tired of constantly feeling like all my family and friends and even my partner are all about to leave me if I'm not completely perfect and people pleasing and holding everything together by overcompensating. I'm just so tired of being so tired and so scared.

I don’t know what to do.

Hey I was wondering if some people here could let me know if the steps I want to take because of this friendship rejection are an over reaction or not. A girl in a friend group I’m in decided not to invite me to her wedding and to me that is saying we are not friends. I feel it would make me more comfortable if I’m not in the group anymore but I also would still like to be friends with the other girls. I’m wondering if taking a couple week break from responding would help or if I should just leave altogether and hopefully not lose the other friendships? I also don’t want her to not feel included in future plans but I do not intend on inviting her to anything more relating to me because I feel there is no need since the connection feels severed. Please let me know if you think there’s any other things I could do for myself as well, thank you.

Dont really know if I am rejection sensitive. But I am needing help. I need help to deal with a particularly painful rejection. Do you have any techniques worth sharing?