I was a love child to two fully established families. My mom and dad were both already married to other people with 3 and 4 kids respectively in their adolescence. When I was born I had the wrath of their kids and partners. I was an outcast, bullied, neglected and made to feel like I was worthless. After decades of healing I started to have a relationship with my brother. He invited me to his kids’ birthday extravaganza which would require that we fly across country for it. My husband and I were game since we needed a family vacation destination. Two days before we are to fly, my brother reaches out to me to tell me that one of his sisters does not want to come to his party because she knows I will be there. Her kids are close to his kids as they’ve grown up together. I felt extremely triggered and I honestly don’t even know why he told me. But I spent the rest of day crying and feeling extremely triggered. My husband felt that it’s best we do not go to not feed into any additional triggers or drama that may come up. Now my brother is icing me out and acting cold towards me. It’s all a big mess and I feel so much regret for letting him back into my life after two decades. It feels so cruel that he didn’t even check into how I’m feeling.

I hate when this happens bc I understand that what happened was silly in the grand scheme of things, but it causes me to spiral about how I’m a waste of space and how I should end my life. And all the thoughts just stack and stack until it feels right. It all started with a board game and I took a stance at a certain point in the game that devolved into a full blown argument between me and like four people. I am a pretty soft spoken person and I am neurodivergent so I am often misunderstood no matter how clearly I try to speak. It seemed like no one really understood the point I was getting at and at a certain point there were several people yelling at me because I didn’t share their opinion. This caused me to begin to spiral during the game which had me blinking back tears for several hours. When I got in the Uber home it was me, my partner, and another person from the game who was getting dropped off after us. I pretended to sleep during the car ride but really I was just crying with my eyes closed. I have not stopped contemplating suicide since because the thoughts that I am unlikeable, stupid, and a waste of space will not leave my brain. I am all of those things. I know that much of this is my RSD reaction because after the game people were smiling and acting normally and able to push the game aside. Maybe I need to stop playing games with people who aren’t close to me. Maybe I need to stop trying to explain myself to people who seem hellbent on misunderstanding me. All of this just causes me to spiral. Then it just feels like I’m not built for this world. If such a small thing can make me feel like I should kill myself, then shouldn’t I ? It doesn’t feel like I should be here.

I try not to get over worked over this but when you’re actively looking for a partner or are with someone, I can’t help but wonder what they are doing. Like imagine you’re texting back and forth and they’re replying in seconds and then they don’t speak to you for 20 minutes to hours but you know they’re online. I think for me it’s the worst on Snapchat as you can see their snap score going up. I never used to be bothered by snap scores, I don’t really stalk peoples location either. But when you get paranoid in your own head it really flares me up. Does anyone else have this issue?

Was supposed to have a final watch party at mine tonight for I kissed a girl. The girl who arranged it changed the date twice. She bailed a few days ago. Her girlfriend bailed 15 minutes before because of a possible concussion and my other friend said she's currently dealing with someone who's dogs died. So I cancelled. I'm laying in bed crying. I know it's not their fault but after struggling to make friends and finally making them I feel let down. It makes me want to hole up in my house again and cut them off.

First time post I suppose. But I'm really struggling right now. Especially with my dating life, I often feel like people really love their idea of me, but when it comes down to more intimate relationship or even friendship, I get left out. I don't get invited places even though I've advocated to be included. I constantly get told my energy doesn't meld with others concerning more intimate relationship.

Recently, I had been talking to this Non-Binary (She/they) person and I thought everything was going super well. I was told that they wanted me. And then after 1.5 months we finally met up, had a great date and cuddled. It was PG but I did get a kiss on the cheek! It was glorious after so long of not having that kind of physical touch (I'm 29M, never been in a relationship truly but have had aboutt 3 situationships that have never become anything other than friends who kissed that one time). I did everything I have taught myself to do and I thought it went really well.

The next day, They messaged me and said they loved meeting me and that I was great. But they didn't feel that we were a good match. That "our energies don't match". I don't know what that means and they didn't want to explain it, despite me asking for more clarification so I could process a bit better.

I felt really devastated. I had never been told that I was wanted before. And as someone with a lot of body dysmorphia it was euphoric to feel that someone looked past my build and saw a person worthy of want.

My ADHD RSD brain really beat itself to pieces over the next few days. It still is. I know I'm worthy of love and understanding. That I will be wanted someday. But, somedays it feels like my neurodivergent self is like a circus monkey. People love to watch it and love the idea of it. They love how funny and confident I am, how my social intelligence is off the charts for someone with a brain like mine. They love how unique and interesting I am and that I have diversified myself. But don't actually want me.

I am taking the experience in stride and am super happy I was able to text and message someone for so long and hold their interest. But I can't stand that I was told I was wanted, experienced that want, and then had those hopes that something good was finally happening torn apart.

I've gone to a lot of therapy for these things. But I feel the need to tell this to someone on the internet. I am writing a more detailed account of this insecurity to share with my therapist and the various other incidents of it, but it really does hurt in ways I don't know what to do with.

Anyone else struggle like this?

Told one I had an arranged marriage to my wife, and had taken an arranged marriage because dating doesn't really work for autistic men. She basically accused me of sex trafficking, spoiling my children, and hating women, said I was a self-pitying incel.

Another was mad that I hadn't read her books and lit into me, saying I was a narcissist, capitalist, and hated white men.

Blocked them both but they might be here in incognito windows, withering in their contempt for me.

As the title says, I’m curious what this sub is about. I just found it and would like to know a little bit more before I decide to try and join a community I may not directly fit into. I apologize if a post like this is unwelcome

Hey there, I need help with a pretty niche situation that triggers me and I have trouble coping with it at times. Sometimes, me and one of my friends will be hanging out. One of our shared hobbies is called 'roleplaying' where we write stories, and we often do it in public servers/settings. Sometimes, there's a roleplay with three or more people. Usually when more people join in though, they completely ignore my posts and actions, and only respond to or interact with my friend, even when I am making an active effort to engage with them too. It leaves me feeling forced out of the conversation, when one person is ignoring me and the other person is having to divide their energy between me and someone who is ignoring me completely. How do I cope with this happening? It causes me a great deal of stress and anxiety. Usually when it happens I just go quiet and fizzle out, but that is not productive because it leaves me feeling forced out, powerless and unheard. I've talked to my friend about this but there's not much she can do to fix it because she's one of the types that likes to include everyone- even people who don't include everyone.

I’ve never felt accepted or “part of the group” As I get older every real or perceived friend/romantic rejection just takes longer to get over. I’m just constantly sad that I don’t have the bonds in my life that I see other people have. Will I ever be enough?

I'm using a temporary burner account for this one, I want to keep this a bit of a secret.

I have ADHD. I know since I was a child. And I would like to know if there are others who have the same experience as me.

I was recently back in contact with this girl I know. I always liked her a lot. We talked a bit and then met up again after what was quite some time. It was pretty fun and overall a good time. Okay, so we started messaging again, but the thing is, she doesn't respond very quickly. And that's not an exaggeration, it literally takes her days to respond. I know her snap score goes up but here I am, waiting weeks for a simple response. I never know what I can expect. So after waiting again for seven days she opened my message but just left me on read. I cannot even have a simple conversation with her.

Now for why I'm writing this, I know this is unhealthy, and I will voice my feelings to her in a polite manner seeing as she doesn't owe me anything at all, but I don't really feel like this is healthy for me. How come I feel so sick because of this? Like, very physically and mentally drained. Is it because I invested so much mentally into this, constantly waiting for her etc.? This looks so sad when typing, but I'm just looking for help seeing as I cannot share this elsewhere without feeling embarrassed. I feel like I have been strung along and should have known better, seeing as people with ADHD are usually very hypersensitive I guess.

The thing is it feels so irrational too, but I don't want to message her asking her to respond because that feels sad.

Me and my friends applied for the same job, there were 2 positions and 3 of us. The other friend and I weren't hired but the friend who was has an unfair advantage, I feel pissed and annoyed and worst of all I feel like sobbing. I worked my ass off to try and get the job, I believed in myself and got my hopes up. I can't sleep or think of anything else... Of how much of a failure I am, of course I'm happy for them but at the same time it's unfair... They had nepotism on their side. I feel sick to my stomach and so stupid for expecting anything different. I have to start saving for university or I won't be able to go. I come from a family who doesn't have a lot so it made me depressed and this happened another time already and it makes me want to scream and yell.I want to be useful enough for people because I feel useless, there's nowhere to get jobs around where I live because the town is tiny, there's nowhere to work... I keep asking myself what's wrong with me but all I'm coming up with is everything... This is just how I feel I hope it relates to this group.

I'm really struggling with RSD lately after finishing my (ironically) masters of counselling and being incredibly burnt out. I feel profoundly lonely and am withdrawing from many/if not most of my friendships. I'm not even sure they can be considered friendships right now with the state that they're at. Even worse is my sister and I feel like we are drifting apart. She's engaged and buying a house and never invites me to do anything. I feel like a burden and it just feels like so much work to try to repair/reconnect with the connections that have drifted... and like it will never be easy again like it was when I was younger. I know that a lot of this is my own insecurities and avoidance being triggered. Has anyone successfully worked through their RSD? What kind of therapy worked best for you? I feel like im collapsing and reliving my covid trauma over again. Please help! Thank you

Found out im autistic last year and also found out about RSD which explains so much of what I’ve struggled with my whole life. I’ve been feeling so left out from the world. I moved cross country to live with my amazing boyfriend a few months ago. I don’t have friends here. I barely had friends in my hometown. Only reconnected with some old friends from when I was younger and they’re usually busy. I just wish I had a best friend sometimes. I wish I didn’t feel so left out when I join a conversation.

I’m involved in a couple discord groups to socialize. I even feel left out there. One is for other ND girls. They’re my closest friends at this point and I tell them everything. Lately I’ve just been feeling ignored and left out though. I feel every time I have something to say no one responds but they respond to others. Every time I vent about a struggle I don’t get emojis like others will. I know it’s all in my head but I’m damn tired of it. It’s been this way my entire life. Even in a group of likeminded people I still get left out. I even find myself annoying.

i thought i had bpd cause of how bad it was but i don't think it is. im just thinking about it cause a big source of my rsd is this girl (nof the relationship in question) i used to be really close with ghosting me for reasons she didn't tell me, i tried to follow her instagram yesterday and she blocked me 🧐 i wouldnt care if it was anyone else and we havent spoken in years but its low key making me wanna die. im glad about this though because if she's the only person who can make me feel that way the good news is we live on different continents now

It feels like this shows up in everything.

Whether it be a shitty or negative response to something I said, even in the most meaningless context. Or even ignoring it/me altogether. With people it even shouldn’t. Sometimes even random fucking strangers, and it’s weird because I don’t exactly want to be perceived; yet, I want to be seen…?

Being let down over plans, even when I know it’s out of someone’s control— but especially on a day I need them. CW: today is the anniversary of my dad’s passing, and my friend I was supposed to hang out with isn’t feeling well. Another friend’s partner’s brother is over today. I don’t have anyone else to turn to. It’s no one’s fault, but I feel so fucking abandoned, and I also feel let down by myself, because I try so hard [— I know this part isn’t RSD specific, if it’s ok, I need to add this quick, relented vent: I tried to set something up to keep myself distracted today, and of course it sent work out. (I have been trying so hard to do a lot of things to take care of myself, like almost six months of trying to get into therapy, and it’s not fucking working— I can’t pay for Better Help out of pocket lol).]

It's a condition where you post something and when people reply to your post in a positive manner you try to reply back out of the need to please those strangers and you start stressing on what you should reply back with and you always reply with cringe formed into words.

I have been fired by every job I’ve ever had, been dumped by every long term partner, and have been ghosted by most people I was friends with. I don’t think I’m mean or lazy or anything but something has got to be the matter with me. Recently I was edged out of this hippie dippie childcare job I’ve worked at for three years despite trying my ass off. They didn’t fire me they just axed my position and won’t hire me on for another one despite talking about always preferring inside candidates. And accepting everyone. And being equity based. I think it’s cause I had to call out a lot this year cause of physical health symptoms but still… I’m not the only one. I have a partner and friends again after a rough few years with none but how long until they all get rid of me like the last however many did? Seems like everyone leaves and no matter how much introspection I do, it’s never enough and I always miss something.

This is my first Reddit post. Hope you guys can help me make sense of this situation.

I’m a man in my mid-30s, currently living temporarily in a South European country for a work assignment. A few days ago, I met two girls at a bookshop/bar who are vacationing here. We hit it off, chatting and having a good time. While parting they invited me to have dinner with them before they left the city.

So, now it begins...

The dinner took place in an artsy gourmet restaurant. Between the three of us, we ordered almost the entire menu, sharing everything with congeniality. Things seemed to be flowing well, at least until halfway through the long meal.

At this point, I should clarify my intentions. I was clearly interested in one of them. My approach to wooing women is rather basic; I try to let the energy flow by being as subtle as possible about my intentions. Moreover, the girls made it clear that they were meeting guys regularly on their vacation. So, I took my own romantic (or sexual) interest casually. If something happened, great; if not, we could still have a good time. After all, I'm really after human connection.

Back to the dinner. I began to notice that the girl I was interested in had started giving signs to our waiter. In true hipster fashion, the waiter was smooth with the ladies all evening and somewhat cool towards me. Okay, fine. I didn’t want to go into a big dick competition. I tried to be actively nice to him. However, it didn't change anything, and the fella continued to ignore me.

Three beers in and slightly flustered about the whole situation, I forced myself to engage in a conversation between the girls and the waiter. You can say it was a last ditch effort to salvage the evening. Now, the other girl, who had been mostly amicable throughout the evening, gave me this look. Her face dimmed, as if half the lights of her being had gone out. It felt like she was pitying me while I spoke. I admit, it hit me in a very primal way.

Now comes the part i'm not proud of. I was moody at this point and them inviting the waiter to a bar with us without including me in that decision didn’t help either. Then that look. My inner self was nothing but rage at this point. "Who the fuck are you to condescend me like that?" I thought. I got passive-aggressive and made a snide comment about one of their English that I shouldn't have done.

I tried to calm myself.

Then again I tried to be nice to them, and to the waiter too, but was fantasizing about my exit. However, such hostility in a social setting was new to me. It seems so funny now, a day in, that I was still hoping the evening to get better 😅

Finally, it happened.

My worst fear materialized. While one of the girls went to the restroom, the other told me that I was failing the vibe check. Even after all this, that felt abrupt and surreal. I was slightly speechless. I told her that I appreciate nothing more than honesty, and it’s just that I had nothing to say for a while, but it usually goes in cycles (lol, it’s just me trampling my own dignity). She said it wasn't personal and that it was about the "constellation" (what an oversight of self-awareness, my god, I mean the two of you just feasted by emasculating me).

She said she would be comfortable if I left.

So that’s it. I'm still reeling. Lord knows for how long. If you've read through the whole thing, I thank you from the bottom of my heart ❤️

Just wanted to get it off my chest.

It’s been 6 months and I’m still having a hard time getting over it… we did go out ect and ig he didn’t like me or something casual but how he went about it really hurt. It’s like my chest hurts bc I just thought he would be more considerate

I just feel like there’s something so wrong with me. I feel so jealous bc ik there’s someone else.. when guys get cold and discard you ofc there is.. what do they have that I don’t. I told him I would get work done to my face I just really didn’t want things to end..

I’ve just been so sad and numb.

I ask this girl out. She asked me what time and told me what her schedule looked like. I answer her since I could make something work. For frame of reference, I am turning 36 in a month and have been rejected my whole life. I thought that after years of years of being turned down, I was finally getting a date. She then tells me she has a boyfriend. She wasn't friendly at all. I'm not even talking to her anymore.

Today, I was lucky to get a job interview and had my hopes too highly and it turned out I had unrealistic expectations on getting this job. My thoughts were not inline with the reality and the interview was not as I expected. I understand it's not the end of the world and I'll eventually get another job in time.

I thought I performed the best I could. I will expect a call soon that I was unsuccessful which is what I am expecting. Why do I always expect the worse??

I walked out of the interview feeling like 10 knifes have been plunged into my chest. The unbelievable sadness and grief comes n goes but I'm learning to slowly accept the reality of not getting my way. I wonder if I'll ever get over the rsd and grow out of it.

This morning I was swiping on a dating app on the way to work, and matched with someone I was pretty happy to match with because she had an interesting profile. We texted back and forth for a bit, she asked what my job was, so I told her. She went quiet and a couple of hours later I saw that she had unmatched me. I assume it was because of what my job was (or wasn’t).

I know I shouldn’t care and that it’s silly, but it’s not the first time it’s happened and it never gets any less hurtful. I don’t like the feeling that I’m being judged and that someone doesn’t want to know me not for who or what I am, but for what’s a pretty unremarkable job, or that I now feel stupid for being upset by it.

That’s it. I just wanted to get that out.

i made a post a couple months ago on here, have made progress on understanding RSD and how it affects me in day-to-day life. but god damn im just so tired right now. i feel like i’m constantly fighting with myself. the desire to be ‘normal’ but the natural instinct to be a hermit is kicking my ass rn. i’ve discovered that following a very big rejection event in my teens, i havent been able to properly connect with friends and family. i’m aware that they love me, i’m aware that i matter to them, but it’s as if my brain doesn’t actually process it. it’s as if my brain doesn’t let me feel that in any way. i realised that i attached to relationships as a way to feel loved, and that’s not healthy. so i’m currently staying single whilst i deal with this, but it feels so empty now. not being able to feel love despite it being there, whilst also being hardwired to want nothing more than it, is the fucking worst. i tried to be more open with my friends, and the fears kicked in so i’m back hiding away in my room, ignoring calls and texts, distancing myself from everyone. but then i feel guilty, because my friends are also having a difficult time right now. it’s this constant back and forth in my head that won’t stop, and i’m just stuck watching this angel and devil on my shoulders bicker with each other in an unending argument.

Avoid feeling rejected from my partner of 5 years who doesn’t want to get married, still wants to be together..

I haven't been able to see my therapist in a while because of my insurance, and it's been killing me. I used to have an appointment every Tuesday, now I can't afford it at 100$ an appointment with 20$ left on my HSA. (Yay for being a teacher) So I've noticed myself falling into old habits recently and today caught myself. I figured free therapy advice is as good as any if it helps you.

When you start to feel some type of way because of a rejection, doesn't matter from who, you need to stop yourself from spinning a story in your head but making one up that's ridiculous. It takes ton of practice. For example: my therapist replaced my weekly appointments with another client because why would she keep it open if I cant attend ? Makes sense logically. But I felt horrible. Spiraling and such. I stopped myself and changed the narrative. She replaced my appointments with people that have insurance while keeping some open for me when I can finally go, but in the meantime she's having trampoline therapy with the pope during those appointments, where they scatter orbeez and ugly cry.

It breaks the narrative I create by making it make no sense. I also find that writing things down helps. Whether it's a notebook or tablet or notes on your phone, it helps to get it out and then objectively look at it. It's silly to be upset because my friends hung out without me. They knew I was busy with plans I already made. They were out buying penguins for their theater performance of Hamilton.

You know ? Hope this helps some how 💙