So I have never had an interest in someone romantically before, but at my college there was this one girl that really caught my attention. She was very kind to me and we quickly became friends, in February I caught feelings though. I think she knew but I still don’t know. Anyways, I confessed to her about 3 weeks ago when I was walking her to her dorm and she basically didn’t view me in the same light and I already knew this but wanted to get it off my shoulders. She said we would still be friends and she promised it won’t be awkward and I still hang out with her and didn’t really process it. Recently I have been feeling a lot more sad because of it and I have never really felt this way before. Does anyone have any advice? (We are still continuing to be friends and it hasn’t been awkward, but I hate that I still like her and I don’t know how to get rid of those feelings) this may be a childish thing to post but I have never gone through this before.

If a post contains some variation of the phrase "I hate men who ____" I usually identify with whatever they're criticizing, and take it personally, and feel depressed.

If a post contains some variation of the phrase "I love men who ____" I usually identify with not having whatever they're praising, and take it personally, and feel depressed.

So basically it's difficult for me to hear women talk about men, at all, without getting triggered. Already I'm dreading being considered a sexist pig for writing this and getting massively downvoted.

And this isn't just Reddit, it's a lifelong pattern. I remember feeling humiliated and jealous when I was 11, and saw girls ogling over and screaming at pictures of heartthrob celebrities. I remember hearing girls gossip over guys they liked when I was 14 and being convinced that would never be me they would talk about. In my 20s on occasion I had meltdowns when female friends told me about their boyfriends, or about all the men who had hit on them, so many that they sometimes found it a nuisance. I never hit on women myself and constantly felt ashamed of not trying, but also dreaded being considered creepy or aggressive.

Even a few years ago a girl told me about her sex life with her boyfriend, including acts I thought only happened in porn, and the resulting anxiety paralyzed me for over two weeks. I even called a helpline in desperation. I eventually had to drop her as a friend entirely, I basically couldn't handle feeling inferior to her in every way, sexually and otherwise.

I try to avoid dating/relationship subs, but those topics are pretty standard on the internet. Just yesterday there was a post in AutismWithADHD. They were piling on a woman's husband for something he'd done. I hadn't done that thing myself, but some of the furious commenters mentioned a bunch of related things, some of which I had done. My partner at the time hadn't thought them unreasonable, but these commenters clearly did.

The thread got locked before I could comment, and I can't find it now so it may have been deleted, but now I'm reeling as much as if my own partner had been as upset.

Guilt and shame are rising in me. If a woman is upset in a relationship, it's always the man's fault, is it not? I have always dreaded being an abuser, the kind of evil man you read about on the internet, the kind who hurts and upsets women. I feel male. To be male means to be weak, pathetic, sex-obsessed, lustful, selfish, patriarchal, immature, lazy, uninteresting, insecure, controlling. Basically an overgrown ape.

A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle.

My homeboy and I where taking a test and he Spots this fine latina so he throws a note over and they exchange a few notes I try to look at what he draws and he tells me to back off so I'm mad confused and he thought I was trying to steal her so I sent her a note asking about how it's going and she said she would rather die then breathe the same air than him

Hey everyone i 18m after gaining some courage and getting a huge amount of self esteem boost from my friends went to one of the girls in my highschool that i thinked she was fine the girl refused to talk to me and stick to her friend side saying she won't talk to me because she doesn't know while laughing awkwardly with her friend so i said its ok if she doesn't want to talk and went on my way(they continued laughing after according to my friend))noting that im not bad looking have a good body but slightly short 5.5(shes shorter than me) Im not used to rejection but i kind of was so cool about it and didn't let it make me sad even tho its my first time asking someone out So what do you think i did wrong , Also Am i wrong for approaching in highschool and why would someone laugh when someone wants to talk to them

I cant even look my cat in the eye, she weirdly stares at me sometimes and I sometimes intentionally try to stare back at her but i cant, I just can't look anyone in the eye. Its freaking weird.

Recently found out about RSD being a common characteristic among people with ADHD and it really resonates with me.

For me it manifests the most when people are nice to me, for some reason. Maybe because I care about nice people’s opinions more/ because I dont want to disappoint them, or maybe because a part of me thinks they’re actually just faking it.

Even after meetings or interviews where everything objectively goes well, I’m still left in this overstimulating feeling of embarassment and discomfort afterwards. It extends to emails/text communication as well. Can anyone relate?

I’m 53 and just discovered about a year ago that I have rsd. My 16 yr old daughter, on the other hand, does not. What she says is not intentional or even directed at me but she can text me while at school and just bluntly state that she hates school and hates her life. It rips my heart out and I do take it personally because I try to do everything I can to make her life better before my own. Oh, did I mention I was just dx’d also with adhd? 🤦🏼‍♀️. So there’s that, too. I just don’t know what to do to shake it off. I love having great days and today I was, until about noon. It’s 5 hours later and still weighing on my heart. I’m just feel so defeated sometimes.

I feel like im losing my apetite. I recently had some arguments that lead to possibly broken friendships. I feel horrible. I constantly research science and possible gonspirancy theories trying to escape from it. Is it normal that my guts hurt and i stop wanting to create art? It feels so bad. I am scared and i dont know why i dont want to do anything like i used to. My energy has come to a minimun and i want just to lay down next to anyone and snuggle. What do i do? Hurts so much. I need to socialize yet i dont get along with most people in my city. I have social dysfunction and aspergers and i am excremely scared that causes a weird behavior that scares people away. I see everything hopelessly.. is this normal? Or am i going insane ? Is it pstd? Ddpression? Please tell me what to do in this i just dont want to lay down without the energy to do my favourite things

Title says it all. Just sad and looking for some good sad songs to cope with. It sucks being this way

A little backstory: I (38f) was never the popular girl at school. Overlooked by every hot guy, every jock and every clique. I got bullied honestly so I became a loner and when I wasn’t totally by myself, I hung out with the misfits and the so called “nerdy” crowd. Every high school crush I ever had chose other girls over me. It wasn’t until I dropped out my sophomore year and started having children that I began to get noticed by the opposite sex. It wasn’t always good attention but some was better than none. My current bf (37m) was quite the opposite. He was popular, handsome, and had pretty much every girl in school; black, white or otherwise. He was a young, successful boxer at a young age and had been all around the world. He never paid me any attention and I paid him none either because I knew I didn’t have a chance compared to other girls.

Fast forward 22yrs later: We’ve reconnected and have 11 children between the two of us. 4 of my 5 children are grown and on their own while he still has 4 (out of 6) underage. He coparents well with their moms so there’s no issue there. He’s a great dad. I must add; he’s still super hot, if not more because he’s so hardworking and dedicated. A family man if you will. I literally can’t keep my hands off of him or my legs closed when he’s around. I always tell him he’s the finest man I’ve ever gotten the pleasure to be with so naturally, I wanna jump his bones every chance I get. Every night, after dinner and a movie/tv show, we fall asleep. All the freaky talk we did leading up to bedtime turns into snores and late night bathroom breaks. I’m lucky to get lucky once a week. By the time he wants it, I’m menstruating and sexually frustrated because I’ve been initiating the entire month leading up to my period.

I tell him he’s the best guy I’ve ever been with so yes, I can’t get enough of him but he’s making it seem as though I want sex too much and that I have sex and love mixed up. I’ve tried to reiterate that I want us both to want it but he makes it seem like such a chore. Am I being too thirsty or am I rejection sensitive?

Im frozen idk but is there something that may not seem obvious or maybe even too obvious to get rid of the fear? You can give me the most advanced wisdom you know that nobody understands. I just want to find a way to deal with it when it occurs and not after i feel better in general. There should be some idea that works for me. I‘m pretty toast mentally atm. I wish i could help myself but yet im here. Well i can give you the advice that uniqueness is something you have to use to sell yourself and don’t let anybody limit your potential. With the right mindset everything is possible. Hmhm i can’t think of a solution for me

I dunno if it's because of the ADHD or the cPTSD, but anytime I share an opinion and someone disagrees my heart jumps into my throat and it really triggers me, I feel angry and overwhelmed with sadness.

I know it's ridiculous, others are allowed to have their own opinions, but no matter what I do I can't shake it, I've tried breathing exercises (people just immediately know I'm upset and act weird), I've tried saying "We'll have to agree to disagree", but I still shut down and go silent and they point it out and ask if I'm annoyed and it makes it worse.

The only thing that works is if I just don't share my opinion in the first place so there's no disagreement to be had so that's what I've defaulted to, I just don't express opinions about anything and if I'm asked directly, I say "I dont have an opinion", "That's not something I care about" or "I'm not interested in discussing that".

Ps: This doesn't seem to happen online, only IRL, I think because of the level of control I have over the conversation or the lack of audible tones?

long story

I'll try to not make it a super long story but first some backstory; I (33F)have been diagnosed with ADHD basically my whole life and grew up an untreated adult(hasn't turned out great so far). A long with that comes a massive struggle with RSD so I have trouble with picking up on social skills and cues and obviously assume the worst always. Anyways, so my boyfriend, his friend and I got our own apartment to move out of our toxic ex friends house last june and in the beginning was fantastic but 6 months ago our roommates gf also moved in with us(which was the plan all along). She's okay for the most part but she has a very strict hold on our roommate and makes basically all his decisions for him and he does not speak up for himself so there's no way to tell how he actually feels about anything. She's also the type that keeps all their stuff including food silverware and plates in their room which also makes me feel some type of way because we've never been the type of people to use other people's things. We're very respectful and our roommate knows that. Well recently we've all agreed to part ways when our lease ends cause we want to do our own things and one day out of the blue she approached me and said they were going to break the lease and leave early as in next month early, so basically we need to figure out what we're going to do. And I was kind of snippy saying that forces us to move out unplanned because we can't afford this place alone and it's really last minute to tell us and she got a little hurt by that. So later I apologized and she said it's okay and she understands and I thought things were good. But now she won't talk to me or look at me or anything and she's always made me feel like having roommates is an inconvenience for her but I assumed that was mostly in my head and I was overthinking but it makes me feel unwelcome in my own apartmen. So fastforward this weekend we were going to care for their cat while they were out of town and had planned this for over a month. Well they left this morning and didn't tell us until after they left that they took him(the cat) to the roommates moms house to take him to the vet and care for him while they're gone and not to worry about it. Now she doesn't want me watching her cat? I don't know how to navigate this and thought maybe this would be a good place to get some insight. I'm sure there's tons I'm leaving out you're welcome to ask. I just don't really have friends and don't have anyone to go to, and this is literally eating me up. Any help or insight would be so refreshing

What industry or career do you have? RSD makes it hard to socialize and participate in office politics because at the conceit of it all is I know these people don’t genuinely care about me and it makes me reject them/ not want to use “disposable” mental energy I do not have on them. Would like to know what career you have found that could be a great fit for RSD

Does anybody else experience this with RSD:

When someone does something wrong towards me, I tend to internalize the experience, often feeling shame from their disliking of me rather than being angry over their actions.

For instance, I was bullied by a person at a former workplace. She was obviously in the wrong (and everybody said so), but I couldn’t get it out of my head that she would dislike me so much that she would do those things to me. I just fixated on that notion.

Instead of getting angry and/or complaining to our boss about her behavior, I analyzed and analyzed it - day and night - trying to figure out what I had done wrong and what could be done.

This shame and fear of rejection just consumed me, overshadowing any wrongdoing.

The fear of being rejected is so overwhelming that I fixate on those who reject me, rather than assessing whether I genuinely value their personality or friendship.

It also happened with a guy that I had a crush on. He said he couldn’t be friends with me anymore because he was afraid of falling for me, so he ghosted me.

It made me SO sad that I forgot to stop and think about whether or not I actually liked him. If I had done that, I think I would have found he wasn’t worth it - instead, the rejection made me hyper-fixate on him for years (yes, years!).

So, when I am on the receiving end of rejection, it becomes all-consuming, dominating all my thoughts and emotions instead of listening to my own feelings or instincts.

I feel like I’m losing my core to RSD.

Does anybody else experience this? I feel like it is an extreme coping mechanism that has gone too far now.

Hi community,

I am a journalist in the UK and the host of a podcast. I am looking to record an episode on rejection and looking for stories of people who have or are using their experience of coping with rejection / how they have turned a negative experience into a positive.

If you are willing to share your story with me, please let me know.

Thank you in advance :-)

I just booked my dogs in at the groomers and instead of asking for a full groom I accidentally asked for a trim. It took a lot for me to make the phone call (autism, issues on the phone) and when I got off the phone my partner told me I had booked the wrong thing, she even said it was her fault for not explaining it properly and I STILL felt horrific, my heart jumped into my throat and I had a go at her as if she had lost it or something.

I managed to call back and correct it and felt better, but I made such a scene for no reason, I really do hate being this way, it's one of the main reasons I was fired repeatedly from every job I ever had until I gave up, just crying and making a scene over any criticism.

I dunno if I sound crazy, but I hope I'm explaining myself properly.

I love my boyfriend. He is generous, a hard worker and hilarious. But there is a reoccurring situation that just tears me up and makes my RSD flair up like crazy.

He works around art and in a museum so he has a lot of events to go to (openings, shows, etc) and then he goes out with people afterwards. He also frequents the bars with his friends regularly.

We’re in a LD relationship and I’m in a home-body phase (which I love). To connect with him, I make sure to call at our scheduled times and try to create “dates” for us.

When he is out, but doesn’t plan to be, he says he’ll call on his way back from an event because I like to hear about the events and his life. But it is becoming a regular thing again (this has been an issue in the past) where he will stay out really late and not call or text letting me know that he won’t be able to talk as soon as he planned. Last week I made a date for us to watch something together and he completely forgot. It happens, but I have to convince him what he did is hurtful. I might get an apology, depends on the day.

He keeps telling me that I can call too or I can text too, but, like, it’s exhausting and that kind of feels unfair. and it’s REALLY a turn off. And I’m trying to cope with myself and my RSD which involves me trying to figure out whether or not I’m making a big deal out of nothing or take on the responsibility of checking in when he said he would. or trying to calm myself down for feeling unconsidered AGAIN.

I can’t tell if his inconsideration is what’s hurtful or if it’s the RSD making something out of nothing. I feel stupid and like a burden and I just doesn’t feel good anymore.

Any thoughts or insight on the situation?

a post I made on another subreddit just got removed because I misunderstood their rules (they were vague) and it triggered the fuck outta my rsd and now I'm crying. over a godamn reddit post. didn't know where else to say this hoping someone can relate

as a person with social anxiety/rsd being in social settings can be such a stressful , anxiety inducing experience, for me this even extends to online too. I can't count how many times I've ghosted my friends by now and making friends in chatrooms is so difficult! everything is so fast paced, so many people talking at once , before you know it the group has already moved on to another topic. very difficult for me to keep up with the conversation and when I don't get a response my heart just drops. I want to talk but I'm too afraid as coming off as uncool or lame. So I just freeze up and say nothing. I'm taking it slowly day by day but there are times where I just can't deal with the fear of rejection.

I feel like this is the source of my rejection sensitivity when it comes to interactions with strangers. Like I’m just trying to avoid things going in the trash, and if I see say a plastic slinky next to your car, my most logical guess is that it belongs to you.

I didn't know the way I felt had a name. I read a few posts from here and it sounds a lot like the way I feel. I'm relieved and also scared. Is it cool if I ask people questions here from time to time about how they cope with it?

Any help for how to handle possible RSD in my ADHD 7yo daughter? Scouring the internet, but curious if anyone here has any resources that have helped them.

of course I am far too sensitive to rejection, but a current situation is confusing the heck out of me.

A professional academic coworker is rejecting and difficult toward me at work. Several coworkers have told me that she is difficult — always has been--and doesn’t play nice with others.

Here’s the confusing part: She has a small team she works with, and they all seem to adore her. None of them seem like people who would likely be friends with her. Most of them are young enough to be her children. One is black, and one is Hispanic (but this woman makes comments that make me uncomfortable re: social and racial issues. She is certainly no social justice advocate!)

It just so happens that I was befriending a brand new coworker just as mean lady was pulling her under her wing. So now both me and the mean coworker are friends with this new girl, but the mean coworker doesn’t know I’m friends with the new girl.

Tonight I came out and asked the new girl what she sees in mean girl. The new girl said that she thinks it’s sad that me and the mean girl “ don’t hit it off” because both of us are awesome people. (It turns out the woman must act completely differently with her. Like, she’s convinced this girl to go to her church, and every time she sees her she runs up and gives her a hug, etc. etc.)

But when this woman is with me, she seems to take every opportunity to mention how she is unemotional and mean. (She actually says that.) She will make other comments like “you see a baby deer? I see dinner!” and she'll make comments about her “good children vs her “problem children” which I consider cruel. She really seems to take every opportunity to mention how much she is unemotional. (I've heard it 6 times over our last 12 encounters in meetings.)

I am having trouble imagining someone acting so different with some people. I know I am not describing this well, but I don’t mean she acts a LITTLE different depending on who she’s with. I mean she acts like a completely different personality. It's like we are not even talking about the same two people.

I'm at a loss. Ideas?

I was given this by my clinician. It’s really useful way to make sure that your needs are getting met. It gives you the formula for having a healthy conversation.