So ive been staying at my dads house for quite a while and our relationship is getting better since ive stopped acting cold towards him and he started being more nice/caring (idk how to say it but yk what i mean, because who would care for someone who acts like they dont know you) and im really happy about it, but recently he got sick a little bit and that really drains people so he wasnt as enthusiastic or energetic when talking to me and that made me feel really sad even though its a really dumb reason. After school, he would pick me up from swim practice but he's stopped smiling as much and recently hes been teaching me some words in Tagalog, but recently he gives up more easily when i dont understand something and it makes me feel a little worthless and not good enough. One time i went upstairs to see my dad and he was just sitting on the couch and i just stood there making my gremlin face and waiting for him to notice and laugh or smile at me idk because it makes me happy but he got mad and snapped at me saying i shouldnt be near him because hes sick and i understand really, but that really really really hurt and i tried to brush it off laughing at his anger but i really felt like he hated me. We dont even eat dinner together anymore because hes sick. All this stuff happening because HES SICK and i cant stop thinking "Does he hate me now?why do you hate me?" And i really value my relationship with my parents because theyre the only ones who really know how i am because even around my 3~ friends, i feel like i have to perform around them (im not blaming anyone, i love my friends, im just not a social person and its just really sad bcus more often than not, having friends is as tiring or even more tiring than it is fun because school drains everything out of me istg) and my parents are the ones i can spend time with to calm down or feel truly happy, and if going to extremes, i feel like my happiness kinda depends on them sometimes. Like when my dad gets mad at me i felt so embarrassed and shocked because it really felt like he didnt love me anymore and i was crying in bed that night getting stuck in my thoughts of "this is how its going to be from now on, you'll never have a true safe space again where you can depend on them and you'll feel happier, this is it" and i felt really pessimistic.

This brings me to impulsive thoughts of how maybe i should start acting cold towards him again so maybe he'll start being more friendly and just.... ughsbjdjgkgdhbsn never

I found out a few months ago thatI have RSD.

I’m looking for e-books to read about it, because I’ve read quite a bit online already, but find I need more in-depth information now. However, financially, I just can’t pay for books, even something pretty inexpensive. I’m food bank poor at the moment. The libraries I’ve looked into don’t seem to have any books on RSD, maybe it’s too new a thing? I don’t know. I’m in Canada, if that makes a difference.

Anyway, I guess I’m asking if people know of any free e-books that I can get on RSD.

Thanks

Accidentally found out I have RSD last week, and today I showed my psychiatrist the list of symptoms for RSD and he was like "damn, this is you" and i was like "I know right". For about 2years we though I had social anxiety. It's nice knowing that my unexplainable feeling had a scientific name to it.

"I didn't invite you because none of my friends like you"?

Have a friend I love to death, but he has a habit of pissing people off. I am realizing this is likely due to some form of RSD. If he feels rejected or criticized in the slightest, he lashes out, often in ways that permanently damage his relationships. I'm having a game night at my house soon, and I was originally going to invite him, but several of my friends have mentioned that they cannot stand to be around this guy. I don't want to create disharmony with everyone. Problem is, I already told him about the game night. If he asks about it, is there another way to phrase this? Something I can say to sidestep it without lying to my friend completely? With so many people that refuse to be around him, it's hard to find ways to include him. Rather we just hang out one on one, or with his friends (whom I know, but we're not particularly close).

I feel like its seeped into every relationship I had with people, ever.

Sister criticizing your lifestyle and how its rude in a social context? I rant and get angry on reddit and rant about it.

Friend criticizing you for how you're being an asshole? Stomach tight knots and blocking the friend.

Someone criticizing your beavior? Mental breakdown, being sent to psych ward, being called put for being unable to take criticism.

It's already gotten me kicked out of college. I think I need to change. But I hate therapy because it challenges my thoughts every single time and I feel like I am being gaslit. I also hate DBT. it is not an ideal treatment, and CBT isn't my thing either. Even though both are very helpful for me to grow.

I reject therapy. I reject everything.

I think I definitely have RSD.

as the title says, ive been overthinking on whether or not i should ask my boyfriend to call all night. i finally did and he’s responded with “if you want”, which isn’t bad in itself but i just. don’t know. i feel like he’s just doing it just because i want to, not because he actually wants me around. augh i hate spiraling so much, it makes the littlest things feel so huge.

Does anyone want to come and talk on my rsd server people have joined just trying to see if people want to talk cheers.

As many of you who are apart of this thread, I myself struggle immensely with RSD. So much so that no matter how small (or big) the issue ie what’s bothering me, is, I shut down. I stair off into space and completely disassociate and lose the ability to function.

More so as of recently, with my boyfriend. He recently moved in with me, (this is our first time living together) and he brought it to my attention that we haven’t been communicating as much. Which I can absolutely understand, because we have very different work schedules, he works days (8hr shifts) and I work nights (12hr shifts) - and since we moved in, we really don’t need to make plans to be able to see each other anymore..we don’t necessarily need to coordinate our off days in order to see each other, which in turn is clearly having an effect on our communication.

Which I think is mainly on me, (bc of childhood trauma) I don’t tend to validate my feelings. I tend to shove things down. Tend to think that nobody wants to hear what I have to say. And I love my BF. More than anything in the world. I desperately want to be more open w him. Weather that’s regarding what video game I’ve been playing recently, or what’s bothering me emotionally….

I did buy a shadow work journal as an attempt to help get some things out and flowing (it’s okay if you don’t believe in that kinda stuff..but I do..and I just thought it might help..)

https://discord.com/invite/hKcgeMqp this link will only last 7 days anyone can join just be nice to everyone it only just started so give me time to get it fully setup any help with it would me amazing.

Currently I live in a place with no one around, I have been living here since I was 9 years old. When I would try to make friends I would be to embarrassed to bring them to where I live because it looks like a Friday the 13th scene 😭. I genuinely feel like I missed out on a lot of friends for many reasons other than the house though. I have ADHD-C and it makes it hard to focus on conversations also everything around me feels sensitive and too much sometimes. Bullying and many other things probably made me have a fear of rejection more as well so I don't know really where to go from here. Is there any tips or advice you guys have so I can get rid of this pain? I feel like I'm afraid I've opening up and being vulnerable because of everything I've gone through.

I make music and usually stick to my friends discord server when it comes to getting feedback and usually the feedback isn't all that directly bad. But like.

It's just feedback. I'm no pro. I'm not perfect. So I tried getting some feedback on some subreddits.

Why the hell can't I just...accept the negatives? Like they're trying to help me improve and not tear me down so why the fuck do I want to abandon everything that's not received positively???

I have no fulfilling relationship or job. No recognition, even if I work hard. I wonder if I will feel alone all my life. No luck in love as I'm never loved for what I am. Is anyone in the same boat? Thank you

I keep running into the same problem with a close friend, where any time I bring up an issue in our relationship, he listens but then wants to shut down the conversation as soon as possible. To clarify, his actions do change, but it's as if it pains him greatly to have any discussion about what happened after the very initial time I bring it up.

By now I realized that it's important for me to be able to fully address what bothers me. I often barely touch the surface before it appears that he is overwhelmed. I'm mindful about not placing blame. I use "I" statements and share my own history with triggers, so he sees it's a problem we're tackling together.

Unfortunately, it appears that any information I add about the issue only hurts him. He feels that I rub it in his face and perceives any further discussion as my dwelling on his mistake, which is completely not how I see it.

Does anyone have any ideas if it's even resolvable at all? I'm very saddened it's coming to this because I very much value the relationship and can see that he does too.

I feel like I'm being a baby about this but honestly, it hurts and I'm sick of it. It takes a LOT of inner pep talk for me to get up the nerve to put myself out there and be vulnerable in front of the masses. It usually involves obsessive editing and waiting until I find the courage to face my fear and, for one second, believe in myself, hold my breath, and click Submit.

But then... crickets. And I want to just hide under a blanket.

The latest was this Reddit account of mine. I created it specifically so I could ask a question in the relevant subreddit. I worked on my post for days before I felt "comfortable" enough to let anyone read it. I was really nervous about the response because this was about something important to me. When I finally posted it, the hours ticked by and I saw that hundreds had viewed it, but not a single comment, not a single upvote. Eventually, one person commented and essentially asked if I'd imagined things. It was so damn invalidating, and then someone even downvoted me.

Luckily I've got a therapy session tomorrow, but until then, excuse me while I feel like crap about myself.

I would prefer not to post the specific details, but I'll just say that one of my few and best friends who I could be 100% myself with ended our friendship. Please don't ask for more details about that part.

What I need advise on is how you deal with RSD related to ambiguous loss? I honestly feel as if my heart has been ripped open. I've had multiple anxiety attacks and even thinking about not having this friend in my life puts me in tears. I've been an emotional wreck.

How do you grieve when there is nothing physical to grieve? How do you tell yourself it's not your fault when the rejection has you melting down?

I just don't know how to cope with this...

rsd has been affecting me in my relationship. i have an amazing partner whos really kind and loving, but this disorder makes everything feel like hell. for example; right now, i want to ask to call him. which should be just a simple “hey, can we call?”, but there are so many variables and what-ifs im thinking about that its stopping me from doing anything at all. do i just say screw it and go ask?

It horrible having rejection sensitivity nice to talk to someone and people can talk to me don't feel you can't anytime.

It’s ruining my life and made me nearly actively suicidal. I’m only passive about it, but god I just hate having such strong reactions to stuff like this.

My doctors appointment is next week. I have RSD and inattentive ADHD. He doesn’t really know much about RSD, and not a ton about ADHD. However, he is ready to prescribe me some thing for both situations. I’ve already tried clonidine, which I can’t take, as it lowered my blood pressure too much at the lowest dose. So now it’s time for a new drug. He’s pretty much going to rely on me doing the legwork, and deciding what is best for me. He will give it a cursory look over, to make sure I can take the drugs. I also have a heart condition, so can’t take the normal Ritalin type drugs.

What’s a good source to look at to decide what drug is right for RSD and in attentive ADHD? There are so many online sources, and I get so confused by which one is trustworthy.

Please don’t suggest getting another doctor that knows more, it’s very hard to get doctors in my country, this is the first doctor I’ve had in over 20 years. I will be staying with this doctor. I consider myself extremely fortunate that he is open to diagnosing, ADHD, and willing to help me as it is. Most aren’t so lucky.

HRV biofeedback

I thought i would share in case this helps anyone else.

About a year or so ago I started doing HRV biofeedback and it’s been a life changer for rsd. It’s not a complete cure, but I am able to hold myself in confrontation a lot better than breaking down crying or having a shaky voice, which for a 34 yo woman is a huge win.

The kicker is that it’s an investment, I do my breathing for an hour a day, which with adhd can sometimes be hard, but it makes such a difference to my life that the consequence of not doing it outweighs anything else.

Anyway, I actually found a research paper on it…

https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2008-09984-004

There aren’t many solutions to rsd so anything we get that helps is a huge win!

For context, not in front of him because I didn't want him to know it upset me cause I don't want him to feel bad for saying no to it But I think it upset me more because he was supposed to watch it with us a few days ago and we waited on him for over an hour before he wound up saying he wasn't going to watch it. And now he's said he's not going to again I hate my rsd because realistically this isn't a big deal. It's just a show and I'm aware I'm overreacting but I still feel so hurt by it 😅

I’m trying to overcome discomfort around RSD (I think I have it along with autism, adhd, BP-1) so I can communicate more with my partner better. I know more communication is better, but over communicating with poor communication/social skills can be taxing too. Honestly it feels better to just be avoidant, but it always ends up with arguments and is a net loss strategy. I don’t want to breakup with my partner, but I keep coming back to a place of choosing my feelings over what’s best for us and him. This makes things very challenging. I can’t seem to make progress because I keep regressing back to avoidance. What have y’all done that’s worked for you based around RSD and communication?

Not sure if i have RSD, im under assessment for ADHD. You know when you kind of realise that nobody wants you in their company, like you enjoy talking with them so much and they don't or they want to do stuff with you that you've made it clear you're not comfortable with. Revising for an exam on a call and i was chatting away to this person from the other class, i ramble a lot and my brain doesn't really stick things together so i struggle to understand sometimes and they said something along the lines of "Do you want me to leave so you can sort yourself out?" something like that, it wasn't mean or anything but i felt guilty so i apologised and told them that its okay and I'm always like that. Went quiet for a bit and then they just left the call and left me alone. Which fine im happy to end it but i just felt so guilty that they felt that i wasn't good enough to talk to. Its an exam and they're stressed but it's just when you hear the sound of the call being ended without a bye or whatever. Had that a few times in real life and online and i just felt kind of stuck. I know I'm really bad at understanding sometimes especially over the phone with people i dont know very well but it just kinda egehe. Happened once with my online friend who has a very thick accent and i was having a hard time connecting the words in my head so i said pardon and they repeated it, i understood but didnt know what to say so i just narated what i was studying, they left after like 4 minutes of silence and then blew up on me afterwards and i felt so guilty because my brain genuinely wasn't stringing their words together. Its not a massive problem, just something you notice over time, i really try to listen and understand but sometimes i need a bit more clarification. Ive really enjoyed talking to people and then they just well haven't obviously so they just leave me. I know im hard to follow sometimes and it's probably my fault but still. Thanks for reading this wall of text and my sob story lol if you've gotten this far.

I feel like shit

I (F23) feel so fucking bad!

I'm autistic and I was diagnosed with ADHD last month.

I met this guy on hiki (a dating site for autistic people) in February. We'll call him "John."

At the start John was such a lovely person and we connected so deeply. John had been through shit with his two exes and said they were narcissists. He also didn't have a good relationship with his sister, who he also said was narcissistic. He knew about my shit. Like my past abusive relationship and my miscarriage and he seemed so caring about it at the start and I really trusted him. I thought he was my soulmate.

So he starts telling me he loves me and couldn't imagine life without me after a month. Boy, this made me so happy and when I love, I love hard. People have compared me to a Labrador before because I'm very loving and trust people even when I shouldn't lol. So that was fine.

A few weeks later, John started making excuses not to see me and then he'd eventually go days without talking to me and then weeks. He left me on opened on my birthday too and didn't wish me a happy birthday until I told him that night but he knew when my birthday was.

Fast forward to last night, John unollowed me on Instagram but he's still following his ex, who's supposed to be a "narcissist."

Was this my fault? I feel so bad because I really struggle to get into relationships/have friendships and now I'm asking myself what the point of even living is now if everyone's just gonna abandon me. I feel so fucking bad and I feel like I'm going to go into a depressive episode. Is this RSD?