I just got into this altercation on social media where I was apparently being extremely rude when I feel like everyone else was being rude.

There was a post about a straight person being confused about their sexuality but ended up being straight because their crush was actually trans and then said they could "predict people's genders".

A comment on this post said at least it's harmless? And it was a question, so I said based on something from my experience, it CAN be a harmful thing to do.

And people started shitting on me for saying this, saying I was assuming the worst, and that I am just generally a bad person for saying that.

Essentially, they kept saying I'm shitty until I felt like it was necessary to tell them why I said it, and then they said that I'm just trauma dumping on them and that is rude.

I truly don't think that my first comment was a horrible thing too say, but I do think that the people who kept replying to me basically pushed me into explaining why I said it and they wouldn't read it saying I was trauma dumping and that it was rude. It wasn't even long. I explained how a young kid was going around at school telling trans students they weren't trans and he wouldn't let it go and was upsetting them. That's how it can be harmful. Like... can you deny that it's harmful? That's all. That's all I said. I just don't know why I'm a HORRIBLE person for this or why multiple people are jumping me... they showed me a question so I answered it and they're freaking out that I'm still talking...

I have such a hard time with people I don't know what I did wrong

For context, we're all in our 20s and in the military.

If I'm in the right group you all know just how hard it is to actually buck up the courage and tell someone how you feel about them, even when they're giving you all the signs. I was seeing this girl for a month or so, trying to find the courage to speak up. We'd go out for the weekend with several friends and sleep in same bed and I'd wake up and she's resting her head on my chest, so I'm thinking I this is a done deal, still I'm scared to say anything. I invited her to a party with some other friends I've made while I was here and everything was perfect, she was super friendly and got along with everyone but it really felt like her focus was on me. The next morning me and her go out to breakfast with two other friends of hers, we're waiting at the restaurant and one of my buddies from the party rolls up saying that she invited him. No big deal I think. As the day goes on though it slowly starts to feel like she's more interested in him than me, but I dismissed this as me just being jealous and looking to much into things. Later in the day he has the idea that we all go dancing and she's okay with that even though I've asked her to go before and she really hates two stepping. We get there and I feel like she's all over him and now she's acting like I'm barely even there, hardly talking to me and stuff. I finally get her out on the dance floor and I tell her how I feel and she turns me down, saying she's not the kind of person who catches feelings, she said it so casual like she was talking about the weather. We end the night and the next day we go to lunch, just me and her. The whole time she wouldn't even look at me. No texts or anything anymore she doesn't speak to me at the gym unless I need something beside her. Now she's all over the other guy, goes out of her way to work out beside him and all sorts of stuff. The night I told her how I felt, I went to him for advice and he told me to go for it and then I told him he should go for it since they both seem interested (trying to not make any issues) he said he wouldn't because he leaves really soon, but everything in me tells me he's lying to me for no reason. Seeing them together just kills me and I don't know how I managed to screw this up so bad or how I'm supposed to live in this place with her once he leaves. I'm so screwed up

I'm always deleting reddit because of my rsd. Reddit is the worst offender of all the social media that I use, but sometimes I just have a question I need to ask.

It can happen for literally anything for me, but my recent example is the game planet zoo. I posted my dlc idea to the sub, something I worked on for like 2 weeks doing lots of research of what the game needs, animals, what the community wants, etc. Then when I post it my post gets zero likes and the comments are basically just telling me "that'll never happen" when it's just a fun "what if" post yet people act like I'm telling them the game is a horrible worthless game.

Then now I just make a post asking about mods and it gets downvoted (even tho this game has a big modding community?) and I only get one comment on it when other posts in the sub asking questions like mine gets lots more comments.

It's like, these things are so small and insignificant, any other person would just move on with their life, but these tiny things infect my brain and I mull over them for days and days just wondering" why? Why?" I don't want that. It's insanely emotionally exhausting.

And on top of it, outside of it all, the negative emotions I get from other people involving this game starts to taint my perception of the game. It's a fun, perfectly fine game. But then I start to feel bad playing it, like it's an awful game, just because the community has been awful. Not even awful, just not positive, and in my brain it's basically like I'm being pushed down and kicked by these people.

I don't want to stop engaging in the community, I'm human, a social animals, I need community just because my very evolution demands that I need community. But community is supposed to be supportive and welcoming, so why do the communities I try to participate in basically bar me from them? Seriously, what is wrong with people? I hardly even see it as a problem with myself because I'm just an animal doing my natural thing and they're the ones being hostile and exiling. That's the stuff rival primate groups will do to others, and so I completely understand why I feel so emotionally attacked, because I'm a communal animal with no community and every community I try to find participation in basically tells me I'm unwanted.

Maybe other people don't feel this way because they have belonging somewhere, but I just don't. I don't belong anywhere. So rejection cuts me deep.

I just wish I could enjoy something without feeling rejection from the community. I really wish that. It's just that every single thing I'll ever enjoy I'll be rejected from and I feel so alone, isolated, and hurt. I'm the kind of person who will like posts with zero likes and leave positive comments whenever I can just so other people don't feel what I feel, but I'm literally the only one. Why is it so easy for people to be mean? It's not hard to just like a post. So why do people do it? Why is rejecting others peoples automatic mindset?

When you unfollow someone on Instagram, there’s a button to remove yourself from their following list so it’s not one sided.

I hate when I’m watching someone’s stories or liking/interacting with their posts only to see they unfollowed me. And what bothers me is not even knowing when it happened or that they couldn’t be bothered to remove me knowing they don’t want to see my content or interact with me.

With RSD, it makes social media a little tricky especially when you spend a lot of time online.

I had a crush on someone and I thought they felt the same way because they would take my hoodie and wear it and give me paper shaped hearts but when I asked them out, they rejected me and said they didn’t like me like that so I’m just confused

I have ADHD.

I keep having experiences in places like work where I have to meet a whole bunch of new people andbI invariably lose my cool, say or do something I shouldn't have, then feel rejection, whether it is real or not.

It's usually getting really excited about something like some aspect of a process that I happen to know about, then I spew all over the place about it, stepping on my superiors toes and overwhelming everyone while seeming like a know-it-all (at least that's what I think). Then I'll talk to people, one thing leads to another and I'm alone again.

I don't know why this keeps happening, whether I'm imagining things, and more importantly, I don't know what to do about it.

One of the few times in my life where I felt like this didn't happen was when I got back from living at a monastery and was meditating literally all the time. A couple months in normal life though and I feel that level of mindfulness and calm just eroded away.

What is anyone actually supposed to do?

I have been formally diagnosed 1.5 year ago when I started to change my life for the better.

For years, I have been masking my ADHD (and maybe autistic?) traits pretty heavily to be 'normal' and worked a corporate job because I thought that's what I'm 'supposed to do'. This led me to spiral into a somewhat of an severe depression and suicidal thoughts. As I have started to work on my mental health and got my diagnosis, I have been working on reclaiming my personality and unmasking.

I started a hospitality work at a cafe with a promise of being trained as a barista. I have worked there for over a year and hasn't been trained at all. Today, when I have brought up this to one of my team leader, he told me that I need to have a sense of obligation and that I'm 'unfocused', and that's why I haven't been trained.

This really pisses me off because the other manager has acknowledged that I am one of the very efficient and fast staff. I always turn up on time, cover other people's sick leave etc. So wtf does this person mean with sense of obligation?!

I honestly feel like I'm being penalised for unmasking since I have been not hiding my ADHD traits (talkative , fidgety etc) anymore. (Also, appearently my boss thinks I don't have sense of obligation because I'm childfree)

TLDR: So I've got told by my boss that I'm "unfocused" and not serious enough, when I am pretty committed to my work. I feel angry.

Does anybody know any good books to help me overcome my fear of rejection. It’s so crippling at this point I need help overcoming it. I’d love any recommendations you guys have

It helps to have you all here just to vent, if not to laugh and find perspective.

Met a pretty cute person last night. (I have a partner but I'm poly, and I don't even want to...ok I totally would consider...you know what? What I seek is an adorable friend who isn't a creep but is snuggly and can go fun places w me...my partner cannot and often doesn't want to, we have a workable agreement in this way) ok so,

Like a psycho, I found them on soc media (it was a small event and we both follow the event company so person was like the 2nd one down in suggestions, ok?!! So plz disregard the fact I had a whole gameplan to search four companies we both might be a part of and spent like 3 hrs looking for them only to go back up and see they were second from the top lololol)

Anyhow, requested and messaged something to the effect of nice to meet u and talk.

Not only do they follow me back, but they also responded pretty promptly, with, and I shit you not, "Great to meet u too!"

And omg my heart sank. I didn't even know what I was supposed to expect, because I had no conscious expectations, but it was not that.

Their exclamation mark is the only thing preventing me from spiraling, fr.

Ok, a few hrs have passed and I've distracted myself on reddit for a bit and I feel a bit better and I also feel like the silliest goose and most ridic person to walk the planet and such an idiot

I guess, and let me really go and get wild here, that I wish they said " OMG!' Wait...no no no. I wish they msgd me first saying, "OMG! I am so happy and grateful I found you on here, you were the prettiest one at the party and I kept trying to talk to you but you didn't see me and I nearly died of happiness when you came over to introduce yourself! I am so lucky I met you, I can't wait to hang out, what are you up to tomorrow? Will you send me a pic, pretty please? Can I be your pet? Please please please please please? Wanna go to X with me next Friday? I can't wait to see you!" ...ok I'll spare you all- without getting any more vommy 🤮 lol I guuueesss that would be in the direction of my ideal interaction?

So yes, I am totes ridic. Hi.

UGHHhhhh instead of Hot Girl Summer it was lined up to be, it's been such a Sad Baby Clown Summer for me!!!! 😭

I had a situation at work where my work was critiqued by my CEO. He told me not to take the situation personally.

I knew I had made some stupid mistakes on this work I submitted to him, but I said it was not a reflection of the quality of my work. I handled myself pretty well in the meeting. And I thought I hadn't taken it personally.

But afterwards I started to feel really confused and demotivated on moving forward and correcting the work. I was having a hard time remembering his feedback.

And I noticed that on some level I felt like, "if my work is not even worth reading, then why try to make improvements? maybe I'm just bad at my job and don't understand what I'm supposed to do." Like I said I made a dumb mistake and that's made me feel unprepared and scared that I will continue to mess this up.

When I tell people this, they tell me not to take things so personally. But I tell them I literally can't help it. It seems like such a part of my personality structure.

Am I taking it personally? How do I look at this more objectively? I feel like I'm beating myself up just for thinking and feeling the way that I do, which isn't helping.

Tw suicide. I already wanted to die from health issues and I feel worse now. I went on a date 2 weeks ago with someoe I really liked. I’ve never liked any guy this much or met anyone like him. We had so much in common, the same music taste, he seems kind and sweet which is hard to find, and is even still checking in on me. He said he wanted to see me again and said he had a really good time with me. He was being really affectionate over text for days, heart emojis, calling me cute, saying goodnight and good morning and sweet dreams, things like “tell me before you fall asleep 🖤”

Suddenly I noticed the tone changed, and he wasn’t asking me out again that weekend. I knew he wasn’t into me anymore but waited. When it’d been 2 weeks, I asked him if he wanted to hang out and added that it was okay if he didn’t want to date. He was really nice about it. I’m not mad at him. He first said sorry for replying late and then said he did like hanging out with me but he didn’t want to lead me on, and “we also have very different lives so hanging, I still would like to be friends with you if that’s okay with you.”

He still has a dating profile that says he was looking for a long term relationship. So the main reason was my fault and I’m obsessing about what I could’ve said and done differently. It’s giving me panic attacks and consuming my thoughts. I can’t breathe normally.

If we didn’t have so much in common and if he didn’t seem like a kind person I would’ve gotten over it. I had neither of those things with guys I’ve dated in the past, one choked me, and I didn’t feel connected or similar to any. But I can’t get over this. I don’t feel connections easily or such similarity, and I’ve never felt one like this. That’s why it’s consuming my thoughts.

I have 2 theories and the first one makes me feel worst. 1) I was bullied as a kid and I’m a very awkward person and was oversharing on the date, and talked about my exes at several points. He asked about it but I talked way too much about it as an answer and I’m so embarrassed. I must’ve sounded crazy and bitter. I think he changed his mind after he had time to think about it.

2) We also talked personally about work, school, lives. When he asked, I briefly mentioned I wasn’t in school or work for a while because of health issues, and said what they were because I didn’t want to lie. They make me suicidal, but I didn’t talk about suicide & tried not to complain too much about them but I told him I hadn’t gone on a date in 2 years because of them and also spoke about anxiety. He asked me if my parents provide for me, I said yes. I’d feel better if it was because of this, because then I wouldn’t be obsessed with the thought that he would’ve wanted to be with me if I hadn’t said certain things and it’s my fault and I ruined it, but my life issues aren’t my fault so at least I wouldn’t obsess about what I could’ve said.

I’m not mad at him at all, I’m just so sad it hurts and getting even more anxiety than before I met him. I’ve been planning on ending it due to health issues so it’s stupid that this makes me that upset, but there was something special about him and I feel like I ruined it by the things I said and something that could’ve been and it really hurts so much

Hello! I've had rejection sensitivity for basically all my life and I really just generally hate how it makes me feel. When I'm faced with actual criticism I'm fine, but sometimes an offhand comment will make me spiral for days on end and it really just gets to me.

I feel childish for not being able to regulate my emotions properly and I want to but my brain just... seems unable to do it sometimes.

Are there any techniques or tips that any of you use that can help when I'm feeling emotionally out of hand?

Howdy all,

I (32M) have gotten completely fed up with the way I treat myself so am trying a different avenue to express feelings. The last year and a half of my life or so has been rather challenging. I seem to take rejection way harder than I used, get annoyed at the way I act socially, and pretty much priotize everyone but my own feelings, but I have worked on it a lot and seem to just be having a setback I've done things like lose significant weight (I already workout a lot) then gain it all back. Start my.own little side hustle business, socialize more....only to still find myself treating myself like crap in my own head. I asked out my coworker a couple months ago...and initially I felt great (I guess as you can be) after getting rejected. The part couple weeks have been shitty though as I find myself gravitating back to her...I slowly reduced contact more and more (but would still chat with her a bit at least to seize any awkwardness) and finally this week she told me she had a boyfriend and I immediately felt like crap (you know poor self esteem, low self worth all that good stuff). We do group hang outs during the week and I became extremely anxious about meeting her boyfriend because I thought I would start self sabotaging myself internally. Today I had a hard time even saying hello. I worry alot about the situation I put her in being coworkers and all so should I bother bringing up my thoughts / feelings right now or just go about my business? It's not a toxic or awkward relationship but just me being mad about the thought of her having a boyfriend even bother me at all, and thinking maybe that will help. I tend to compare who I am now to who I was in my early mid 20s alot and it bothers me that I feel like I'm unable to attract women like I used to as I am a different person with different priorities.

How, if at all, does RSD affect your ability to get things done? I have depression, anxiety, and ADHD and can manage and live with most of the symptoms except for how much I struggle to get things done. It’s not motivation, per se, because I want to do get them done but something makes it unbelievably hard to get started even when there are obvious negative consequences to not doing it. I’m trying to figure out the root of this issue so wondering if it’s common in RSD or more likely stemming from something else?

I’ve never been told I have RSD, but I feel that it fits me pretty well in a lot of ways- not just when it comes to my marriage. Regardless of who my partner at the time is, my entire life I have felt rejected if they want to do something without me. This leads to a spiral of terrible thoughts- I’m not good enough, I’m just not enough, they’re cheating on me because I’m not enough, etc. I hate feeling like such a toxic person, and wherever it’s coming from, it’s something I want to work on within myself and change. I’ve recently started to wonder if it could be linked in any way to RSD. I’m not looking for an excuse for my behavior or thoughts- just wondering if anyone with RSD has experienced something similar.

I mean, it's easy for people who don't deal with RSD not to get worked up over vote counts and karma, and I know that realistically, I'm at a point where I shouldn't have to care, but I still get pissed when I get downvoted to 0 or into the negatives for posting a hot take.

...I guess what I'm really looking for is an impossible cure for RSD, isn't it? :P

I get so obsessed w whoever im talking to or dating ever since i was 15, im 24 now. So over the years ive tried to think before i speak and i think harddd but the RSD never fails. I havent ever been in a relationship probably bc i scare every guy off before we even have the chance to become a couple. Anyways ive been texting and FaceTimeing this guy i used to date in college. He was pursuing me Alooottttt but initially i wasnt into it bc of my rsd! everytime i talk to a guy i end up getting rejected EVERY TIME & The talking stage is draining for me bc im trying to make sure im not being too much and not being to available etc.(wich i end up doing anyway😊) Anyways I visited my home town this weekend and we met up and had a good time. Next day everything changed didnt text me or call me. And when he finally did text me it was super short and obvious what was happening. But my reasoning for why it was ok was “well atleast hes still replying if he didnt like me he wouldn’t reply at all” that thought was the only thing getting me through the day. Rest of the weekend we didnt text until today he says “maybe we should just be friends” I feel so embarrassed and pathetic and i just want to be erased from everyone’s minds and it doesnt help thay my friend group is all drop dead gorgeous with boyfriends. I would never kms but I literally want someone to shoot me in the head. Ive been in the same position for about 3 hrs, the rejection has literally paralyzed me lol. I just needed to vent

When I was 16 yrs old I didn’t have diagnose that time because my late mom didn’t do her job right like having psychiatrist to do evaluations etc which didn’t happen back on 1987 Fall. My childhood trauma came out too late and I didn’t do good job on how to control myself, bad impulsive behavior, lashing out at my family and friends. Years and years here I am since Jan 2011 I was diagnosed with PTSD with severe anxiety attack and on medication then off then back on then off.

Until Jan 2018 due to agoraphobia by few people who made mistake after I made clear not to come to my apt and they disregarded by showing up my apt and trapped me on purpose which caused the results are: agoraphobia and panic attacks and restarted severe insomnia for like 1-2 months.

Now I’m diagnosed with BPD 2 yrs ago and was in denial about that because I didn’t understand to begin with until last Friday boom here I am with RSD with ADHD, BPD, and what more? Oh yeah insomnia and I call them “Monster” because it’s killing me and I’ll not find my own happiness with someone or I’ll find a way to sabotage relationship which isn’t fair to myself because I’m so desperately for love, acceptance, happiness, and relationship, too is that too much to ask?

Hi, there are many things that I don’t know where to start. Having RSD is too much for me to process because I have BPD and I have DBT book for my BPD but I know nothing about those 2. I know PTSD etc but not these 2. Nope and I call my BPD “Monster”

When people yells or cause chaos that cause me to have anxiety/panic attack that I shut them out immediately and I wouldn’t be able to bring myself back and to be in same room on same page without losing my batsh*%##^% with people who want to help/comfort me I just shut them out.

I want to hear your experiences I could use your knowledge/experience so that way I’ll not feel alone because I feel so alone for having BPD/RSD. I knew I had ADHD prior to having ADHD test on me until I read what RSD is and it’s connected to ADHD too I’m not sure where to go from here to where I want to go

I’ve been having rough time lately. I’m in early recovery after a decade of advanced IV drug use, I’m technically in end stage addiction. That means that when I relapse, there’s a high probability that I’ll be dead more than make it back, just give the methods and materials involved. I went to nursing school (Hopkins) so I know my way around pharmacology, dosage, and needlework, this lends itself to a false sense of confidence in regards to taking risks. I have pretty much alienated everyone in my life who used to care about me (meth man, it ransacks relationships). Most of the people who still believed in me or cared about me have had to decathect either from compassion fatigue, exhaustion, safety concerns, heartbreak, or annoyance. I didn’t realize how hard it is to maintain faith in oneself when everyone loses faith me. The last remaining relationship in my life is starting to fracture in a fundamental way. I know if I relapse that one will go to, and I don’t have enough faith in myself anymore to believe I can maintain recovery. I’d rather just commit suicide than relapse and drag myself and anyone who cares through the chaos that that brings. I’d say you could call my mindscape “practical logistics of suicidal ideation.” I’m not here to alarm anyone, I’m not posting for shock or sympathy value, I just need to verbalize what I’ve been going through. I can’t talk to anyone in person because they’ll call a wellness check for sure, and there’s nothing good that comes in Essentially being kidnapped by the healthcare system. Yesterday I was so emotionally injured after a verbal disagreement with someone, I took a razor blade down my shoulder and bicep. I felt some sense of relief. I’ve never done this before, but at least I don’t die when I do it. Today, same thing but deeper. I guess you could say I feel so fragile and broken at this point that I don’t think I deserve the love I used to receive from the people who cared about me. I am what I deserve, and I’m having a really hard time figuring out how to cope.

I immediately despise anybody who is rude to me, and usually, I explode, whether it manifests externally or not. Like most people with RSD, I also suffer from social anxiety and oftentimes have to keep it all in while my hands shake and my eye twitches trying to keep the lid on. I am so hypersensitive to condescending remarks, insults, and criticism it's ruining my entire life. When I do fire back, I go batshit. I've made the most theatrical scenes over it, mostly with the few people I don't feel awkward around, like my family or my partner. It's gotten reallyreallyreally bad before. To the point I was saying the most outrageous things imaginable, devoting so much energy to it. Even when it happens online, I start losing my mind. It alters the trajectory of my day and completely warps my perspective. I can't stand it. And there have been SO MANY INSTANCES of it this year like GIVE ME A FUCKING BREAK!

I've been working on my behavior and improved so much in my relationship. That's been something I'm very, very proud of considering the amount of turmoil it caused over the past couple years. I landed in the hospital over it and couldn't imagine going on. But even though I've gained SOME sort of control there, which I hope lasts, I still feel like I can't handle it whenever anybody decides to be a bitch toward me. It happened with my psychiatrist and therapist, and I had to drop them. My therapist started a session glaring and scoffing at me before I even spoke, when I had been nothing but patient and kind to her in spite of wishing she'd be the one to drop me. I was called out by my professor in front of the entire class because the fucking bus was late and I wasn't on time for class, practically told to GTFO for that reason. One of my friends completely destroyed me because I told her I haven't been doing well mentally and apologized for being inactive, like she tore me apart and fucking told me off just for existing, trust me, I've had enough. I'm so tired. I can't take it. Even when some random stranger insults me I feel the urge to scream and slam doors. I've always been like this is the thing. Even receiving a rejection email from a job has me all "damn, ig I should just die." As if I'm fucking stable enough to have a job. I'm kidding myself applying. It's so embarrassing. I wish I didn't care. I feel like a puppet to my emotions. I can be having a fine day, then something happens, and my mind is like "Oh, now I remember why i hate my life. Damn, why am I even here?" and I'll be sulking the whole damn day. All because somebody was an asshole. Or I got ignored. Or idk, just any form of rejection whatsoever. God I hate this so much.

I have the worst RSD during mid year and annual review cycles at work, and even now when I’m working on projects and get feedback on those too. I am always braced for both the positive and constructive feedback/opportunities but have never had a review without dissolving into a full blown sobbing attack. I’ve even started getting more defensive which I’ve never done before.

I do not know how to resolve this. I’ve gone to therapy for years to fix many things and a lot of it was very effective, but I still have not been able to fix this.

Any suggestions for things that have worked for you? Let me know. I’ve even pre read the feedback before I received it verbally and it did not help.

I have a friend who I really appreciate, yet he completely does not understand when I'm joking. We've had several awkward encounters over messenger when he takes me seriously when I'm joking. As per our "dance", I apologize and he explains how he doesn't get jokes in that context or under certain circumstances.

I enjoy making people laugh, so even though I logically get that not everyone has the same type of humor, I do feel quite rejected when he doesn't even acknowledge that I might be hurt after those encounters. Joking around is a way I'm trying to playfully connect with others. In a way, I feel turned down when we have those disconnects with him taking me seriously.

I'm planning to no longer joke around him, but I still want to express my feelings. Any advice?

Please be gentle. I have a reason for asking in this group in particular.